Chapter Eleven

Dear Harm,

If there is one thing I have learned in life is that life in itself is completely unpredictable. You may think that your life is heading in one direction, when in actuality, life is a river . . . you have to move with it or drown fighting it. I thought that a squid like you would appreciate that little tidbit of information.

I guess now you are wondering why I gave you that piece of information. I have watched you for years fight changes that happen in your life: the death of your father, the death of Diane, the change in your career . . . but baby, sometimes bad things happen in life and you haven't drown yet in the river that we call life.

I suppose that is what I was doing when I fought my mother on my way out here. I didn't understand why she chose to stay with my father, and didn't find another way to protect me. I loved living in Philadelphia. It was my city, my home . . . and now what? I was going to become a farm girl, and help out with the family farm! I couldn't believe her, sending me back to the place that she hated. My mother hated Belleville, and the minute that her and Dad got married, the left this little town. I resented her so much for sending me back to the town she hated.

Harm, I want you to look at the picture that I placed in this envelope. It was taken of me when I made it out to the farm. I wasn't even smiling. I was longing to go home, this place could never be my home. Someone said home is where your heart is, and my heart was in Philadelphia wrapped up in a man named Francis Windermere. I fought with my mother the whole car drive to this godforsaken farm. On my way down to the farm, I dreamed of having babies with Francis's startling blue eyes and athletic build. I dreamt about Francis coming to take me away from the place and us going some place fantastic, maybe NY! Could you imagine me in New York City? When we pulled up to the farmhouse, I was disgusted. Turned out my dream life was not going to happen, and I was drowning in the river I called life.

I love you.

SR – Grams to you though

Harm put the letter down and went downstairs. He would have given anything for Mac's innate sense of being able to tell time, he hadn't realized it, but he had been up in the small room for hours. Waking Sergei from the hammock, he made them a late lunch.

He looked down at his watch and saw that Mac must have been getting back into DC, so he gave her a call.

Ring . . . Ring . . . Ring . . . Ring . . . "Come on Mac, please pick up."

"Your wish is my command." She replied breathlessly.

"Did you get back okay?"

"Yeah, thanks for checking up. How are you doing?"

"Do you think I could be possible of hurting women intentionally?"

"No, why Harm?"

"I come from a line of men who had a habit of abusing their daughters, and well, if it is in my genes . . ."

"It is not in your genes, trust me. You were not born with that capability. You don't know how to hurt people intentionally. What did you find out? What brought this on?"

"Gram's father was an abusive alcoholic. She was forced to move out to Winchester farms. Also she was apparently in love with a guy named Francis Windermere."

"Francis Windermere?"

"A guy she knew back in Philadelphia. She was in love with him. How could she do this to Grandpa?"

"Harm, you never know how you are going to deal with situations until you are put in them. Are you okay?"

"I guess so, it just seems weird reading all these letters that Gram left for me. Why couldn't she tell me when she was alive? I mean, I feel like I don't even know her anymore."

"Harm, she is still the same woman who kissed your forehead every chance you let her, still the woman who held you when you cried. The things that happened in her past shaped her into the woman she was!" Mac exclaimed getting a little emotional. "I married a drunk to get away from my alcoholic abusive father."

"Mac, I'm sorry!" Harm apologized, "I guess Grams story hits a little close to home, I wasn't able to protect any of my Sarah's from anything bad." With a sigh, he hung up the phone. Mac stared at the phone giving off a dial tone. Why did their relationship have to be so freaking difficult?

AN – more to come, however I am going MIA for the next week or so, so I can't promise anything because I have classes all day Thursday. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed – if you are confused about the family tree, it will be cleared up in the next couple of chapters. For future reference, in my family, we refer to great uncles as still having the title of uncle – so just keep that in mind.