Glimpse of Heaven
Disclaimer: I don't own any Harry Potter characters.
I sit alone, back straight, staring ahead, wishing I had never received that bloody piece of parchment. Then I wouldn't be here, watching you get married. I wouldn't be here thinking how absolutely stunning you look. But then again you always were beautiful. Not just physically either. You had an inner beauty that always shined through no matter what.
It's my own fault that you're standing there pledging your life to him instead of me. It's my own fault that you're not gazing back at me with love in shining in your eyes. I can't blame anyone but me.
Bet you never thought you'd hear that did you? Imagine me, Draco Malfoy, admitting that I'm to blame. But that's the truth isn't it? You're with him because I didn't have the guts to fight for what we had. I knew it would be hard. But then again, the best things in life always are. And you were the best thing in my life. Too bad I didn't know that then.
I can still remember when we said good – bye. You were standing there looking at me with all the trust in the world. Trust I never deserved, but you gave anyway. And I was too much of a selfish bastard to stop you. For once in my life, someone believed in me. Someone wanted me for me. Not for what I could give or what I had. For me.
But I digress.
I was talking about our last night together. You were there with a small, soft smile hovering around your lips. I remember kissing you at that moment. I remember holding you as if it were our last moment together. Of course I knew it was. Only you didn't.
I remember pulling you close to me, burying my face in your hair to forever imprint the feel and smell of you in my mind. You looked at me with confusion, but held me close anyway. You never said a word. You always knew what I needed even before I did. I pulled back and you smiled at me again, your lips still swollen and red from what I now call our last kiss. You just looked at me with trust and that indefinable spark in your eyes. The same spark that I watched fade away and die with every word I spoke.
Again you said nothing. You just held your head high and simply nodded. But you couldn't hide the slight tremble that wracked your slender frame or the tears I saw slip past your defences as you turned and walked away. Away from me.
I looked for you. Did you know that? Everyday in the Great Hall I looked for you. I wondered where you went. I guess now I know. You went to him. The first time I heard about the two of you, I went into a rage. I thought that if I couldn't have you, then no one could.
But then I saw that you were happy with him. Everyday, I'd watch a little of your old self come back as you spent more time with him. I hated him for that. I hated that he could make you happy and I couldn't. I was too afraid of the consequences of being together. So I took the easy way out.
And hated myself for it everyday.
I've been with other women since you, but no one had ever come as close to me as you had. I shouldn't have been surprised. You were one of a kind. Everytime I was with a new woman, I found myself unconsciously comparing her to you. The way you laughed, the way you moved, your intellect. I always found them wanting.
Just when I thought that things couldn't get any worse, I received a piece of parchment that shattered what was left of my heart. Your wedding invitation.
At first I thought it was a mistake. How could you have been getting married?
That was the moment when I realized that I loved you still. I thought that I had gotten over you, that I could function without you. All it took was one little piece of parchment to show me what a fool I was.
At first, I thought that you had brought me here to punish me. But then I realized that you could never do that. You had invited me to show that you were ready to let go of the past. That you were ready to move on with your life. I only wish I could say the same.
And so, here I am. Sitting at the back of the church, wishing that you were looking at me the way you're looking at him.
But it's too late.
So instead, I'll say good-bye and thank you.
Thank – you for showing me a glimpse of heaven in a world of hell.
Hope you liked it.