Title: Reality Bites
Summary: Dr. Weir investigates some missing supplies and finds more than she bargained for…
Disclaimer: I wish they were all mine, but alas… no such luck…

Dr. Weir was on her usual morning path to the control room. As she went, she was gathering status reports from various scientists and military staff. However, she was also beginning to hear reports of missing equipment: some rope, blankets from the laundry, one of the tables from the cafeteria…She calmly assured each individual that the items were probably just misplaced.

She thought she noticed Major Sheppard down the hall and called out to him. He shoved something into a nearby transporter before turning to answer her.

"Dr. Weir! What a surprise!"

She noticed him glancing quickly at the now closed doors to the transporter before focusing his gaze back on him. "Is there something I should know about?" She had a feeling he was up to something, she just wasn't sure what….

"Something you should know about? Nope, not that I can think of…"

"Alright... Enjoy your downtime then. I'll see you at tomorrow's briefing."

He smiled in reply, a distinct look of mischief in his eyes. "Oh, I will." Then he ducked into the transporter and saluted her briefly before disappearing from sight.

Deciding it would be better for her sanity if she didn't know, she quickly let the topic of the major's most recent extracurricular activities slide. Besides, a few hours later she found herself faced with a more pressing matter. Namely, how to get an irate Dr. Kavanaugh out of her office.

"I can't believe you're being so calm about this! Somebody has stolen a valuable piece of equipment that is vital to this base's operations."

"I thought your chair was the only thing missing?"

"Yeah," he replied, staring at her like she was a complete idiot. "How am I supposed to work? Standing up?"

Elizabeth had heard enough. She quickly guided him towards the door before he could protest. "Look, you're a reasonably intelligent man. I'm sure you'll think of something." Then she gave him a firm push and closed the door. She couldn't help but chuckle as she returned to her desk. Her cheerful demeanor dissipated as she remembered the growing list on her desk. Where were all those supplies going?

Letting her curiosity get the better of her, she decided to do a little investigating. She questioned a few of the "victims", but no one had seen anything unusual.

She was entertaining the notion of kleptomaniacal alien entities when a loud shout of "Hit the deck!" reached her ears. On instinct, she dropped to the floor and covered her head. The next thing she heard was a loud hissing noise and then silence. Fearing that there had been a serious accident, she got up and rushed to the source of the noise. She found herself standing in a lab amidst an ocean of white smoke. Drs McKay and Zelenka were standing in the middle of it all, waving their arms about in a futile attempt to clear some of the smoke so they could survey the damage. "Is everyone okay?" Elizabeth asked.

Rodney was startled to hear her voice. "Dr. Weir! Yeah, we're fine. Just a small… miscalculation."

Radek laughed at that statement. "I told you it was going to overheat."

"Hit the deck?" Elizabeth countered. "Sounds like more than a small miscalculation to me."

Rodney shrugged his shoulders. "You hang around professional soldiers long enough, you learn a few cautionary phrases."

She could tell the scientists' attention was already drifting back to their work. "I'll let you get back to… whatever it is you're doing," she said as she waved her hand in the general direction of the smoking pile of equipment on the laboratory table.

She was stopped halfway to the door by Rodney's voice. "Wait, did you need something?"

His question immediately drew her back to her investigation. "Yeah, actually… are you missing any equipment?"

Rodney had a blank expression on his face as he did a quick survey of his smoky laboratory. "No, I don't think so."

Glancing up briefly from tinkering with their test subject, Radek added, "Didn't Major Sheppard borrow something this morning?"

"Oh, yeah, he stopped by to ask for a roll of duct tape. I think he said something about reliving some "quality childhood moments", whatever that means…" he replied with a shrug.

"Really?" Elizabeth muttered as she exited the lab. It was becoming more obvious that her top military officer was up to something. She just needed to find him.

Going on a hunch, she entered one of the transport devices. She carefully studied the map of the interior structure of the ancient city. "Now, if I wanted to stash a pile of equipment where no one would notice it, where would I put it?" She grabbed her radio and put it up to her ear. "Peter? I need you to do a system scan for me. I'm looking for any unoccupied sections of the city with recent activity."

Peter's voice replied a moment later. "There's only one area in the western end of the city. We only recently began to explore that section last week, but someone's been down there today."

"Thanks Peter."

"Dr. Weir? Do you need any assistance?"

"No, it's alright. I already know what I'm going to find." Then she ended the radio transmission and pressed the location on the screen that Peter had indicated.

