Written to cheer myself up because I just finished writing a humungously boring essay.
"Okay, Sam, now think carefully," Aragorn bent down and peered earnestly into Samwise Gamgee's innocent face, "who would you follow to the ends of the earth, me or Frodo?"
"Gee, Strider,"
"Aragorn. I'm King Aragorn remember?" reminded Aragorn. Honestly, one so handsome as he should only be referred to as king.
"Right. King Aragorn." Sam scrunched up his face as he thought. Aragorn was big, manly, and beautiful, but Mr. Frodo had those wide, innocent, blue eyes. "I think I'd follow Mr. Frodo, begging your pardon."
"What?" screeched an astonished Aragorn, "you'd pick that midget over me? What does he have that I don't?"
"His eyes." admitted Sam.
"What about his eyes?"
Sam gaped at Aragorn. "Haven't you ever noticed them Stri- your majesty?"
"What? Of course not." scoffed Aragorn, "As if I'd ever waste time looking at someone else's eyes when mine are so much more attractive."
"Actually, King Aragorn, you really can't beat Mr. Frodo's eyes." Sam took a step back at the feral look in his companion's eyes.
"Excuse me?" Aragorn asked in outrage, "You're saying that dwarf's eyes are better looking than mine? Is that what you're saying?"
"Um. Yes?"
(Poor Sam, he never knew when to shut up. Simple creatures, hobbits.)
Aragorn grabbed his artfully shaggy hair and pulled it aside in order for Sam to get a good look at his wondrous eyes. "Look at these eyes, you blind midget twerp! Just look!"
Sam looked.
"Now tell me that Frodo's eyes are better than mine."
"Frodo's eyes are better than yours." said Sam promptly. (Poor thing, it wasn't Sam's fault he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.)
Aragorn sucked in a furious breath. "Begone from my sight, you unattractive, fat goblin!" he roared.
Sam burst into tears and ran away as fast as his pudgy legs could carry him.
Aragorn sighed a few seconds later then wandered over to the pond in order to cheer himself up by staring at his reflection. But it was with horror that he stared at what he saw.
"Oh my God! Sam's made me so upset my pores are HUGE!" Aragorn blinked back tears. "Now I need a facial!"