Notes: Written by Jules. 28 may be up soon also. Well not as long of a wait anyway.
I finally decided I couldn't keep two secrets at the same time from my family. It was way too much. One of them had to be let go. Since I couldn't tell anybody about Dad, I decided to finally come clean about my training. Funny, I'm actually more scared about what my Mom's going to think of me trying to be a wrestler than I am about her finding out about Dad.
"Mom, Oje, Uncle Bret, Aunt Julie? Can I talk to you?" I asked when I came into the living room. "It's kind of important."
Uncle Bret had a weird look in his eyes, like he almost knew what I was going to talk about. "Sure honey," he said gesturing to the couch on the opposite side of where my family were. I realized my hands were shaking and I'm pretty sure my heart was racing.
Taking a deep breath, I told the story of how I ended up going to an OVW show with some of my classmates on a trip to Kentucky during Spring Break (Mom knew about the trip, not about the fact I'd attended a wrestling show) about two years ago. Being asked to be a special valet for the show (I'd had black hair back then. I was going through a Goth phase). Enjoying the rush of the crowd and the way they booed me and the heel I was walking out with. Going back to school and not being able to get it out of my head or finding anything close that had ever ignited my passions. The trips I took back and fourth to check out the shows and maybe get the chance to do some more valeting/managing to finally about a little over a year ago quitting school altogether to enroll in OVW full time to train to take bumps and what was really my real goal, wrestle in the ring full time.
Needless to say my Mom wasn't thrilled at all. She yelled about how I could be so stupid to enter the same business that got dad killed and everything I'd pretty much heard before over the last nineteen years. I had to fight to reign in my temper lest I get into a shouting match and blurt out something along the "nothing killed dad, he's still alive," out at her. That's not really how I want my family to find out about dad and I figure it would make an already explosive situation on all fronts even worse.
Speaking of making things worse, my Aunts Ellie and Diana just happened to have been eavesdropping on the whole conversation. Shit. They've like, been the McMahon's bosom buddies for so fucking long, who knows what they might say to Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. That could DEFINITELY make things worse for me AND for Danny, since, if me and Danny were caught on camera at RAW, it wouldn't take even a vapid twit like Stephanie Helmsley much to put two and two together and realize I was at the show with Danny. That would definitely field questions from the McMahons/Helmsleys that I DEFINITELY did NOT want to answer.
My Aunt Ellie's eyes lit up as she digested the news. "Maybe I could pull some strings with Stephanie to get you a couple of tryout matches or something," she babbled. I decided right then I definitely had no problems with lying to Ellie and Diana (who know that I think about it don't even deserve the titles of Aunt, considering all the shit they pulled with the McMahons after my dad's 'death") about Dad. No problem at all.
"You'll do no such thing Ellie. In fact you and Diana get out." Uncle Bret said.
"But Bret - "
"Get Out!" my uncle said in an intense voice that I'd never heard him use before. That scared me somewhat.
My aunts grumbled and left. My Mom was pacing up and down, very agitated. The only time she ever got like that was when me and Oje did something colossally stupid growing up. I guess in her mind this would count as colossally stupid. Funny how two people see the same thing differently.
"You'll call your so called trainers in the morning," My Mom began, "you'll tell them that you are respecting your families wishes and quitting this so called 'dream' of wrestling. Then you and I will be on the first plane out to California and your butt will be back in a Classroom finishing your degree at Stanford if I have to pull every string in the book to do it!"
This was my moment of truth. Did I bow to Mom's demand or did I follow my own path?
"No."
Mom looked to be in absolute shock. "No?"
"I'm sorry Mom, I can't. I know how much the business has hurt you but I can't quit. I love it too much. I'm sorry."
Mom and Oje both looked absolutely speechless and shocked. Neither me nor my brother have defied Mom on anything before, at least not on something this major. So this was a major event in my family.
Mom took a few moments to find her voice. "Young lady, I am your mother and you will do what you're told, and what I've told you to do is - "
"Martha," my Uncle Bret spoke up interrupting my mother's tirade, "she's 22 years old. It's time for her to lead her own life without our interference or guidance."
