Red Witch: Thank you! You have no idea what an honor this is to me!
c-wolf: I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I meant an author like me who isn't exactly always sure about the quality of his stories. Please come back!
Author's Note: Part of this chapter is inspired by a weird mental connection between Weird Al's CD "Running With Scissors" and a Gary Larson cartoon involving a porcupine that suddenly goes flat for no apparent reason. Enjoy!
Chapter 5: Running With Porcupines
"Wheeeeheeheeheeheeeee!"
"Now what?" sighed Roadblock.
He was sitting in the kitchen of the Misfit house with Cover Girl and Low Light, sipping coffee.
"From the sound of things, I'd say Pietro's on some kind of sugar high," smirked Cover Girl. "And we all know what that means."
"Oh, no..." groaned Low Light.
Pietro burst into the kitchen. "Hey, Low Light!" he exclaimed. His eyes were wide and slightly glazed, and the smile on his face looked like it might almost be physically hurting him. "Wanna come see what I found! It'sreallycoolandIlikeitandyoumightlikieitanddidImentionthatit'sreallycool!"
"Slow down, kid, and shut your lid," Roadblock told him. "Now take a few deep breaths, and repeat what you said."
Pietro inhaled and exhaled noisily, then repeated at a slightly slower speed, "Wanna come see what I found! It's really cool and I like it and I think you might like it too! It's really really reallyreallyreally super cool!"
"What is it?" asked Low Light suspiciously.
"It's a porcupine!" exclaimed Pietro gleefully.
"Kid, wait-" started Roadblock, but it was too late. Pietro had already zipped off again, presumably to find and bring back the porcupine.
"Oh, no," Low Light groaned again. "Why does that kid have to pick on me? Why not one of you?"
"Face it," grinned Cover Girl. "Like it or not, you two have bonded."
"We're not bonded," muttered Low Light darkly. "We're crazy-glued." He glared at the other two as they cracked up.
Meanwhile, Lance, Todd, and Fred were in the backyard, talking. Or, rather arguing. As usual.
"But where do they go?" asked Fred.
"Lalalalalaaa," sang Lance. "I'm not listening!"
"It's a valid point," said Todd. "Plus, there are so many more ways to do it."
"I can't hear you!" Lance nearly shouted.
"They need some place to go," Fred told them again.
Lance took his hands off his ears and glared at them. "For the last time," he growled, "there is no bathroom in Clue. Deal with it!"
"But they can electrocute someone, or drown them, or poison them, or do all kinds of stuff," exclaimed Todd.
"Yeah, and where do they go if they have to pee?" continued Fred.
"The potted plants! You satisfied!" screamed Lance.
"Touchy," commented a familiar voice.
"Oh, no," groaned Lance. "Please, no." Rather foolishly, he turned around.
"What?" grinned the Coyote. "Aren't you happy to see me?"
Todd and Fred watched with interest as Lance argued with the air. "Here he goes again," sighed Todd. "Didn't you give him his medicine?"
"I thought it was your turn," replied Fred.
"Wanna blame Shipwreck?"
"Yeah, okay."
"I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR DIRTY PICTURES OF ELVIS AND THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!" screamed Lance.
The three adults heard Lance screaming outside.
"Didn't you give him his medicine?" Roadblock asked Low Light.
"I thought it was your turn," Low Light told him.
"Wanna blame Shipwreck?" asked Cover Girl.
"Yeah, okay," replied the other two.
The three time travelers were conversing amongst themselves.
"For the last time," Quake snapped at the empty air. "I do not want to see your dirty pictures of Elvis and the Loch Ness Monster!"
"I wish they still made that medicine he used to take," sighed Block. "Then we'd have a much calmer Quake."
"I've always wanted to ask you," XI told him. "Why do you rhyme when you speak?"
"I don't know," replied Block. "Something I picked up before joining GI Joe."
"You know what!" snapped Quake. "I'm not talking to you anymore. What? Try it and I'll wring your dog neck! Yes, I know you're a coyote! It was a frickin' insult! Same as for the past twenty years! Shut up!"
"Quake, back to reality," coaxed Block. Quake blinked, and his eyes glazed over for a moment.
"Sorry," he muttered.
"What should we tell them?" asked XI, picking up the conversation where they'd left off when Quake started hallucinating.
