Disclaimer: Not mine.

Warnings: Um, I think I keep switching the spelling of Elysia/Alicia between people's diaries…otherwise the same warnings apply…Oh yeah, and italics within the body of the diary are pictures (because it's Maes).

Monday
Dear Diary,

Awww! Look at this! Insert picture of tiny tot in pink picking flowers from her mother's carefully planted flowerboxes. It's my three-year-old daughter, Elysia. Isn't she cute? She's so into nature! Look how she goes after the prettiest ones. She has such an eye for color, don't you think? She'll be a botanist, I'm sure of it.

Gracia tried to tell me that we should be setting some limits for her now that she's getting a little older. You know, tell her that flowers belong inside the flower boxes and if she wants to pick them we can go pick wildflowers at the park…

But what's the point of that? She wants those flowers. And what my Elysia wants, my Elysia gets.

So Armstrong gave me a call this morning and tried to ask about something but I wasn't really paying attention to what he said. I was too anxious to tell him about the art project Elysia did in pre-school on Friday. Caught something about psychoanalysis and Eastern Headquarters.

Is something going on over there that I don't know about? Maybe I should make a few discreet inquiries. I could just call Roy and ask him, I guess, but what's the fun in that? He gets so confused when I know everything and he has no idea how.

But first, Elysia just caught a bug! She's going to make it her pet. I have to get a picture of this.

Maes

Tuesday
Dear Diary,

Apparently Armstrong was sent to evaluate the psychological health of the military personnel residing in Eastern. I hope Roy managed to hide his mini-skirts in time. I feel kind of guilty because I did kind of get a heads up about this from Armstrong yesterday, but I got so distracted by my daughter's crayon drawings on our living room wall (she's gonna be an artist, I swear) and I had to take pictures and everything and then I went to get Gracia and showed her but she didn't seem to be too happy about it and I told her "well, she's only three, and I think this is a wonderful start for someone her age…"

Stuck between the pages here is a picture of a little girl in an artist's smock making random squiggles and scratches on a formerly pristine white wall.

Oops. Did it again. Heh.

Anyways, I felt bad for not informing Roy about his upcoming analysis because I'm supposed to be helping him to the top, and if he didn't get those skirts hidden, it's not going to look too good on his health record…

But who looks at health records, eh? I'm sure it'll work out.

Besides, I've got other things to worry about. A young boy came by the house today asking after Elysia.

I sent him away of course. There is no reason for boys to get interested in my little girl. She's much too young and innocent to be worrying about that kind of thing.

Anyway, she's going to marry the guy I pick for her. Those young Elric brothers are nice, and they did kind of help Gracia and me out in actually delivering Elysia…

Insert about 6 pictures of the two Elrics holding a baby Elysia (yanking on Ed's hair more of ten than not).

But I think Ed's kind of into Roy. I mean, no one makes that big a deal about hating someone unless they really like them. Besides, the last time I saw those two together I was waving goodbye to their train and I saw through the window that Ed had fallen asleep on Roy's shoulder.

Roy swears he was just fatigued from battle and that he was actually really angry when he woke up but I don't believe a word of it.

They're worse than Havoc and Fury.

So I guess that leaves Al. He's a nice boy. I like him a lot, although he is a giant suit of armor. I guess that could cause some trouble. But hey, Ed's supposed to fix that, right?

Maybe I should be making more of an effort to help the Elrics. Forget Roy, I need to humanize my Elysia's fiancé!

Maes

Wednesday
Dear Diary,

Had to put the kaput on the whole "engage Elysia to Al" thing when a quick phone call to Eastern yesterday revealed a huge scandal concerning a half-naked Edward draped suggestively across a very resigned Alphonse surrounded by metal objects. Guess the whole "Al's a giant suit of armor" thing wasn't so much a problem after all, but that's just wrong.

And apparently Havoc was watching?

What the hell is Roy doing over there? He's never going to be Fuhrer if he doesn't get a handle on things.

And even if Roy screwed up I would have expected Hawkeye to take care of things for him. Maybe she's losing her edge. The last time I called her she asked me what size shorts I wear or if I like leather chaps better.

Eh? Did I miss something?

Oh well, I can't deal with it right now. Got some problems at home. Gracia is yelling at me to "Get your daughter out of my secret chocolate stash right now, Maes Hughes, or you will not be getting any tonight!"

And I don't think she's referring to the chocolate.

Better go deal with that.

Maes

Thursday
Dear Diary,

Was so distracted yesterday that I actually forgot to put some pictures in! Well, I'll just have to make up for it now.

Please regard a snapshot of Elysia playing "pony" with Schieska.

Please regard also a picture of Elysia playing "princess" with Schieska, who is wearing a French maid's uniform, painting Elysia's toenails, stirring a pot of Elysia's favorite soup with the other hand, and reciting Sleeping Beauty from memory.

This is followed by a nice little vignette of Elysia trying on Mommy's jewelry (and throwing the gems she dislikes out the window).

Which is completed by the next shot of Daddy trying to console a screaming child who has just been put into time-out for "not respecting Mommy's personal items."

Poor Elysia. She says a boy snubbed her. She invited him over and he never came!

How dare he! No one does that to my little girl!

