There are several reasons for this chapter taking almost two months to produce. 1) Fanfiction.net not working. 2) John Entwhistle dying. A proper mourning period must be observed. 3) I've just been so damn busy. Various trips and a job (40+ hours a week) take up so much of my time. It's been months since I've sat down and really played FFX. 4) Fanfiction.net being down. I maintain that this is the main reason for my lack of updates. I just refused to update until I was sure it was up and completely stable again. None of that read only crap. This chapter's been done for awhile. And then *both* my computers crashed. And my Auron poster keeps falling off my wall. Things just haven't been going my way.
Highlights of the two months(!) since I updated include...The Blairstown, NJ, Pet Cemetery; Senior Prom (I got my dress for $6 at the Salvation Army and got loads of compliments on it...very proud!); Graduation; freshman orientation in Seattle (aha...funny story...there were a couple of us walking down the street...the Ave in the U-District, for any Seattle-ites out there, and my roommate for the night was smoking a cigarette. So this woman comes up and asks for one, and my roommate gives her one. So thirty seconds later, this guy walks up and asks her for one. She asks him if he has five dollars. He says...no kidding..."No, but I've got some E pills." About a hundred yards later, we saw a drag queen that had been beaten up.); a road trip; the purchase of a pair of aviator sunglasses roughly the size of my face (Freddie Mercury wore aviators...); the acquisition of a ninth Queen album; the temperature reaching 106F in NJ...and my car's air conditioning not working; and of course, work and riding the pony. I love the pony.
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All
my friends love a lowrider
The lowrider is a little higher
Lowrider drives a little slower
Lowrider is a little poor
Lowrider knows every street, yeah
Lowrider is the one to meet, yeah
Lowrider don't use no gas, now
Lowrider don't drive too fast
Take a little trip, take a little trip
Take a little trip and see
Take a little trip, take a little trip
Take a little trip with me
Lowrider by ZZ Top
It had taken the group some time to recover from the trauma of the night before. All were in a state of shock following Clasko's faux-pas. Even the steadfast Auron was completely and totally mentally traumatized by the night's events.
"I still can't believe it, no?" said Wakka.
"I don't know what's worse," stated Auron flatly, "the fact that it happened, or the fact that I actually feel sorry for Shelinda."
Of course at this declaration, the group stopped short.
"You feel *sorry* for Shelinda?" asked Rikku. "Funny. I thought you said compassion was beyond you." Auron glowered at her through the sunglasses, but she seemed unaffected by his patented "death glare" this morning. Funny how bestiality changes your priorities. It hadn't helped that Clasko had come running out afterward, begging Shelinda's forgiveness. The scene that ensued had been neither pretty nor pleasant.
***
"Shelinda! Wait! I can explain!" yelled Clasko to his bride.
"I don't want to hear it!" screamed a teary-eyed Shelinda. "Just...leave me alone!"
"But Choco...he had...a...umm...laceration...in-"
Clasko didn't get to finish his sentence. He was halted by Auron's fist, which made contact with his nose. Hard. Auron looked at the others and shook his head. "I just couldn't let him finish that sentence."
Lulu shook her head solemnly. "I think we all have an idea of how that 'laceration' got there."
Wakka scratched his head. "Wha? How?"
Yuna patted him on the shoulder. "Just don't worry about it Wakka."
Auron's eyes met Rikku's and they almost smiled at each other. Too bad Shelinda interrupted them by falling on Auron, wailing.
"My poor Clasko! So confused! He's strayed from the path of Yevon! I see it now! It's up to me...to save him from this wretched fate." This, of course, was spoken with much gusto and dramatic arm waving. "I understand it. I understand everything. Yevon is challenging my faith, but it will not be shaken. My husband and I will work through this; with Yevon as my witness, I will make things right. For I am with child, and–"
"You're pregnant?" asked Yuna.
Lulu leaned over to Rikku. "Yevon preserve us. They're spawning."
Shelinda clasped her hands over her stomach. "Yes, I am."
There was the strangest silence as they tried to figure out what to make of this admission. And the undeniable fact that copulation had to have occurred for Shelinda's delicate state to transpire wasn't helping. Suddenly, there was a rush to leave.
"Well, Shelinda," said Auron, "it's been a pleasure. Unfortunately, we must go. We have Sin to defeat, after all."
Yuna nodded vigorously. "You know me! Always in a big hurry to die for Spira!"
"But good luck with that reforming you're doing with Clasko," added Rikku with a big fake grin.
