Sue Rant
I hate you.
Why can't you just accept
That there are nine,
not ten, members of the fellowship?
And that Galadriel has one daughter,
And she is still alive?
Which means that Elrond
Cannot fall
Madly
In
Love
With you.
Three rings for the elven kings…
Three, not four or five,
And the One was NOT made
Of fairy necklaces,
But of gold,
And by the hand of Sauron Himself.
Oh, Mary-Sue,
How
I
Hate
Thee.
Ah, Mary-Sues.
Is it so difficult to read
Of heroic doings in which
You do not participate?
Is it impossible to conceive
That Faramir is MARRIED
And his father insane with grief?
And looking into the Palantir…
But that
Is beside the point.
Or that Aragorn
Is an only child, and
Evenstar is his beloved,
Kind
Beautiful wife
Who, coincidentally, also
Has
No
Sisters, only twin brothers who
DO NOT
Shag each-other
At every opportunity.
Nor is Elrond a rapist.