Disclaimer: Not my characters.
AN: I'm so sorry it took so long but I got an eye infection (Still have it in one) that made staring at a white screen for hours extremely painful. But Despite the fact I still have it I felt you've all waited long enough. I should warn you though that updates won't be as frequent due to College project deadlines.
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Chapter 44 – Anger management
Grief can turn into many things you know. Anger, depression, anxiety, or even tiredness but I believe that I was a mixture of both the angst and the anger. I wanted to blame someone for what was happening to my family and yet the Death Eaters would've made short work of me.
I'm usually the level-headed one but your heart can make you do very out of character things as I soon learned.
Sirius actually could probably tell you a much greater deal about acting on impulse...
...He served 12 years for acting on impulse.
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(1976)
The following week had passed like several eternities, long and memories were vague of what had occurred throughout the day as they passed in monotone. Notes were taken automatically conversations forced and body heavy with mourning lead.
But with Sirius Remus was as open as he could possibly be. Crying when he needed to knowing that the animagus would tell no one, finding brief happiness as Sirius told him a little joke to just quirk his lips up a little or simply sitting in his lovers arms bathed in protected love.
Currently he was led in bed beside his black haired lover, head resting on the other boy's chest as he listened to the heart beneath it beat in simultaneous succession and the chest rising before falling with each breath.
He slipped his eyes closed as he surrendered to the touch of finger combing through his hair in a soothing massage, lips dropped to his crown every now and again as a reassuring kiss was put there and the other hand tickled the skin of his arm over Sirius's hip with gentle strokes.
Sirius continued to stare at the canopy as his mind ran around in circles, a common trait for it these days. He concentrated on the warm body pressed against his side before he started to hum, inaudibly at first save for the vibration in his throat but then it grew steadily louder.
It was the tune they had danced to at the Dance not long ago.
Remus chuckled a little, weakly but a true sound from him in days that sounded happy. Sirius continued to hum the little dance, his head swaying a little in time before after another airy breath that was a soundless laugh from his lover Remus braced himself up a little to look down at his mate.
"You always know what to do." He said with a flicker of a smile before leaning down to kiss the other male's lips gently, Sirius's hand cupping the side of his face.
Sirius's stomach squirmed from the idea of what his boyfriend had just said. He had yet to tell the werewolf of his fears of not being able to help but for now he kept an outside appearance of strength for his lover.
"Yes well, I'm me aren't I?" He teased lightly as he stroked the light hair, it was a little limp around Remus's face but not greasily so just depressingly so.
Remus smiled again but it didn't quite reach his eyes this time. Sirius looked at him sadly as he embraced the boy's face with both his hands.
"Is there anything I can do for you love? I want to help in any way you need." He said quietly as Remus's head lowered itself to his chest again. The werewolf's hand slipped a little under Sirius's shirt to stroke against the flesh of the raven-haired male's hip.
Remus sighed into the cloth of his boyfriend's shirt. He knew Sirius wanted to help and he wanted to say he could but even he didn't know how to make the knot of pain in his stomach uncoil even just slightly. If he did then he'd tell Sirius in a heartbeat.
"Just be where you are." He whispered as he buried his nose in his lover's chest.
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The Marauders stepped into the Potions classroom, Lily following behind accompanied by her friend Alice as they giggled a little at the fact that Frank Longbottom was blushing again when Alice waved.
Peter was shuffling through some notes, not really watching where he was going but James manoeuvred him out of the way of obstacles several times. James himself was walking on the otherside of Remus as the werewolf remained tightly against Sirius's side, hands clasped together.
"Settle down class, settle down." The Potions master, a tall dark haired woman, said as she wiped the board behind her clean with a cloth. The students shuffled into chairs in a flurried commotion of scraping chairs and pulling out needed apparatus.
Remus seemed to blank out the Professor's talking until it felt like nothing more then a mere buzzing sound, his gaze settled on the tabletop in front of him. He could feel himself slipping into a darkened place in his mind as his thoughts travelled back to his father. To fight tears more then anything he looked up and looked towards the only window in the place, a thin open oblong in the wall about halfway up it.
He felt his heart give a shudder, whether in happiness or sadness he wasn't sure but an airy sound resembling a laugh left him as he caught sight of something outside.
