RogueFanKC: I was making myself laugh with the coin gag. I've never been good with grief. I'm more comfortable with humor, horror, whatever, so that section was shorter than maybe I thought it should have been. Still, thanks for your kind words. Here's your update!
I should probably warn you: I just watched Scary Movie 3, so this chapter might be a little... strange.
Chapter 13: Mourning for a Misfit
"I can't believe Toad is dead," Wanda cried, as the group gathered around the casket.
"I know what you mean," Lance told her. "The little frog won't be around to jump on the furniture anymore."
Wanda cried harder.
"He won't be around to help torment Beach Head," continued Lance.
Wanda's face was practically gushing with tears.
"He won't be around to act as lookout when we're going through your stuff," Lance said without thinking.
Wanda's eyes flashed. "What?" she growled.
Lance gulped. "Mother..."
Wanda powered up.
"It was Pietro!" Cried Lance, pointing at the speedster. "I swear it was all him!"
"What was all me?" asked Pietro, turning. Wanda hexed him into a wall. "Owie..."
"Calm down, Wanda," Roadblock said soothingly. "Cover Girl, can you help me here?"
"Come on, Sweetie," Cover Girl said as she led Wanda away from the others.
"Hurry up, Pietro!" called Fred. "I'm starting to get hungry again!"
"When are you ever not hungry, Blob?" grumbled Jean. "Show some respect for the dead."
"Why?" asked Pietro. "We never showed any respect to him when he was alive."
Jean glared at him, and he put up his hands defensively. "I'm just saying..."
Scott joined Jean, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Ignore these morons, Jean," he told her. "Come on. Let's take our seats."
"Just don't take them too far!" cracked Pietro.
"This had better be your way of dealing with grief," glowered Jean.
The two walked away, and Pietro made a show of wiping imaginary sweat off his forehead.
"Whew," he said. "Scary. What was I doing again? Oh, yeah!" He zipped away.
Meanwhile, the mourners had all made their way to the seats lined up in front of the casket. The X-Men sat on one side, and the Joes and Misfits sat on the other. The Cobras were keeping their distance, because none of them wanted to be near Althea, who was sitting in the front row of the Misfit side, sobbing softly.
"Is everybody here?" called Logan, trying to wipe drool off a drunken Xavier's chin.
"Everybody except Pietro," Hawk told him.
"Whose bright idea was it to have him do the ceremony?" grumbled Scott.
"It's tradition," Lance told him. "Toad would have wanted it this way."
"Actually," said Fred, "I think he wouldn't want it at all."
"Well, obviously," Lance rolled his eyes. "But under the circumstances...
"I do not understand," said Xi.
"He means Todd would not wish to be dead in the first place," explained XI.
"Ah," nodded Xi. "That makes sense."
With a gust of wind, Pietro appeared behind the casket, wearing his black priest's robes.
"Here we go," moaned Scott.
"Dearly Beloved," started Pietro. "We are gathered here today-"
"That's for weddings, you moron!" called Lance.
"Ahem," glared Pietro. "We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of our brother, Toad. Toad was a boy of poor learning, manners, and hygiene, but we still tolerated him because his mind was dull as a spoon."
"I'm thinking of some interesting uses for a spoon right now," Althea told him menacingly. Pietro gulped.
"But nonetheless, he was a caring lad, a good lad, a lad who gave his all, a lad who loved all, a lad who owed large sums of cash to all. Which reminds me, we'll be handing out his life's savings to everyone he owed money to after the ceremony."
"I thought you were the one that owed him money?" asked Fred.
"He cheated at that game of Monopoly and you know it," glared Pietro.
"I can't believe this," groaned Rogue. "He's right in there, and they're all sitting around making jokes."
"Leave it to the Misfits to screw up a funeral for one of their teammates," Scott commented.
"Actually, I think Toad would love this funeral," Tabitha grinned. "Except for, you know, the whole being dead part."
"And now," continued Pietro, "let us gave down upon his countenance for the last time, before we recommit him to the earth."
"And commit Pietro to an asylum," snickered Kurt.
Pietro opened the head of the casket, and looked confused. He opened the body of the casket, and the look deepened. He looked up at the crowd. "Isn't there supposed to be a body in here?" he asked.
"If this is a joke, it's in poor taste, even for a Misfit," growled Jean.
"No, I'm serious," Pietro told her. "There's no one here. See?"
He tipped the casket toward the group. Everyone instinctively leaned back, waiting for Todd's body to roll out.
But the casket was empty.
"Well, that's a twist," said Zartan, watching via a few bugs he'd directed toward the ceremony. "I wonder where the little creep is. No matter."
He turned to Zanya. "I'm thinking now would be the perfect time to start the last phase of my hostile takeover of the country. How about you?"
Zanya grinned evilly. "Couldn't be better."
"Where's Todd?" screamed Althea. "What have you done with him?"
"It wasn't me, I swear!" yelled Pietro, crouching instinctively.
Lance stood up. "Then who did it?" he asked.
"How do we know it wasn't you, Alvers?" called Scott.
"That's sick, even for you, Summers," growled Lance.
"But not too sick for you, I bet," Scott growled, standing up.
"Cut it out!" called Hawk. "We need to figure this out. Lifeline. You're sure he was in the casket?"
"I put him there myself," the medic replied.
"Was it left alone at any point?" asked Hank.
"I don't think so," frowned Roadblock. "Unless..."
"It couldn't," said Low Light. "He couldn't."
"What?" asked Althea.
"You mean...?" asked Hawk.
"Who?" Althea yelled.
"Tetsukaeru," Cover Girl said in a flat voice.
"Who's Tetsukaeru?" asked Logan.
"That would be me," came the reply from behind them.
Next time: Tetsukaeru! And Zartan reveals his final plot! What thrills are coming next? To find out, tune in again, for chapter fourteen of Misfits in Time!