AN: I don't know if you follow bscteens at greatest journal but this one-shot probably seems like a total rip off on what's happening there but it totally isn't. I fully thought of this idea on the plane ride back from India, so hah.
Disclaimer: Ann owns them, I write fanfictions. Yay.
Hannie Papadakis is so, so sick of always smiling.
Sometimes she's amazed that she actually manages a smile even though she knows she shouldn't be because really, it's nothing new. She's been smiling since grade two and now at seventeen years old she's found that smiling is the easiest thing to do.
Of course, she despises herself each time of her bubbly smiles light up her face and she forces herself to look happy.
Laugh, she commands herself. Giggle. Joke around. Pretend your life isn't hell. Pretend that Linny didn't go off to college when you needed him most. Pretend that Scott Hsu didn't take advantage of you. Pretend that your parents don't scream every night at each other and even though you're seventeen it still scares you and suddenly like a little girl, you start crying again.
Pretend that you're still Hannie --God forbid people actually call you Hannah-- and smile.
It was like the word fine. It had became an automatic reaction.
Hey, Han, you okay?
Don't worry, I'm fine. Smile.
Your friends surely had no sympathy for you. Pamela would just look at you all snobbily and then blow a giant smoke ring in your face. Nancy had suddenly become even worse than Karen and start ordering you around. Karen, annoyed that her spot had been taken started hanging out with Jann Morris (Jannie had shortened her name) because Jann and Pamela had a huge fight over Robert Gianelli, who suddenly became way popular when he dropped Bobby and took on Robert.
Hannie --Hannah-- pretends to care about all this pathetic gossip that means absoloutely nothing to her. She has other things to worry about.
Like those smirks Scott shoots her in the hall, and sometimes if they're forced close enough together, how his warm skin will graze her and remind her.. make her shudder.. and he'll smile.
Hannah is so sick of always lying about why she isn't eating, and why she looks so thin and she especially hates the fact that her parents don't notice that she eats only a few bites at dinner, if she bothers to come to dinner at all. She hates it when she comes into the house, her breath reeking of cigarette smoke--and her clothes-- and her mom will pass her by, not noticing.
But she smiles.. she cringes; she cries. It's a ritual not to be tampered with.
Hannah sometimes wonders if she could be saved, if Linny could come back in the picture and rescue her like he did everytime she would fall. Until he left.
Why did he have to go? He went to fucking b California /b , because NYU wasn't good enough for him. He barely called; she never called. It seemed too damn desperate to pick up the phone and sob into the reciever.
No, she just plasters that stupid innocent grin and everyone smiles along with her, not noticing that she's crying inside. Her pillow sheets are stained with tears that she didn't even know she cried. She wakes up every morning with the sick realization that she had a bad dream. Her insides are always knotted and she hates the feeling of being so unsure of herself. Really, Hannah sometimes wishes she could just end it all but she wouldn't dare because she isn't brave enough, or else believe her, she'd do it.
Hannie Papadakis is seventeen years old, with long dark hair and a killer smile. A smile that fools every single person in the world except for the only person who mattered: herself.