Disclaimer: Never mine unfortunately.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Chapter 43 – Return to your arms
I loved the image my father painted for me that day. It helped make all other deaths in my life easier to bear as well. I've always liked to envisage your parents in a large forest Harry so that Prongs can ride freely.
Yes I thought you might like it also.
So my available time at the hospital was drawing to an end, regardless of my father's condition I couldn't just drop out of school to be by his side after he had worked –so- hard to get me in there in the first place.
So I returned to Hogwarts that weekend and Dumbledore, such a wonderfully kind man even then, set about making arrangements for me to see my father whenever I saw fit.
I think I went back to school then older then I had ever felt in my life.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
(1976)
Sirius's mind slowly drew itself out of sleep with a crawl, his eyes blinking lazily against the sunlight now filtering through the window.
He raised a heavy hand to his itchy eyes and rubbed then free of sleep before he sat up quietly. He glanced at the cloak beside his bed and groaned as it read 4:00am. Without Remus's warm body by his side the animagus had found himself to become an insomniac and it wasn't helping his droopy eyes which were already sore from his great breakdown not long ago.
Grunting lightly he pushed himself out of his bed, his limbs feeling like they were lined with lead as he padded into the dormitory ensuite. Clicking the door shut behind him he pulled off his T-shirt and slacks, kicking them to one side before stepping under a showerhead where he switched it on.
The hairs on his arms bristled by the sudden wave of cold water and then his skin goosepimpled as the running water warmed itself slowly.
He placed both palms flat against the wall in front of him before tilting his head back with his eyes closed. A low hum was heard in his ears as the shower water cascaded onto the tile floors and he let his mind clear of everything except that noise. He felt the water trickle over his skin in a soothing massage and he felt the droplets trail down his face like tears.
He missed Remus like he missed his own heart and he could feel himself cracking slightly in the werewolf's absence. He wanted to be strong for his lover but at the same time he needed the boy there for strength. He didn't know why he felt so crushed, was it because of Ethan Lupin's diagnosis or was it watching Remus bare his true emotions before him so rawly that had threw him?
He slowly dipped his head forwards and opened his eyes and mouth. The water trickled off his chin and lips like a small ledge in a ravine. His long cosmic blue hair hung around his face, hiding it from view as he watched the water swirl into the drain under him.
Then he stood straight again, removing one hand from the wall to brush his hair back out of his face and flat against his scalp. He lifted his gaze upwards once more as he stretched like a cat under the shower.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
"OK guys I know it's Saturday but we haven't had a lot of time this past week or so to have lessons so here we are." James said as he stood in front of the Order members once more, hands together as he addressed them.
"Where's Remus?" Caradoc asked politely but it was Sirius who answered him this time.
"Family matters, if you want to know more you'll have to ask him but I ask you...don't ask him anytime soon, please." The tall Gryffindor asked and after a minute the Ravenclaw nodded.
"Well we'd better get down to it then. I think we'd best go over 'Protego' today as this is very useful at blocking unfriendly spells. Partner up into twos and we'll start a demonstration." Lily said and everyone moved to follow her orders.
Sirius stood off to the side a little not particularly feeling up to any kind of hex work today. He crossed his arms over his chest as he stepped back to lean against the edge of one of the tables pushed up to one wall. He watched as James and Lily demonstrated the spell before they commanded everyone to move into pairs as they walked around them making sure it was done correctly.
James looked up briefly to look at Sirius but the dog animagus merely smiled at him, although even the messy haired teen could tell it was forced and even a little sad.
Sighing and looking away from his best friend Sirius closed his eyes as it dipped forwards, his hair hanging once more. He felt shudders go through his body and a shiver ran up his spine, which made him open his eyes in surprise. He looked around before his gaze fell on the entrance hall doors...and on the lone figure there.
He pushed up from the table before moving silently towards the shorter boy standing stock still in the doorway. He didn't take his eyes off the other teenager and he came to stop in front of him only a foot away.
