Excel Saga Fan Fiction

Loose Ends

By Kraven Ergeist (Formerly known as Draco Delphinus)

Chapter Two, the plot is laid out, and the mission, which I cleverly named 666,666, will be started. Any questions? Oh, yeah, I don't own Excel Saga. And neither does Rikudo Koshi. At least, not any more.

Chapter Two: Mission number 666,666

"Hail! Il Palazzo!" Excel screamed, still within the belly of the snake that had snatched her up in an earlier chapter.

"-Zzo!" Hyatt added, her voice cracking.

"Welcome Neo-Across executives!" Il Palazzo boomed, arms spread wide.

"Huh!" Excel questioned. "Neo-Across? What's that?" Excel started spontaneously leaping around Il Palazzo (Although how she did this within a snake is unknown) chanting, "Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!"

"Neo-Across!" Palazzo repeated. "The New Ideal Organization, Across." Aside, he said, "As an acronym, it was NIO-ACROSS, for New Ideal Organization, but we're calling it NEO for aesthetic purposes."

Excel nodded. "Nice, Il Palazzo! True genius that could only come from a grand leader such as you!"

Hyatt smiled, falling to the floor. "Yes indeed…"

Il Palazzo frowned. "Excel, would you mind resuscitating her?"

Excel suddenly gaped, as she saw Hyatt. "Ha-chan! Come on, we still have to listen to Il Palazzo's orders!"

Hyatt regained her footing, with a trickle of blood pouring form her nose. "Yes…"

Il Palazzo cleared his throat. "Your first order of business is the following: Track down all cast members in the show that did not receive full homage during the closing of the series."

Excel scratched her head. "Um…what is the purpose of this?"

Il Palazzo frowned. "Don't you wish for the ideals of Neo-Across to spread across all the cast members of the show?"

Excel saluted. "Righty-o! I'll get right to it!"

Hyatt saluted as well. "Me too…"

Il Palazzo smiled. "Very good. Then we begin operation 666,666!"

Walking about the streets of F-Prefecture, F-City, Excel (Still inside the belly of the snake) and Hyatt went about their work.

"So who does it say we need to greet first?"

Excel glanced at the list. Or rather, the snake protruded lumps around it sides in the remarkable shape of Excel's hands, as another shape emerged from the snake's neck in the remarkable shape of Excel's head, glanced at the sheet. "Ok, let's see…the members of the public rangers (minus Misaki Matsuya)? Who the heck are they!"

Hyatt looked dreamily. "I believe that they are those guys who live in our apartment, Watanabe, Sumiyoshi, and Iwata, as well as the two Roppenmatsu robots."

Excel furrowed her brow. "Roppenmatsu? I thought they died!"

Hyatt blinked. "Um…they're robots, so they don't really die. Besides, Kababu and Shinoji created backup copies of them, which although they are different beings have essentially the same personalities, so that the show can kill them as often as it likes and have them come back to life. Besides, the Supreme Will of the Universe willed all the good guys back to life after Across declined control of the world. And furthermore…urp!"

Hyatt became stricken with another spell of blood, loss of consciousness, and/or death and fell to the ground.

"And furthermore what?" Excel said, oblivious to her companion's suffering. Kind of happens when you're confined to a snake's belly.

Hyatt, bleeding on the ground, sort of murmured. "I can't seem to go on…"

Excel ignored her and glanced over the list. "Lessee…People who haven't received proper homage…"

Scenes started appearing in order of Excels narration.

"The Pension Guy…we never really got his name… The green and Yellow Haired Butler, And those Puchu-Mobile Suit Gundam character rip-offs. Sheesh"

The man from the mountains who shot his friend in the army stood on a snowy field waving. The Yellow and Green haired butler appeared on a Puchu space ship, waving. And also, on the Puchu ship, Puchu-Amuro et al appeared, waving.

"Todo Pudding-chan, and the thieves who appeared in episode 12," Excel read.

The secret agent girl stood in her office, waving, with the two criminals, bound in ropes, also waving.

"Ann Anzai of the Alps foundation and Menchi's old man?"

The said people waved from the middle of the woods, with Menchi waving from beneath, when Excel jumped in on the scene. "Wait a minute! When did they ever appear in the show?"

Rikudo laughed, privately. "Oh, that's right, you never found out about them."

Excel sighed, going back to her list, with Hyatt attempting to stand and falling on her face, which suddenly started bleeding, profusely.

