Title: Putting it out there
Rating: suitable for 9+
Pairings: very minor S/J
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: not mine
A/N: This is horribly OOC, but came from a desire to let off steam after a rant this morning. My conclusions at the end are drawn from hours of listening to men explain why it's okay to ogle women and are slightly tongue-in-cheek, I don't necessarily agree with them.
"Colonel."
He was vaguely aware of someone calling his name but he didn't really pay attention – whatever it was that Carter was trying to explain to him was very boring, and he knew he didn't have a hope in hell of understanding more than every fourth word. "Uh huh, that sounds great."
"Colonel!"
Maybe that hadn't been the right answer. "Yes?"
"Colonel, I'm up here." Finally his brain managed to catch up and cottoned on to the note of almost homicidal fury in his second-in-command's voice. Ah, crap. Then, and only then, did he manage to look up.
Sam was glaring at him but he couldn't really blame her. However, he could blame Daniel for looking so amused, and as for Teal'c... Couldn't the master of hiding his emotions keep that smirk hidden as well?
"Um." He really didn't know what to say. "I –"
"Colonel." Oh good, he didn't have to say anything. "Do you have any idea how constrictive these long-sleeved black T-shirts are?"
That wasn't what he'd expected to hear. She continued, apparently not expecting an answer. "I would love to be able to wear something with sleeves that came above my elbows – one of those cropped numbers Teal'c likes, for example." Two heads swiveled towards Teal'c briefly before returning to here. "But, no, I appreciate that showing that much flesh in a working environment would be inappropriate, so I cover up. The least you could do in return is try to be a little more subtle!"
Now he was embarrassed, but also a little turned on. Oh hell. "Carter, I didn't mean..."
She was off again. "No, men never do. You know, at least when you stare at my ass it's easier for me to pretend not to notice!"
She knew about that? "Carter –"
"Sam, I think you're being a little paranoid." Daniel cleared his throat. "I'm sure that Jack would never..." His voice faded out as apparently reconsidered what he was saying. Fat lot of help he was turning out to be.
Sam put her hands on her hips. "Come on Daniel, you think I've never noticed you checking me out? Front and back, I might add."
Jack leaned back in his chair, entertained by the flush spreading over Daniel's cheeks. This was more like it. "Sam, you're like a sister to me –"
"To me, but a sister with a great rack. I've heard it all before." Suddenly she didn't look angry any longer, but sad and disappointed. Somehow that was worse. "Look, I know what men are like and that their eyes... stray sometimes, and I don't mind it from most people on base. But you guys are supposed to be my friends. When you two," she glared at Jack and Daniel in turn, "Can't keep your eyes to yourselves it's really upsetting. At least Teal'c doesn't ogle me at every opportunity."
Jack watched enviously as the jaffa bowed his head. Teacher's pet. "Indeed. It would be inappropriate to 'check out' a member of my team in the SGC or when we are off-world."
Teal'c didn't say anything else, but he didn't need to – his unspoken words hung in the air. Jack choked back a grin as his lovely and very nicely curved subordinate turned a delicate shade of pink and stared at the ground.
"You don't..." She didn't seem to want to finish her sentence. Finally, after a couple of minutes had gone by (during which Jack's smirk only got big), she raised her head, stuck her chin out and swept out of the room, wiggling her hips ever so slightly as she went. Three sets of heads followed her exit.
Once she was gone – no point in wasting that view – Jack looked curiously at Teal'c. "I knew about Daniel, but you check her out too?"
The jaffa nodded. "I do, when we are socialising together. On Chulak, women find such attention complimentary."
Daniel smiled. "They do here on Earth as well, it's just that they don't like to admit it."
Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "I find your culture very strange."
Jack nodded. "Yup. They put it all out there and then complain if you look. Women, eh?"
The three men nodded together as one. Women.