"Why Bethesda?" Sara asked as she continued to look over the menu. She was still slow as ever when it came to choosing what she wanted to eat.
"I did a brief stint there about ten years ago. I've gone back for a month every year since. I like it there. MIT sends the lab all sorts of neat gadgets that Grissom would never dream of buying," I commented.
"Vegas is one of the only old-school crime labs left. I can't imagine doing everything by hand anymore," Sara replied with a gentle smile, "You haven't asked where I disappeared to."
"I don't really care as long as you are happy, Sar," I replied trying desperately to smile at her. Inside, I was dying to know where Sara had been.
"I've kept an eye on you from the day that I left Vegas. It was easy since I've been at Quantico the entire time. I hear you're a good teacher," Sara replied.
"Really?" I asked.
"I've had a few Georgetown students pass through the forensic science program. They speak very highly of you," Sara replied with a smile.
"I'm sorry I left the way that I did, Nick," Sara said after what felt like an eternity of silence, "I've never been good at good-byes."
"Sar, you did what you needed to. You look happy," I commented.
"You look miserable," Sara replied a little two quickly, but it was something I was already aware of, "Jim said you never really moved on."
"Exactly what did Jim tell you?" I asked.
"Nothing that I didn't know already. I left because I knew I could never be happy with another man until I was able to be happy with myself. It's taken me a long time, but I'm finally okay with being Sara Sidle. When I left, I thought I was falling in love with you. I was afraid that things with us would head down the 'Grissom' path. I wanted to wait until I was better. I guess it took me a long time to fix myself," Sara rambled, "I guess I never really moved on either. What are you ordering?"
It was like Sara to say something serious then follow it up with a question that was completely off topic. It almost made me laugh.
"Nick, I remember the way that you used to look at me. You made me feel special. I never forgot that," Sara said softly with a distinct hitch in her voice.
"What happens next?" I asked.
"That's completely up to you, Nick," Sara said with a smile. She reached across the table and squeezed my hand.
"How has everything been at Quantico?" I asked. Sara smiled again.
"A lot of work with a lot of discipline. It's kept me away from alcohol, tobacco, and all the other vices that I picked up in Vegas. I got the help I needed," Sara said softly trailing off at the end. I knew about the alcohol and cigarettes, but I couldn't venture a guess as to what the other vices were.
"You look a lot healthier," I commented.
"It would have been hard to look worse than I did when I left," Sara replied.
"I know. I would have liked to help you," I said.
"This was something I needed to do myself, Nick. I needed to figure out who I was. I spent so long pretending to be what Grissom wanted. I think I lost myself somewhere a long the way," Sara replied, "I got sick of living for him. I was angry . . . I was hostile . . . I was self-destructive."
"I know. You never told me why things changed," I commented.
"He told me that he could never love me. Grissom told me to stop trying to please him. At the time, I really didn't know how to do anything else. I guess I rebelled kind of like I never did when I was a teenager," Sara replied with a small laugh.
"Everything changed when you left," I commented.
"Things need to change occasionally. Las Vegas was never a healthy environment for me. I don't think it was really ever healthy for any of us," Sara replied.
"I know. I hate Vegas. I came back because Jim and Greg thought that this was where I needed to be. I thought of my coworkers as family," I replied.
"They were family, but everyone began to grow apart even before I left," Sara replied. She was right. Things were never the same after all the shift changes. Power changed Catherine. Catherine's power over Warrick changed him. I was caught in the struggle between Catherine and Grissom. Greg had hardened into a man that I sometimes no longer recognized. "I think Jim is the only one that stayed the same."
"He has. I think he's the only constant thing in Vegas," I replied.
"I'm sorry," Sara said so softly that I could barely hear her.
"You're here now. You're happy that's all that ever really mattered to me," I replied, "I just wish you would have let me know that you were okay."
"I'm sorry," Sara said again.
"It's okay. When do you leave?" I asked.
"Tomorrow morning. You need some help packing?" Sara asked.
"I'm already packed. I've been staying in a hotel for the last few days. What flight are you on?" I asked. I was impressed at the ease of our conversation. I always thought it might be a little more awkward than it actually was.
"The same one you are. Jim thought you might need some help unpacking your apartment," Sara said, "I'm not much of an organizer."
"I remember what your apartment looked like. I know you aren't much of a cleaner, either," I replied.
"Got me there. How about it I watch you unpack boxes?" Sara offered.
"I'm sure I can find something for you to do," I teased.
"I'm not exactly a domestic," Sara warned.
"That's okay. I'll let you buy supper," I replied.
"So that means I don't get to snoop through all your boxes?" Sara asked.
"You know you will anyways. Some things never change, Sar," I replied. There were so many things that never changed . . . how I felt about her, the comfortable banter, the way she blushed when I complimented her. Some things were just meant to be frozen in time.