A/N: At first I wanted to make this second story also a one-parter but it seemed like i had lots of inspiration. Yes, the storries are independent of each other but off course,there will be similarities. I hopeI made them different enough though. Enjoy reading

Disclaimer: still not making money out of this... too bad though

Chapter 2 – I've been thinking about you

A couple of weeks later I am still a bit in shock. The difference is, I am not speechless anymore. Not that I actually have talked to someone about it, but in my head I certainly have many conversations regarding the 'I love you' Jess so kindly dropped on me. What should I do with this? Did I feel that too? I sure am not over him yet… but do I really want to? He hurt me big time… at times I could still feel some of it. But I also miss him, I miss having our conversations about books and music and movies… I miss getting a hug, or a soft kiss… I miss someone to share my life with. Yes, I tell my mom everything and yes, I have four roommates. I indeed also have Lane and there'll always be Dean, who I see regularly now. But it's just not the same. With the risk of sounding like a dumb schoolgirl who reads those romantic little books: where is the passion in my life? I'm at Yale, but I'm not that much of a nerd that I get wildly crazy about some book…

I already spent many hours walking around, having conversations in my head… my moods swing constantly… one minute or hour or day I could be determined that I did never ever want that little black haired punk back in my life again… and than it suddenly switches and do I want to hold him and fill the hole in my heart he left there. It's all very confusing. After a while, I made a decision: I should speak to Lane about it.

So I go to Luke's and buy some donuts and coffee and head to Lane's apartment, which she now shared with Zach and Brian. It's not easy to have a private conversation but Lane does everything about it to try and make it happen. We do some small talk and I don't seem to tell her easily and at some point, it slips out.

'Jess told me he loves me'

Lane has this shocked look on her face, her mouth hangs a little open, her eyes all wide… I can read on her face that she doesn't really now how to react on this – is it a good thing or a bad thing? The thing is: I don't know!

'So … what now?' she asks me. A safe question and a good one too.

'I don't know. He said it and he left… again. It was at the firelight festival…'

Lane freaks a bit out at this news. She can't believe I didn't tell her right away… she's right, it is an important thing… or maybe not, because jess and I aren't dating any more…. I feel a bit guilty though…

'Sorry… I just wanted to... let it sink in. I don't really know what to think of it myself… and I guess I couldn't handle or better, I was afraid of handling harsh reactions… I haven't told my mom either. I've been thinking about it for weeks! I can't stop thinking about it… I don't know what to do.. should I do something?

I turn to Lane… she shakes her head and says: 'do you want to do something? I mean… I don't know what's going on inside of you about Jess. We never really discussed it, not when you guys were dating, not when he left… how did you handle it?'

'I just kinda ignored it and time does heal some wounds… backpacking through Europe certainly kept my mind busy, although… it was rough. I spent hours and hours crying silently…'

Lane takes me into her arms. It feels good… why didn't I talk about it with her? She's my best friend right? We sit like that for a while.. then we pull away…

'So… ?' she asks

'Yeah, so… I don't know! I'm not over him yet, but I don't know how to define what's left? Is it anger? Disappointment? Love? Loneliness? Who can tell?' I feel desperate… there's no answer to this… at the same time I feel trapped – trapped in a situation I didn't choose to be in at the first place. It dominates me, it rules my life… I have to do something!

When I share these thoughts with Lane she keeps very calm. I thought she was going to tell me I was hysteric or something, but she is very cool.

'Maybe you guys need a decent conversation?'

I look at her in horror. I try to explain that every time I saw him I really wanted to get as far away as possible. Europe's really appealing right now… Norway or so... just far far far away!

'Well, don't you think that is the problem? You never really talked about it, so I'm guessing you never really dealt with this… you haven't spoken to your mom, you haven't said anything to me and you certainly haven't discussed it with Jess. You probably have a diary dedicated to him alone…'

She's right…

'So you think, that when jess and I have a decent talk I can get closure and move on?'

'I guess so… and I truly hope so! You always wanting to run away… it's like you don't want to face it.. and I just think you should'

'Lane Kim, woman of the world! When did you get this smart?'

'Well, I kinda had to do the same thing with Dave… long distance, other people in our lives… at some point you have to face it.'

I felt horrible… how could I forget Dave? How could I forget Lane and Dave were dating? When did this happen?

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'Oh well… same reason you didn't tell me either I guess… it feels good to share it though'

I smile. 'Yes it does'

We sit there for a while in comfortable silence. Zach and Brian couldn't live without Lane any longer (they were hungry) so I decide to leave. I wander around the streets of Stars Hollow, still thinking about Jess. My feet take me to Luke's… and it isn't because I was hungry. It's a slow moment so I go to Luke and we talk a little. Then I ask him for Jess's phone number. Jess appears to be always on the road, so he gives me Liz's number.

That very same night, I ring her. She's very enthusiastic. She tells me Jess still doesn't have a cell phone but he rings her every two or three days and since it's been two days he'll probably call soon. She actually kinda expected it to be him. I apologize, but she says it's nothing but I can tell she doesn' really mean it. She promises to tell Jess that I called and she'll ask him to phone me back. When I hang up, I don't have a good feeling about it. Jess returning a phone call? That would be a first!