HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL :D!!!

SKETTY24 Thanks for the review, girl :D!!! And let's hope Yuriko feels the same way you do soon ;)! Though Logan cares for her now, she seems to be blinded by the fact that she was once very good friends with Stryker x.x….

SPARKLE Ooohhhh…THAT kinda touch. LOL (Sorry for the misunderstanding…I think I've been seeing too much Logan/Rogue in other fanfics). Hmmm…I'll backtrack and see if I messed up that part of the story. Either way, thanks for the review :D!

XMENLOGANFAN Yes, poor Logan indeed (! I guess HE could kill Stryker for good and get him out of their lives, but Yuriko's having her doubts now O.O!

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Chapter 83: Reciprocated

Logan looked at her still form, sitting there, with tear-filled eyes and bloody arms wrapped around his enemy's body, he couldn't help but feel a hint of guilt for saying those words to her. Because deep inside he knew that she deserved none of them, no matter how true those words were. He had let his rage take over his humanity. He became a mindless animal, just like Stryker had said. He didn't spill any of her blood, but he pushed her away just when she needed him the most.

Instead of comforting Yuriko, he snapped at her. He shouted at her and ridiculed her. He judged her, accused her, he blamed her for the things that he couldn't understand. If only he had tried to control his anger, if only he didn't let his jealousy take over his being, then she wouldn't be looking at him with those fearful eyes right now.

Logan bowed his head down and closed his eyes. Then he deeply breathed in and exhaled sharply. He didn't want to hurt her anymore. Yuriko had already cried so many tears, both for him and for Stryker, and he didn't want her to shed another tear in his name. The past life she had known had only brought her pain and suffering, and he wanted all that suffering to end right here and right now.

He tilted his head up and looked at her. The anger in his eyes was now gone, and his face was now void of fury. His tight fists have loosened up into half-opened hands as he felt the tension within him slowly fading away. He'd had enough of this senseless argument. He wanted to be her friend again --- like the Logan who walked with her yesterday, and the Logan who understood her being, and the Logan who fell asleep by her side. He wanted to be that 'Logan' again. It was about time that he pushed all of his anger and jealousy aside and be there for her, like a true, unselfish friend.

Yuriko saw the gentleness in Logan's eyes, and felt relieved that the Logan she knew had finally come back to her. She looked up at him, and whispered his name. "Logan…" A faint, nearly-invisible smile curled up the corner of her shaking lips.

"Yuriko…" He whispered. "I'm sorry." He said firmly. His eyes never moved away from hers. "…I'm sorry for…for…" Then his words slowly faded into nothingness. He couldn't think of the right words to say. He wasn't really good with apologies, and he was never good with expressions his emotions. Before he could say anything else, he walked into the bathroom and took a step closer to her.

He breathed in and looked at her with questioning eyes. "I just can't understand how you could forgive him --- after everything he's done to you." He said firmly. "I know you have a past with him, as you have with me. And I know that there was once a time in your life that he was friend to you, as you were to him. I remember none of that past, but I can feel it, inside me, existing somewhere in my unconscious where I can't touch it --- but I know that it's there." He said. His eyes bore deeply into hers.

"I'm not numb, Yuriko. I'm not a mindless fool. I too can feel the past that once existed between us. Despite the fact that it had been long lost and forgotten, I can still feel it. I can still taste it. And I know that's it's the reason why I felt so close to you, closer than I've ever been with anyone else in my life, since the first time you spoke to me as yourself. You felt like the only person I've truly known for the past fifteen years."

"You may not even know this, but I felt the same way when I first saw 'him' during the siege in the mansion." He said as he nudged his head towards Stryker. "The scent of him alone sent a gush of blurry memories racing at the back of my head. And despite the fact that I knew he was my 'enemy', I retracted my claws in his presence. Because I felt a connection with him...a connection I've never had with anyone else."

"Stryker probably thought that he was the one who found me that day. But in reality, I felt like I was I was the one who found him. He smelled so familiar --- he looked so familiar. He smelled like home, and I was drawn to him. At first I couldn't believe how I felt at that moment. I didn't want to accept it --- that sense of familiarity towards him. But when I placed my hand over his, on the wall of ice that separated us, I felt like I was touching the hand of a person who I've known my entire life." He had never admitted this to anyone before. He feared that his fellow X-Men would judge him for feeling such a connection with the enemy. But he found it right to admit it to Yuriko.

"In fact, if it weren't for Bobby, I would have stayed in the mansion with Stryker…Because back then, like you, I would have done anything to get my past back. And he was the only connection that I had to it. And since that day, until the day that I left him to drown with my past, there was never a second that I didn't think of what could have happened if I went with him. And that's why I left him to die, Yuriko. That's why I left him to drown. Because I knew that if I let him live, I --- I ---"

"You would have gone with him." She said. She was looking up at him as if she could read his mind. She knew that's what Logan wanted to say, for she too felt the same way when she first escaped the underground base three days ago.

