Disclaimer: I own nothing when it comes to Gilmore Girls. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit will be made from this story.

Author's Note: Thank you all for your comments. I really appreciate them! For anyone who was wondering about the last chapter—Emily's trip to Yale was made up by me. I have no idea if this is what really happens and if it does—it's purely coincidental. I hope you enjoy this next one—the spoiler alert is still in effect. Also, Emily's "secret" is made up by me as well. Enjoy!

"Emily's Secret"

"What am I doing here?" I ask myself for the seventh time since I pulled up five minutes ago. I mean—I still don't like this guy—I still don't really know him. Wasn't it enough that I swallowed my pride to come here? To tell him I was wrong? But it had been two weeks—two weeks since they had gotten back together and still there was no doorbell ringing on Friday nights, she still wouldn't take my calls. So…here I was, parked outside of the diner. What did I expect to accomplish by coming here? I haven't the slightest idea.

"Hello Luke," I say as I walk into the diner. He turns around and his face seems more amiable this time—that's a blessing.

"Mrs. Gilmore…how are you?"

"Fine thanks…you?"

"Oh, I'm fine," He motions for me to sit down at the counter. The place is sparsely filled tonight—and no sign of that Kurt character. He pours me a cup of coffee.

"Luke, I'll come right to the point, I know you and Lorelai have reconciled, and I'm pleased for you, but Lorelai refuses to still speak to me, and neither she or Rory is coming to Friday night dinners. I want you to talk to Lorelai. I want you to try and convince her to talk to me again."

"Um…Mrs. Gilmore…."

"Luke, I didn't want to come over here the first time—it was very hard for me, but I did it and still Lorelai and Rory haven't come back. Please…"

I never saw his eyes—the warning look he was giving me. The indicating sideways glance he was giving me. I never saw it coming.

"Mom…are you really this stupid?"

I turn around at the sound of her voice—the only sound of her voice I have heard since the wedding besides the hello then click and her answering machine. It is the first time I've seen in her in two months.

"Lorelai…" I really am stupid…It hadn't crossed my mind that she would be here.

"I mean it Mom, are you really this stupid?" Her eyes are so cold, her body language so stiff.

"Lorelai …I…"

"Mom, I can't believe you! You have never liked Luke, from day 1, you never accepted him as my boy friend and having anything to do with Rory's or my life, you demean him, you humiliate him, you plot against him, and then you think everything is wonderful between you and me. What did you think Mom, that you just made a tactical error in controlling me? That you could just make a course correction, try to control Luke instead of Chris? Well guess what Mom, Luke and I made up on our own accord and we didn't need Mommy's permission to do it!"

"Lorelai…" I started to say, but she cut me off.

"No! You don't talk, I talk. I tell you the way it's gonna be from now on. Let me spell it out for you Emily… " and her voice took on a condescending to a child tone, "You and me we're done,"

"Lorelai…just listen to…"

"No Mom, I don't want to listen to you. I don't want to hear your reasoning, I don't want to hear how you did it out of the goodness of your heart—however microscopic the goodness in your heart is. I don't want to hear how you think you know what's best for me. You don't know what's best for me…you never have."

I look around embarrassed—everyone has gone from the diner, and Luke was the only one who was witnessing Lorelai's barrage.

"Do I get to talk at all?" I ask quietly. She shrugs, "Nope, but enjoy the coffee" she says as she turns back around towards the door.

"Well that's too bad!" I call out, and she turns back around, ready for round 2. There is a part of me—in the back of my mind somewhere that is screaming for me to stop, to not yell back at her…why I never listen to that voice, I'll never know.

"You want to lay it all on the line, okay here it is, on the line. You showed up on my doorstep five years ago. The first time in sixteen years…sixteen years! that you show up on my doorstep on a day you're not holiday obligated to be there. You ask me for money for Rory's schooling. And I wanted to be a part of your life—so I asked you for one meal—one night a week, where you would be in my house again—your house again. You had a sixteen year old daughter I didn't even know. Do you have any concept what that was like Lorelai? Do you?"

"Oh give it up Mom" she whined

"You shut your mouth Young lady! You got your chance to talk, now it's my turn…Every single committee meeting I went to, every DAR meeting, my friends were bringing pictures of their grandchildren, telling stories about them. I didn't even know my granddaughter! I didn't know what her favorite color was, or what she liked to do after school. I wasn't there for her first step, her first tooth—any of it. You took that away from me. You purposely shut me out!"