There was a ripple of shock that spread through Uncle Bret and Aunt Julie's living room. Uncle Bret was speaking up for me. That in and of itself wasn't too shocking since Uncle Bret would occasionally defend me and Oje over the years if he thought Mom might be going to far in guarding her children from the world. But Uncle Bret was defending my right to learn how to wrestle? The same man who blamed Vince McMahon (and rightly so as I've now learned) for everything bad that's happened to my family, is saying that I should be allowed to enter the same business that McMahon has monopolized for years?
My looked surprised and maybe a little hurt and betrayed that Uncle Bret wasn't backing her up on this one. Hurt and betrayal seem to be going around a lot these days.
"Your condoning this?" My Mom asked incredulously.
Uncle Bret looked at his hands then looked at me and my Mom. "When Athena was telling her story, I saw a fire in her eyes. Something that only somebody following their dreams knows about. One of the few times I've seen that look was with Owen early in his career, before all the crap with Vince started. If this is her dream and she wants to follow it, then it's her choice and her life to lead." I couldn't help but feel guilty under his gaze, especially given what I'd found out over the last few days.
Mom threw her hands up in the air. "Fine. But don't expect any support from me." And with that my Mom turned to walk out the door. "Are you coming?"
Uncle Bret stood up to put his arm around my shoulders. "I think given everything tonight that it would be best if she stayed here."
Mom sighed. "Fine. We'll talk in the morning. Maybe you'll see things my way by then." She walked out the door.
Oje looked like he had murder in his eyes. "How can you be so hurtful? Being in the same business that killed Dad!"
"Oje - " I started to say. I'd thought of everybody he'd been the one that would've been supportive of me.
"No! It killed Dad, it killed Gramma, Grandpa. It killed Uncle Davy! It killed Uncle Jim and if you do this it'll kill you too!" I was too speechless to respond. Of all people Oje was the last person I'd expect to believe and throw the so called 'Hart family Curse' in my face.
"Until you quit like Mom told you to, I have no sister!" and with that my brother stormed out.
I collapsed onto the floor and burst into tears. This whole last week has been a rollercoaster and Oje's outburst was the crack that finally broke the damn inside me.
Uncle Bret enfolded me in a hug and just let me cry everything out.
"Hey it'll be okay," he said in the same soothing tones he'd used after my dad 'died.' "Julie?"
My aunt understood. "I'll get her bags and put them in the guest room." I'd driven with my aunt and uncle on the way to their house. Ever since Uncle Bret's stroke sixteen years ago, he hasn't been allowed to drive. Aunt Julie drove us from the airport, my bags were in their car.
After my sobs subsided, I looked at Uncle Bret with suspicions of my own.
"You knew didn't you?" I asked.
Uncle Bret gave me a sad smile. He eased my shaking body to a standing position and led me to the couch. He went to his video library and pulled out a couple of DVDs off the shelf. Unlike most homes these days My uncle's has both a DVD and a VHS player. I was shocked when the boxes had the initials OVW on them. He put one of them in. I recognized the match right away. I was seconding Cameron and Eric Angle's son named after his brother, Kurt who'd had his neck broken at WM 19 in a match against Brock Lesner (People too this day have said it was so stupid for Kurt to have taken that match when he should've gotten neck surgery) who were facing Danny Benoit, and Randy Orton with the as usual arrogant Simone "Pebbles" Johnson, the daughter of the so called Great One the Rock (sometimes I thought she and I were cast into the wrong roles up till a month ago when Simone was put with Kurt Jr., I started walking out with Danny) for the tag team titles a few months ago. Funny how things can change in a few months. That was the first night I'd met Danny as a matter of fact. I even managed to make Simone cry in the Sharpshooter (Teach your dad to steal my family's move, bitch).
"Where did you get that?" I asked curious.
"I got a package a few months ago from Eric Bischoff, saying that he had something that I might be interested in. Took me a few replays to recognize you under all that Red." I blushed. I'd figured dying my hair red and going by Sierra would keep me from being noticed. Apparently not if Bischoff recognized me.
"Haven't figured out if he thought I already knew and wanted to see you in action or if he was trying to tip me off or cause trouble. Hard to try to get a time to talk to him with him still working for Vince." I could hear the distaste in Uncle Bret's voice at speaking Vince McMahon's name. Can't say now that I blame him for that distaste.
"Why didn't you rat me out to Mom?" It was a fair question given my uncle's and my Mom's distaste for wrestling after Dad's 'death.'