Remus Lupin tilted his head up slightly to look into his boyfriend's face. Both remained unmoving, silent as they searched for what they needed in the other's face. It seemed Remus found his first as he suddenly moved forwards and wrapped his arms around Sirius's neck, the animagi's arms instantly going around his waist as he held the werewolf to him tightly.
"It's going to be ok Love." He whispered into the tawny boy's ear.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
James, Lily, Peter, Sirius and Remus were finally all by themselves up in the boy's dormitories. Remus was sat on the edge of his bed with Sirius on one side of him and Lily on the other, lovingly stroking his back like a mother or sister would.
James sat on his bed across from the werewolf and Peter was on the floor by the Stag animagi's feet. Remus had his hands clasped together in his lap as he stared ahead and he could vaguely feel Sirius's arm just under Lily's hand on the small of his back also.
"Remus..." James started but then he stopped, unsure of what he should say. 'How're you feeling' seemed obvious and just asking for a snide comment, 'It's going to be ok' is probably overused right now with both Sirius and (at least James was sure knowing the Lupins) Mr Lupin was saying.
But Remus seemed to know his friend's predicament as he smiled at him gently and nodded in understanding. James in turn returned the nod as he stood and moved to kneel before the tawny haired boy.
"Listen, if you want me to ask mum to go stay with your parents while you're here then you just have to ask." The teenager offered and Remus smiled again gratefully at him.
"I think mum would like that." He said quietly and James nodded in agreement.
"Its here though now isn't it?" Peter said in a slightly frightened tone as he looked round at his friends, Lily picking her head up off of Remus's that was resting on her shoulder.
"What's here Peter?" She asked softly and the boy looked down.
"The War, its more then just newspaper articles now...they're going to hurt our loved ones aren't they?"
Remus nodded solemnly.
"They won't stop for anybody until what they believe has been proving...or made a legal ruling. The worst kind of wars happen when the enemy believes that the horrendous things they are doing are for the 'greater good' Peter, but they never are, They're usually one man's lies decorated with the hopes of those around him in order to make them follow him without asking questions. The worse tyrants are powerful speakers and know how to alter a lie to fit everyone present. Voldemort is more then just a tyrant though...he's hatred and no force, no weaponry is advanced enough yet to stop that kind of driving force."
Silence rung after the werewolf's speech before Sirius shook his head in disagreement.
"I don't think that's entirely true. I believe that Voldemort will be beaten, if not by the side of good then by a person who is his counter-part like Dumbledore."
James and Lily looked at him but Remus offered him a hopeless grim smile.
"Even Dumbledore can't defeat such undiluted hatred." He said morbidly and this time Sirius pulled his lover to his chest as he rested his chin on top of the boy's head. He hated seeing his usually optimistic mate feeling so faithless but he could understand it without a doubt.
"Then maybe it won't be Dumbledore, the point is that –love- will defeat him. Whether it is love personified or the love of a group of friends, it will triumph because it will cancel out the pain and hatred...that's what your father was doing for your mother Remus." He said quietly and the werewolf was still against his chest but then he pulled back with glassier eyes. He knew though that the boy wouldn't cry here in front of their friends.
Remus wanted to say something, anything but he couldn't get the words out. Instead he leaned his head forwards against his lover's as he closed his eyes. Sirius let his drop closed as well and he reached a hand up to curl in soft textured hair.
James looked at Lily and Peter before jerking his head towards the door as a signal to leave. Nodding in agreement the three teenagers stood silently as they followed their unspoken leader out of the room, James looking back one last time to watch as Sirius comforted the distraught Remus.
"I don't mean to run off but I have a strong urge to go see Heidi right now." Peter muttered to them quietly and James smiled at him understandingly as he watched the shorter boy run off out of the portrait hole. Looking at one another James and Lily moved to sit on the empty sofa in the common room side by side.
"He's going to be ok right?" Lily asked quietly and James sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.
"Honestly? I don't know. I think he'll learn to deal but I don't think we're getting the same Remus back...this one is going to be a little battered."
He rubbed both hands down his face as he sat back against the suite. Lily watched him before suddenly she curled up against his side, momentarily shocking him before gingerly he placed an arm around her.
