Author's Note: I made this parody poem over Winter Break because I didn't want to go outside and play in the snow. (Yes, I am weird.) Please enjoy.
Disclaimer: NONE of these anime, video games, music and music groups I claim ownership of. So, whatever you do, don't sue me...
Rated T for language.
The Otaku's Night Before Christmas
By: T.R. Fanatic
'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the land,
The place I wanted to be,
A place called Japan.
But here I am on American soil.
Every minute of stress, and so much work to toil.
I lay on my futon, blasting J-pop through my head,
When all of a sudden, my batteries went dead! (DAMN!)
I stayed in bed in silence and fright,
No music to play and it's only Christmas night!
Then a loud sound came from upon the rooftop,
I jumped out of bed and across the room I hopped.
It looked as though I was dancing to a DDR selection,
'Til I tripped over my Gundam collection.
I looked to the window and my eyes laid upon,
A giant red sleigh and eight... Pokemon?
I looked even further and saw the big guy,
Struggling down my chimney as though he was gonna cry.
He managed to get through, but then I heard a 'crack,'
My resin busts? Oh, dear God, not that!
He continued on, putting gifts by the tree,
While I hoped that one was the one that I dream.
The gift giving lasted ten minutes more,
And I thought that Santa would leave through the back door.
But he shimmied his way back up the smokestack,
Looking as though he was breaking his back.
He hopped into his sleigh, and called the monsters out by their nickname:
"On Shinji, on Toji, on Asuka and Rei!"
He said three more, but it was all in a mumble.
The eighth name was "Botch," when I heard someone grumble.
"The name is Butch!" the froggy voice stated.
"How can you not know? It's not complicated!"
Santa shrugged and took off in his sleigh.
"Merry Christmas to all and happy holidays!"
As soon as he left, I ran down the stairs,
Almost tripping twice on the way there.
I looked to the tree and to what I could find,
But eye candy to the otaku mind!
Wall scrolls, Kenshin's sword and a Pump It Up set,
And, of course, my very own Veritech!
The gifts did not stop there,
I leapt to the hanging red socks without a care.
I dug inside to see what Santa gave to me
But a giant pair of eyebrows: the color of seaweed.
The gift sorting lasted 'til I got sick,
Passing out while I was playing "Mobius Strip."
By the dawn of Christmas day,
I wrote to Santa saying, "Hey!"
"Thanks for the gifts, but I do conspire,
Why you had to put Menchi over the fire..."
"I don't complain about the presents I have.
Thanks to you, I'm really glad!"
"My favorite was the entire Lodoss ownership."
(Though that accursed island isn't worth Shi- ...ppo.)
"But, Santa," I continued, "there's one gift that you missed."
"I've been nagging you for it, but now I'm just pissed!"
"So I'll ask one more time, because I know that you're rich,"
"Where's my T.M. Revolution concert, you son of a bitch!"