Remembering Her Birthday.
(I do not own the Animorphs, or any of the characters contained within it.)
I walked towards the memorial. There it was. All I had of my sweet baby girl. My precious Rachel. I miss her. She'd be 20 today. But she died my precious baby, and she'll always be my precious baby. It took awhile. Getting used to the idea that she was gone. For awhile, I wanted to blame Jake. There had to have been some other way. With one command he had taken my oldest nephew, and my beautiful daughter. But it wasn't his fault. It was a war; people do what they have to do.
I looked up, and there was already a man there. I knew he would come today. He was setting a bouquet of flowers on the ground, and looked like he was about to cry. He hadn't seen me yet, and I heard him whisper, tears in his eyes, "There ya go baby…"
"Hello, Dan" I said softly as I reached his side. He looked up and gave me a small, sad smile.
"Hey, Naomi…" He stood up and gave me a hug, and I hugged him back. He was still my ex-husband and sometimes I couldn't stand him, but it's amazing what the loss of a child would do to you.
I kneeled by the memorial, setting the flowers I had been carrying down, speaking quietly to the daughter that wasn't there as tears trickled down my cheeks, "Happy Birthday, Rachel." I'm sure the pain was dripping from my voice. It still hurt so much. So very much.
All the pain that Rachel had been through; and she couldn't tell her father or me. All the nights she'd woken up, screaming, and I didn't know why. All the lies she'd told, because she didn't know if I was still the mother she loved. It hurt so much to think about it. I had found out a lot after we discovered what she was.
A small smile played on my lips as I remembered the true reason behind why my kitchen ceiling had collapsed. Rachel had lost control of her powers and transformed into an elephant upstairs in her room. I'm sure it had been scary. Not knowing if your mother or sisters were controlled by aliens, and suddenly losing control of the greatest secret in your life. Unaware of whether they would discover you. My poor baby, so many fears, and no one she could tell.
Dan must have realized what I was thinking because he put a hand on my shoulder, "Hey…think back to before. Remember her, the sweet, beautiful girl on the balance beam, grinning ear to ear…"
"Yeah," I managed through a choked sob, "Yeah. Better not to dwell on what happened after she found out…better not to dwell…"
A car pulled up, and Jordan stepped out, pulling her younger sister behind her. Sara was already crying. She ran up to me, and I held her in a tight hug. Jordan gave her dad a small smile, and he put a hand on her head. When Rachel had died, Sara had taken it hardest. She had still been so young. It was ok to cry. I told her that, told both of them that. But Jordan didn't want to listen.
Jordan gave Sara a look, "Stop it. You guys shouldn't come here if you're just gonna cry." Jordan hadn't cried in so long. And she had a good point when she said, "Rachel doesn't want you to. You think she likes watching us cry over her?"
I smiled again at the way Jordan referred to her sister in the present tense. Like she really was standing there beside us. I could feel it too, Rachel was there, I could feel her hand on my shoulder, see her beautiful smile reflected in the sunlight. I sighed and glanced up. Then I saw him. To anyone else, just a red-tailed hawk. But we knew. This was the boy Rachel had grown to love, and he had loved her back. Sara waved sadly to him, and Dan gave a small smile. I turned to walk back to my car, taking Sara with me. Dan and Jordan followed and headed to their own cars.
"Lets go back home. Dan, you can come over too, we can have coffee or something, look at some pictures maybe. I think Tobias wants some time alone with her."
"Right," Dan said as he opened the door to his car, getting inside. Sara pulled her hand away and looked up at me.
"Mom, can I ride with Daddy?" She asked. I smiled at her. She was growing up so fast, and the older she got, the more she reminded me of Rachel.
"Sure, honey" I said, and watched her trot over to her father's car.
She turned to me again as she opened the door. "We should have cake. For Rachel. Daddy and I can get it, and meet you at home, ok?"
She wasn't asking, she was saying it. We would have cake. We would celebrate, have a party. No tears. It was what Rachel would have wanted…no…it was what Rachel DID want. I gave Sara a small smile, "Ok…see you at home."
I got into my car, and closed the door. As I drove slowly away from the memorial, I glanced into the rearview mirror. It reflected the image of a red-tailed hawk as he landed and grew into a handsome boy. The boy named Tobias whom Rachel had loved, tears streaming down his now human cheeks.