Upon disembarking from the transporter, she found herself in an empty hallway. She paused for a moment to orient herself. There were voices off the right so Elizabeth cautiously made her way towards a set of closed doors. Putting on her most neutral expression, she reached over and opened the door. She wasn't prepared for the sight that greeted her.

Ford was standing on a table attempting to attach a rope to the ceiling. Teyla was holding the other end, a slight look of confusion on her face. And in the middle of it all was Sheppard, standing on an office chair holding a sheet and a roll of tape. Scattered throughout the room was a flimsy structure of pilfered supplies that looked ready to collapse at any moment.

Elizabeth conspicuously cleared her throat to gain their attention.

"Dr. Weir!" Teyla exclaimed in surprise.

Ford dropped his section of the rope which caused part of the rickety structure behind him to fall. This distracted the major who leaned a little too far to the side and crashed to the floor along with his sheet which draped itself on top of him. He jumped to his feet a moment later in a tangled mess of bedding.

"This had better be good Major. You know, stealing government equipment is a serious offense."

"First of all, it's not really stealing if you were planning on returning it. Secondly, we were merely engaging in an exchange of cultural experiences, isn't that right Teyla?" he replied while disentangling himself from the sheet.

Teyla carefully considered her response. "Major Sheppard wished to show me one of the activities he enjoyed as a child."

"And that would be what? Petty theft? Destruction of property? Malicious mischief?"

"Of course not. This is the fine art of fort building," he said as he raised his hands to indicated his accomplishments. The lone piece of rope holding up the forward section of the tent-like structure immediately collapsed to the floor.

Elizabeth couldn't help but chuckle. "You're not very good at it."

"That's what I said…" Ford muttered.

"Hey, can I help it if I have to work with substandard materials built by the lowest bidder." He then grinned at Elizabeth. "Think you can do better?"

"Why Major, is that a challenge?"

"I double dare you."

"Fine. Lieutenant, hand me that sheet!" Soon, she was issuing instructions left and right, carefully weaving an intricate pattern of mismatched supplies into a multi-colored, patch worked fort that could possibly withstand the next hurricane.

"So, what do you think?" she asked once the task was complete.

"Very impressive!" John replied as he examined her handiwork. Then he cleared his throat and turned to Teyla. "As I was trying to explain before, this is a fort."

Teyla glanced at it for a moment and then replied, "It certainly is… interesting. But I still do not understand the purpose."

John grabbed her hand and pulled her under the sheet canopy. "Building the fort is only half the fun…" He instructed her to have a seat on the floor and then sat next to her. Aiden and Elizabeth soon followed suit.

"Now close your eyes and relax. Imagine that you have journeyed to a far away planet. It is unlike anything that you have ever seen. The sky is green and the grass is blue. There is a vast lake where the water is so clear you can see all the way to the bottom. Even the animal life is unusual. The birds swim in the lake and purple dinosaurs roam the land."

At this point, Ford felt the need to interrupt. "Sir, I don't think they have dinosaurs in this galaxy."

"That's exactly my point."

"You have been to such a world?" Teyla asked.

"Nope, not yet anyway… But that world could exist somewhere in this vast universe. And you wanna know the best part of this mysterious planet? There are no Wraith, no Goa'uld. Just peace and serenity as far as the eye can see."

Teyla smiled. "I would like to visit that planet some day."

"You can visit it anytime you want. Right here," he replied indicating the space they currently occupied. "That is the whole purpose of a fort Teyla; to escape the pressures of the real world. Here, you can imagine yourself anywhere you'd want to be. All without leaving the comforts of home."

For a moment, the four of them just sat in companionable silence, each enjoying his or her own vision of a perfect world. Unfortunately, the moment didn't last long. It was rudely interrupted by Elizabeth's radio springing to life.

"Dr. Weir? Please report you current status."

She sighed as she reached for her radio and reported that she was fine and didn't need any assistance. But she knew it was time to get back to her duties as leader of this wild expedition. "Well, as much as I would love to stay here all day, reality calls." She then stood and prepared to leave. But she left one last piece of instructions before she left. "Major, when I see you tomorrow morning, I expect all of this to be put back exactly where you 'borrowed' it from. And next time, just ask."

He grinned at her before replying "Yes ma'am!" and giving her a salute.

She groaned as she heard his voice float down the hall after her. "Think we should invite McKay next time?"