Dedication: This is for Rachel's little Lorelai. Get well, sweetie!
Spoilers/Timeline: Set within 518, "Live and Let Diorama". No spoilers for future episodes.
A/N: Do read and review.
Forever
"They want more than this, don't you see that? And all you are is this... This town - it's all you are, and it's not enough. She's gonna get bored, and you can't take her anywhere. You're here FOREVER."
It kept ringing in Luke's head, long after the punk had stalked away. It wasn't true, he knew it wasn't true - she ran here and stayed here for 20 years after leaving Hartford. Stars Hollow was home for her. Why would she get bored now?
'Because Rory's all grown up, and there's finally time for her to do everything else she's ever wanted without having a kid drag her down,' a little voice inside his head whispered. 'Because now, she's finally truly single, with no strings attached,'
Luke sighed as he walked around the new museum picking up leftover bits of construction material and tools. Lorelai and him were good now - very good, in fact. Things were going well with the inn, she had that great cover article coming up in the travel magazine, and they had talked about... things, after he had gone over to make-up, and she had cried any doubts about her committment to the relationship away. He'd seen her in all her crazy moods, but he'd seen her when she was serious too, and this was one of the times when his Lorelai bullshit radar was signalling 'Total Truth' at him. She apologised over and over, for not being truthful to him, for not giving him the space that he needed to process all that had happened, and for not telling him outright that she was just as committed to this relationship as he was.
"I know I haven't been a particularly good girlfriend," she stammered between her tears, "and I know I haven't said anything serious about us, but I'll try harder now, I swear, I will. I know that I'm probably going to mess up a lot," she choked out, "but I'm in, I'm all in. Please believe me. Please, please, please..." she begged before she dissolved into tears again, clinging to his shirt which was already soaked from a thousand before.
All he could do was hold her close, and promise her that he did believe her, that he did believe in her.
"They want more than this, don't you see that? And all you are is this."
In retrospect, the breakup had been a good time of reflection for him. After eight years of waiting ('Not pining,' his mental voice pointedly said to the imaginary Lorelai who had taken up residence in his head), he finally had some space apart from her to think seriously about whether or not she was worth the risk. Not that he hadn't thought of it before - he knew that asking her out and... making overtures (he grimaced inwardly at that word) was a risk in-and-of-of-itself, but somewhere at the back of his head, he knew that he'd have to deal with her parents and the class difference one day. He thought he was done with the humiliation after having played golf with Richard, and being insulted all dinner with Emily, but to count so little in their eyes that he was considered a temp for Lorelai's affections... the breakup gave him time to wonder if she was worth the hassle. He thought about it all the time they were apart, and could only come up with one conclusion: she was.
So why the sudden seizure of the stomach when Dean said, "It's not enough" ?
He sighed again as he bent to pick up a partially hidden screwdriver which had fallen into a particularly thick thatch of grass. He hated second-guessing himself, but there you have it, the sneaky little worm of self-doubt had been planted by the stupid punk, and it was going to eat its way through everything he'd barely let himself hope for. What if Dean were right? That the town wouldn't be big enough for her in a couple of years' time? He knew she would stick around for a while at least - she loved her inn - but what if someone bought it from her? What then? Was he enough reason for her to stick around? Or would she leave too, like... like Rachel did?
"She's gonna get bored, and you can't take her anywhere. You're here FOREVER."
No, Dean was wrong there, he thought with a shake of his head, as he returned some nails to his toolbox. He had no qualms about travel - hell, he'd gone to Alaska with Nicole, didn't he? On a cruise with a return ticket, no doubt, but it's not like he had a noose around his neck with the tether tied to Stars Hollow. He had stayed in Stars Hollow for his dad, commuting between college and home, all the time with the bottomless fear of losing another parent without being there.If he could stay for love, damn it to hell, he could leave for love too, if that's what Lorelai wanted.
'But the kid has a point though,' he thought. Just not the one that he had intended to make. Luke frowned as he packed away the remnants of Kirk and Kyle's mannequin fight. Luke couldn't take Lorelai anywhere - not in the physical sense, but he had no connections with society's movers and shakers, and he highly doubted Lorelai's parents would be impressed if he told them that they were dining with his meat guy and bread guy every week. Maybe it was all about the potential. Lorelai had it in spades - she could return to high society if she chose to, and say that she was slumming it for the better part of 20 years, and they'd accept her back into their fold. He, on the other hand, only had Stars Hollow.
"They want more than this, don't you see that? And all you are is this."
What did Lorelai want? Luke grunted as he flipped the makeshift table over to dismantle it. It's bad enough to try to guess at what women in general were thinking of, but Lorelai's mind? Forget it. But then, he mused as he jiggled a table leg loose, he knew that she had chosen him over all the others, and that was a pretty good place to start. Relationships evolve, and if Lorelai wanted more than this "this", it was fine by him. And what did Dean mean that all he was was "this"? Luke made a dissatisfied sound under his breath as the unresolved pronouns bugged his brain. 'The kid should get his butt into college as soon as possible,' he thought. Annoyed, he scratched his chin with one hand as he surveyed the rest of the museum grounds for stray nails or tools. Satisfied with his cleanup job, he turned to leave.
"It's not different. You and me, same thing."
"It's different, dammit, because I love her," Luke muttered under his breath.