"I have a really big urge to see my parents now." She whispered and James nodded in agreement.
She toyed with the edge of his shirt as she watched her fingers fiddle with the cloth. She then splayed her hands flat against his stomach as she leaned against his shoulder even more letting her eyes flicker shut.
"I wish we had had longer before the War." She whispered and James looked down at the top of her head, resisting the urge to kiss the top of it.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Sirius was spooned behind Remus that night with his lover cradled close to his chest. He didn't tell his mate about his breakdown a few days before and he had sworn both of his other friends to secrecy.
It wasn't that he was ashamed of it but he wanted to be a sturdy pillar for Remus, to take his pain onto himself so that the werewolf may have even just an ounce of peace in this newly darkening time.
Sighing he turned his head slightly down to watch the restful face of his lover. He wondered briefly if this was the most sleep the boy had had, as the werewolf had looked extremely tired when he had returned through those doors a few hours before.
The face twitched into a little grimace and a small whimper escaped Remus's lips suddenly making Sirius reach a hand up to rest it on his shoulder gently. He couldn't make out the boy's mumbles but the tearful look on his face was enough to tell the animagus what he was dreaming about. He rested a hand upon the pale cheek in time to feel a slight dampness form at the corner of the werewolf's eyes before a clear path of salty water trickled over his fingertips.
He pulled the boy carefully onto his back murmuring softly to him as he felt Remus's mind awaken slightly. Thinking quickly he grabbed his wand off of his bedside table before casting 'Silenco' around the canopies on his bed.
Remus blinked himself out of his distraught slumber where he was greeted with the graceful features of Sirius Black, his face drawn in one of deep sympathy and shared pain.
Much as he tried to resist it he felt his face scrunch up and his shoulders shook as he pressed his palms into his eyes. His breathing was hitched as he cried, airy sobs escaping him and warm arms embraced him tightly.
Fed up of crying and getting a headache form the constant fall of tears he drew his hands from his face, grasping his lovers tightly before pulling the lips down on his trembling ones that were drawn down in sadness.
The salty tears were on Sirius's lips as he kissed Remus in return, offering whatever the boy needed and he could feel his own prickle behind his closed eyelids.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
"Mr Lupin, I have been granted permission to allow you weekend visits back to Bristol and your parents by a constant Portkey in my office, the same allowance being if any more news should arise."
Dumbledore gripped one of the boy's shoulders as Remus attempted to smile up at him gratefully but the Headmaster could see it did not reach his eyes.
"Mr Black too is allowed visits whenever either you or your parents deem it fit."
Remus looked over his shoulder at his mate who smiled at him softly in reassurance. The werewolf returned it as he felt a small beacon of hope once lost form in is heart after looking into those sapphire blue eyes.
Sirius was going to be here for him.
(TBC)
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Thanks to:
Kynny: They were beautiful words! And it wasn't weird.
Yaoi-is-gay-13: I like that view on death, it doesn't seem nearly as scary then at least for me.
Malfoyscutie: Strangely despite the amount of grief I've had to pull up for them these have been the chapters I've been most proud of.
Saturndragon: Aye I think for some people they don't understand that the pets become more then that, they are an extension of your family and they create personalities that can't be replaced. I had Figaro since I was a little girl (around 4) so it was like losing a constant as well.
Sidhelady: Hunter, what a lovely name! And aye I've seen that film lol!
Kitty254781: It must of felt so wonderful to just know that that breeze was your father, and I can't imagine losing my father at 15, I'd be shattered. I can only imagine how peaceful you must of felt at that time but I'm glad you were giving it!
Avain: I don't know what to say, what you said was so kind and it, the only word I can think of is 'helped'. The image of heaven that Ethan talks about is something I personally believe in because to be honest it makes death less frightening for both my two closest friends and me. I don't know what got into me when I wrote that last chapter but I'm glad I did, I think I needed to mourn him again.
