Excel Saga Fan fiction
Loose Ends
By Kraven Ergeist (Formerly known as Draco Delphinus)
Disclaimer: There is no disclaimer. Koshi Rikudo has given Excel Saga to ME! MUA-HA-HA-HA!
Excel looms over Kraven with huge sword
Eh-heh-heh…just kidding…
Chapter Five: Baseball Pad
"Take me out to the ball game!" Excel sang, as she and Hyatt walked smoothly to Inunabe for the big game. Well, Hyatt walked smoothly, Excel sort of wavered, with her arms over her head, one adorned in a big yellow finger, the other with a baseball flag with a dog paw imprint on it.
"Um…" Hyatt said, as weakly as only she could. "Where are we going?"
Excel tapped her on the shoulder with the yellow finger. "To see their game, of course! We both made Inunabe star athletes the last time we met them in episode 11. What better way to show their prowess to the audience then by attending one of their games?"
Little did Excel know that by striking Hyatt with the giant foam finger that could scarcely harm a fly, Hyatt received heavy trauma to the skull and died.
Excel looked back and gapped. "Hyatt! Now's no time to die!"
Hyatt lifted her head. "Then when would be a good time?"
Excel started to spasm. "What the hell! Do you WANT to die?"
Hyatt shrugged. "I have to problem with it."
Excel continued to spasm uncontrollably. "Good grief! Well you're not dying today! Right now, we're off to congratulate Esop and Binbo and the rest of the Inunabe tram!"
Hyatt glanced at the script. "But I thought this chapter, we were supposed to pay respects to both he Inunabe team as well as Pad and Dominic from the Post – Apocalyptic – Fist-of-the-North-Star – Rip – off – world."
Excel's face went deadpan. "Omigosh, you're right! I have no idea where those two are! Hyatt!" she yelled taking her by the shoulders, causing her to die once again, she exclaimed, "You go to the game and cheer them on. If they wimp out again, just offer them some tomato juice, and they will inexplicably follow your command – hey, are you listening?"
Corpses don't listen very often.
"Snap out of it!" Excel said, snapping her fingers in front of her face. "Honestly, Hyatt. Anyway, you go to the game and I'll go find Pad and Dominic before the chapter ends. Get it? Got it? Good! Bye!""
"Um…Senpai?" Hyatt said, meekly.
But Excel was long gone. The girl could run.
"Um…" Hyatt pointed at the field. There, on the bleachers, was Dominic and Pad. It was the Inunabe team that was nowhere to be found.
"Gosh…" Hyatt muttered to herself. "What am I supposed to do?"
"Pad!" Excel called out. "Dominic! Pad! Where are you?"
Considering that she was searching through a tropical paradise, her chances of finding them were slim. Given that the objects of her search were already at the baseball file where she was recruiting them to, her chances of finding them were none.
"Hmm…" she mused. "Lessee…they weren't at that Post – Apocalyptic – Fist-of-the-North-Star – Rip – off – world…"
As Excel spoke, young teenage boys were running around the beach.
"…They weren't at the hotel, they weren't at the in the woods, they weren't…"
More teens are seen, playing volleyball, surfing the waves…
"…In the sewers, they weren't on the moon, they weren't…"
…Building sandcastles…having fights…molesting women in bikinis…
"…They weren't – oof!" Excel was violently interrupted as a long yellow oblong sponge-like object impacted her suddenly, knocking her to the ground.
"Uh-oh…my bad, pretty lady," came the reply of a familiar voice.
Excel was up in a heartbeat. "Binbo?"
The long yellow oblong sponge like object happened to be Binbo's hair, long and blonde as ever, which had practically nailed her to the sand when he rolled over in his sleep.
"It is you!" Excel cried out, running toward him.
Binbo lowered his sunglasses. Catching sight of her, he recognized her in an instant and sprung to his feet.
"E-chan! You've come back to me!"
A pink flowery backdrop emerged as Binbo Yukari rushed over to her and wrapped his arms around her. Excel followed up swiftly with a left hook to the jaw.
"Whaddya think you're doin', ya hentai?" she said in a peeved tone.
"Sorry," Binbo said from his vantage point under her fist. Obviously, he thought that his precious E-chan had returned to offer him his heart (Now that he was no longer rich, he hadn't had a woman in years,) and had acted too swiftly. But enough of that.
"What are you and the team doing here?"
Binbo shrugged. "Taking the day off!"
Excel started spazzing out. "But you've got a game in five minutes! We came here to cheer you on!"
Yukari shook his head. "Oh, no need to worry. These two guys…well, a guy and girl…or was it…at least, I think that little guy was a guy…was he a girl?"
"Spit it out!" Excel yelled.
"Sorry!" Binbo replied, hastily. "Anyway, these two people offered to play for us. And since the Inunabe team has been playing none stop since you left, we've been hard pressed for a vacation."
"Did these two people give you their names?" Excel asked, suspiciously
Binbo nodded. "Funny you should mention that. They said you might show up looking for us. They said their names were Pad and Dominic."