"And you would keep on asking him questions about your past, as if you were a curious child who had just been brought into the world…because you knew that he was the only one who had the key to who you really are." She said faintly.

Yuriko closed her eyes and bowed her head down, and then she gently nuzzled her chin against Stryker's forehead. "See, Logan?" She asked in a whisper, her eyes still closed. "In the end, we are just the same…you and I. Both of us are haunted by the past that we cannot escape." She whispered. She opened her eyes and tilted her head up to look at Logan again. And in that moment, their eyes were locked in a look of understanding.

Yuriko's suddenly lips parted as she continued to pour out her thoughts through her words. "But the difference between you and me is…You've decided to let go of your past…While I decided to hold on to mine. And that's how I was able to forgive him for the endless years of pain that he had brought me." She said softly.

Though her voice was subtle, each word was spoken with utter sincerity. "…Because my past with him, and my past with you…are more important to me than the last cursed decade of my life." She said firmly. Her eyes bore deeply into Logan's as she looked up at him. She wanted her words to sink deeply into his mind. She wanted him to understand her reasons, her feelings, her cause.

Then she bowed her head down and looked at the still form of Stryker in her arms. There was still no life in his eyes...Not even a glint or a sign that he could see them or hear them. Even his breathing was placid. He had never moved, twitched or reacted to anything since she found him there in the bathroom. He was like a sleeping man who was wide awake…like a lifeless shell without a soul. And as she looked at his face, an expression of resentment slowly started to form on her own.

"I know I will never forget what he did to me, Logan…" There was suddenly a hint of hate in her voice. "Nothing in this world will ever --- ever make me forget what I went through under him. No one could ever forget pain like that. I may have been strong to live through hell, but I'm not strong enough to just move on and forget about it. I lived every day of my life, wishing that I would just die, and it was all because of him."

And as she spoke her final word, her face softened. Then she moved her face closer to Stryker's and gently ran a finger down his cheek. "But when he lost his memories two days ago, he came back to me." She said softly.

"…my friend came back to me." A faint, sad smile coyly curled up the corners of her shaking lips. "Fragments of my lost memories haunted me --- like a dream…And I saw what it was like between me and him before everything came crashing down. I also what it was like --- between 'us'." She tilted her head up, and her eyes met Logan's. And in that moment, they were locked in a look of understanding.

"And what I saw --- what I saw in those forgotten memories were so beautiful. They were so beautiful, James." She spoke the names James, as if she had always Logan by that name. "It was all so perfect…so ideal…and it all felt so real...it was so real, that sometimes I just wished I would never wake up." Her final word faded into a whisper.

Logan sharply exhaled, and then he closed his eyes and gently massaged the bridge of his nose. He didn't want to admit it, but he knew how Yuriko felt. He could feel what she was feeling at the moment. He knew, that if he was the one who saw the beauty of his past, he too would do whatever it takes to hold on to that beauty. He would sacrifice everything to remember faded smiles and faded friendships.

If only he had met Stryker and Yuriko in another place, and in another time…not in the mansion, not in the underground base, not as his enemies. If only they met again as friends. If only, but they didn't. Instead, they met as foes --- people who almost killed one another, as if they've never been allies before. And now, as he stood there, contemplating on the words that Yuriko had just said, he too was starting to realize how truly important one's memories were, even if they were now lost and forgotten.

Because even though past memories may never be relived, even if they could never be touched or held like a tangible object, memories are something that a person carries with him until the day he dies. They are what he sees in his final breath. And it is the people in one's memories that drive a person to keep on living. And sometimes, the fate of one's future…is decided by the choices that he had made in the past. And to live with such beautiful memories of the past, is better than to live a beautiful lie in the present.

Logan tightened his jaw in that realization. Whether he admitted it to himself or not, his past did matter. And he was a coward, to deny and reject its existence. He was a coward when he denounced the animal that he was, instead of learn from his past mistakes. And that was why his past would keep on haunting him --- because he would never know what truly happened back then. He would never know until the day he dies.

He moved his hand back down to his side, and he exhaled sharply and opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Yuriko looking up at him. Her arms were still wrapped around William Stryker's unmoving body. The tears that once flowed from her eyes were now gone, leaving only damp stains on her reddening cheeks. She was looking up at him, as if she was waiting for him to say something --- anything…

He wished he could comfort her. He wished he could tell her that everything was going to be fine and that Stryker will come back as the man that she wanted him to be. But it was too late for that now. And the only thing he had for her now was the truth…

"He's not coming back, Yuriko." He said firmly, though his voice was filled with concern and care. "Can't you see?" He asked. "He's starting to remember his past. And not you, me or anything in this world can stop that now. It was inevitable, Yuriko…"

Yuriko furrowed her eyebrows in denial and slightly shook her head from side to side. "No…No that's not true." She could hear her voice trembling.

