As he began to come out of his anesthesia, Tony felt a weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and saw Michelle asleep. She was the last person he expected to see and was consumed with guilt. How could she be here with him now after how he had hurt her.
His mind drifted back to that last day of his life before prison. He knew when he had helped Saunders escape that he would go jail, but he couldn't let anything happen to Michelle. When he said goodbye to her at CTU his heart was broken. She was alive but he would have to live without her; if that was even possible. It wasn't prison that scared him; it was a life without her and the knowledge that he had left her alone.
His time spent in jail was fairly short; six months of what should have been life. Had it not been for Jack and President Palmer he would still be in jail although the way his life was going jail may have been better. Those six months had been lonely. Michelle was allowed weekly visits for two hours. At first they were spent just holding each other and talking about their weeks.
But after about a month Tony began to shut down and became more and more withdrawn. He felt so embarrassed that he had put Michelle in a position where she had to go to a federal penitentiary every week. What kind of husband would make his wife do something like that? He couldn't even think of the alternative of jail time, which would have been life without Michelle. No all that he thought of was that he was a traitor.
Then the day came when Michelle walked in with a huge smile; something he hadn't seen for a long time. She was holding a piece of paper and when he saw it he knew what it was immediately. She waved it around and yelled, "You're free baby, you're free." A presidential pardon was his only way out and he had it.
That first night they spent together Tony didn't know what to do. He was so happy to have Michelle back yet so plagued with guilt. He spoke very little on the way to their house and when she tried to kiss him he backed away.
As the months moved by their relationship deteriorated. He couldn't bring himself to forgive himself for his jail time. He began drinking and gradually shut Michelle out completely. Sometimes he would look at her and think about how much he loved her and how much he wanted to grab her in his arms and just hold her. But then he would be filled with the guilt and just take another drink out of his beer.
Michelle moved her head slightly, which brought him out of his thoughts. She was breathing deeply and he could tell that she was sound asleep. It had been so long since he had watched her sleep. There was a time when it was one of his favorite things to do. Looking at her now he was filled with a deep sense of longing for her. But then his mind turned to the worse day of his life; the day Michelle left him.
It had been six months since he had been released from jail. He had not been able to find a job and had barely touched Michelle since he had been back. She had been promoted to District, which was another reminder of his inability to provide for his wife. He spent his days watching ESPN and drinking.
When Michelle came home from work she was crying. Tony wanted to ask her what was wrong but it had been so long since they had talked he couldn't bring himself to. She came over to him on the couch and started talking; he could tell she was trying to keep back the tears.
"Tony, I can't live like this anymore. I love you so much but you've shut me out. I'm going to stay with Kate for a while; I'm sorry.
He felt a tear on his cheek after this memory. He hated how he had hurt her and made her leave. He had become so emotionally dead that by that night he didn't even care that she was leaving an, it was an escape for his guilt.
As he looked at Michelle asleep on his chest he gently stroked her hair. She had it straight, a reminder that her curls were no longer his. He moved from her hair to her cheeks and caressed her smooth skin. He stared at her lips and remembered the passionate kisses that they had shared together. His hand rested on her check and he fell back into his sleep.