Disclaimer: If you recognise it it's not mine.
I wish I knew how to start this letter Albus, or perhaps more practically, how to finish it. You've known me for a long time and I at least would count you as a dear friend. In this case though, that does nothing but make the way I have let you down harder to bare. You know me. You know that I am not a dramatic person. I have a temper that I will readily admit has caused some of the problems that have lead us here, but innately I just get on and deal with the challenges that fate deals us. I suppose what I've just said and the purpose of this letter are entirely at odds as I know what I'm planning is overly dramatic. However it is the only solution that I can see. If I were to leave, to tender my resignation and to go, even if I made it quite plain to you that it were all for the best I know that you would follow and try to change my mind. And even if you resisted I know that you would wait on my return and that is something that I would not have you waste your time with.
When I accepted my current position as both Head of Gryffindor and as your deputy I genuinely thought I could make a good job of it. I suppose time has once again proven that I was wrong though. Despite what you might say Albus it's plain to see, not only for me but for anyone who took the time to look at the facts, that I was not nearly as proficient at it as many seem to believe. I am at odds whether I need to point out the specifics but maybe a reprisal will help me reaffirm my belief that what I am doing is for the best and reassure you of the same. All those years ago when Severus was a student, along with some of my cubs that went on to play such an important role in your fight against the dark, well there were so many mistakes that I made… I should have realised the damage their high-spirited jesting did to him. If Severus blames them I am hardly surprised but I have known for years that I am far more to blame for allowing the circumstances that all but forced him down the road he took, to occur. That I never realised that three of my students became animagi without my knowledge, under what I had liked to call my 'care', proves many points about my ignorance and that they disappeared along with Remus every month without my noticing I can not even begin to explain.
I suppose the next most memorable incidents begin when the next generation of Marauders arrived here. Every year since his arrival at Hogwarts Harry Potter has managed to get himself into some kind of trouble, which is to some extent only natural were but it for the fact that I was supposed to prevent him from wandering into danger. I failed to realise that the three of them would venture into the chamber of secrets themselves, I failed even to notice when Miss Weasley was under the control of You-Know-Who. Even if I had not of noticed, I would have hoped that she would have been able to come to me when she realised something was wrong however she did not. Last year I failed to notice that one of my best friends was well… was not one of my best friends and then managed to fail to stop the 'killing' of the impostor.
But I think I feel that what happened last month was the culmination of my ineptitude. I tried to do as you asked Albus, with my heart and soul and every ounce of Gryffindor courage I could muster I tried. But once again it seems that I failed you. I lost my composure. Lost my temper and strode out to 'save the day' only to ultimately make things far worse than the need have been. Hagrid could have fought them off and it was obvious that virtually all the school was aware of what was going on. Even if I had decided to intervene it is hardly too much to ask for someone in my position to be fit enough to dodge or block the sort of attack that I met.
In any case I wont re-hash the events that followed and that I'm sure you are well aware. Needless to say that had I been there when Harry sought me out I whole-heartedly believe that the outcome of that evening could have been so very different.
I've had enough time over the last few weeks to realise that if you cannot rely on me to fulfil this role at the school I am hardly to be of any use to you elsewhere and if I am honest usefulness is what it all comes down to in times like these. I said before that I am not dramatic and so I am not certain how I ought to say my final farewell – just know that I go where you simply cannot follow and that that is the only way I would have it.
Yours always, in devotion and respect
Minerva A. McGonagall
Perhaps what hurt Albus the most was that he hadn't even gone looking for Minerva because he was concerned about her. He hadn't set out to find her to make sure that she was all right. No, he hadn't been able to find some form or other that he needed so, he had gone looking for her knowing that she would know where it was, because she knew the school filing system better than anyone else. That was the only reason he had found Minerva McGonagall before her body was even cold. He had knocked on the door and on receiving no answer he had tried the handle just in case. It had opened and he had walked into her impeccably neat study. He noticed almost at once that her desk was clear, which was an unusual occurrence, but without the benefit of hindsight he read little into that solitary fact. He still didn't know what it was that drew him to go to the door that lead into her private rooms in the corner, but he did and as soon as he opened it he was hit almost immediately by the scene before him.
Later the medi-wizard who had performed the autopsy would tell him that the pure nightshade she had ingested had in fact killed her before the blood loss had done it's job, but what he saw when he walked into her bedroom was the blood. It seemed to be every-where; like a red lake around the island of robes that it took him a moment to identify. She had been as thoughtful in her execution of her plan as she was in stating her reasons for it, ensuring that there would be no stains, no mess except on a single rug, one that she had brought to the castle herself. As thoughtful in death as she had been in life, the observation seemed almost to mock Albus.
She had made sure that she would be successful, the slashes on her wrists several inches long and running the length of the artery as well as more than enough nightshade in her system to kill a small elephant. Minerva did nothing by halves. She would do nothing at all anymore. He was still numb as he sat now on her bed, her handwritten letter in his hand, numb but resolved. He could not follow her where she had gone now, but when his time came he would find her for he knew that without her he was nothing, whether in this life or the next.
A/N: Well that's that. Hope you enjoyed this and that you'll let me know either way.
Thanks for reading
Linds
xxx