Tony was sitting in his easy chair at their house. Living there was difficult without Michelle. Everything reminded him of her. No matter where he looked he could find a memory of the two of them. He actually slept in the guest bedroom because the bedroom brought back the best memories-it reminded him how much he missed her touch, her kisses, and her body. He had taken down all their pictures—all but one. It was their wedding picture taken up close of them kissing. It was so beautiful and he couldn't let go of her completely.
Jack had picked him up from the hospital earlier in the day. He had told Tony that he was just taking him home; CTU would send an agent over for the debriefing. Tony had gone back to the house and thought about the day before. It had been so long since he had seen Michelle and even longer since he had felt her touch. Those few moments at the hospital together had made him think there might have been a chance for them. But he knew it was just because he had been hurt. She had left him; clearly she didn't want him back.
As he sat there thinking about her touch, he heard a knock at the door. He got up to answer thinking it would be the agent from CTU. When he opened the door Michelle was standing there holding a bag of Chinese food. She looked so beautiful, she was wearing her hair curly and it was falling against her back. She smiled at him and he smiled back.
"Hey, are you here for the debrief?" Tony asked.
"Ah, no. I just thought I'd stop by and see how you were feeling. I can leave if you're busy."
Tony was in awe and couldn't believe what he was hearing. He quickly replied. "No, no come on in. I haven't eaten in a while anyway." He took her coat and laid it on a chair in the dinning room.
As she sat on the couch she looked around and noticed how bare everything had become. All their pictures had been taken down—she couldn't blame him for that, she had done the same.
He had grabbed two plates and went to grab some wine but decided not to push it. They enjoyed their dinner, the atmosphere was strained but more than they had had in months. As they finished up dinner, Tony took their plates and went into the kitchen to wash them. Michelle went with him and dried the dishes as he handed them to her.
He didn't want this to end; it was the closest he had been to her since he had gone to jail. He gathered his strength and asked, "It's pretty warm outside, do you wanna take a walk?"
She looked at him and smiled, "That would be nice."
They walked out on the deck and down onto the beach. They took their shoes off and began to walk in the sand, their hands brushed against each other and Tony reached and grabbed Michelle's hand.
As they walked along, each was aware of the closeness of the other and wished for the courage to move closer. He asked how she liked working at division and about how Kate was doing. She tried to ask about his life but couldn't find the right questions to ask.
The moon was full which lit their path well. The more they talked the less strained the conversation became. It seemed like they were being taken back to the days before jail. They came up on a sand dune and went to sit down. The ocean waves provided a steady sound to which they sat in silence.
As they sat next to each other Michelle ached for Tony. How had she gone all these months without him? The familiarity of the beach provided a comfort and having him next to her was more than she could take. She looked into his eyes and he gazed back at her. There was a connection there that brought her love for him to the surface and all she wanted was to be as close to him as possible.
As if he could read her mind, Tony moved as close as he could to her body and wrapped his arms around her. She couldn't speak and didn't want to for fear of ruining this moment. She simply laid her head on his shoulder and they sat listening to the waves.
As they sat there Michelle knew that she wanted more than his touch but knew that she would have to make the first move. After all, she was the one who had left him. Gathering her strength she rotated her body to face him and looked directly into his eyes. In them she saw her future and couldn't imagine living the rest of her life without him.
She placed her hand on the back of his head and felt the curls of his jet-black hair. Gently pulling him towards her she closed her eyes and when their lips met and they began kissing one another. There was no time lost on slow gentle kisses, they both longed for each other and had for so long that their passion over took their reason.
That night when they had made it back to the house and were lying in bed together Tony gazed at Michelle as she slept. His mind kept moving back to the beach where they had made love. It was so perfect and he wanted the moment to last forever. As he watched her sleep he could see her body move up and down as she slept and couldn't help but think of how beautiful she was.
He wanted to stay like this forever not think about the issues that would have to be discussed. He wished the last two years could be erased and that tonight could have just been an ordinary night in their married life.
After tonight he knew he couldn't go back to his life as it had been without her. These thoughts were making him forget the wonder of the night and so he pushed them out temporarily and wrapped his arms around Michelle and fell asleep next to her.
When he woke up again it was morning. Michelle was still sleeping and he didn't want to wake her but he wasn't sure if she needed to get to work. He took one last look at her in her peaceful sleep and as he put his lips against her cheek he ran his hands through her hair.
"Hey baby, I hate to wake you."
A smile appeared across her face and she raised herself up on her elbow and began tracing her fingers across his chest.
He loved the way that felt and pulled her towards him and began kissing her neck. "So, do you have to go into Division today?" He asked in between running his lips from her neck to her bare shoulder.
As she met his lips with hers she rolled on top of him and looked into his eyes. "Only if you want me to."
He grabbed her head and kissed her deeply. "Aren't you feeling a little under the weather?"
"Well I am pretty tired. I had a pretty tiring night. I should probably take a day off—you know a preemptive sick day."
He loved her so much and couldn't believe she was willing to skip a day of work for him.
"Well I wouldn't want you to get too sick." He kissed her one last time and lingered on her lips for a moment. He rolled her over on her side and smiled at her. "And just to make sure you stay healthy, I'm gonna make you a good breakfast. So you stay in bed and save your strength—you're gonna need it."
Michelle was practically glowing as Tony walked down the stairs. Last night had been so perfect, she had longed for Tony for so long since the divorce and now it seemed everything was falling into place perfectly. Tony had been so open and caring like he had been before jail. That was the man she loved and the one she couldn't live without.