"I meant what I said when I said you had your Dad's fire. I looked at that match and a few more, even a couple of your wrestling matches. Your pretty good. Better than some of those women over there."
"You mean the arrogant pampered bitches who think that OVW's just a stepping stone to get into the WWF and eventually into Playboy?" I suggested, again thinking of Simone Johnson.
Uncle Bret smiled. "you do have that fire in you. The same fire that drove him to try to get into wrestling. Did we ever tell you about how Grandpa didn't want Owen to get into wrestling?"
I shook my head. That shocked me. From all the stories I was told about my grandfather, Stu Hart had trained all of his sons to wrestle. Even trained Chris Benoit and Chris Irvine a.k.a. Chris Jericho in his infamous 'Dungeon."
"I think my dad was much like you Mom. He wanted one of his boys to have a life outside of the wrestling business. I think he knew of what lay ahead of us when we pursued it and wanted a least one of his children not to have to experience that," That made sense I suppose. With the exception of Oje, nearly every member of my family has been a wrestler or been a wrestler. Must be genetic.
"Owen was determined. For awhile he did everything short of wrestling at Stampede when it was around." Stampede was the company my family owned before Vince bought it out from under my grandfather. "Concessions, passing out programs, building the ring. He virtually did it all just to be in the arena to watch us wrestle. Finally my Dad gave in and agreed to train my brother. He was so thrilled, he almost didn't mind the bumps and bruises that he'd gotten in the Dungeon."
My uncle grew wistful, almost nostalgic as he was thinking back on those simpler, more innocent days of his family. "That enthusiasm that I saw in his eyes, I saw in your eyes whenever you were in that ring. And when you were standing up to your Mom tonight. Give Martha and Oje some time to digest it. Okay?"
"Okay," I said softly. All the time I was feeling more and more guilty for keeping Dad a secret from Uncle Bret. From everything I was told growing up, my Dad's 'death' took something out of Uncle Bret. Something that was never again the same.
"Just do me a favor? Just don't go to the WWF okay?" My uncle asked.
"I don't think you have to worry about that one Uncle Bret." There was no way in hell after all I'd learned that I'd ever have anything to do with Vince or Stephanie, although there was no damn way I was telling him I'd gone to Kemper arena with Danny tonight. A horrifying thought came to mind: "What if Ellie and Diana tell Stephanie and Vince?! I mean most don't know who I really am and if they tell - "
Uncle Bret cut me off. "Let me deal with Diana and Ellie. They've done so many things to fracture and hurt this family, I'll be damned if they hurt you too. Come on tell me about your training and you life in Kentucky."
So we talked for a good portion of the night and I think it might have been 3 or 4 before either of us thought of going to bed. We talked about my training, comparing it to when Uncle Bret and my Dad had trained under Grandpa. Uncle Bret thought Eddy, D'Lo and Chavo were taking it too easy on us. We talked about the fact that I could be come the first female Hart to actually step into the ring and wrestle, and I admitted that might have played a small role in my decision to start training for matches. I told him about my friendship with Danny and a few others at Ohio Valley (Though I figured that it probably wasn't the best thing in the world to tell him that me and Cameron Hickenbottom dated for a couple months). Finally we looked over old photo albums. Some were of me and Oje growing up, others were of my Dad and Uncle Bret in earlier days at the beginning of their careers.
I wondered if I could take one of the albums of me and Oje growing up with me when I went back to Kentucky. One of the things my dad hadn't gotten over the years were photos of me and Oje growing up since my Mom and Uncle Bret were pretty much determined to keep us out of the public's view completely, so as to protect us from the rumors that had been spreading over the years. Some of which I now knew for a fact were true. Eddy, not being as close to the Harts as he was to the Benoit family was never able to get any photos of me and Oje and Tammy admitted that she was afraid she'd rouse suspicion in Uncle Bret if she stole one out of the house, given all the rumors of her drug use during her failed marriage to Chris Candido. I asked Uncle Bret if I could take a couple of albums for me to look at when I went back to training and he said yes. I figured if I couldn't tell anybody my other secret, then I could at least do something for Dad and show him what me and Oje were like growing up.
By the time I left to go to bed, my Uncle looked at me with a pride in his eyes and maybe a little of sadness to. His final sentence nearly killed me: "Your Dad would be so proud of you."
If only you knew, Uncle Bret. If only you knew.
