Notes: Another angsty ficlet sweethearts. Alcohol is a depressant; this fic may just prove that fact. There is an awful lot of me in this fic and it is a testament to listening to the most depressing songs ever while drinking tequila on a broken heart and empty stomach. Enjoy this little insight my lovelies.
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the Potterverse, I am just obsessed with it.
Dedication: To CS who only likes her Drarry when it's non-consensual, someone is dying or having their heartbroken. If it weren't for you I would have driven too deep along time ago.
- -
Harry sat beneath a tree somewhere just off the shore of the lake. He was as far from Hogwarts as he could manage, legs stretched out in front of him as the occasional petal from the pink blossoms fell from above him. The sky was growing darker. Directly above him the sky was a dark blue but strips of hue ascended into the dark abyss from where the western horizon met the sky.
From the edge of his peripheral Harry caught sight of a figure coming towards him. Black robes and blond hair blew backwards slightly in the soft breeze that fluttered across the grassy area.
Harry and Draco's eyes met, the Slytherin's normally sneering face curving into the most minute of genuine smiles. Harry's heart pounded against his lungs and rib cage and not in the good way it often did when Draco was around. Tonight this heart had to lie; to pretend what it felt was fake. Harry stood up and Draco upped his pace, bringing the moment they came together even swifter. Before Draco could wrap his arms around Harry's neck in the customary fashion, Harry held his hand out at arms length, splayed palm pressed into Draco's chest.
The blond frowned, raising his own hand to grab at Harry's but Harry snatched his hand away before Draco could entwine their fingers. Draco quickly brought up the mask that he now never wore when alone with Harry. That marked the slow slicing of Harry's heart.
"It's over." Harry stated plainly, not trusting his voice to hold out for an entire sentence. Draco stared back incredulously.
"What do you mean it's over?" He asked. Harry sighed, Malfoy's rarely give their hearts away- Draco had told him that. He had been one of the lucky ones and now …now he had to stamp across that heart that he so cherished.
"It means exactly what you think it does." Harry tried to snap, ending up sounding more exhausted than angry. But he was exhausted, he realised. He was tired of lying to himself every day that he and Draco would some how both make it through the coming war.
"I don't get it Harry? Yesterday everything was fine …hell we were talking about finally telling people." Draco took a step forward and in spite of what his mind told him to do, Harry didn't move backwards.
"Well …now we won't have to." It was the most meagre argument Harry had possibly heard in his entire life. He held Draco's silver gaze as the blond searched Harry's face, trying to find his reasons.
"It can't be over!" Draco said, his voice growing increasingly louder, "I've risked everything to be with you. My bloody life was on the line yet I chose you and the threat of death by my own fathers hand as opposed to losing you."
Harry had to hold from closing his eyes against the whole situation. Draco was right, the other boy had given everything he had just to be with Harry. How could he throw it back in his face?
"I'm sorry but…"
"You're sorry?" Draco shouted, cutting Harry off, "what's going on? You can't just go from loving me last night to leaving me tonight."
That was where Harry saw his opening, the perfect way to drive Draco from him. But oh gods how he didn't want to utter his next statement …he had to- it was for Draco's own good.
"I didn't love you." Harry said in a quiet voice. Draco's eyes went wide, taking a step backwards he lost the ability to hold in place the mask that hid his emotions.
"I only thought I did," Harry continued, looking anywhere that wasn't straight into Draco's eyes, "I was so desperate for someone to love and you …well you needed someone to love you but …it wasn't true."
Harry could feel a ripping in his chest. He had heard of a broken heart causing someone to feel some sort of physical anguish but until then he had simply thought it to be a melodramatic device used by authors of fiction. Now he knew it to be true. Nothing would compare to the squeezing of his heart, the nauseous feeling in his stomach and the bile rising in his throat.
Draco took another few steps back, shaking his head ever so slightly in disbelief. After everything he and Harry had said and done. After he had denounced his father, sought asylum from Dumbledore, lost the trust of his housemates this was how he would be repaid?
"I don't believe you." Draco stated simply, not even sure he believed his own words. He loved Harry. Plain and simple. There was nothing fake about it …on his part anyway. And then he doubted everything. Was he really that in need of love that he was naïve enough to believe everything Harry had told him without question?
"Well you should." Harry managed to snap, "I don't love you."
Draco thought right then and there that he had been a fool. A fool to believe. A fool to hope. His father had been right- never believe things will work for the best- you will be disappointed. Never hope because it doesn't help. Never love because it is the easiest way to break a person.
Inside, Harry was shaking, screaming to Draco that he loved him but he couldn't allow his lips to echo what his mind longed to say. Every time he let himself care for someone they ended up hurt one way or another. He wouldn't let Draco become another victim of the life that Harry was forced into leading. Harry let himself meet Draco's eyes and saw something he could have never counted on- tears. Of all the things he had expected from the blond …anger, sorrow, frustration and hatred yes but …to see a Malfoy cry? Harry's breath caught in his chest and he gave in. Danger or not he refused to be the reason those tears fell. He took a few steps forward and reached his hand towards Draco's cheek.
"Draco…" he whispered softly. The Slytherin glared and flinched away from the touch, bringing a sleeve-covered hand to his face and wiping at his pale cheeks.
"Don't 'Draco' me!" He snapped, taking a few more steps away from Harry, "I gave up all I had and this is what you do! You lie to me, you use me and play me for a fool. Well you know what Potter? Fuck. You." He spat as he turned around and began to storm off, taking in a shuddering breath and wiping roughly at his eyes.
"Draco?" Harry tried again. He opened his mouth in an attempt to rectify what damage he had done but Draco turned on his heel to face him, shouting over the distance that was now between them.
"I hope the Dark Lord does kill you in the end Potter," He called back maliciously, every word stabbing Harry in his heart and all over his body, "then I hope you burn in hell." Draco turned round again and broke off at quick pace, robes flying behind him.
Harry let out a shuddering sob and dropped down to the grass, eyes never leaving Draco's retreating form. How could this have been the right thing to do? Voldemort may as well have killed him at that very moment for what little he would have cared.
Against all odds he and Draco had fallen in love. Inexplicably and unpredictably but nonetheless powerful. They had hidden it and defied all odds yet Harry had chosen to throw it all away. If there was a fool there, it was him.
As tears spilled over his cheeks, the occasional splatter connecting with the lenses of his glasses, Harry began a silent mantra, urging Draco to turn round, to see him in this state and come back. He had thought this would be for the best but he was wrong. Wrong again. He'd been properly right once in his life and that was when he had fallen for Draco. Now it was over. He continued the mantra, whispering it quietly into the breeze that carried on it light fragrances from the green houses.
"Turn around, Draco. Come back, Draco. Please, Draco." Somewhere in his now shattered heart he held some hope that Draco would hear him.
He didn't.
- -
Finite
- -