Excel Saga Fan fiction
Loose Ends
By Kraven Ergeist (Formerly known as Draco Delphinus)
Disclaimer:
Nabeshin: "I own Excel Saga!"
Rikudo Koshi: "No, I own Excel Saga!"
Nabeshin: "No, I own Excel Saga!"
Rikudo Koshi: "No, I own Excel Saga!"
Kraven: (Shrugs) "I think we're still deciding…"
Chapter Seven: Civil Servants.
Kubaba was brooding by his window, about some little mishap that had happen to make his beloved town less than pristine. A door opened, nearly sending him tumbling out the window in surprise.
"Momochi!" He yelled at his eyeless secretary. "Don't scare me like that."
She sighed her apology. "I'm sorry, sir. It's just that these young ladies came by for a meeting."
Gesturing to Excel and Hyatt, Momochi left with a subtly sinister smile.
"By the way," Excel said to the secretary. "Why do you have that wicked expression on your face? I'm afraid to turn my back on you."
Momochi just chuckled. "I know. Makes me wish I was up to something."
Meanwhile, Nabeshin was busy hammering Koshi in the head.
"You made Momochi always seem like she was plotting some sinister scheme, and the whole time, it's just her style?"
Koshi begged for forgiveness. "I just never got around to her uprising, is all!"
Nabeshin clenched his fist. "Well, then, fix it!"
Momochi sighed as the thought she had been waiting for filled her head a-la Koshi.
"Oh, so that's that evil plan I was always formulating. Now to spring my evil scheme."
The three boys, as well as the Roppenmatsu sisters (They were of course androids with common names, but they preferred to be called sisters), were lounging as usual in the sitting room.
"It's not fair!" Watanabe wailed.
"It's your own fault," Iwata accused. "You should have locked the door. That way, Excel wouldn't have busted in and stolen Hyatt from you."
"But I thought she wanted a threesome!" Watanabe declared.
Get over it, Sumiyoshi said, a-la dictation.
With Misaki missing, Roppenmatsu and her sister had very little to do, until their internal alarm went off.
"People!" the older Roppenmatsu cried. "We've got trouble!"
The three men doubled around, and all together cried. "Trouble? Then this calls for…"
There was a puff of smoke as the androids rushed to get the long since unused power ranger suits and place them on their bodies.
"The Public Rangers Diaten-Jin!"
A weird colorful banner displaying their titles appeared; only the younger Roppenmatsu was tangled in it.
"Hey, what are you doing?" The older Roppenmatsu asked.
"Wee!" she cried. "This is fun!"
After that got straightened out, the door opened, revealing Excel and a corpse that bore a striking resemblance to Hyatt.
"Excel! Hyatt! You've returned!" declared Iwata and Watanabe. Especially Watanabe.
Good, mouthed Sumiyoshi. We wouldn't have stood half a chance with Misaki gone.
"Where is Misaki anyway?" Iwata asked, longingly.
"From where I'm standing, I guess she's making love to Nabeshin at this moment," Excel suggested coldly.
Iwata's face went deadpan. "Pedro…forgive me for stealing your line, but…" Iwata went spiraling upward. "Very NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Roppenmatsu (The big purple haired one) clutched him and brought him back down. The younger Roppenmatsu was busy feeling up Excel, with Watanabe watching and getting a severe nosebleed.
"Hey, wait! What are you do…Gah! Hey, don't do that! That's my most private spot! Hey, get your hand out of there! Ooh, stop wiggling your fingers around; you're making it worse! And would you stop grabbing my-"
As the censors finally kick in, a delightfully family friendly scene of a picturesque garden with a gazebo and instruments playing blocked out the profanity.
Afterwards, the pink haired Roppenmatsu licked her lips. "Ah, I never get tired of that."
Excel sort of whimpered. "I've only done it twice, and both times have been with female androids."
Misaki suddenly appeared and slapped away the three guys lusting over the most recent events. Hyatt sort of pointed. "Aren't you supposed to be making love with Nabeshin?"
Misaki was currently dressed in a bathrobe, with her hair tussled in a manner that would convince many individuals that she had indeed been engaged with rigorous lovemaking not seven seconds ago.
"Well, somebody's got to step in and set these boys straight," she said.
Nabeshin peeked out from behind a corner. Only his head was showing, which suggested that he hadn't been so lucky in finding clothes as Misaki had been.
"Dearest, do we have to do this now?" Nabeshin moaned.
Misaki nodded. "Yes. I have an obligation to the mayor and the people. And if you ever call me dearest again, I'll beat the living hell out of you."
Nabeshin nodded and winked. "Got it. I'll be waiting."
Misaki blushed for a microsecond, before transforming into the sixth and final power ranger.
"So what's the emergency?" came a voice. It may have been Roppenmatsu, Excel, Hyatt or Misaki, it didn't really matter. None of them had a clue.
"Then let me enlighten you!" came a thunderous cry.
All eyes stared upon a giant robot in the shape of Momochi, piloted by said secretary.
"Momochi?" every gasped, as though it were a total surprise. "Kababu's most trusted secretary?"
Momochi let out a wicked laugh. "Oh yes, little bugs. Now prepare to be squashed."
She and the rangers duked it out for a few minutes, finding all of their weapons; even their super duper over the top weapons had no effect.
Momochi let out another evil laugh. And then she opened her eyes.
She opened her eyes.
"Alright! Alright! HOLD it!" Excel said, calling all movement to a stop. Whipping out a clipboard, she started pacing.
"It says here in the laws of anime that a person who does not open their eyes within ten seconds of dialogue after their debut appearance, or until the end of the episode therein, then they cannot and will not be capable of opening their eyes at all throughout the remainder of their life, or at least, the anime. Momochi was breaking a crucial law of anime."
Momochi pounded the console. "Darn."
"Secondly," Excel went on, as confused stare followed her. "Since such a robot could only be constructed by Shinichi, and since Shinichi's involvement in this episode is mooted by default, since he was last seen in the last episode, then that robot cannot exist.
Instantly, the robot disappeared, leaving Momochi standing there.
"On a side not, neither can Misaki and Watanabe. Come on! Both of you out!"
Misaki sighed. "Oh well. Back to lovemaking, I guess." And she left, with Iwata crying at her heels.
Watanabe was about to make love with Hyatt on the floor, seeing as though she was dead at the time, when Excel dragged him away.
"Come on, you necro," she said. "Let's go."
Watanabe reached for Hyatt. "Not again! NOOOOO!"
The rest of the gang just stared, as Momochi closed her eyes, and walked away. "I guess it's back to life as a secretary with a creepy expression, yet with no intention whatsoever to do anything so malignant."
Rikudo Koshi received yet another pounding from Nabeshin.
"You idiot!" Nabeshin said. "You should have thought that through!"
Koshi glared back. "What are you complaining about? You get Misaki in bed out of the deal."
Nabeshin smiled. "Good point."
Kababu stepped into the meeting room, followed by the anonymous photographer from the fifth episode. (Ok, so he should have been mentioned earlier, so sue me. ') and saw everything that went on. "What just happened?"
Episode 666,666: Loose Ends
Today's Experiment… Success!… Sort of…
Well, they say all good things must come to an end; the same must apply to the bad things, right?
Well, it's not over yet.
(Listens for groans of torment)
Yep, stay turned for the half page long Epilogue.