This was definitely going to be a long visit.
I finally decided I couldn't keep two secrets at the same time from my family. It was way too much. One of them had to be let go. Since I couldn't tell anybody about Dad, I decided to finally come clean about my training. Funny, I'm actually more scared about what my Mom's going to think of me trying to be a wrestler than I am about her finding out about Dad.
"Mom, Oje, Uncle Bret, Aunt Julie? Can I talk to you?" I asked when I came into the living room. "It's kind of important."
Uncle Bret had a weird look in his eyes, like he almost knew what I was going to talk about. "Sure honey," he said gesturing to the couch on the opposite side of where my family were. I realized my hands were shaking and I'm pretty sure my heart was racing.
Taking a deep breath, I told the story of how I ended up going to an OVW show with some of my classmates on a trip to Kentucky during Spring Break (Mom knew about the trip, not about the fact I'd attended a wrestling show) about two years ago. Being asked to be a special valet for the show (I'd had black hair back then. I was going through a Goth phase). Enjoying the rush of the crowd and the way they booed me and the heel I was walking out with. Going back to school and not being able to get it out of my head or finding anything close that had ever ignited my passions. The trips I took back and fourth to check out the shows and maybe get the chance to do some more valeting/managing to finally about a little over a year ago quitting school altogether to enroll in OVW full time to train to take bumps and what was really my real goal, wrestle in the ring full time.
Needless to say my Mom wasn't thrilled at all. She yelled about how I could be so stupid to enter the same business that got dad killed and everything I'd pretty much heard before over the last nineteen years. I had to fight to reign in my temper lest I get into a shouting match and blurt out something along the "nothing killed dad, he's still alive," out at her. That's not really how I want my family to find out about dad and I figure it would make an already explosive situation on all fronts even worse.
Speaking of making things worse, my Aunts Ellie and Diana just happened to have been eavesdropping on the whole conversation. Shit. They've like, been the McMahon's bosom buddies for so fucking long, who knows what they might say to Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. That could DEFINITELY make things worse for me AND for Danny, since, if me and Danny were caught on camera at RAW, it wouldn't take even a vapid twit like Stephanie Helmsley much to put two and two together and realize I was at the show with Danny. That would definitely field questions from the McMahons/Helmsleys that I DEFINITELY did NOT want to answer.
My Aunt Ellie's eyes lit up as she digested the news. "Maybe I could pull some strings with Stephanie to get you a couple of tryout matches or something," she babbled. I decided right then I definitely had no problems with lying to Ellie and Diana (who know that I think about it don't even deserve the titles of Aunt, considering all the shit they pulled with the McMahons after my dad's 'death") about Dad. No problem at all.
"You'll do no such thing Ellie. In fact you and Diana get out." Uncle Bret said.
"But Bret - "
"Get Out!" my uncle said in an intense voice that I'd never heard him use before. That scared me somewhat.
My aunts grumbled and left. My Mom was pacing up and down, very agitated. The only time she ever got like that was when me and Oje did something colossally stupid growing up. I guess in her mind this would count as colossally stupid. Funny how two people see the same thing differently.
"You'll call your so called trainers in the morning," My Mom began, "you'll tell them that you are respecting your families wishes and quitting this so called 'dream' of wrestling. Then you and I will be on the first plane out to California and your butt will be back in a Classroom finishing your degree at Stanford if I have to pull every string in the book to do it!"
This was my moment of truth. Did I bow to Mom's demand or did I follow my own path?
"No."
Mom looked to be in absolute shock. "No?"
"I'm sorry Mom, I can't. I know how much the business has hurt you but I can't quit. I love it too much. I'm sorry."
Mom and Oje both looked absolutely speechless and shocked. Neither me nor my brother have defied Mom on anything before, at least not on something this major. So this was a major event in my family.
Mom took a few moments to find her voice. "Young lady, I am your mother and you will do what you're told, and what I've told you to do is - "
"Martha," my Uncle Bret spoke up interrupting my mother's tirade, "she's 22 years old. It's time for her to lead her own life without our interference or guidance."