Tracked him down using my…sources. Sorry, but this diary is just not secure enough to name them.

Was surprised to find he was the same boy I'd thrown out Tuesday.

Told him it wasn't my fault he didn't care about my beautiful daughter enough to fight to see her. If he was serious about her he could have tried a little harder, couldn't he?

I will not have Elysia seeing a wimp.

So I went back home and told her how beautiful she was and what a little princess she is and how if people don't like her it's only because they're stupid and she's smart and they really don't have any taste. She said she'd feel better if I built bought her a pony.

I told her we don't have the money or the space for a pony.

She stopped crying when I told her Schieska's free tomorrow.

Maes

Friday
Dear Diary,

Elysia beat up a bully all by herself today. Maybe I was wrong; she should really be a martial artist.

Anyway, she said the bully had been stealing lunch money from the other kids. When Gracia asked her where those 20 dollars in her pocket came from she said the other kids were so grateful that they gave her their money.

Isn't she an angel? Only 3 years old and already defending the defenseless!

Insert picture of annoyed looking Elysia dressed up in a sheet-cape and pot-helmet while her father does the peace sign in the background.

For some reason, though, her teachers seem to think she's the bully. They say she's "an aggressive, spoiled, bratty, immature little demon who can't share or play nice to save her life."

Told them they could stick that where the sun don't shine.

And worse, Gracia seems to believe them.

Well, who better to stand up for his little girl than her Daddy?

Called Roy to try to get some manly advice as I seem to be on my own in a world ruled by females, but he was decidedly tight-lipped on the matter, which is weird because I let Elysia talk to him first and usually she opens people right up.

He sounded kind of scared, too. Maybe I should be making a trip to Eastern. Roy is really screwing things up. God, do I have to do all the work to get him to the top? I should be Fuhrer; we all know I'm the brains of the operation anyway.

But first I have to go to a parent-teacher conference.

I wasn't going to show up, but Gracia says if I don't I'm not getting any tonight, either.

Where's the love?

Maes

FIN

A/N: Just so we're clear I DO NOT HATE ELYSIA! She and Maes are my absolute favorite father-daughter pair in any anime EVER. I'm just taking a random premise and being random with it…that did not make sense. Read my drabbles and you'll see what I really think of their relationship (coughshamelesspimpagecough).

(Looks at reviews in confusion) So…where'd I leave off? Heh. If I miss you, throw something.

Geraniums: Like I said, not my pairing! I can take no responsibility!

Phishy Chan: I'm brilliant? Thanks! And I do work hard to make sure they all work together.

Gomp: Thankies!

Rage Aomori: OMG do you need the Heimlich? I am certified, you know. Sorry if I just killed you. Oh, and good use of the word ineffable. (bows)

Aeroths Rider: So glad to make you laugh; we don't do it enough.

Mhnomi: Expect the unexpected from me! Heh, that was so cliché.

Taia: Oh dear, poor Ed and Roy at the mercy of another author. When will they learn?

Dominus: Oh, I love your reviews. Yes, Armstrong probably does get annoyed at being the only productive person anywhere. And here's your Hughes FINALLY.

Cassandra: I'm sorry you died…but I'm glad you went laughing!

Anime Monster: Heh, yeah, not my pairing, but…yeah. Interesting mental images, indeed. We'll just hope Maes never gets near those two with a camera.

ScarredSweetheart: Uh, several. I dunno. Al, Pinako, Falman, Breda, Black Hayate…

Michele: Thank ya much

Chaos of Hearts: Here's Hughes. Hope it meets your expectations!

PinkStarz: I'll work on Winry's. Hm. It will definitely be interesting.

No name: Hah! Shocked you into reviewing. Yes!

Phyco girl: Coming soon, lol.

Velvet mace: Evil? Evil is fun.

Bloody Cross: Well, there was a little Roy/Ed…

Harada Risa: Cracked up eh? Want some glue?

The Funky Bubbly Gurlz: Sorry, the sparkles just get everywhere. There really is no controlling them.

Spinning Avia: Yes! An all caps review!

Sasuke678: Perfect you say? Aw shucks…

Miko Sue: Consider me updated!

Flamebreak: continuing…

Regin of Dreams: Oh god, take the diary idea. Come on, you know you want to…

BrianaLFBH: Riza as Hiter…omg…

Raven: scary indeed! And you had a closet experience? Hope I didn't wake up any too bad memories…

Cheerlin: thanks!

Linwe Jaganshi: I do run on, but sometimes it works. Like when it's Maes talking about Elysia…

UberFlare: Chapter 3 eh? I like that one, too.

WinryRockbell: But it's going to be so difficult to write Winry! Plus I might scar her when I make her find out about Pinako and Armstrong…

The Anonymous Cheespuff: Thank you! Parodies are my favorite types of fics.

AkriaElric: I'm an Al/Winry fan meself, so except for the running Elricest joke (and it is only a joke, mind) you won't have to worry.

Gohan Hugger: Thanks!

Okay, not that anyone's still reading, but that's the last time I get behind on reviews. You guys are so nice, but I think from now on I'll only reply to like, questions and suggestions and stuff. (Looks up at…two pages of reviews alone) Yeah…