Guu-Sama: Lol you sound as bad as me with your pets. Figaro was cremated and we've buried him in the garden in a wooden box just under the patch of earth he used to sunbathe in, under the Lilies. And I know what you mean, when my great-grandmother died, a –week- before Figaro, I cried for a day. When Figaro went...well, you read what happened to me last time. That was a horrible time as I've always heard that bad things come in threes. So first my Grandma went then Figaro but luckily it stopped there. Figs died of Leukaemia (or at least that's what the vet said) ...I didn't even know cats could get it.
Suzuka West: Tell me about it, it made me cry!
Caity-Cat: Lol See, I knew you would!
Stasha Malfoy: But it helps sometimes doesn't it? When you just find yourself crying as all these memories come back. I think Figaro hits me hardest (I mean I've also lost a rat called Caramel that I loved. When he was put down I just cried for three days. My dad said he had to fight crying with me because I was so distraught. So when Figaro was put down my dad who had been in Scotland at my Grandma's funeral told my sister who was looking after me to not tell me yet because he wanted to be there for me. He cried with me this time) because I had him 14 years. My two closets friends (who I've also known for 14 years) and I long promised each other that although I don't want to imagine one of them going because I couldn't handle that. And I think I will try that meditation for peace of mind. And thank you for understanding.
Aphrodite's Dragon: Lol hopefully this wasn't nearly as heartbreaking this time.
Legolas19: (chuckles) here you go.
White Winged Sidhe: (nabs a few tissues) thanks lol.
Black Lambs don't lie: Because it's always the good people that the bad things happen too, which I hate!
Kittie Kat: More then slash I went for emotion (a little too much it would seem). But that's what was brilliant about Figaro and I'm sure for Stinky too, you could spill your heart out to him knowing your secrets would stay with them. I think Figs learnt to recognise when I was upset because even if he was all the way across the other side of the house he would find me, jump on my bed and then curl up so his head rested over my chest. And thank you for the hug lol.
Passionflower: Seems like he wanted to avoid causing them pain for as long as possible. I'm sorry for your friend's loss, again I can only imagine her pain. Figaro himself was 14 years old and still far too young for my liking (I still have Figaro's mother who is the same age as me). King Arthur is a definite see, I didn't want to see it originally but I came out of it loving it.
Happy Cabbage: Oh good, I'd hate to bring up old wounds for you. Thank you and I'm glad to have helped distract you for a while at least (smiles).
Hp-Azn: I was teasing you, I needed to lol. Honestly, these have been strangely enlightening to right but never let it be said that when Athena writes angst that she does a poor job!
Happo: I was bullied once, thankfully not physically but that's why Figs was a confidant. Besides I understood what you meant, thank you lol.
Adhara1: Feel safe in the knowledge that you appear to not be alone. And I liked your Shrek quote, it made me laugh as I thought about it.
Tigerseye1: Lol I'm sorry, I'll try not to make you rust your computer.
Mirale nic Malfoy: No I never planned for Ethan to live in the end because in the books we're hinted to that the parents don't make it. (Clings back) much appreciated and ok, I'll take pride in it. Lol at your brother's argument, it's best not to get me started on that one.
Me: Thank you so much!
Toshide: I'd have to agree, the chapters I'm proudest of are definitely these ones.
Pippinsmyhobbit: The fields for me are real, but I don't think it's the only afterlife. If you imagine that you're going to white clouds then you're going there. If you believe you're being reincarnated straight away then that's happening too. And Arthur's good, go see it.
Sam: Sorry lol, I feel I should apologise for dragging you all down with me. But as long as you like the chapter then that isn't so bad.
Blue-Winged Sidhe: I like that idea, Figaro by my side is a comforting thought. I really wanted that chapter perfect though, even if it was horribly sad. I think Sirius's reaction was easier for me to do...ever felt uselessly grieved? But lol at the plushies bit, I'll try to remember to make better understanding of phrases.
Callista Silverheart: Old, old belief that one and one of my favourites. Imagine meeting all your old ancestors.
