Chapter Seventeen: Rather Disturbing Images

That night, everyone was gathered around their little tree-dwelling. Legolas happened to be wearing a very odd looking, sparkly, white outfit.

"Hey Legolas, isn't that one of Galadriel's dresses?" Merry asked.

Legolas put a finger to his lips. "Shh! Don't say that out loud!"

"I'm telling!" said the Magical Hob.

"Merry, if you tell her, then I'll abduct all of your little inanimate object friends and rip them to pieces!"

Merry shrugged. "Go ahead. I'm not really friends with them anymore, because they made fun of me and said I was crazy! Except Bob. He was my friend up until the moment he died!" He started to tear up at the memory of Bob the apple's death.

Legolas look frightened. "You really are crazy!"

Merry brightened up. "Really? Thanks, I try my best to give that impression!"

"Ooookaaaay. Now I'm just confused." Legolas walked over to his things and picked up a shiny, silver jug.

"Legolas, what's that thing?" Gimli asked.

Legolas, startled, quickly hid the jug behind his back. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Where did that jug come from?"

Legolas looked nervously, and then beckoned Gimli to him. "Promise me you won't tell anyone!" The dwarf made his promise, and Legolas said, "I took this jug from Galadriel's things! Isn't that funny?"

"I guess," Gimli said. "What are you going to do with it?"

The elf looked embarrassed. "Well, um... it makes a really good chamber pot!"

"Eew!" cried Gimli.

Suddenly, Sam stood on top of a tree stump, waved his arms in the air, and announced, "Random poetry time!"

Frodo clapped his hands over his ears. "No! Not the poetry! Anything but that!"

"You don't like my poetry?" Sam cried. "Well in that case, I'll say it on purpose just to irritate you!" he cleared his throat and said:

"One Thingum, two Thingum

Red Thingum, blue Thingum

I am Sam

Sam I am

Fireworks are pretty colors

And their colors are pretty

I wish I could be a firework."

Sam took a deep bow. "That was my best poem yet!"

Aragorn picked up his pillow and threw it at Sam. "That poetry was absolutely terrible! I feel insulted by it! I wouldn't even call that poetry!"

Sam looked about to cry. "I thought it was beautiful!"

Frodo tried to comfort his friend. "Um, actually it wasn't half bad, Sam. Aragorn's just a mean jerk who doesn't bathe or know what he's talking about."

Aragorn was offended. "Hey! What does my lack of bathing have to do with anything?"

"Aragorn, be quiet and go to sleep!" Boromir yelled.

"Fine," Aragorn grumbled. He was soon asleep, along with the rest of the fellowship.

Everyone was sleeping peacefully, except for Frodo. He lay awake, tossing and turning, and trying to not to gag from the smell of Gimli farting in his sleep. He at last decided to get up and wander around.

He crawled out of his blankets, but as soon as he took ten steps, a figure popped out of nowhere and yelled, "YOU...SHALL NOT...PASS!"

Frodo stared at the person in front of him. "Haldir? You'll wake everyone up if you shout like that!"

"No I won't!" Haldir pointed at Frodo's companions, who were all still fast asleep.

"Wow," Frodo said. "That's really kind of creepy. What are you doing here?"

Haldir shrugged. "I'm a security guard?"

"No you're not."

"I know." The elf sighed. "But I wish I was! It's my life-long dream!"

"Well, uh, am I free to walk through here?"

"Sure! I don't care!" And Haldir walked off, whistling to himself. Frodo decided to go for a short walk, and that was what he did. He suddenly came upon Galadriel, who was furiously scrubbing at the inside of a silver jug. She caught sight of Frodo. "Go to bed, shorty!"

"But I can't sleep. What are you doing?"

"Your stupid elf companion used my jug as a... well, as a chamber pot. And now I have to clean it out!"

Frodo looked disturbed. "Oh." He suddenly caught sight of something strange that looked like a bird bath. "Hey, what's this thing? Is it one of those wishing well things?" He pulled out a coin and tossed it into the water.

Galadriel suddenly threw a major tantrum and started to scream at Frodo. "YOU FOOL! DO NOT DISTURB THE WATER!"

"Aaaagghh!" squealed Frodo in terror. "You're scary!" He hid behind a large bush and started to cry.

Galadriel stopped screaming and went back to normal. "Frodo? Frodo, come out of there!"

"No! I'm scared!"

"Frodo, I didn't mean to! You can come out now!"

The Magical Hob wiped away his frightened tears and reluctantly came out of hiding. Suddenly, something popped out of the bushes brandishing a sword. "I'M HERE, MR. FRODOOO!"

Frodo stared at Sam. "Sam, I'm all right now!"

"Well I heard your cries of distress, Mr. Frodo, and I came to rescue you!"

"Frodo's okay," Galadriel said. "Hey, do you guys want to look in my magical mirror?"

"You mean that thing with the water that I disturbed?" Frodo said.

"Yes. Now go and take a look inside." She shoved Frodo over to the mirror, and the Magical Hob looked into the water. He shuddered with fear. "I see Legolas, and he's taken over the world and corrupted everyone with beauty products!"

"No!" gasped Galadriel. "It has to be a lie!"

Frodo continued to look in the mirror. "And now I see Gimli! He's in the Shire, and he's raising his arms, causing Magical Hobs to die from his body odor!"

"NOOO!" cried Sam in distress.

As Frodo continued to look, the more disturbing the images became. He at last became bored and stepped away from the mirror.

"Ooh, I want a turn!" Sam said. "Can I have a turn?"

Galadriel shrugged. "Okay."

"Yippee!" Sam eagerly ran over to the mirror and looked into its water. At first he could see nothing but the stars reflected in it. Five minutes passed. He could still see nothing. Fifteen minutes passed. Not a single image.

"What do you see, Sam?" Frodo asked.

"All I can see is a bunch of stupid stars!" Sam yelled. He lost his temper and kicked the mirror. "Ow, my foot!" The mirror teetered from side to side and splashed Sam with water. "Stupid cheap mirror!"

"Yeah, you're right," Galadriel agreed. "I bought it from some dwarves, and you can never trust dwarf products!"

"Hey!" cried Gimli. "I'm insulted! Ahh, the power of love!"

"Gimli, I'm not insulting you out of love!" Galadriel insisted. "I really truly dislike dwarves and their craftsmanship!"

Gimli laughed. "Sure. Woman always deny it!" He ran away, still laughing.

Galadriel sighed. "Well, you Magical Hobs had better go back to bed. Oh, and Legolas stole one of my sparkly dresses along with that jug! So make sure you yell at him for me in the morning."

"Um, okay," said Frodo. He and Sam left Galadriel and went back to bed.