You're
22 and the college experience is finally over, and you're all set
for Quantico, for a career you think you can make your own.
University
has been good; you've worked hard, had fun, made some great
friends, put yourself out there and not been found lacking.
You
don't see your family much, sure you head back west for the
holidays, but the phone calls have become pretty irregular and while
you always remember to ask how Charlie is you usually don't wait
for an answer.
You're
25 and you're an FBI agent, and it feels damn good to say that.
You love your job, and love the fact that you're good at your job
as well. The years spent plowing through that criminal sciences
degree paid off, you breezed through half your classes at Quantico
and the position you have in the Albuquerque office is working well.
You're
closer to home, living in New Mexico, which makes traveling back for
the winter holiday less strenuous, but you've noticed that, as
Charlie would put it, the distance from you to home indirectly
correlates to the time between your family phone calls.
You
don't know much about what Charlie is up to. You get updates on
life from your mom and dad, but somehow the descriptions of Charlie's
activities never have much depth. You know he has his PhD, he got
that when you were 24, you know he's still at CalSci, doing post
doctorate work, maybe something about teaching. The idea of little
Charlie up front in a classroom, curls bobbing as he scrawls chalk
across a board, well it would suit him, you guess, except all you can
think of are the rows of college kids he'd be teaching, all older
than him, and really, how's that gonna work?
But
other than that you know nothing, and you're okay with that.
You're two different people, living your own separate lives and
what good is it going to do anyone for you to know every intricate
detail of Charlie's life? It's all just numbers anyway.
You're
32 and your mom's dying. 32 and you're not sure if your little
brother is going to make it through this.
He's
24 in body, at least mid 40's in mind, and probably 12 in heart and
soul, and sometimes you think he's never going to grow up.
Sometimes you don't want him to, but mostly, mostly you wish he's
wake up and see the world for how it is, see it without looking
through the veil of numbers behind which he lives.
He's
retreated to the garage now, retreated to his math. Buried his head
in numbers and unsolvable equations and minesweeper for God's sake,
and your mom is dying but that doesn't seem to register.
You've
never claimed to understand what goes on in his head, how his mind
works, but you've never truly worried for his sanity before. But
this, to you this looks like a crisis point, a lot like the end of
the line and you just know you can't lose your brother as well as
your mom.
But
Charlie hasn't eaten the food you brought down for him and he ha s
that manic, not quite stable look in his eyes, mumbling equations
under his breath and you just want to shake him. Shake him until he
focuses on the real world, until he focuses on you and whisper-speaks
your name in that soft way he always did as a kid, because you've
been here three weeks and you're not sure if he's even noticed
your presence yet.