There was a ripple of shock that spread through Uncle Bret and Aunt Julie's living room. Uncle Bret was speaking up for me. That in and of itself wasn't too shocking since Uncle Bret would occasionally defend me and Oje over the years if he thought Mom might be going to far in guarding her children from the world. But Uncle Bret was defending my right to learn how to wrestle? The same man who blamed Vince McMahon (and rightly so as I've now learned) for everything bad that's happened to my family, is saying that I should be allowed to enter the same business that McMahon has monopolized for years?
My looked surprised and maybe a little hurt and betrayed that Uncle Bret wasn't backing her up on this one. Hurt and betrayal seem to be going around a lot these days.
"Your condoning this?" My Mom asked incredulously.
Uncle Bret looked at his hands then looked at me and my Mom. "When Athena was telling her story, I saw a fire in her eyes. Something that only somebody following their dreams knows about. One of the few times I've seen that look was with Owen early in his career, before all the crap with Vince started. If this is her dream and she wants to follow it, then it's her choice and her life to lead." I couldn't help but feel guilty under his gaze, especially given what I'd found out over the last few days.
Mom threw her hands up in the air. "Fine. But don't expect any support from me." And with that my Mom turned to walk out the door. "Are you coming?"
Uncle Bret stood up to put his arm around my shoulders. "I think given everything tonight that it would be best if she stayed here."
Mom sighed. "Fine. We'll talk in the morning. Maybe you'll see things my way by then." She walked out the door.
Oje looked like he had murder in his eyes. "How can you be so hurtful? Being in the same business that killed Dad!"
"Oje - " I started to say. I'd thought of everybody he'd been the one that would've been supportive of me.
"No! It killed Dad, it killed Gramma, Grandpa. It killed Uncle Davy! It killed Uncle Jim and if you do this it'll kill you too!" I was too speechless to respond. Of all people Oje was the last person I'd expect to believe and throw the so called 'Hart family Curse' in my face.
"Until you quit like Mom told you to, I have no sister!" and with that my brother stormed out.
I collapsed onto the floor and burst into tears. This whole last week has been a rollercoaster and Oje's outburst was the crack that finally broke the damn inside me.
Uncle Bret enfolded me in a hug and just let me cry everything out.
"Hey it'll be okay," he said in the same soothing tones he'd used after my dad 'died.' "Julie?"
My aunt understood. "I'll get her bags and put them in the guest room." I'd driven with my aunt and uncle on the way to their house. Ever since Uncle Bret's stroke sixteen years ago, he hasn't been allowed to drive. Aunt Julie drove us from the airport, my bags were in their car.
After my sobs subsided, I looked at Uncle Bret with suspicions of my own.
"You knew didn't you?" I asked.
Uncle Bret gave me a sad smile. He eased my shaking body to a standing position and led me to the couch. He went to his video library and pulled out a couple of DVDs off the shelf. Unlike most homes these days My uncle's has both a DVD and a VHS player. I was shocked when the boxes had the initials OVW on them. He put one of them in. I recognized the match right away. I was seconding Cameron and Eric Angle's son named after his brother, Kurt who'd had his neck broken at WM 19 in a match against Brock Lesner (People too this day have said it was so stupid for Kurt to have taken that match when he should've gotten neck surgery) who were facing Danny Benoit, and Randy Orton with the as usual arrogant Simone "Pebbles" Johnson, the daughter of the so called Great One the Rock (sometimes I thought she and I were cast into the wrong roles up till a month ago when Simone was put with Kurt Jr., I started walking out with Danny) for the tag team titles a few months ago. Funny how things can change in a few months. That was the first night I'd met Danny as a matter of fact. I even managed to make Simone cry in the Sharpshooter (Teach your dad to steal my family's move, bitch).
"Where did you get that?" I asked curious.
"I got a package a few months ago from Eric Bischoff, saying that he had something that I might be interested in. Took me a few replays to recognize you under all that Red." I blushed. I'd figured dying my hair red and going by Sierra would keep me from being noticed. Apparently not if Bischoff recognized me.
"Haven't figured out if he thought I already knew and wanted to see you in action or if he was trying to tip me off or cause trouble. Hard to try to get a time to talk to him with him still working for Vince." I could hear the distaste in Uncle Bret's voice at speaking Vince McMahon's name. Can't say now that I blame him for that distaste.
"Why didn't you rat me out to Mom?" It was a fair question given my uncle's and my Mom's distaste for wrestling after Dad's 'death.'
"I meant what I said when I said you had your Dad's fire. I looked at that match and a few more, even a couple of your wrestling matches. Your pretty good. Better than some of those women over there."
