Excel Saga Fan fiction
Loose Ends
By Kraven Ergeist (Formerly known as Draco Delphinus)
Disclaimer: Does Excel Saga belong to me? Does it belong to anyone. The fine grace of Excel Saga cannot truly be grasped by any mere mortal, not even by Koshi Rikudo.
Rikudo: "But little do you know that I AM GOD!"
…Yeah, well, there's that… '
Chapter Six: J-Rock
The oblique stage was set for music to be heard. The ambiance of unspoken misery and timeless emotion reigned in the bands that played up there. And this one was no worse.
"Samekiita machii ni wakare wo tsuge!" came the loud Japanese vocals. "Nagerekuruu shigeki ni mi wo sarase!"
Key looked at the band on stage in scorn. He had been long in competition with this particular J-Rock band. And they were stealing his crowd.
"Chi no ki furuwasu noise de!" they chanted. "Omae no kokoro koroshite yaru!"
Key clenched his fists in a way that only a J-rocker like him could. Oh the contempt! Oh the scorn! Oh, if not for…
"Z! Kanjite miro… Z! Sagende miro…Z! Subete nugisutero!"
Z-Japan, the confounded J-Rock group that haunted Key's nightmares.
(A/N: If you don't know about J-Rock, this is a knock off of an old J-Rock band called "X-Japan," who did some of the music for X/1999)
For another girl, however, the band was the best thing since Il Palazzo.
"Omigosh, these guys are so gorgeous, I'm swooning all over! No! No! I must remain loyal to Il Palazzo! But their brooding angst! Their emotional pain! Their slender sexy bodies! It's all too much for a poor little girl like me!"
Obviously, for the male readers out there, we do not a need any visualization as to what was flowing through the background during Excel's monologue.
"Um…" Hyatt offered, a little light headed. "What do they have to be emotional about? They probably make millions of yen, they have girls throwing themselves at their feet, and they have the love of the crowds of all of Japan. What do they possibly have to be angsty about?"
Excel yammered on about how that wasn't the point to it all, but Hyatt had already fainted due to insufficient air supply in the audience seating (Not that anyone was sitting)
Excel shook her head. "But thankfully, this experience with Z-Japan has put things into perspective for me. Although people from Z-Japan and Rock God Key himself may be undyingly attractive…" chancing a glance at one of the members (Complete with captions declaring his name to be "Kata,"), she so happened to catch the lead vocalist in a particularly revealing position, steaming Excel up all the more so.
(A/N: Kata is a spin off "Pata," the lead singer in X-Japan)
"…And explicitly gorgeous, but anyway!" Excel continued, her face red and smoke practically bleeding from her ears. "However, one must not lose sight of the people that truly matter. Il Palazzo is such a person, and right now, he has given me the assignment of tracking down Rock God Key. So let's sneak in back and…" Excel droned off, before losing herself to the sight of the super bishonen's on stage. "Who am I kidding?"
As steam poured from her nose, her eyes in semblance with little pink hearts, Hyatt revived momentarily enough to questions. "Why did Il Palazzo want him congratulated? As I recall correctly, he didn't seem to favor that fellow."
Excel swirled around a little a she answered. "Well, he originally didn't want to, but after some persuasion from the president of Across, he had to. Turns out the president of Across is a woman. Tee hee…"
Hyatt nodded, and fell unconscious once more.
Key muttered something to himself as Z-Japan played their final song. He was next.
Stepping into the crowds, he let the musicians his agent hired set up their instruments, before getting his guitar ready.
Before he started, however, he noticed a familiar face in the crowd. Waving a screaming and whooping and hollering, Excel stood their looking a deformed as the next chibi in the crowd.
Key smiled. His agent always said he would look better with someone in the crowd up on stage with him. So without further ado, he ventured off stage.
The crowds parted as he stepped off towards Excel. Excel herself felt her heart skip a beat as Key took her hand and said, "Would you care to join me?" with a flick of his hair.
Excel started to steam up, as Key carried her effortlessly on stage.
Meanwhile, far away from the stage, Il Palazzo stared at a TV screen, watching these events taking place.
What a self-loathing bastard! How dare he put on such airs! I can't believe my boss asked that I incorporate him in my latest mission! He thought angrily.
That's when the president of Neo-Across chuckled in her office (Yes, her office)
Back on stage, however, Key gestured to his guest star as she stared beleaguered as the audience applauded.