"I've already told me about Piotr," Quake told them.
"What!" snapped Block. "Do you have rocks in your head! If he tries to save him, you'll end up dead!"
"I had to!" Quake defended. "It's not easy keeping secrets from yourself!"
"I must admit," Xi sighed, "I told myself everything."
"Am I the only one here who can keep a secret?" groaned Block.
Althea and Wanda had decided to round everyone up.
"Come on!" Althea clapped her hands. "We're going over to torture the X-Geeks!"
"Right with ya, Babe!" Todd called. He turned to Fred. "Chocolate!"
"Vanilla!" returned Fred.
"Chocolate!"
"Vanilla!"
"Chocolate!"
"Vanilla!"
"Strawberry," blinked Xi, appearing next to them. They both glared at him.
"Chocolate!" shouted Todd.
"Vanilla!" shouted Fred.
"Strawberry!" shouted Xi.
The three time travelers walked outside. Quake groaned when he saw Lance arguing. "Not again."
He joined his younger self in arguing with the air. The others rolled their eyes.
"What are you up to?" asked Block.
"We're going over to the X-Geeks'," Xi told him. "Do you wish to come?"
Block and XI looked at each other, and shrugged. "Why not?" Xi replied to his younger self.
Arcade came bounding out. "Ah, my beautiful Cerebro," he sighed. "Soon I shall be with you once more, my sweet..."
Block snickered. "Believe it or not, he's still like this." Then he sobered. "At least, we hope so."
"What?" asked Todd.
"Nothing," Block told him. "Don't worry about it, kid. Let's go!"
Just before they dematerialized, Wanda said, "I can't help feeling we're forgetting someone..."
"See, Low Light!" exclaimed Pietro, running back into the kitchen. "See the porcupine!"
"Aw, gross!" moaned Cover Girl.
"Pietro, you realize that's roadkill?" asked Low Light.
"Why is there even a porcupine in this area?" wondered Roadblock.
"Has either of you seen the porcupine?" asked Daria.
"I thought you had it," Quinn told Brittany.
"Don't look at me," defended Brittany.
"Ah," sighed Scott. "The sun is out, the birds are singing, and best of all... no Misfits!"
Jean winced when an explosion sounded from inside the mansion. "I think you spoke too soon," she moaned.
Todd and Althea walked out. Well, Althea walked. Todd hopped.
"'Sup, yo!" he greeted the two senior X-Men.
"Toad, do us all a favor and hop to the bottom of the pool," groaned Scott.
Althea responded by using the pool water to soak Scott and Jean.
"Why'd you soak me!" Jean exclaimed angrily.
"Because I felt like it," smirked Althea.
Meanwhile, inside the mansion, Shipwreck was attempting to woo Storm, with limited success.
"There once was a Storm from Nantucket?" he started hopefully.
Storm's eyes glowed white, and lightning zapped Shipwreck's butt.
"YEEEEOOOOWWW!"
Hank sighed as Shipwreck ran by, with smoldering buttocks, an angry Storm following and hurling bolts of lightning at him.
"Your move," he told Logan.
"I'm thinking!" snapped Logan, looking down at the chess board.
The ground shook, knocking all the pieces off the board. The two men stared at each other.
"Your private stash, or mine?" asked Logan.
"Why limit ourselves?" Hank replied.
The kids were all outside by this point. The normal feuds had been set aside for the fun of watching Quake and Colossus face off.
"Come and get it, old man!" taunted Piotr.
"You want some of this, punk!" snapped Quake. "You want some of this!"
"Do I really act like that?" moaned Lance, watching his older self.
"Naw, you've really mellowed out with age," Todd laughed. Lance smacked the back of his head. "Hey!"
Unknown to the kids, a dark figure was watching over the wall. He groaned to himself.
"I must be crazy to come here," he muttered.
Quake and Colossus started shoving each other.
The dark figure made sure the white cloth was raised, and jumped the wall.
The kids all whirled around, and gasped.
"What are you doing here!" demanded Althea.
Destro waved his white flag defensively.
"Much as it pains me to admit it," he told the group, "I need your help."
Next time: What's Destro up to? What mad twist have I come up with now? You know there's only one way to find out! Tune in again, for chapter six of Misfits In Time!