Elrohir Lover: I'm just going to stay here for a while if that's all right with you? Even through a computer you give nice hugs and comfort.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Chapter 43 – Return to your arms
I loved the image my father painted for me that day. It helped make all other deaths in my life easier to bear as well. I've always liked to envisage your parents in a large forest Harry so that Prongs can ride freely.
Yes I thought you might like it also.
So my available time at the hospital was drawing to an end, regardless of my father's condition I couldn't just drop out of school to be by his side after he had worked –so- hard to get me in there in the first place.
So I returned to Hogwarts that weekend and Dumbledore, such a wonderfully kind man even then, set about making arrangements for me to see my father whenever I saw fit.
I think I went back to school then older then I had ever felt in my life.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
(1976)
Sirius's mind slowly drew itself out of sleep with a crawl, his eyes blinking lazily against the sunlight now filtering through the window.
He raised a heavy hand to his itchy eyes and rubbed then free of sleep before he sat up quietly. He glanced at the cloak beside his bed and groaned as it read 4:00am. Without Remus's warm body by his side the animagus had found himself to become an insomniac and it wasn't helping his droopy eyes which were already sore from his great breakdown not long ago.
Grunting lightly he pushed himself out of his bed, his limbs feeling like they were lined with lead as he padded into the dormitory ensuite. Clicking the door shut behind him he pulled off his T-shirt and slacks, kicking them to one side before stepping under a showerhead where he switched it on.
The hairs on his arms bristled by the sudden wave of cold water and then his skin goosepimpled as the running water warmed itself slowly.
He placed both palms flat against the wall in front of him before tilting his head back with his eyes closed. A low hum was heard in his ears as the shower water cascaded onto the tile floors and he let his mind clear of everything except that noise. He felt the water trickle over his skin in a soothing massage and he felt the droplets trail down his face like tears.
He missed Remus like he missed his own heart and he could feel himself cracking slightly in the werewolf's absence. He wanted to be strong for his lover but at the same time he needed the boy there for strength. He didn't know why he felt so crushed, was it because of Ethan Lupin's diagnosis or was it watching Remus bare his true emotions before him so rawly that had threw him?
He slowly dipped his head forwards and opened his eyes and mouth. The water trickled off his chin and lips like a small ledge in a ravine. His long cosmic blue hair hung around his face, hiding it from view as he watched the water swirl into the drain under him.
Then he stood straight again, removing one hand from the wall to brush his hair back out of his face and flat against his scalp. He lifted his gaze upwards once more as he stretched like a cat under the shower.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
"OK guys I know it's Saturday but we haven't had a lot of time this past week or so to have lessons so here we are." James said as he stood in front of the Order members once more, hands together as he addressed them.
"Where's Remus?" Caradoc asked politely but it was Sirius who answered him this time.
"Family matters, if you want to know more you'll have to ask him but I ask you...don't ask him anytime soon, please." The tall Gryffindor asked and after a minute the Ravenclaw nodded.
"Well we'd better get down to it then. I think we'd best go over 'Protego' today as this is very useful at blocking unfriendly spells. Partner up into twos and we'll start a demonstration." Lily said and everyone moved to follow her orders.
Sirius stood off to the side a little not particularly feeling up to any kind of hex work today. He crossed his arms over his chest as he stepped back to lean against the edge of one of the tables pushed up to one wall. He watched as James and Lily demonstrated the spell before they commanded everyone to move into pairs as they walked around them making sure it was done correctly.
James looked up briefly to look at Sirius but the dog animagus merely smiled at him, although even the messy haired teen could tell it was forced and even a little sad.
Sighing and looking away from his best friend Sirius closed his eyes as it dipped forwards, his hair hanging once more. He felt shudders go through his body and a shiver ran up his spine, which made him open his eyes in surprise. He looked around before his gaze fell on the entrance hall doors...and on the lone figure there.
He pushed up from the table before moving silently towards the shorter boy standing stock still in the doorway. He didn't take his eyes off the other teenager and he came to stop in front of him only a foot away.
