Glad you guys liked my authentic drunk people quotes in the last chapter. Many of Drunk Rikku's utterances (namely the bit with the brick and the Get drunk!) were things from the mouths of real live drunk people I encountered on my adventures at Whistler. There were some that unfortunately could not be incorporated into the Final Fantasy X realm. For example, when we got the MIT students standing outside the liquor store to boot (buy alcohol) for us, a funny conversation ensued. One of my Canadian (Vancouverite, specifically) friends (he was piss drunk at the time) didn't think they looked like typical MIT students.

MIT dude: Well, then what do you think a typical MIT student looks like?

Drunk friend: As-aaahh...

Another of my friends: You *don't* want to answer that one.

Mignonne: Wow! You guys are old enough to buy alcohol, and you're only a year older than me!

I went to the Japanese grocery in Edgewater (right by the George Washington Bridge) on Sunday. That jaunt was just part of the FOUR HUNDRED PLUS MILES I drove in the 48 hour period from Friday night to Sunday night. Absolutely crazy. I spent $30 on Japanese junk food, including lots of those yummy gummy candies and Giant Pocky (which is soo neat...about finger width and the length of my forearm). The grocery itself (which also contains a neat cafeteria) is off of a parking lot, and on the other side are a bookstore, stationer, toy store, and other assorted shops. I was *very* disappointed at the lack of FFX paraphernalia. I did, however, find some small posters (about the size of two sheets of normal paper). So now Auron and Rikku are over my bed. Rikku is looking at Auron, strangely, and Auron is...glaring at me. Which is *really* eerie. It's a couple of shots of him on one poster, but they're all from the FMV of him in the Luca blitzball stadium, when he whips that arm out and fights that fiend. So the look he gives the fiend...yeah, I get it every time I lay down on my bed. Hell yeah. Oh, Tidus and Yuna are on the other side of the room, right above my Hello Kitty calendar. Hello April! Grr...can't wait for summer!

I'm sick of all those stories that make the high priest's daughter out to be a gorgeous, brilliant, and manipulative bitch. So this is *my* take on it.

Sorry about the long and mostly irrelevant author's note. So, without further ado...

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Drunk Rikku was sleeping peacefully. Auron sincerely doubted that she'd feel quite so nice when she woke up, however. He had placed her gently on the bed and was turning to leave when he heard the door close with a slight click. He stepped quietly over to the now shut exit and began to examine the panel that opened and shut the door. There was a button that said 'Ubah' (Open) and one that said 'Lmuca' (Close). It was fortunate that Auron was fluent in Al Bhed. He pushed the button that said open. The door remained motionless. He pushed it again. And again. And again. And then muttered something that, if printed, would up the rating of this story.

The panel had a small display. Which, luckily enough, was now blinking 'Mulgat' (Locked). He smacked the panel with an open hand. It continued to blink 'Mulgat.' He hit it again, a punch this time, simultaneously kicking the door for good measure. This was *not* at all amusing.

***

Brother smirked evilly. No way he was gonna lose this one. He had arranged things so that there was no way for Auron or Rikku to escape until lip-locking action occurred. Not only had he locked the door, but he had entered in a special pilot's code that only he could override, rendering the duo helpless and unable to escape until he allowed it. He had also set up a surveillance camera in the room. When it happened, and it would, the moment would be caught on video, so his victory could be played back repeatedly for all to see.

He was flying the ship in large lazy loops across Spira so as to give them all the time they needed. He sat tensely in his chair, so as to give the impression of the vigilant pilot. Of course, he was entirely vigilant, but not in respect to his piloting duties.

Tidus wandered over to him.

"Go away," Brother snapped in Al Bhed (which he knew Tidus didn't understand). "Can't you see I'm flying?"

Stupidly, Tidus wandered away. It was unfortunate that he knew nothing about the flying of aircraft, or he might have realized that Bevelle was in the opposite direction of their current course. So he wandered back to talk to the others.

