Regrets

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: Wow. Another one-shot.

Disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and not to Crystal Snowflakes :(

The sakuras were in full bloom as petals fluttered towards the ground. The wind blew gently and the sunshine reflected upwards from the clear lake.

Six figures were surrounding the tablecloth under the shade and on the grass, piled up of any types of food imaginable. It had really been an entire year since Kenshin had arrived to Tokyo, and Kaoru had suggested to have a picnic of some sort to celebrate the important date. Everyone had agreed to it immediately, and the only one who hadn't really showed up was Genzai-sensei, who was busy with the patients.

"Ken-nii! Ken-nii!" Ayame pulled on the former hitokiri's sleeve, pointing out the butterfly that was currently flying in circles in midair.

"It's so pretty!" Suzume said.

Kenshin nodded, his back against a tree, a smile gracing his lips, "Aa..." He felt himself stiffen just slightly, feeling Sanosuke's intense eyes on him. He turned around to meet his friend and gave him a smile. Nobody had seemed to notice his discomfort.

The two young girls were now pestering Megumi and Kaoru instead, pulling on their sleeves as they pointed the butterflies up.

Kaoru, being the playful 'sister' the two young girls never had, had offered them to play near the lake and perhaps even try to fish. Megumi would no doubt join them to watch over the kids, and Yahiko would no doubt stay with Sanosuke and Kenshin... But that was until...

"Oi, Yahiko-chan." Sanosuke said, just to irritate the young swordsman, "Go with Kitsune and Jou-chan."

Yahiko shot the older boy a glare, "Stop calling me chan!" He muttered, his eyes narrowed in anger, "And why the hell do I have to accompany busu anyways? She can take care of herself! And plus, no one would come even close to her after seeing her face." He snorted.

The young Kamiya Kasshin Ryu instructor then lifted the boy she had taught kenjutsu to, and then knocked him upside the head quite hard. Veins became visible as her eyes darkened, "Come on, Yahiko-chan. It's obvious Sano has to ask Kenshin something."

Megumi snorted, "Tori-atama there probably just needs more money after gambling all the—"

"Oi." Sanosuke interrupted her, annoyance clear on his face. "I'm not going to ask Kenshin for money. He's a rurouni! Rurounis are poor!"

"Oro."

Kaoru lifted the dizzy Yahiko from the gi, then proceeded to lift Ayame into her arms. Megumi then bent down to hold onto Suzume.

"Bye, bye, Ken-nii! Sano-nii!" The girls yelled as they waved happily.

When they were sufficiently far enough, Kenshin looked over at Sanosuke, "Anything you need to talk to me about?"

Sanosuke shrugged as he stood up and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Let's go take a walk."

Kenshin lifted his sword that was currently propped up against his shoulder and stood up, and slid his sakabatou into the right place. "Let's go then."

The two men wandered farther into the trees, neither one of them knowing that this talk was going to manage to get one of them to remember all the painful details that he had hid away for over a decade.

"So, Kenshin..." Sanosuke started, glancing at his friend to see his reaction. "What was your biggest regret in life?"

Not to his surprise, the former hitokiri stopped in his tracks, his left hand tightened on his sakabatou. "What makes you ask, Sano?" He asked, his bangs suddenly covering his clear purple eyes, "It's not something Sessha likes to discuss, that it is not."

Sanosuke shrugged, "Your smile..." He started, "It just sort of reminded me of the Tenken's, just a while back, when you were talking to Ayame-chan and Suzume-chan."

"Oro!" Kenshin exclaimed.

The ex-gangster rolled his eyes, "I'm not that gullible, Kenshin. Stop trying to act like an idiot every time I ask you about something."

Kenshin closed his eyes, then opened them to look at him, "Sessha... Sessha has done many things that Sessha has thought to be regretful... And none of them can ever be undone. Therefore, Sessha must, for the rest of his life, repent for those who Sessha has killed..." It's the least I can do for her...

"What made you want to atone?" Sanosuke caught Kenshin's suspicious glance, "I'm just curious."

"Why the sudden questions, Sano?" The swordsman asked as he started walking once again.

Sanosuke followed him, "I told you, I'm just curious." They continued walking for several moments, the void of silence between them filled with the sounds of water and birds...

"Haku baikou..." Kenshin muttered absently, his mind far off the second he had caught scent of the familiar smell.

The taller one of the two glanced at his friend again, suddenly shocked at the tint of amber in his eyes and he wondered what had provoked it. He felt no anger radiating from him, and it seemed like the same Kenshin it always was... "Kenshin?" He asked, worried for his friend. Who cares about the white plums blooming anyways? For suddenly going Battousai on him, Kenshin was pretty calm. "Oi Kenshin. You all right?"

Kenshin didn't really acknowledge his question, but he lowered his head again, so that his bangs covered his eyes and the majority of his face. "Sessha... The most unforgivable thing that Sessha has done... That Sessha could never forget..." He paused, "A long time ago... Sessha met a woman. In the chaos of the Bakumatsu, two people met..." Under the rain of blood... I met her. "And their fate began weaving... Ending in a tragedy."

"Did you love her?" Sanosuke asked, looking at his friend in a new light, never having heard about a woman in the rumors.

