Earth and Wind Vol: I
Sorrow's Tear
Chapter II: Past Echo's
By koriandr-Star
"Wait!"
He wasn't heard the first time and so called again but with more force to his tiring his lungs.
"WAIT!"
His voice finally got the attention of his female counterpart, the youthful Lotte turned and smiled, deliberately naïve over why luc was shouting, she assumed he wanted to catch a breath of air to help gather some energy for his frail body but in this case Lotte was wrong.
"You lied to me didn't you?"
Lotte still kept the smile, Luc looked amusingly mad as she stood on a more ascent angle of the climb. They just took a short run through the thicker green of the grass that was laid undisturbed till the two were trouncing through in reckless ignorance, running for no apparent reason. And it was because of that no apparent reason was what drove Luc angry. Lotte could see Luc finally come up the hill steadily and see more clearly now that he was looking genuinely mad. Lotte dropped her smile and try to reassure Luc in a cordial tongue of words.
"Come on Luc it wasn't that bad"
"You said that Windy was coming, how can you call that not bad?" She wanted to say that he was overreacting, but he was speaking of her as if he was personally afraid of this woman.
"Look we all know what happened; Emperor grabs Windy, Windy can't use power, jump off to their doom, the end."
"They never found their bodies though"
"So? Come on don't tell me your scared of her?" Luc glared horribly, his eyes lit with an insulted look; he reacted to the insulted mockery by letting his green eyes shine out defiantly along with a message.
"I was NEVER afraid!" Lotte fell quiet; her friend sent a damaging wound to her. He made her feel small, disturbed and in a way Luc almost viewed her as a enemy, Lotte found it tough fitting in a rebel army but the way Luc reacted to her felt as if someone drowned her words from the inside.
Luc looked at her friend and saw her hurt feelings, he almost felt guilt then and tried to find something better to say, but wanting to maintain his own character and pride swallowed any apology hoping to press on with this than anything else.
"Let's just get on with this walk" Luc walked and Lotte followed wondering what she had done to invoke such a thorn.
Eighteen years later…
Lotte stopped in thought. She had never experienced that memory before, it felt unusual that she would recall such a thought now and yet given its unsettling documentation she could understand why, perhaps after coming to terms of Luc's death and his renowned attempt did her mind slowly awaken the darker days that she kept so carefully locked away. Was she starting to accept him as a murderer?
"There you are!"
Hermental seclusion was shattered at the interruption of a voice that came from outside her own thoughts and to her without expecting. Startled, she turned, forgetting the heavy bags she carried, her spun came without control as the weight of her items gained the better of her. Swooping aside, Lotte was swung round to the ground by her own force and lack of control hitting the ground with her shoulder first. She looked up feeling humiliated slightly on her botched up reaction. Something she still manages to maintain throughout all these years yet she felt some relief as before her wasn't some stranger but a woman in a heavy treanchcoat. Ten years her senior and yet stronger build along with a better reputation the wind flickered her blonde hair mimicking a dance of a flame, she smiled faintly at seeing her friend's reaction.
"Hello Lotte"
"Oh, hi Cleo" Lotte struggled to get up without having to take some of her own baggage off but she stepped in and leant out her strong arm for Lotte to accept, grabbing it, she felt her older companion easily lift her up to her own feet in a swift pull despite the heavy luggage on her, its overall weight was nothing compared to Cleo's strength. Lotte quickly gained ground on the floor correctly this time and looked up amazed at her friend.
"See Pahn been giving you some training" Cleo chuckled
"More quite the opposite, you know how lazy he is"
The two laughed for once in agreement which was light at most, both Lotte and Cleo lived near to each other, she still looked over her master Tir's house, even when he left all those years ago after leading the liberation army to victory, which itself paved the first proper democratic reformed nation, the Toran Republic in the known lands for quite a long time. But even after that she was given duty to preserve the now historical manor whilst Lotte lived in a one housed home, both buildings were evidence of their social status and in someway their social relationship as the troubled mage did not speak or seen Cleo for the last few years.
"So…"
"How I've been? How are me and Pahn?" For once Cleo frowned it was an inevitable question that was foreseen by the once protector of Tir and her looks were starting to become unkind to her friend. "I'm amazed you can still conjure up some words like that given your absence and yet you only bolden out those words when someone comes out to reach you? If you were to be so concern you could at least been over to the manor and find out yourself"
The pinch that nipped lotte was visible as her eyes sagged guiltily over her past sin that stained her friendship, the weight of her pack was nothing compared to the weight of the burden she felt in admitting and replied only to let this scene get out of the way.
"I know, I'm sorry. I never really had friends in gregminster let alone before the war that I knew off and with what happened in the worldwide attention of luc, lets just say things weren't big enough between me and the residents who heard of luc and wanted to take it out on those who once knew him and that in the end, one of us had to go. Bet their glad it was me" She trailed hatefully.
"I know" Spoke Cleo, her words more neutral and caring "we all heard what luc did, but you have been absent for so long, even before that happened why? Me, Pahn, Maria, Sarah, and Lepant: We would have all been here to support you."
"…I don't know, perhaps I felt like a shadow compared to you all." The mage trailed off her discontent revealing hints that still inside despite her growth over the years she still held a somewhat reserved confidence inside of her.
"-I mean the roles you lot took in shone brighter overall than anything I could have done. And when you're in the streets with friends and you see crowds or dinner folk talk about you and neglect those like me, it does take its toll."