Excel spazzed out yet again. "Pad and Dominic!"
"Go team!" yelled Hyatt. "Go team! Yay!"
Not only were Pad and Dominic participating, but they also brought along Broccoli-puni and a few of the "Dumb Commoners" from the Post – Apocalyptic – Fist-of-the-North-Star – Rip – off – world, with puni as the pitcher.
"Ultra – cutesy – bishojo – charat – pitch – puni!" Puni cried, as he – at least, I think it's still a he – made the pitch.
The elephant – yes an elephant – at bat made three feeble attempts to hit the ball.
While Hyatt cheered him on, some of the other team members began to complain. "Why do we have to play this dopey baseball game?"
Hyatt considered for a moment. "Um…problem…what did senpai say to do when there was a problem…oh yeah!"
Whipping out a glass of red fluid, she held it out to the players. "Have some tomato juice."
Instantly, for no reason whatsoever, all the members of the team bowed to the ground (And I do mean all of them – one of them missed a pop fly, and several players on the opposing team stole home). "We'll do anything you tell us, ma'am!"
The team got back to work, as Hyatt continued to cheer them on.
That's when Excel arrived. "Hyatt! You're still here! What's going on?"
Hyatt gestured to the field. "Pad, Dominic, Broccoli-puni and the "Dumb Commoners" are all playing for our team against the Zonabe team."
(A/N: "Zo" is Japanese for Elephant)
Excel was confused twice over. "Broccoli-puni? But I thought they were the bad guys!"
"Not true – puni!" Puni cried, abandoning his post on the pitcher's mound, letting several more elephants steal home. "We signed an official contract after Kababu defeated Across, and we are now officially members of Good Guys inc. – puni!"
Excel stared at him for a while. "Did I turn you into a 28 cuter teddy bear?"
Puni just shrugged. "Yeah, well thankfully, it wore off - puni. And my doctor says my puni status will wear off after a few years too - puni. So I'm killing time, playing baseball - puni."
Excel scratched her head. "Alright…and what about the elephants?"
"I'll take that question," Binbo said, out of nowhere.
"Binbo?" Excel staggered. "Where did you come from?"
Binbo just swung his head to the side, taking out the dugout, as well as most of his teammates. "After you graced us with your presence at the beach, I could not sit there to let you venture off."
Excel shrugged. "Whatever. Now about the elephants?"
Binbo shrugged. "Inunabe's been on a losing streak, despite my inherent return. Despite this, however, we've persisted in playing. We were beaten by Sarunabe and Torinabe several times, and Zonabe just happens to be our next competitor."
(A/N: "Tori" Bird, "Saru" Monkey)
Excel glanced at the field as the elephants stole another run. The score was now ∞ to 3, the highest score Inunabe's ever seen. "The teams doesn't seem to be doing pretty well…"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" came a scream from the nearby Porta Jon.
Esop, obviously.
"I have no choice!" came the voice of Esop. "I must cast my most powerful curse of all! I put a curse on all the members of the Zonabe team…that whatever score they achieve will be swapped with their competitors at the end of the last inning!"
Excel and Hyatt just stared blankly, as they people they were supposed to be congratulating won by cheating.
Afterward, Pad and Dominic met up with Excel and Hyatt. Well, only Excel really, because Hyatt was suffering from catatonic. Nothing major.
"It seems kinda bad that you won by cheating," Excel said.
"I know what you mean," Dominic said with a huff.
"Hey, it's not like we were the ones who cheated," Pad offered. "The coach just wanted his team to win, we didn't play a part of it."
Excel nodded, with Hyatt slumped on her back, a small trickle of blood coming from her mouth. "I know. And by the way, nice to see you both after all those months of chaotic reconstruction that took place after Across' initial failure."
Pad smiled, widely. "It's great to see you too, Excel. I still hold dear all the things you taught me, like not to give into evil, not to lose honor, and everything else I've learned from…"
Pad noticed, however, that Excel was not paying attention to her, but rather to the more or less lifeless body of Hyatt, trying to resuscitate her back to life.
Pad sighed, before looked sadly at Dominic. "Let's go home." And they vanished without a trace.
Excel revived Hyatt eventually, before noticing that Pad and Dominic were gone. "Pad? Dominic?" she asked. Her voice seemed to dramatically lengthen as she cried out. "Dominic! Pad! Come back! There was still so much I wanted to tell you! So much I wanted to catch up on! Pad! Dominic, please come back!" And she reached out into the heavens.
Hyatt cocked her head. "Did you really want to talk to them?"
Excel shook her head. "No. But it sounded more dramatic that way."
The two of them headed off, glancing at the list to see whom their next target was.
Excel swooned. "Oh boy! It's him!"
I think you can guess who's next… '
Next Characters: Rock God Key
A/N: Well, this sort of came up as it went along. I tuned a few things up afterward, but it all came out pretty well.
Oh, and I determined that Pad was in fact a girl, because she refers to Excel as "One-chan," a trait found exclusively in female characters. Add that to the bra pad, and I'm pretty sure she's female.