He could just see a tree by the lake (which he couldn't see at this angle but knew instinctively) as it swayed in a mild breeze. The Willow tree moved idly, seemingly enjoying the gentle rocking as it remained in its place by the large lake. Closing his eyes Remus felt he could hear as the gentle wind ruffled through the leaves making a familiar sound.
He imagined wide fields with blue skies that had soft rolling clouds drifting overhead but never causing an overcast. He imagined a flat rock beneath a Willow Tree that had gold leaves instead of green and he imagined his father sat upon that rock, surrounded by parchment as he scribbled a story onto the sheets. His father, so wonderful at creating stories would be able to take his time, write wonderfully intricate tales in time for Remus to read when he would arrive in his father's fields.
Slowly he blinked open his eyes and the sun seemed to have angled itself in the window so that it hit him in the face, bathing it in comforting heat and yet he still felt that knot in his stomach tighten from his thoughts.
"Remus?" Someone whispered at his side and he turned to find Sirius and James looking at him in concern. He smiled at them softly.
"I'm ok." He said simply and the two looked a while longer before nodding in understanding.
A knock sounded at the chamber door and after a call from the Professor a fifth year prefect stepped into the room, walking directly towards the teacher and whispering his message.
"Now? But I have a class." The teacher said but the boy shrugged a little.
"Ma'am, he says it's important."
Sighing the woman turned back to the class with a wave of her hand.
"I shall return in a moment, until then continue writing down the instructions from the board." And with a swirl of her cloak she left with the messenger. There was a collective sigh as people put down their quills and clicked their wrists free of tension.
Sirius leant towards Remus and touched his hand tentatively making the tawny boy look at him.
"You sure you're ok? Because you kind of spaced."
Remus nodded again before looking out the window again. The sun had seemed to be covered by passing clouds as once again he felt the chill of the dungeon whisper over his skin.
"What's up Loopy? Having Bitch problems?"
Normal, rational thoughts fled the werewolf's mind as he slowly turned to look at the otherside of the room. Lucius Malfoy was sneeringly smirking at him as he cradled his chin between his thumbs, his followers of Crabbe Goyle Snape and Bellatrix barely (though it was highly unlikely they were trying to) cover up their chuckles or malicious high pitched giggles.
"Shut up Lucy, you remember what happened last time you Slytherins said something!" Sirius spat quickly but Malfoy merely quirked an eyebrow.
"Oh you are pathetic Black, jumping like a faithful lapdog to your girlfriend's defence. It's funny the first time but it's getting a little old now don't you think?"
"Says the boy who has year after year sought the constant attention of the Marauders by making snide if some what weak comments." Lily suddenly said and Bellatrix seemed to bristle under the tone of her voice.
"If I required your attention I would've asked for it Mudblood. Learn to remember your place among those surprior to you." Malfoy drawled and James's hand flew to his wand. Lily however stopped it before he rose it shaking her head.
Remus had been staring at the table throughout this but not out of embarrassment, far from it. His lips were drawn in a tight form, his breathing through his voice laboured and his hands trembled as he gripped the table tightly until the pads of his fingers turned white under the pressure. A faint humming was sounding in hid ears as he felt an all-consuming anger lick at his insides.
"See that's the problem with Evans and Lupin," Malfoy continued as he turned to speak to his gang loudly, "It's the blood that's in their bodies. Evans with her muggle parents and Lupin with his Mudblood mother. I once heard that the family was really quite respectable but then Lupin's father was a weak link in the family, caving in and marrying a mudbl..."
Malfoy never finished his sentence as a fist suddenly collided with the side of his face. Nobody had seem Remus rise from his chair, make his way towards the group and punch the Slytherin with such force that he fell off his chair.
Remus was on top of him in seconds, a sneer on his face as his eyes were glassy with tears of both anguish and anger. He ignored the yells around him, the movement as he gripped the Pureblood's robes and held him pinned tightly to the floor. Malfoy stared up at him in fear.
"Never.speak.about.my.father. -AGAIN-!" Remus said in a tone of voice that no one had heard on him before but it seemed to serve at keeping the other Slytherins away. He slammed the boy into the ground again.
"You have no idea how strong my father is, how far from weak that he is!" He spat, his hands gripping tighter.