It was a painful truth to accept that overall she was just a number in the team where to those like Cleo and Tir they were more then numbers. They were the names of history, and as far as Lotte knew no one in history ever cared about the numbers, maybe briefly when they are losses but they were just ingredients for a recipe that would mix up the combating of number and loss into pride and patriotism. To the world Cleo was an inspiration, a heroine that could do no wrong but right, yet to those like Lotte, history was less favourable. No mention, no reference, nothing but location, time and score of loss and missing, history never cared for the efforts of the lesser and regarded them as the shadow beneath the champions. Where was the comfort in that? One thing was certain to Lotte as she painfully learned that her actions were never noted, there was no warmth in the being the number on stone and now because of luc she too along with others to come will be tainted over by history as associates of a murderer.
"Is that how you view your place, or are of us?" Cleo was trying to help but her words were unintentionally cold, perhaps acting upon a natural reaction of harshness in learning of her friend's slight admittance to a level of deception.
"…I don't really know anymore"
"Yet here I am noticing your leave" Lotte nodded in admittance.
"I noticed, but why? Is there any reason you should, I mean I hardly been chatty for the past several years?"
"Why shouldn't I?" Replied Cleo simply, Lotte looked back at her friend to see what she had to say as she continued. "True you eventually broke away from us for a while and though we were left locked out, I did respect your privacy ultimately for whatever reason it was, but when people learned of luc and when they knew you for the wrong reasons, we were here to support you"
"…starting to sound like my mother" Scoffed Lotte, looking now insulted slightly, but Cleo read the looks well and countered."
"Don't take it that way, I'm showing you the choice you could have made, there's no shame in seeing your friends, just as there is no shame in being a number as you put it. Who cares what others think, to me, Pahn, Lepant, your one of us; no shame in matching achievements, Lotte" Like the wind to the grass, Cleo's words moved Lotte with understanding and truth with calm reasoning clear and the words delivered delicately. It was the first real advice Lotte ever received or allowed herself to receive and took it well.
"…thanks, you really do look out for others don't you?" With the mood at a more eased level, Cleo shrugged in a relaxed manner and smiled simply.
"I was the protector of Tir, protecting others is what I do best"
Figures" Briefly lotte traded her friend's smile with a equal expression only to put it down so her mediocre expression could return once more. "…so you will be telling me to return back to Gregminister"
"Hardly"
"Come again?"
"You deserve answers, just as anyone who was once associated with Luc does. What he tried to do caused anger, but with him dead, they turn to those who knew him well. People like you Lotte, I was spared any form of unpleasantries due to my association with Tir, you though were less so and due to your isolation, you were a easy target"
"Bit late to do anything" Argued Lotte "Luc destroyed me Cleo, what can I do to improve my living?"
"Find out why, were told by Harmonia due to leaked rumours that he tried to kill everyone we know but Harmonia is rarely known for freedom of truth. There is a chance that there is a reason, a suitable one which may not redeem our friend but will help ease your angst in not just the people that hound you but of Luc as well. Though the question I should be asking is, do you want to?"
Lotte actually laughed out lightly but in a defensive move with art of yet more deception disguised her uneasiness at what Cleo was actually hinting at as she knew it to. "What's to be worried about?"
"I know you well; well enough to know that your frailty in not accepting the truth can do more than hurt that shell of confidence of yours. You're combustive, what you can't accept you'll hate. If you want to come with me, find out what is truly going on, why Luc turned upon all those he knew then I need you to be prepared and strong"
Lotte's mask dropped, exposing her worries that she was unable to hide yet part of her was in shame. Hiding from the world over rejection and of hate due to association and all that time the person who could had understood her, helped her was but a few streets away, all it took was some confidence, some trust to go out and receive help. Such bitter truths made her wonder if she deserved to be but a number in history. And now a opportunity came, but it wasn't to learn much about Luc as it was about redemption, the chance to make herself something she should had took into consideration long ago, a chance to make herself known and to shun all those who regarded her as nothing. But in the process she betrayed the wisdom of her friend, the idea to prove others wrong brought an act of forsakenment was too great, her desire blinded her from seeing if she was prepared not for the journey but for the truth as she now fell into her own deception of confidence, the same deceit she used to make her appear bolder then she was had now ensnared her as well.
"Yeah I'm ready-" Interrupted by her own pause she turned to eye at the top, the peak of her objective was not far, her last path of her golden memory with her once friend laid, revisiting that spot, gaining a remembrance of her last conversation with him. Perhaps she thought in hope that she will remember another forgotten piece like she did earlier that would help give a clue to perhaps what this was all about. And when she had finished her climb, she would seek a higher goal, to claim a reputation that would make her stand as a true equal to Cleo and others in the books of tomorrow. She smiled back at her friend once more, bearing true confidence but it was a confidence that she believed was genuine but was factenthralled in.
"Yeah I'm ready" She repeated in strong assurance "Just let me complete the walk I planned on. Wanna come?"
"Sure" The two started their trek upwards, the goal was not far. "Any reason for the walk?"
"Before I left, I just wanted to revisit one last time, the last window of my past" Her mood was good and strong willed as the idea of opportunity inspired her on, not realising that when this little journey was over will her strength be truly be tested and will her trust to the one she once knew be truly tested…
End of chapter II
AN: Sorry for the long updated, been held back by SO many things, anyway as my friend Nash once said 'Lotte's character is left open for development more than others due to lack of appearances' This is true and I wanted to try and make her on this series a more conflicted person who despite thinking has progressed past her faults still has a lot to sort out due to her past mistakes and is plagued by a sense of betrayal from Luc which has affected her level of trust. And that she is in conflict in her life over the fact she has done nothing much of it and has seen the error of it. I have to say this has been my most difficult chapter in trying to lay out complexity in her, or my version of her for that matter.
Anyway please Read and Review, constructive comments especially are welcomed.