Remus Lupin tilted his head up slightly to look into his boyfriend's face. Both remained unmoving, silent as they searched for what they needed in the other's face. It seemed Remus found his first as he suddenly moved forwards and wrapped his arms around Sirius's neck, the animagi's arms instantly going around his waist as he held the werewolf to him tightly.
"It's going to be ok Love." He whispered into the tawny boy's ear.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
James, Lily, Peter, Sirius and Remus were finally all by themselves up in the boy's dormitories. Remus was sat on the edge of his bed with Sirius on one side of him and Lily on the other, lovingly stroking his back like a mother or sister would.
James sat on his bed across from the werewolf and Peter was on the floor by the Stag animagi's feet. Remus had his hands clasped together in his lap as he stared ahead and he could vaguely feel Sirius's arm just under Lily's hand on the small of his back also.
"Remus..." James started but then he stopped, unsure of what he should say. 'How're you feeling' seemed obvious and just asking for a snide comment, 'It's going to be ok' is probably overused right now with both Sirius and (at least James was sure knowing the Lupins) Mr Lupin was saying.
But Remus seemed to know his friend's predicament as he smiled at him gently and nodded in understanding. James in turn returned the nod as he stood and moved to kneel before the tawny haired boy.
"Listen, if you want me to ask mum to go stay with your parents while you're here then you just have to ask." The teenager offered and Remus smiled again gratefully at him.
"I think mum would like that." He said quietly and James nodded in agreement.
"Its here though now isn't it?" Peter said in a slightly frightened tone as he looked round at his friends, Lily picking her head up off of Remus's that was resting on her shoulder.
"What's here Peter?" She asked softly and the boy looked down.
"The War, its more then just newspaper articles now...they're going to hurt our loved ones aren't they?"
Remus nodded solemnly.
"They won't stop for anybody until what they believe has been proving...or made a legal ruling. The worst kind of wars happen when the enemy believes that the horrendous things they are doing are for the 'greater good' Peter, but they never are, They're usually one man's lies decorated with the hopes of those around him in order to make them follow him without asking questions. The worse tyrants are powerful speakers and know how to alter a lie to fit everyone present. Voldemort is more then just a tyrant though...he's hatred and no force, no weaponry is advanced enough yet to stop that kind of driving force."
Silence rung after the werewolf's speech before Sirius shook his head in disagreement.
"I don't think that's entirely true. I believe that Voldemort will be beaten, if not by the side of good then by a person who is his counter-part like Dumbledore."
James and Lily looked at him but Remus offered him a hopeless grim smile.
"Even Dumbledore can't defeat such undiluted hatred." He said morbidly and this time Sirius pulled his lover to his chest as he rested his chin on top of the boy's head. He hated seeing his usually optimistic mate feeling so faithless but he could understand it without a doubt.
"Then maybe it won't be Dumbledore, the point is that –love- will defeat him. Whether it is love personified or the love of a group of friends, it will triumph because it will cancel out the pain and hatred...that's what your father was doing for your mother Remus." He said quietly and the werewolf was still against his chest but then he pulled back with glassier eyes. He knew though that the boy wouldn't cry here in front of their friends.
Remus wanted to say something, anything but he couldn't get the words out. Instead he leaned his head forwards against his lover's as he closed his eyes. Sirius let his drop closed as well and he reached a hand up to curl in soft textured hair.
James looked at Lily and Peter before jerking his head towards the door as a signal to leave. Nodding in agreement the three teenagers stood silently as they followed their unspoken leader out of the room, James looking back one last time to watch as Sirius comforted the distraught Remus.
"I don't mean to run off but I have a strong urge to go see Heidi right now." Peter muttered to them quietly and James smiled at him understandingly as he watched the shorter boy run off out of the portrait hole. Looking at one another James and Lily moved to sit on the empty sofa in the common room side by side.
"He's going to be ok right?" Lily asked quietly and James sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.
"Honestly? I don't know. I think he'll learn to deal but I don't think we're getting the same Remus back...this one is going to be a little battered."
He rubbed both hands down his face as he sat back against the suite. Lily watched him before suddenly she curled up against his side, momentarily shocking him before gingerly he placed an arm around her.