"You, you filthy loathsome snivelling worm of a man who has not an ounce of true dignity in your filthy 'pure' body! You wouldn't know courage if it came to you dressed in drag, you heartless Prick of a boy!"
He slammed Lucius back once more before standing and fleeing the room. Sirius who had watched the scene with shock suddenly shook himself out of it and took after his boyfriend, leaving James to clean up the mess.
Sirius could hear footsteps fading but he couldn't see Remus, couldn't keep up with him. Starting to lose the other boy he quickly (after glancing around the halls to see if he was alone) changed into Padfoot, finding that four legs were better than two. Plus he could follow the familiar scent easier as well.
Padfoot bounded through the corridor until the trail led him outside. He caught a vague glimpse of Remus disappearing down a hillside before with a bark he took after the boy. Unsurprisingly he found himself at the Whomping Willow and after dodging a fair few swipes he charged into the tunnel leading to the Shrieking Shack.
He changed back into human form once in the tunnel and he made it halfway up the stairs when he heard a loud crash from the room upstairs. He stopped for a minute before continuing on and pushed the door open lightly.
"AGH" Remus cried angrily as he picked up a broken chair and threw it against the opposite wall. He then turned, found a small object on the broken dresser in the room and threw it so that it shattered against the wall into a million pieces. He punched a wall hard, a dent growing there before he found another object to break.
Sirius remained silent by the door, somehow knowing that Remus needed this outlet.
"WHY HIM!" The werewolf yelled as he suddenly looked up at the ceiling, panting harshly through the adrenaline pumping through him.
"HE'S A GOOD MAN AND YOU HAVE TO TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME! WHY CAN'T YOU LET ME HAVE THIS ONE THING!" He sobbed angrily, punching the wall again as he said the last word.
"HE DID NOTHING WRONG! HE DID...He did..." Hs words were breaking up into sobs but with one final drawn out yell he turned and threw his fist with an untameable strength into the mirror of the dresser, cracks flying everywhere with speckles of blood.
Then Remus seemed drained and he dropped the floor, hands bracing him up as his shoulder shook.
"There a-are worse people." He sobbed finally before collapsing into himself.
Sirius silently walked towards his lover, kneeling beside him and without resistance pulled him into his arms. He knew what had been bothering Remus now for the past week or so.
Remus needed something he could fight away in compensation for not being able to fight the medical demon killing his father.
He hushed the other boy slightly; feeling some of the tension slip from his lover as they sat huddled together. Both ignored the blood trailing over Remus's knuckle and they continued to remain there, still and mute as they both lost themselves in their minds.
Sirius on how he severely underestimated Remus's ability to look after himself.
(TBC)
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Thanks To:
Person ): I'm truly sorry for your loss, I can only imagine what that must have felt like. I hope that particular chapter helped you in any way, even if it was even just a little.
Avain: Wow you...wow. People have made the little comments but never has anything been so, so –driven- for me. Despite the fact I have a career in mind I think you have managed to convince me to write one day, even if it is just on the side like Tolkien and Rowling did (despite Rowling now has it as a full time career). Thank you, that review meant a lot to me.
Saturndragon: I like that idea and it would be fitting for Figaro to be my muse. When I used to draw and write he's lie beside me swatting at my pencil occasionally. I used to love it, he followed me everywhere.
Kynny: I've always believed that cats (or any pet) know when you're upset. They seem to seek you when you're upset and sometimes their mere presence is soothing. And thank you, 'rousing' is such a nice powering word to use.
Sidhelady: Sometimes it's difficult to watch a friend/lover break. It's very upsetting not knowing what to do but knowing that you have to do something even if it is just to hold the person to you. I liked the shower bit to especially since I took a shower just to try and get that bit spot on (very relaxing lol). And lol, oh don't worry I've already threatened to have lots of cats when I'm old named after the entire cast of CATS (Grizzabella, Rum Tum Tugger, Mistoffles etc).
Hp-Azn: Feel the angst lol. And glad to here it, getting Draco in trouble in FC was fun lol!
Yaoi-is-gay-13: I think now that Remus has vented himself that he can begin to heal a little. And Sirius is wonderful to write like this as I think he is a passionate man but 'passionate' doesn't mean caring!
