Confessions Of A Girl Everyone Hates

Author: Faith Lee

Disclaimer: All this? Well, it belongs to the Tolkien Estate. Yep!

A Not From Your Friendly Authoress: Hello! Today is a good day. Well, sort of. Anyways, I'm going to write a chapter now, because I am cool. Yay. J.R.R. Tolkien is my hero.

A Note From Helen: Edges away from Authoress and whispers. I don't know her.

Chapter Two

In the Middle of Nowhere and a bunch of Really Ugly Dudes with Sharp Pointy things.

Well, I must say, my head is pounding. It feels like there's a little man on my forehead with a huge hammer, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And that is just not kind at all. I really think that little man should fu-

Jiminy Crickets! I almost cursed! More excrement! Run!

When I finally decided to open my eyes, I was staring at blue. It was just an ocean of blue.

Okay, shut up, I know oceans are blue.

Anyway, I was staring at blue. Then there was white. With a blink, I finally noticed that I was staring up at the sky. Pif, duh, of course it's the sky, dufus. And the white? Yeah, that was a cloud. Like you smart people didn't already know that.

With great ease, I sat up slowly and carefully. My eyes surveyed the ground I sat on. Around me was straight plains from here to Never Never land. There were no trees and no water as far as I could see. It was like I was in the desert, except that I was sitting on grass.

Where am I?

Why am I outside?

Where is my house?

…Is this Barbados? Is this some kind of cheep trick?

What the he-

Jiminy Crickets! I was just about to curse again! Gosh, today is not a good day.

I sat there, in the middle of the Endless Plain, for a long time, just staring into space. Suddenly, I was poked. I was poked really, really hard in the shoulder. I think I started to bleed, honestly! I broke my concentration and turned around to stare at a very ugly creature indeed. And behind him, a bunch more ugly creatures! With knives!

My lucky day.

"Yes?" I asked tiredly, staring up at the ugly thing. It stared down at me with large eyes, then pulled out it's knife- wait, I think it's a sword- and poked me again.

"Ow," I said as I stared down at my wound. "That hurt!" He poked me again and I finally had to stand up. I turned around to poke the stupid creature back and found that this thing was much taller, broader, and scarier than me. And I squeaked. The ugly man creature thing grunted and two other ugly creature things surrounded me and tied my hands together.

Wait a minute.

All this, the ugly creatures, the swords, the rope, the Endless Plain, all this stuff was starting to look really familiar.

I mean, really.

It looks like something out of a…a Tolkien novel.

But, but that's just silly nonsense. I mean, it just can't happen. Honestly, I bonk my head a couple times, pass out, and suddenly, I'm in a novel written by an old Englishman who is dead?

No. Just…no!

Yeah, well, tell that to the Orc dudes who were now dragging me along and saying something about Mirkwood. I thought back to the books. Mirkwood…isn't that where one of the Fellowship was from? Legolas! He was the son of Thranduil, king of Mirkwood.

What Age were we in? Third? First? Fourth?

So I was in the company of a bunch of smelly, ugly, orcs. My stomach was growling quite loud and I was desperately thirsty, though I never would've mentioned it to the stupid orcs, heh. Gosh I just want some food! You know what? I would absolutely adore it if someone decided to save me about now? Yeah, that would make my day so much happier, or if you didn't notice.

Yep, any time now.

Ever heard of a damsel in distress?

I wouldn't have to wait this long if I was dropped into Angel/Buffy verse. Angel AN: I don't own Angel or Buffy, they are owned by Joss Whedon. would so save me by now. Or at least someone would. I wouldn't be left hanging here.

It soon got dark and the orcs stopped to make camp. They lit a fire and one thought it would be really funny to use me as a chair. You know, their butts smell increasingly worse than their usual stench.

Oh no, this was not a good day.

A Not From Faith: Well, that's actually shorter than the first. But I had to stay true to the chapter and only introduce Middle Earth and the orcs. The Saving of Helen is in the next chapter, Yay! This story is actually really fun. And I mentioned Angel/Buffyverse because I'm watching Angel season five.

Angel: I'm from Wolfram and Hart.

Spike: ….I'm his date.

A Note From Helen: I have no idea what she's talking about.