"She's like a scared animal," Auron muttered to the two girls. "Just walk away slowly so as not to scare her, then once we are out of sight, run. We want to put as much distance as possible between her and ourselves. She might yet attack. You can never tell with people like her."
They both nodded fervently, then went to tell the others. Shelinda didn't seem to notice. She was too busy cradling Clasko's head in her lap. His nose looked like it had been hit by an eighteen-wheeler, despite the fact that they didn't exist in Spira. They could hear her muttering, "Oh...my poor little man. Be brave. I will heal you, then set you back on the path of righteousness. Don't you worry."
***
The group began to move off, but then noticed Tidus wasn't with them. Yuna turned to him. "Tidus? Are you ok?"
Tidus seemed unable to talk. His eyes were wide open and he looked horrified. "The chocobo...he...she..."
"It's ok Tidus," said Lulu. "Choco ran off as soon as he got the chance. It's just Clasko and Shelinda now. They're both getting their just desserts."
"Baby. Poor baby."
"Are you talking about what Shelinda was saying or the fact that she's pregnant."
"Both!"
Auron had simply had enough of this coddling of Tidus. He walked over and barked, "That's enough. We must get out of here!"
Tidus whimpered, but began walking.
Rikku glared at Auron. "Admit it! It was pretty scary! Can you blame poor Tidus?"
Auron smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. It was going to be a long day. He was definitely ready for this pilgrimage to end.
***
They successfully made good their escape. The rest of the day had been thankfully uneventful, aside from an incident with a Great Marlboro. Tidus was still swearing he was confused, and that's why he had...well, let's just not go there. No more dirty sex jokes. Use your imagination.
They settled themselves around the campfire, subdued by the horrors of the previous day. Which leads one to wonder...they always seem subdued...what would they be like otherwise?
One by one, they fell asleep, till only Auron and Rikku were left awake. (Of course. How predictable.) Auron looked at Rikku, whose head was nestled into his shoulder. He leaned over, and their eyes met. And the gap between them closed, until...
(AN: This was originally a cliffie, but these two chapters have been combined. They were both on the short side, and it works better this way.)
"Rikku?"
"Ugh…" she moaned, clearly not very awake.
"You're drooling on me."
Rikku sat up and sheepishly wiped her mouth. "Sorry," she muttered. She stretched out, narrowly missing Auron's head with her bony elbow. He stood abruptly, striding away from the fire to lean against a tree. He stood, his sword stuck in the ground next to him, looking as vigilant as he could manage at that moment.
"Sleep. We leave early tomorrow. You will need your rest." Conversation over. But wait-
"Hmph," said Rikku, in an unconscious imitation of Auron's favorite expression. "Who do you think you are? My father? Telling me to do this and telling me to do that. Well I refuse." She stood up and walked over to where he was standing.
"I'm old enough to be your father," he pointed out.
"Barely. That doesn't change the fact that you aren't. You can't order me around, you know? I do what I want."
"You're too obstinate for your own good. It is going to get you into trouble eventually."
Rikku wrinkled her nose. "Meanie-pants."
Auron didn't react to that. But then again, she hadn't expected him to.
Suddenly, he had a devious thought. He walked slowly over to where she was standing, stopping directly in front of her. He took out his hand, and slowly patted her on the head.
"Don't worry, honey. As soon as we get to the Travel Agency, we'll buy you a nice big lollipop. And if you're really good, next town we get to, I'll buy you a doll. How does that sound?"
Rikku's eyes grew wide with shock and anger, and her face contorted, with veins popping out on her forehead and tendons straining in her neck. The expression made her look like a very large bug. Why, thought Auron idly, those braids of hers could even be antenna. He chuckled to himself as Rikku turned away from him, crossing her arms. Then she spun back around. And decked him.
"Argh!" Auron staggered back, one hand to his head. "That hurt!"
"I would hope so," snipped Rikku, who was grinning merrily (AN: and I'm quite aware that statement is rather oxymoron-esque). "I just added a strength + 4 to my sphere grid."
Auron glared at her with his one eye. This was made slightly more effective by the fact that his glasses were absent. Which he suddenly realized, putting one hand to his face. "Shit," he said emotionlessly. Rikku marveled at the fact that he could make the slightest utterance impassioned and angry, despite the complete lack of inflection of any sort in his voice.
Auron cast his eye around, looking for his shades. He found them, though they were not exactly in the condition he had hoped. He looked at them, then looked at Rikku. Who suddenly looked sheepish.
"Oopsie?"
"Indeed."