"Why don't we all give it up for Excel!" he cried. "Let's give her some applause!"
Excel stared, bewildered. "Um…applause? But I didn't do anything yet."
Key nodded to her. "That's right, Excel. Now why don't you sing us something great."
Excel blushed and shied away, tapping her fingers together. "But…in front of all these people?
Key placed his hand on her shoulder. "You can do it, Excel. I have faith in you."
That got Excel going. "Alrighty then!" she screamed. "Let's rock this joint!"
In a single leap, she jumped off stage, grabbed Hyatt, and leaped back on stage.
Unfortunately, Hyatt got airsick.
"Buck up, Hyatt!" she yelled at her. "You can die later, when we don't have an audience!"
Hyatt snapped awake, as the music began playing. They both started dancing as they sang their favorite tune.
"Sore wa ai janai!" they sang. "Ai wa sore janai!"
And even Key was impressed. (Well, not really). And everyone applauded.
"That was great. Now off the stage."
Excel just tittered. "But…I…uh…"
Key didn't even wait for her, as he began strumming up his guitar. He struck a particularly loud note, sending Excel and Hyatt flying through the air, landing on one of the surrounding flagpoles making a border around the stadium.
"Wow," Excel tittered. "What a blast!"
Hyatt was indeed worse for wear, as the blast had given her a severe concussion, killing her at least three times.
"Severe concussion," the doctor said, as Hyatt lay in a bed in a hospital, still unconscious, with Excel next to him.
"I think we covered that last scene," Excel muttered.
The doctor shook his head. "There's nothing I can do for her. I'm sorry."
Excel shook her head. "Oh, don't worry, she comes to every time this happens."
The doctor began to point out that it as futile to hope, when Excel opened up her arms and said, "Ok, Hyatt. Time to get up."
Minutes passed. Il Palazzo's coo-coo clock went off.
Excel scratched her temple. "Um…Hyatt?"
The doctor held his arms out. "That's what I've been trying to say, miss. This girl is doomed."
Excel shrugged her hand. "Oh, nonsense! She always comes to. Right, Hyatt?"
Hyatt didn't move.
Excel grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. "Hyatt!"
"Ma'am, please, don't do that!" the doctor shouted.
Excel began to shed tears. "Hyatt?"
There she was, lifeless, as she had been many times before. But this time, she wasn't getting back up. Why?
Why?
WHY?
"Because her soul has been lost," came a voice.
Excel flopped about. "Key?"
Key stepped into the medical room, leather strap suit, guitar and all.
"Yes, it is I, the forlorn wanderer. I have come to rejuvenate the princess. Only the sound of the lover's song will restore her."
"Don't you have, like, a concert to get to?"
Key shrugged. "Probably." He began plucking a tune in his guitar, and sang a gentle melody that made Excel cry.
"Wipe your tears from your eyes/Just leave and forget me/No need to be hurt anymore/Go away from me now/ I don't know. What is love/No need to be hurt anymore./You said, "I miss you so much./Every night, thinking of you/and facing loneliness."/But when you feel sadness/never can I stay with you."
Meanwhile, Z-Japan began fumigating. "Hey! That's our song, you dip wad!"
(A/N: Lyrics © X-Japan - "Unfinished.")
However, despite copyright infringement, it worked! Hyatt awoke to find herself in the arms of Key.
"Key…" she muttered.
"Hyatt…" Key replied.
All the while, Excel just stared. "What are those two doing?"
Then it dawned on her.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Excel shouted. "Key and Hyatt have fallen in love! But I wanted to be with him! Now I can never fulfill my most erotic fantasies with the most attractive male icon of all time."
"Wanna get married and have a few kids?" Key asked Hyatt, simply ignoring Excel.
"Sure…" she replied.
"GAHHHHH!" Excel screamed.
"Very well then. Jokes aside, I must bid you farewell," Key said outside the hospital.
"But, don't you have a concert to get to?" Excel asked.
Key shook his head. "If I want to win my fans, I must do it by expressing my heart, not by competing for theirs in a battle of the J-Rock bands. This incident has taught me the value of life, and that I should not indulge my time in competing against others like myself, but establishing my own unique harmony in life."
Z-Japan glared. "That's great, but we still want our song back."
Key shook his head. "That's the music world for you."
Next one the list: The Public Rangers (Minus Misaki) and Kubaba
A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long. I've sorta been losing my interest in Excel Saga, but I still find what it takes.