"You mean the arrogant pampered bitches who think that OVW's just a stepping stone to get into the WWF and eventually into Playboy?" I suggested, again thinking of Simone Johnson.
Uncle Bret smiled. "you do have that fire in you. The same fire that drove him to try to get into wrestling. Did we ever tell you about how Grandpa didn't want Owen to get into wrestling?"
I shook my head. That shocked me. From all the stories I was told about my grandfather, Stu Hart had trained all of his sons to wrestle. Even trained Chris Benoit and Chris Irvine a.k.a. Chris Jericho in his infamous 'Dungeon."
"I think my dad was much like you Mom. He wanted one of his boys to have a life outside of the wrestling business. I think he knew of what lay ahead of us when we pursued it and wanted a least one of his children not to have to experience that," That made sense I suppose. With the exception of Oje, nearly every member of my family has been a wrestler or been a wrestler. Must be genetic.
"Owen was determined. For awhile he did everything short of wrestling at Stampede when it was around." Stampede was the company my family owned before Vince bought it out from under my grandfather. "Concessions, passing out programs, building the ring. He virtually did it all just to be in the arena to watch us wrestle. Finally my Dad gave in and agreed to train my brother. He was so thrilled, he almost didn't mind the bumps and bruises that he'd gotten in the Dungeon."
My uncle grew wistful, almost nostalgic as he was thinking back on those simpler, more innocent days of his family. "That enthusiasm that I saw in his eyes, I saw in your eyes whenever you were in that ring. And when you were standing up to your Mom tonight. Give Martha and Oje some time to digest it. Okay?"
"Okay," I said softly. All the time I was feeling more and more guilty for keeping Dad a secret from Uncle Bret. From everything I was told growing up, my Dad's 'death' took something out of Uncle Bret. Something that was never again the same.
"Just do me a favor? Just don't go to the WWF okay?" My uncle asked.
"I don't think you have to worry about that one Uncle Bret." There was no way in hell after all I'd learned that I'd ever have anything to do with Vince or Stephanie, although there was no damn way I was telling him I'd gone to Kemper arena with Danny tonight. A horrifying thought came to mind: "What if Ellie and Diana tell Stephanie and Vince?! I mean most don't know who I really am and if they tell - "
Uncle Bret cut me off. "Let me deal with Diana and Ellie. They've done so many things to fracture and hurt this family, I'll be damned if they hurt you too. Come on tell me about your training and you life in Kentucky."
So we talked for a good portion of the night and I think it might have been 3 or 4 before either of us thought of going to bed. We talked about my training, comparing it to when Uncle Bret and my Dad had trained under Grandpa. Uncle Bret thought Eddy, D'Lo and Chavo were taking it too easy on us. We talked about the fact that I could be come the first female Hart to actually step into the ring and wrestle, and I admitted that might have played a small role in my decision to start training for matches. I told him about my friendship with Danny and a few others at Ohio Valley (Though I figured that it probably wasn't the best thing in the world to tell him that me and Cameron Hickenbottom dated for a couple months). Finally we looked over old photo albums. Some were of me and Oje growing up, others were of my Dad and Uncle Bret in earlier days at the beginning of their careers.
I wondered if I could take one of the albums of me and Oje growing up with me when I went back to Kentucky. One of the things my dad hadn't gotten over the years were photos of me and Oje growing up since my Mom and Uncle Bret were pretty much determined to keep us out of the public's view completely, so as to protect us from the rumors that had been spreading over the years. Some of which I now knew for a fact were true. Eddy, not being as close to the Harts as he was to the Benoit family was never able to get any photos of me and Oje and Tammy admitted that she was afraid she'd rouse suspicion in Uncle Bret if she stole one out of the house, given all the rumors of her drug use during her failed marriage to Chris Candido. I asked Uncle Bret if I could take a couple of albums for me to look at when I went back to training and he said yes. I figured if I couldn't tell anybody my other secret, then I could at least do something for Dad and show him what me and Oje were like growing up.
By the time I left to go to bed, my Uncle looked at me with a pride in his eyes and maybe a little of sadness to. His final sentence nearly killed me: "Your Dad would be so proud of you."
If only you knew, Uncle Bret. If only you knew.
This was definitely going to be a long visit.