Deep inside, she knew that what Logan had said was true. She knew that Stryker was starting to remember his past. She knew it right from the moment she saw his empty eyes. Even if she wasn't a telepath, she could tell. She just couldn't accept that fact yet. She couldn't accept the fact that she was going to lose him, all over again. She knew she was going to have Logan back in her life, but she'd rather have them both. She would rather have both of her friends back.

Logan could see the pain in her eyes, and he was starting to feel that pain in his own heart. He was starting to feel the suffering that was emanating from her eyes. He could also see how much she wanted William back, by the way she was holding on to him.

"It's about time that you let him go, Yuriko…Let him go." He said softly. "He can't turn back now. He's lost, both to you, and to me. The only thing he can see and hear now is himself. He's his own master now. Him and him alone. There's nothing we can do to stop what he had decided upon himself."

"No!" She cried out. She felt her fingers digging deep into Stryker as she held him closer to her. "You're wrong…" She said through gritted teeth. But despite the firmness in her voice and the insistence in her face, there was sadness in her eyes…a look of defeat and hopelessness that she wanted to hide behind her relentless words.

"You're wrong!" She said again, louder this time.

Logan's eyes narrowed…and instead of reacting to what Yuriko had just said, he sharply sniffed the air and glanced to his side. There was someone behind him, and he knew who it was. He knew that scent...it belonged to none other than the man who had given him a new life…the new life that had eclipsed the darkness of his past one.

"I'm afraid Logan is right, Yuriko…" Said the deep, calm and familiar voice.

Logan stepped aside and turned around to meet the eyes of the man who had just spoken. It was Professor Charles Xavier. Logan didn't tell Yuriko, but before he followed her to the bathroom, he and Rogue went to the professor to inform him of what just happened. And unsurprisingly, the professor already knew, even before they had told him.

Due to the professor's telepathic powers, Professor Xavier was able to feel, even see the blurry images of the memories that were sifting through Stryker's mind. He felt them like ripples in the water, waves of mental images emanating from Stryker's head. He told Logan what he knew…And that was how Logan discovered that Stryker was starting to remember...and that Stryker's remembering was a one-way ticket with no way back.

The professor's eyes met Yuriko's with a relentless yet comforting gaze. He didn't have to read her mind to know what was going on in her head --- in her heart. He knew that she had grown attached to Stryker's reformed self. Despite its impossibility, he knew it as a fact. He could see it in her eyes. He could see it in the way she held him so close. She had learned to forgive the man, even possibly care for him.

And the professor understood that. He didn't question her forgiveness…for he too, had forgiven someone so many times…and that someone was Eric Lensherr. Despite Eric's desire to destroy all of humanity, to show no mercy to those who were not mutants, he, Charles Xavier, had still not given up hope on his old friend.

And every time Eric committed another crime, took another life, hurt another human being, he still continued to care for him like a brother….because he would never forget what it was like before they went their separate ways. He would never forget the time when they were once close friends... two people whose lives were once like one…the same with Yuriko and Stryker.

Yes…Charles now knew of Yuriko and Stryker's past together. He saw it all when Stryker's memories echoed in his mind. He saw everything, even the parts of Logan's past that he weren't able to extract from Logan's brain. And as the professor sat there in his wheelchair, looking at Logan, Yuriko and Stryker, he continued to see Stryker's memories in his mind…he was seeing them all, as if he was Stryker himself. He could even hear their noises and their voices whispering in his ear, like bees in their hive.

As he saw them unfold within his mind's eye, he now 'understood' why Stryker had grown to hate mutants so much. When he saw the memory of Karen's death, its sight alone was enough for him to pardon Stryker's hatred for mutant-kind. The professor did know how Karen died. He also knew the reason for her death. But it was only now that he was able to truly realize how she really died. He was finally able to see the visual representation of how she killed herself right before Stryker's very eyes.

And Despite the fact that it wasn't his memory, he couldn't help but feel the pain that Stryker had felt that night. He couldn't help but feel his sorrow…Because to lose someone that you love so much, in such a horrendous and inhumane way is enough to drive a person insane. The professor also felt a hint of guilt, for whether he denied it or not, he knew he contributed a grain of sand to the death of Karen Stryker.

If he knew the gravity of Jason's condition, if he only knew how truly dangerous and out-of-control Jason was, then he could have stopped him in time. He could have made Jason stay longer in the mansion, long enough for the boy to learn to control his powers and his rage. But instead, he sent Jason back to his parents. He sent Jason back to the people who couldn't protect themselves from their own son. He practically sent death itself to Karen's door, which had turned Stryker into the man he was now.

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