"I have a really big urge to see my parents now." She whispered and James nodded in agreement.
She toyed with the edge of his shirt as she watched her fingers fiddle with the cloth. She then splayed her hands flat against his stomach as she leaned against his shoulder even more letting her eyes flicker shut.
"I wish we had had longer before the War." She whispered and James looked down at the top of her head, resisting the urge to kiss the top of it.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Sirius was spooned behind Remus that night with his lover cradled close to his chest. He didn't tell his mate about his breakdown a few days before and he had sworn both of his other friends to secrecy.
It wasn't that he was ashamed of it but he wanted to be a sturdy pillar for Remus, to take his pain onto himself so that the werewolf may have even just an ounce of peace in this newly darkening time.
Sighing he turned his head slightly down to watch the restful face of his lover. He wondered briefly if this was the most sleep the boy had had, as the werewolf had looked extremely tired when he had returned through those doors a few hours before.
The face twitched into a little grimace and a small whimper escaped Remus's lips suddenly making Sirius reach a hand up to rest it on his shoulder gently. He couldn't make out the boy's mumbles but the tearful look on his face was enough to tell the animagus what he was dreaming about. He rested a hand upon the pale cheek in time to feel a slight dampness form at the corner of the werewolf's eyes before a clear path of salty water trickled over his fingertips.
He pulled the boy carefully onto his back murmuring softly to him as he felt Remus's mind awaken slightly. Thinking quickly he grabbed his wand off of his bedside table before casting 'Silenco' around the canopies on his bed.
Remus blinked himself out of his distraught slumber where he was greeted with the graceful features of Sirius Black, his face drawn in one of deep sympathy and shared pain.
Much as he tried to resist it he felt his face scrunch up and his shoulders shook as he pressed his palms into his eyes. His breathing was hitched as he cried, airy sobs escaping him and warm arms embraced him tightly.
Fed up of crying and getting a headache form the constant fall of tears he drew his hands from his face, grasping his lovers tightly before pulling the lips down on his trembling ones that were drawn down in sadness.
The salty tears were on Sirius's lips as he kissed Remus in return, offering whatever the boy needed and he could feel his own prickle behind his closed eyelids.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
"Mr Lupin, I have been granted permission to allow you weekend visits back to Bristol and your parents by a constant Portkey in my office, the same allowance being if any more news should arise."
Dumbledore gripped one of the boy's shoulders as Remus attempted to smile up at him gratefully but the Headmaster could see it did not reach his eyes.
"Mr Black too is allowed visits whenever either you or your parents deem it fit."
Remus looked over his shoulder at his mate who smiled at him softly in reassurance. The werewolf returned it as he felt a small beacon of hope once lost form in is heart after looking into those sapphire blue eyes.
Sirius was going to be here for him.
(TBC)
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Thanks to:
Kynny: They were beautiful words! And it wasn't weird.
Yaoi-is-gay-13: I like that view on death, it doesn't seem nearly as scary then at least for me.
Malfoyscutie: Strangely despite the amount of grief I've had to pull up for them these have been the chapters I've been most proud of.
Saturndragon: Aye I think for some people they don't understand that the pets become more then that, they are an extension of your family and they create personalities that can't be replaced. I had Figaro since I was a little girl (around 4) so it was like losing a constant as well.
Sidhelady: Hunter, what a lovely name! And aye I've seen that film lol!
Kitty254781: It must of felt so wonderful to just know that that breeze was your father, and I can't imagine losing my father at 15, I'd be shattered. I can only imagine how peaceful you must of felt at that time but I'm glad you were giving it!
Avain: I don't know what to say, what you said was so kind and it, the only word I can think of is 'helped'. The image of heaven that Ethan talks about is something I personally believe in because to be honest it makes death less frightening for both my two closest friends and me. I don't know what got into me when I wrote that last chapter but I'm glad I did, I think I needed to mourn him again.