The redhead seemed to be lost for a second before he finally nodded, "Hai... Sessha... Sessha loved her..."

"What was she like?"

"Beautiful." Kenshin replied without hesitation, "Breathtakingly beautiful, that she was... And she was the kindest person one would ever meet... I... Sessha has done so much things to her that should not be forgiven, ever... But yet... Even then... Before her death, she had told me it was all right, and that things would be better the way it was..." He gave a croaked smile, "I never really believed her, even now."

Sanosuke blinked, "What about Jou-chan? And do you still miss her?"

"Kaoru-dono?" He asked, "She... No matter what, Tomoe can never be replaced... She will forever have a place in my heart. She was the one that had saved me from the darkness and madness that had surrounded me and if I had not met her... I might have become insane a long time ago. But it was because of her that I am here, and for that, I am thankful. Without the promise I had promised her, I would never have vowed to atone for my sins... She was my light during the Bakumatsu, and even now, in her death, she is my light. She is forever by my side, and I cannot imagine never having her in my life, no matter how short it had lasted for... But she had taught me what actual happiness was. And she had taught me many things I would never have learned, if not for her..." He gave a gentle smile, his eyes soft with a heartrending happiness shining through. "I think about her all the time..."

Sanosuke looked at Kenshin, at awed at how he would think about one woman... For such a long time...

"Under the rain of blood and even after all the betrayal, we found happiness and forgiveness in each other, and fell in love..." He rubbed his cross scar the way he had done after Tomoe's death. "The scar is here, to remind me of the love she had for me..."

"Love? How can a scar..."

"Sessha... I killed her fiancé... I was never supposed to. It was just one of those things that were heartbreaking, because I was never expecting him, and he was just there, at the wrong place, at the wrong time. He gave me the first scar." He traced it downwards slowly, "Then she came, vowing for revenge... Except after spending many months together, we grew fond of each other... And after the Ikeda accident, we were sent to live together, as newlyweds, in Otsu. I was never aware of her revenge until the day of her death... We married for real, and on New Year's Eve, she died under the falling snow... And completed the cross scar, letting me know that her revenge was wrong, and that she had forgiven me a long time ago... And that she loved me."

"Do you think of her sometimes?"

Kenshin chuckled, sadness seeping through, "Everyday..." He replied. "At times, I see her under the falling snow, standing there, just as beautiful as always... Her sincere smile curved upon her lips and her eyes filled with nothing, but at the same time, filled with such sorrow... And she reaches out to me, and embraces me..."

Sanosuke stuffed his hands in his pants once again, feeling quite down after hearing such a sad story, but wanting his friend to answer one last question. "How did your wife die?"

The former Hitokiri Battousai lifted his head, his hair no longer covering his eyes as he looked straight into his friend's eyes. Those light purple eyes filled with so much sorrow and pain, "Tomoe... I was weak... And I was fighting and losing... She had jumped in front of me to protect me, and had died by my sword. And she had forgiven me." His eyes became slightly damp and he showed no signs of embarrassment. He gave his friend another one of his empty smiles. "I'll be taking a walk... Tell Kaoru-dono for me that I'll be home late tonight." Without another word, he continued his trek towards the trees.

As the ex-gangster looked at his friend's retreating back, he finally understood why he would be atoning for his sins and he finally understood the underlying pain in all his smiles... Except one. The only smile he had ever seen, that was filled with heartwarming happiness, was the one he had shown him just now, under the blooming white plums, when he was talking about his late wife. He then turned around, and too, continued his walk, but towards the friends and family he never had.

Kenshin returned to the dojo when everyone had fallen asleep already. His footsteps were silent as he walked through the halls, and when he reached his room, he only plopped down on the floor and once again, propped his sakabatou on his shoulder.

His eyes closed tiredly and soon enough, he had fallen asleep.

"Anata... How was your day?" She asked, her voice sweet and pleasing to his ears.

He gave her a smile, "It was all right. I ended up telling Sano about us..."

She held her hand out to him, "And what did he say, anata?"

He grabbed it gently, and pulled her towards him, "Nothing. He didn't say anything about it." As he felt her arms around him, his frame relaxed and he sighed contently into her hair, "I wish I could stay here, koishii..."

"And I wish you could stay as well... But you slept late, and the sun has begun to rise... Your friends will be expecting you to be awake and making breakfast, or they will worry."

He nodded, "One of these days..." His voice was muffled against her hair, "...I'll stay here."

"Hai... I know."

"Koishii... I'll miss you again."

She laughed softly, "I'll see you in just a few days, perhaps. I'll miss you too, anata. And since I cannot be with you by your side, please... Take care of yourself. Aishiteru."

"I will. Aishiteru, Tomoe."

Under the rain of blood and even after all the betrayal, we found happiness and forgiveness in each other, and fell in love...

At times, I see her under the falling snow, standing there, just as beautiful as always... Her sincere smile curved upon her lips and her eyes filled with nothing, but at the same time, filled with such sorrow...

She had jumped in front of me to protect me, and had died by my sword...

Author's Notes: Yay! It's done! Hope you guys enjoyed it :) Thank you for those who reviewed 'Ten Years'!

-Crystal Snowflakes

Saturday, April 23, 2005