***

Meanwhile, Auron was still physically abusing the door, but to no avail. There was a chair by the edge of the bed, and eventually he gave in and sat down. So someone had locked him in. He would have considered the possibility of an accident had it not been for all the comments made about Rikku and him in the last few days. Of course, she was asleep and therefore in no position to help with anything. So Auron was left alone with his thoughts, which wandered to the last time he had been forced to spend time with a woman.

~~~

He had been sitting in the temple with Kinoc, his good friend. They had just finished a training session and were eager to make the most of their brief free time. Which was, inevitably, cut short by the arrival of one high priest. One high priest with a daughter in tow.

Auron had heard about the girl before. It was said that she had been spoiled beyond belief upon the death of her mother. She had been eight at the time, and apparently, at the age of eighteen had become an absolute monster. If nothing else, she certainly looked the part.

She stood about a foot shorter than Auron did, but easily weighed more than him. Her hair was stringy and blonde and her beady eyes were a runny blue color. She was dressed in a gown that was quite unflattering, though it was hard to imagine something that *would* be flattering on a person of her proportions. But the low cut and revealing neckline were quite unnecessary, especially due to the rolls of fat on and below her neck. Her fully revealed arms were no better. Auron was just thankful that the gown was long.

The high priest made his way over to the warrior monk.

"Auron, would you be able to escort my daughter to dinner this evening, show her a good time?" he asked, knowing that the man had no choice in the matter.

"Of course," replied Auron, grimacing inwardly at his horrible luck. So much for his free evening.

***

Several hours later, his wallet was considerably lighter. Liania had eaten everything in sight. After leaving the temple, she had immediately declared that she was hungry. Of course, she had eaten lunch not half and hour ago. After a large snack, they went to the park, where Auron had to endure an actual conversation with her. It consisted mostly of her insulting everyone in sight because they were a) ugly b) badly dressed or c) doing something "stupid". Auron was simply too irritated to find the obvious irony amusing.

After the park, they had gone to dinner at the best restaurant in Bevelle. Liania had eaten four appetizers, five entrees, and then ten desserts because they "all looked so good" that she "simply couldn't decide on just one." Auron's patience had long ago been shot. He wanted to strangle her or scream at her or something, but he doubted that the high priest would be amused if he upset Liania. The situation was very unfair, but he could do nothing about it. Except...

He stood, stretched, and yawned. "Liania, it's been a pleasure, but it's getting quite late. I have to wake early to train, and I doubt your father would appreciate me keeping you out."

Liania, who was well into her tenth dessert, looked up at him. "I can handle my father, it's alright."

"Just the same, I would prefer not to have him angry with me."

"But I'm having so much fun with you!" the girl whined.

Auron was getting quite desperate. "Well, we can't have your father thinking I'm unsuitable to spend time with you, can we? Come, I'll walk you home."

Liania did not look happy, but gathered herself up and stood. She walked (No, waddled would be a more appropriate term. She had to swing her legs out to make it around her elephantine thighs with ever step.) over to where he stood. Inwardly cringing, he offered his arm, which she happily took. They left, Liania taking three very quick steps for every one of his *very* slow ones due to her shorter stature and incredible corpulence. The poor girl simply did not move very fast at all.

Despite the slow moving Liania, they made it back to the high priest's mansion quickly. Auron looked up at the enormous building. Clearly, it paid to be powerful in the eyes of Yevon. Liania paused at the front door, clearly expecting the usual obligatory kiss she invariably received from anyone who took her out. Her father's position made this so, as the only people unfortunate enough to spend time with her did so at his whim. It was merely Auron's bad luck to be the latest in that series.

She stood on the doorstep, facing him and closing her eyes. Auron knew what she wanted, but instead grabbed her pudgy hand and shook it firmly.

"Good night," he told her. Her eyes flew open and her expression was of one shocked beyond comprehension.

"Good...night..." she stuttered. She was clearly unused to being refused by anyone, despite her appalling personality and physical appearance.

Auron opened the door for her and stepped aside for her to enter. When she tarried, he placed his hand on her back and gently pushed her in the door. His hand nearly disappeared into a layer of flesh. When she finally disappeared, Auron left so fast he was nearly running, so desperate was he to get away. He was fairly certain that had been the worst night of his entire life.

***

Of course, that wasn't the end of Liania. That would have made life too easy for Auron, something that was apparently simply not allowed. She would visit the monastery daily, claiming she needed to pray at the temple. Auron, for the sake of his career, was forced to tolerate her, which was not an easy thing to do. Once and a while, he was forced to take her out, not something that thrilled him. But one day, he and the high priest had a talk. A very bad talk.

"Auron, I want you to marry my daughter."

Auron had a sinking feeling this was coming eventually. Liania had not yet lost interest in him, which had been a bad sign. "Sir, with all due respect, I-"

The man cut him off. "No buts, Auron. I'm offering you the chance of a lifetime. Take it or leave it. But I suggest you take it. The hand of the high priest's daughter is not something to be taken lightly." And with that, he strode off, leaving a shocked and horrified Auron standing behind him.