Guu-Sama: Lol you sound as bad as me with your pets. Figaro was cremated and we've buried him in the garden in a wooden box just under the patch of earth he used to sunbathe in, under the Lilies. And I know what you mean, when my great-grandmother died, a –week- before Figaro, I cried for a day. When Figaro went...well, you read what happened to me last time. That was a horrible time as I've always heard that bad things come in threes. So first my Grandma went then Figaro but luckily it stopped there. Figs died of Leukaemia (or at least that's what the vet said) ...I didn't even know cats could get it.
Suzuka West: Tell me about it, it made me cry!
Caity-Cat: Lol See, I knew you would!
Stasha Malfoy: But it helps sometimes doesn't it? When you just find yourself crying as all these memories come back. I think Figaro hits me hardest (I mean I've also lost a rat called Caramel that I loved. When he was put down I just cried for three days. My dad said he had to fight crying with me because I was so distraught. So when Figaro was put down my dad who had been in Scotland at my Grandma's funeral told my sister who was looking after me to not tell me yet because he wanted to be there for me. He cried with me this time) because I had him 14 years. My two closets friends (who I've also known for 14 years) and I long promised each other that although I don't want to imagine one of them going because I couldn't handle that. And I think I will try that meditation for peace of mind. And thank you for understanding.
Aphrodite's Dragon: Lol hopefully this wasn't nearly as heartbreaking this time.
Legolas19: (chuckles) here you go.
White Winged Sidhe: (nabs a few tissues) thanks lol.
Black Lambs don't lie: Because it's always the good people that the bad things happen too, which I hate!
Kittie Kat: More then slash I went for emotion (a little too much it would seem). But that's what was brilliant about Figaro and I'm sure for Stinky too, you could spill your heart out to him knowing your secrets would stay with them. I think Figs learnt to recognise when I was upset because even if he was all the way across the other side of the house he would find me, jump on my bed and then curl up so his head rested over my chest. And thank you for the hug lol.
Passionflower: Seems like he wanted to avoid causing them pain for as long as possible. I'm sorry for your friend's loss, again I can only imagine her pain. Figaro himself was 14 years old and still far too young for my liking (I still have Figaro's mother who is the same age as me). King Arthur is a definite see, I didn't want to see it originally but I came out of it loving it.
Happy Cabbage: Oh good, I'd hate to bring up old wounds for you. Thank you and I'm glad to have helped distract you for a while at least (smiles).
Hp-Azn: I was teasing you, I needed to lol. Honestly, these have been strangely enlightening to right but never let it be said that when Athena writes angst that she does a poor job!
Happo: I was bullied once, thankfully not physically but that's why Figs was a confidant. Besides I understood what you meant, thank you lol.
Adhara1: Feel safe in the knowledge that you appear to not be alone. And I liked your Shrek quote, it made me laugh as I thought about it.
Tigerseye1: Lol I'm sorry, I'll try not to make you rust your computer.
Mirale nic Malfoy: No I never planned for Ethan to live in the end because in the books we're hinted to that the parents don't make it. (Clings back) much appreciated and ok, I'll take pride in it. Lol at your brother's argument, it's best not to get me started on that one.
Me: Thank you so much!
Toshide: I'd have to agree, the chapters I'm proudest of are definitely these ones.
Pippinsmyhobbit: The fields for me are real, but I don't think it's the only afterlife. If you imagine that you're going to white clouds then you're going there. If you believe you're being reincarnated straight away then that's happening too. And Arthur's good, go see it.
Sam: Sorry lol, I feel I should apologise for dragging you all down with me. But as long as you like the chapter then that isn't so bad.
Blue-Winged Sidhe: I like that idea, Figaro by my side is a comforting thought. I really wanted that chapter perfect though, even if it was horribly sad. I think Sirius's reaction was easier for me to do...ever felt uselessly grieved? But lol at the plushies bit, I'll try to remember to make better understanding of phrases.
Callista Silverheart: Old, old belief that one and one of my favourites. Imagine meeting all your old ancestors.
Elrohir Lover: I'm just going to stay here for a while if that's all right with you? Even through a computer you give nice hugs and comfort.