Jenna: Lol it seems like group therapy already but in a good way. Everyone's sharing moments of fun or past pains in their reviews, which takes you guys from being just 'reviewers' to being real people. It's nice and comforting. PS didn't mean to upset you (offers a hug, being doing that a fair bit).
Caity-Cat: He should shouldn't he! Ah bloody Potters, all a bunch of wimps really lol. Maybe I should have Rem and Siri just go out somewhere next chapter, give them a break and all.
Legolas19: Here you are lol!
Callista Silverheart: Realistic is painful, to make the scenes that every one loves I'm drawing up real life incidents. It just makes it more then just 'He cried...a lot'; I want everyone to go 'I know how that feels'! And again, thank you your review to was very boosting in the possible career choice. Wahey to you on the hug! And...KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM lol!
Elrohir Lover: (huggles) this is nice lol. What do you think, should I give the puppies a little break in the next chapter?
Happo: No, no I know what you mean. Sometimes you see something and you just understand the other persons pain (NEVER watch the Red Nose Day clips, the amount of children suffering always makes me get a lump in my throat).
Mirale Nic Draco: Shit did I really put that? Lol, so sorry I wasn't paying attention. And bollocks to the CLOAK thing too (ah you knew what I meant lol).
Malfoyscutie: There are a few of you who –really- like the idea of me writing professionally. What do you think, hetro or homo stories?
Pippinsmyhobbit: Your brother? Goddess that must have been so hard, I'd hate to see mine go through something as bad as that. But if these last chapters are helping you then I will never feel any guilt in writing them, as long as helping is what they are doing. And the bit you quoted me on is from a conversation that my best friend and me had...we tend to discuss things deeply.
Adhara1: I think I'll give the puppies a happyish moment next chapter, I have something planned. But thank you lol, and sorry what's done is done.
Rhiannan Star: Thank you, it's nice to know I'm not making anybody shiver in disgust at what can go to either being mushy or being emotional. Sorry it took so long!
Guu-Sama: I think I had something like that with a past cat called Fudge. It wasn't so much haunting but a presence and I marked it off and told myself off for falling for supernatural mojo (says the Wiccan lol). But my friend mentioned one day that she felt something, -completely- freaking me out! But trust, sometimes being an animal lover has it's drawbacks when you find yourself in similar situations as ourselves...I don't regret it for one minute though.
XXxPyscho-chanxXx: Lol thank you that means a lot to me that you like this.
Obviously Oblivious: Ah a man/woman of few words. And thank you lol.
Suzuka West: So sorry it took so long, see Authors note for explanation! (Sorry again).
Cecile: Well look at it this way, when you do get access again you'll have a lot to read!
Seraphina Pyra: Thank you so very much, And wow does it take that long to read nowadays? But I totally understand not reviewing every chapter so no offence taken lol.
Hp4me: I've been requested by many to end this on a happy note, which I think I may do (Graduation day maybe). However I may consider a one shot take on the betrayal. And thank you, that's always nice to hear.
Elven-Goddess-Riona: (blushes) Thank you, what a way to open a review! That made me feel all squiggly inside lol! And right, I'll have a drop in at your story (hopefully have it read by next chapter!).
Blue Winged Angel: THANK YOU! I was shooting for that and your confirmation has certainly made my day. A story is more...I don't know 'Real', 'Understandable' if the reader feels it too, at least that's what I think. So I thank you again!
IsisFireDancer: Merry Meet, Merry Part and Merry Meet again! Lol, I do apologise for creating that somewhat embarrassing scene for you! And I'm so sorry for your cat, even more for her sister. I hated it watching my cat Gemma (who is Figaro's mother, as well as my other Cat Fidget and Tango, Tango has also passed) walking around the house mewling for her kittens and waiting for her playmates. How you've buried Sophie (and you're right, 5 years was far too short a life) sounds similar to Figaro buried (We had him cremated) in his favourite sunning spot in the garden. Here's another idea for heaven my sister told me that fit. Everyone has a favourite memory or place (mine being those fields) and sometimes tat memory will merge with someone elses (EG you may both be strangers but you were both at an event at the same time) meaning that you meet new people even in the after life. Blessed Be!