~~~

No, Auron recalled. That had not been a good time for him. He looked over at the sleeping Rikku. She was much prettier than Liania. Though the two had similar complexions and hair colors, there was really no comparison. The sleeping Rikku, with her delicate features, looked almost angelic. A sleeping Liania would have looked like a beached whale. Being stuck with Rikku was definitely much more pleasurable.

Auron continued to sit and watch her sleep (and Brother in the cockpit continued sitting and watching *him*). He was shocked that someone hadn't let them out yet. Did no one realize? At the very least, they should have been nosing into his business. He was alone in a room with Rikku. Didn't that excite them?

Suddenly, the figure on the bed let out a moan.

"Tysh Ed," she muttered, "my head *hurts*.

Auron almost felt sorry for her. *Almost* being the operative word.

"Hmmm. I wonder why?"

She gazed at him blearily. "Not funny."

"I never said it was."

So he was going to play that game, was he?

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"The door's locked. I couldn't get out. Believe me, I tried."

Rikku rolled her eyes. "It's not that hard," she said, crossing the room to the door panel. "See, you just push this button and..." She had pushed the button, and of course, nothing had happened. "You push the button. Button. Push." The door did not respond, not even to the banging of Rikku's head on the panel.

"That won't help your headache," Auron felt it was necessary to point this out.

"Well, neither is your talking." And with that, she stalked back to the bed, where she sat facing away from him.

***

Brother watched this transpire with a grin on his face. With all those emotions in the room, something was bound to happen. And it did. Rikku noticed the camera in the corner of the room. Brother was treated to a large variety of extremely obscene gestures. And then the door opened, but it was not of his doing. If Rikku was busy at the camera, that only left one person who was capable of hacking the ship's computer and overriding him. Brother turned around just in time to see Rin smirk at him. And he yelled something very, very loudly in Al Bhed. For which Cid smacked him upside the head. The others wondered what the commotion was.

"It's not Yuna, is it?" asked Tidus. Cid and Brother both ignored him.

***

The second the door opened, Auron shot out like a bat out of hell. He did *not* want to be in there one more minute. He was irrationally angry at her. It was because he hadn't had enough alcohol. And Rikku was cranky because she had drunk far too much. Funny how ironic things can be.

Rikku, for her part, sat behind. That encounter with Auron had probably been the worst she had ever experienced. She had a feeling he would never talk to her again. But she couldn't allow that. Something would have to be done...

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*sighs* I am soooo bad at coming up with names. Can't you tell? There's a reason why I didn't give the high priest a name!

I am soooo tired. I need sleep. Desperately. Why can't it just be Friday already? This has been the *longest* week ever. I'm sorry about how rarely I've been updating lately. Life's just been crazy since I got back from vacation (and I'm *still* horribly jet lagged!).

Reviews are nice. Honestly, every single one makes me smile. Don't you want to make me happy? Come on...you know you do! Go on, click the box. That's it...Good reader...I love you.