She rolled her eyes like she did when she was sixteen, "Mom, do we really have to do the whole, 'Lorelai I was the perfect mom and you were the child of the devil and you ran away and left me all alone," routine again? Seriously, you need to go back to martyrdom school and learn a new act. You never cared about me, you never wanted a daughter, you wanted a trophy, something that could look pretty and bow and curtsy and amaze your friends. That's all I was to you growing up, and that's all I'll ever be—your rusted old trophy,"

"That is not true!" I yelled.

"Really?" she said, "Oh gee, how bout dad telling everyone at the wedding, "Lorelai had these terrible ear infections. Gosh—she was in such terrible pain, but the terrible part was, we couldn't keep a nanny. I mean, Mary Poppins herself couldn't take care of our little devil—so, Emily had to have the terrible burden of sitting up with her all night—such a tragedy! I mean, the most terrible thing happened. One night, Lorelai was screaming so much that Emily was up all night long and slept late and therefore missed her nail appointment!"

I stood there staring at her—the hurt coursing through me like electricity. Who is this woman? What happened to my little girl? My baby? I can't do this anymore, I have to get out of here.

"You don't know the first thing about me" I said, picking up my purse and walking towards the door. It's hard to walk because it feels like I'm having a heart attack.

"Just stay out of my life. I don't want your interference, your money. I don't want you" she said. I turned around,

"Lorelai…just leave me alone, look…you've won. You have your diner, you have Luke, you've turned my grandbaby against me…Things are right back where they were five years ago. There you go. Marry the first person off the street for all I care."

"Mom…Luke is not the first person off the street! Don't you hear what I'm saying at all?"

I shut my eyes. I just want to get out of there. I just want leave.

"He has been my best friend forever. He is the most patient and kind man in the world. He waited for me. He waited for me forever."

That's it…I can't take anymore of it. I slam my purse down on the table,

"No…I waited for you forever!" I yelled, and was amazed and shocked at the amount of energy that came out as I said the words.

"Here we go," she cried, "Again with the, Lorelai left us bit"

I could leave it at that. Agree with her, walk out the door and go home. But a floodgate has been opened, and I don't think I can stop it now.

"You don't understand…You don't understand anything! I waited for you forever! When your father and I got married, the doctor's told me that I couldn't have children—never would have children! But we didn't believe them, so we went through months and months of fertility treatments, surgeries and procedures. All that time…All that time, I was going to baby showers, for all the Gilmore inlaws, and listening to Richard's mother say things like, "Gilmores have no trouble conceiving, it brings shame to a family when there are no children. If Emily can't have children, there must be something wrong with her." and for four years…every single time I went anywhere I was always, ALWAYS, asked "When are you going to give Richard a child?" "When are you going to have a family?" and I had to listen to whispers about how I was to much of a snob to have children, that I didn't want them."

I stop, trying to catch my breath, trying to push back the emotions that I had hidden for so long. She was just staring at me—in shock.

"When we found out we were pregnant with you…." I started again, stifling a sob. "It was the happiest day of my life."

I was madly wiping away tears, trying to savor some shred of dignity. There was a long moment of silence between us.

"Mom…I don't know what to say to that," she said quietly. "All I ever wanted was to be loved. All I ever wanted was to be accepted for the way I was. If you wanted me so badly, why did you spend my entire life making me believe you didn't care? Why did you let me be raised by nannies who were just there for a paycheck?"

Oh I am so tired. I'm tired of the pain, tired of the loneliness, tired of trying,

"Lorelai, you said to me once that I never knew you. And you were right. But you don't know me either. If you did…you would know that I never wanted the nannies. I never wanted this life…any of it. I wanted to raise my daughter, be there for her, share her hopes and dreams, let her cry on my shoulder when she was hurting…I wanted to be your mom. That's all I ever wanted…since the first day they put you in my arms." I take a deep breath and then take my purse and head to the door. She says nothing…she probably things I am being a martyr again.

I walk to the car, a foolish notion coming into my head that maybe she will come running out the door after me, and I would hold her and tell her I love her.

I wait for twenty minutes…she doesn't come.