She wanted to be with him so she decided to join him in the kitchen. Looking through his drawers to find something to wear, she grabbed a pair of boxer shorts and a large T-shirt.
As she entered the kitchen he was by the stove mixing what appeared to be pancake mix. She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He turned around and smiled.
"Hey don't you look sexy. I thought I told you to save your strength and stay in bed." He turned around giving her a frontal hug.
"I just wanted to see you in the kitchen and make sure you didn't screw it up."
"Hey, I take offense to that, I'm a pretty decent chef." And with that he picked up the wooden spoon he was using to mix the batter with and flung the mix on her. She was immediately transformed into a silly schoolgirl and picked up two eggs and hurled them at his face. Within five minutes the kitchen was a mess and they were covered in a sticky mess.
"So much for breakfast," Tony commented.
"I wasn't that hungry anyway, but I could really go for a shower."
At that Tony ran across the kitchen floor, swept Michelle up in his arms, and walked her up the steps to the bedroom.
As they were lying in bed next to one another Michelle placed her head on Tony's shoulder and her hand on his bare chest. She couldn't believe this was happening, that that she was in bed with Tony.
Two days ago she never would have believed it could happen yet now it just seemed so natural, so right. She ran her fingers across the stitches from his surgery. She thought of how close she had come to losing him forever. As her hand brushed against his back, he rolled over to face her and smiled.
She smiled back and whispered, "God I love you." It had seemed so right that she didn't even think about it. His face lit up and she could tell by his eyes that every wall that had been built up was now destroyed and he was once again open to her.
Hearing those words made him catch his breath. How he had longed to hear them for so long now. Placing his one hand on the small of her back and the other on her cheek he gently ran his thumb across her skin, looked into her eyes, and said, "I love you too baby, I never stopped, you were the only one I ever thought of, you're the only one I'll ever think of."
And with that they took each other in their arms and held on as tight as they could between their kisses. When they had finally gotten so hungry that their stomachs were growling, they both went down to the kitchen to make some food.
Michelle suggested they pack a lunch and eat it on the beach. As they spread their blanket out and sat down, they ate their lunch and Michelle leaned her back against Tony's chest.
They sat in each other's arms for what seemed like hours until Tony broke the silence. He grabbed Michelle's hand and connected his fingers with hers. Placing his cheek on hers and feeling the warmth of her body he found the strength to speak.
"Michelle, when I kissed you in CTU right before they took me to jail, I was scared. I didn't think that was possible after almost losing you twice in one day, but it was there and it was real. Knowing that I couldn't be near you everyday was killing me, but thinking of you by yourself made it even worse. As the days went on in jail, I couldn't stop blaming myself for the pain you were feeling. On the days that we saw each other I wanted to hold you so badly and tell you everything that was in my heart but something inside of me had shut off and I couldn't as hard as I tried respond to you. I don't know what was wrong with me Michelle."
As he spoke he could feel the warmth of her tears on his cheek. He turned and looked at her and used his thumb to gently brush her tears away.
"Don't cry, I don't want this to hurt you, you need to know this, know that I will never do anything like that again."
She looked at him with open eyes and said, "You don't have to do this, we were both different people then, I love you and that's all that matters."
"No babe, I need to tell you this or I'll never be able to let it go."
Before he started speaking, she wrapped her arms as tightly as she could around his legs to feel as safe as she could.
"After the pardon, I thought things would get better but I just couldn't let go of those feelings that I had built up in jail. I felt like such a failure and a disappointment to you. Getting close to you emotionally or physically seemed an impossibility because I couldn't imagine what I would have done if I caused you more pain. So for some twisted reason in my mind, I just chose to shut you out thinking that would somehow bring you less pain than dealing with me."
At this point Michelle turned to face Tony cupping his face with both of her hands and began kissing him. "Tony, being with you has never hurt me, it's being without you that kills me. After prison you were so vacant, I just thought you were blaming me for putting you in prison.
With that she began to sob and his heart went out to her. How he hated himself for doing this to her. "Michelle, I could never blame you for putting me in jail. You're the reason I live, jail was tough but not having you would be unbearable."
He took her in his arms and held her. As they did this he put his hand on the back of her neck, placed his lips by her ear, and repeated, "I love you, I love you so much."
After a few minutes she became limp in his arms, which caused him to hold her tighter. "Michelle, a year and a half ago I wasn't the man I should have been, I told you I'd be your rock and I wasn't. But I swear to you, I will never hurt you again."
He looked at her face and saw a pain that he knew he had caused. The joy that had been there the day before was gone and her whole demeanor changed in that instant. When he said those words, something clicked within her and all the pain of the last two years had come back to her. A tear rolled down her face and she began to speak.
"Tony, how can you say that?" Her voice had risen and stung him like daggers. "You swore to me once that you wouldn't hurt me and look what happened. Clearly you can't make that promise; you don't know what will happen. What if something tears us apart again? I don't know if I could handle that pain again."
She turned away from him and began to cry even harder. He moved his hand and placed it on her back. When his hand touched her, he could feel her body tense up.
"Tony, I need to go. So much has happened within the last 24 hours and I need to sort it out in my head." She paused and turned her body and looked into his eyes. "I do love you, but I just don't know if my love will be strong enough to sustain me if you hurt me again. I'm so sorry, I just need to sort this out for myself."
Hearing this crushed him but he didn't want her to see this. "Do you want me to walk you back?"
She silently shook her head and as she got up she looked into his eyes and he could see her pain and his heart broke for they had come so close and with just a few words it had all come crashing down like a house of cards. He wouldn't let it end like this; he knew it wouldn't end like this. He would have Michelle back again; his life depended on it.