The two contemplated the broken eyewear silently. They lay on the ground, the lenses mashed and the frames mangled. Rikku had a thought.
"Auron, are you a vampire?"
Auron looked at her and raised an eyebrow.
"Well?"
He blew out a long sigh. "No. Why do you think that?"
"You wear a big collar and a cloak and the sunglasses. And you're undead."
"Unsent, you mean."
"Pish. Six of one, baker's dozen of the other."
Auron didn't bother to correct the girl, knowing it would only lead to more trouble. She'd probably start claiming that Seymour was sane and Clasko's sexual fetishes were normal if given reason to continue. "I just don't enjoy the funny looks my scar gets."
"Auron?! Is that...vanity...I detect?"
He sighed yet again. "Whoever said that chicks dig scars was dead wrong. Although I admit, they might not have been talking about disfigurement."
"Are all vampires this depressing to be around?"
"I'm not a vampire, Rikku."
"Sure..." She waved her hand dismissively. "That's what they all say."
***
The next morning, Auron's glasses were still broken. So they stopped at the Travel Agency to get a new pair.
"These are so you, Auron!" said Lulu, holding up a pair with leopard print frames.
"Riiight," said Auron. "Just like pink bunnies and fluffy kittens are you."
Lulu smirked at him.
Auron browsed the glasses, eager to select a pair and make an exit. Unfortunately, none of them were much better than the leopard print. There were daisies, and one pair with a rhinestone heart on the lens. He had long given up finding anything remotely like the ones he had lost, and was now simply searching for something slightly masculine.
"How 'bout these, Auron?" piped Rikku's voice behind him. She was wearing a ridiculously large pair of sunglasses. The lenses covered her cheekbones, swooping down to around the level of her nostrils. There was a dangerous grin on her face, for these glasses were the only ones in the room that were not pink, had no flowers or animal print, and most importantly, no rhinestones. Rhinestones belong to skeezy women that can't afford diamonds, not to seasoned warrior monks. He would never have been able to live rhinestones down. Well, he couldn't have lived anything down, simply because he was dead.
He took the sunglasses from Rikku's now outstretched hand. And put them on. Some serious laughter had to be stifled. Even Kimahri had a smirk on his catlike face.
"Shut. Up." Said Auron. The others did so. Auron weighed his options carefully. How badly *did* he want to be embarrassed? To a casual observer, it would probably seem like the man was a glutton for punishment. But he was left with little choice. So he turned to the Al Bhed sitting at the desk and smiling greedily at him. And gave him money. Auron thought that *he* should have been the one getting paid. Paid to wear the awful glasses.
"Ok, Sir Auron. Now let's get going!" exclaimed Yuna perkily.
"Yeah man," said Tidus sulkily. "Yuna wants to hurry up and die. Don't make her wait. She might blow a gasket and summon the final aeon early or something." He sniffed, and if Auron wasn't mistaken, brushed something from his eye. Poor kid.
"But what about my lollipop?" asked Rikku innocently.
Auron ignored her. "Let's go."
"Alright, Captain Auron!" Wakka saluted him. Auron gave him the patented death glare. For some odd reason, it was less effective than normal. Surely it had nothing to do with the enormous glasses. He turned and strode out of the travel agency, cloak billowing impressively behind him. He decided to ignore the commentary that reached his ears. At least his scar was no longer visible.
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By the way, I am of the opinion that aviators kick ass.
Review, umkay? I don't have support services because I'm lacking in the having my own credit card department, but I was talking to someone who does, and she was telling me how many hits she got a chapter. It was insane. Now, I'm going to assume that I'm getting as many as she is. Which means that there are *lots* of you out there who haven't reviewed so much as once. *shakes head* I hope that none of *you* have been begging for reviews and then not leaving them for others, but I'm afraid that's probably the case. If so, then shame on you! That's just sad, in general. Now I don't read everything, but I review everything that I do read. Wouldn't FF.net be a happier place if we all did that? You don't have to be nice, just let the writer know that their effort is appreciated, you know? And for you non-writers...anonymous reviews are fine! You don't have to leave a name or email or anything, but it's nice to review and make that gesture. I'm not just talking about myself and my stories (although it certainly applies). FF.net is a community and should be viewed as such. People here tend to be quite friendly. If you review everything you read, even just once for a multi-parter, it's appreciated. After all, if you put the time in to read it, can't you take a few seconds to let the author know? I guarantee that they're putting in *a lot* more time than a reviewer ever would. Now come on. Time for a *big group hug.* Don't you feel better? I know I do.