"Strike Snake, the Ball and Pins groups, and Fake Excel and Hyatt from Bowling Musume…"

The Ball and Pin gang, along with Strike Snake stood in the bowling alley, waving, with the Bowling Musume in the foreground. Snake looks at one of the Musume guys. "Hey, didn't I kill you in episode 9?"

The guy shrugged. "The supreme will of the universe brought me back to life."

The fake Excel and Hyatt began doing their routine, until…

"Wait a minute!" screamed Excel (Still in her snake skin), literally grabbing the scene and pushing it aside. "Why should I pay respects to these riper-offers!"

Hyatt raised a finger. "Because the entire series is rip-off?"

Excel waved around. "And why are we attributing the Strike Snake? Wasn't he a bad guy?"

Hyatt cocked her head. "I believe Il Palazzo took him to be 'kinda cool.'"

Excel sprung up. "Well, in that case…" Sighing, she said, "Fine…and, uh, Binbo and Esop from the Inunabe high school baseball team."

The scene changed to the team striking a pose, with the long-haired (And I mean really long-haired) Binbo on the pitcher's mound, with a hand waving from a nearby Porta-Jon.

Excel continued to read from inside the snake, now more or less dead or similar thereto. "Next we have Pad, Dominique, and Broccoli…hey, isn't Broccoli a bad guy?"

Rikudo Koshi inexplicably appeared inside the snakeskin. "Oh…sorry." He erased the name form the paper and was about to leave, when Excel made a belated suggestion.

"Hey, um, mister manga artist? Can I get out of this snake skin now?"

He snapped his fingers. "Sure thing."

The scene flipped, and Excel was now standing reading the list with Hyatt long since dead on the ground beside her.

"Ok, Pad and Dominique from the Post – Apocalyptic – Trigun – Rip-Off World. Oh, so they're still around?"

As if to answer, the scene flipped, and Pad and Dominic were waving in the dessert.

Excel appeared nearby. "Um…why are you still inhabiting this morbid pit of death and destruction?"

Pad got all teary-eyes and kneeled before her. "Morbid pit of death and destruction? You're talking about my home!"

Excel scratched her head. "Yeah, but I thought the city restored itself."

Pad shrugged. "Oh, that wasn't the city you were in. It was just a little segment of the Sahara Desert where a lot of unfinished construction took place."

Excel shrugged, back on the road. "Whatever…ok, um… Oh boy!" Excel rubbed her eyes to make sure she was not dreaming. "We get to see him again!"

Hyatt sort of withered up to see. "Who?"

Excel took a flying leap, her eyes suddenly becoming hearts. "Rock God Key!"

The scene changed to a rock and roll stage, as über-bishonen Key, in full leather strap attire blew a kiss, as several thousands of girls died from lust.

Excel sort of swooned as Hyatt read off the list. "And aside from the Public Rangers (Minus Misaki) and Kubaba, there's no one else to commend."

The scene changed to a puchu ship where all the other puchus lived, as one hit another on the head with a hammer. The stricken puchu transformed into his ugly form, and said, "What about us?"

Il Palazzo, from his throne, grabbed a rope. "No one likes you. Go away."

He pulled the rope, and out of sheer defiance of normal laws of physics, a trap door appeared beneath the puchu ship, and it fell in.

"Ahh! Where's the trapdoor come from? And how can we be falling if there's no gravity in space?"

Back to Excel and Hyatt, they both resumed marching down the street. Well, Hyatt marched; Excel made her way down the street by performing a series of sideways leaps..

"Well, I think we've got everything covered," Excel decided. "Let's go out and do the deed."

Hyatt nodded. "Are you sure we didn't miss anyone?"

The scene changed to the woods where the American soldiers captured Excel. "Hey, what about us?"

Excel leapt in and kicked them all in the butts. "You guys were practically bad guys, so no praise for you!"

They all wailed an apology before Excel landed back in the street. "Right. Let's get going."

She took about here steps before halting.

"What is it, senpai?" Hyatt asked.

"Umm…" she muttered. Swinging around, she put her hands to her face like a baby. "I don't know where any of these people are."

Il Palazzo slapped his face. "Ugh!"

As you can see by now, everything is going as smoothly as you'd expect from Excel Saga. At least, that's what I think. But come on, this is Excel Saga we're talking about. Limits? Rules? What do these foreign words mean, strange traveler?

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I'm out.