Author's Note: This takes place after "Message in a Bottle".
Smash.
That stupid bottle. It was something straight out of a movie. The music stopped and everyone was staring. With the glass shattered beneath both our feet, I looked as guilty as he did. He was too wasted to clear my name. So we stood there and Jimmy yelled.
The deal was that I would come to this party if Sean came to dinner with my parents. Well, that sure backfired. My parents offended him in every way possible and he stormed out in an angry rage. I guess I can't completely blame them for not knowing how to deal with Sean. You have to be delicate. He despised pity more than anything in the world. The tougher the guy, the more you have to watch your words around him.
That's why I had to tiptoe. Everything had to be sugarcoated, or he'd get angry. He expected me to look down on him, and I was terrified that one day something I said would prove him right. I knew better then to let my guard down. All it would take was a slip of the tongue and he'd be gone. Probably forever.
That's what Sean did. Go. Instead of facing his problems, he'd leave. Just one of those wonderful habits that he'd picked up from his parents. The others being drinking, slacking, and the occasional fistfight. Usually where an innocent party (read: me) gets involved and ends up being the only one hurt.
I guess it worked out well because I was a chaser. I didn't let things go. Especially not him. So there was Sean Cameron running, while I trailed behind, covering his tracks. It didn't take a genius to realize that after he bailed out on my parents and I, he'd end up here. However the whole being completely smashed thing was new to me.
Jimmy's still yelling. I don't know what he's saying. I can't hear him, all I can do is stare at that stupid bottle. It was a reminder of what chasing him had turned me into. A billion little pieces that would cut anyone that got too close.
I pull on Sean's arm and we head out the door. I don't care that Jimmy is still yelling, I don't care that everyone is still staring, I just had to get out of there. I'd take care of him. I'd call my parents and tell them we needed a ride. They wouldn't ask questions, because they already knew. I'd look him in the eye and let him know I was disappointed. I'd walk him from the car to his front door and gently break it to Tracker. I'd endure my Mom's knowing glare and pretend to be shocked that he had gotten involved in something like, oh my gosh, ALCOHOL. 'Cause teenagers drinking? Completely out of the ordinary. I don't care about any of this. I'm going through the motions.
It was one incident after the next that added to the Sean and Jimmy rivalry. Last year they decided it was a good idea to have a little brawl by the dumpster. Light as a feather me decided to get involved and went flying. Toby's house, end of the year get together. Sean showed up. I would have never gone if I knew he was going to be there. I catch Ashley and Sean in a bedroom, doing what people in bedrooms do. Jimmy found out, and was ready to tear him apart. I really hated getting in the middle of these things. Tonight was just another reminder of how mixing the three of us would lead to nothing but disaster.
Jimmy wasn't a bad guy. Sean would probably keel over if I ever told him I felt that way. I had to be a good girlfriend and pretend like he bugged me too. Yes, how dare Jimmy get mad about you making out with his girlfriend. What a jerk he is for kicking you out of his house after you stole his parent's alcohol. Sean wouldn't understand that most of the time he was the one that was at fault, so I pretended right there along with him. After all, he needed me.
At school on Monday, I knew I had to talk to Jimmy. Apologize for Sean's behavior, even if he wasn't in the least bit sorry. I had to mend whatever I could, before this would all escalate into something bigger than all of us. Boys will be boys, and they have something programmed into their brain telling them when things get rough, throw a few punches. I wasn't in the mood to be cleaning up bloodied lips, or icing black eyes. This one wouldn't go there.
"Jimmy, I know I'm probably the last person that you want to be talking to right now, but I wanted to apologize for Saturday night. What happened was wrong, and I'm sorry that we took advantage of your hospitality like that. We're both really sorry," I said desperately.
"Chill, Nelson. I know you didn't have anything to do with it. We're cool. Your boyfriend on the other hand? Just make sure he keeps his distance," Jimmy said.
Great. The last thing I wanted to do was convict Sean, but I'm not a very good pretender. Emma Nelson getting sloshed at the biggest social event of the year, I think not. Obviously he felt the same way. I nodded to let him knew I understood, and then started to walk away.
"Hey, wait. I'm sorry I lost my cool last night. It was just high stress, and it got kind of mis-directed. Didn't mean to yell at you like that. Despite a questionable taste in guys, you're a good kid."
Kid. I'm a good kid. I guess he was right. I was some dumb kid, and he was a guy. The reason why girls wore bright red lipstick and skirts showing a lot more than legs. Sometimes I wished I was on his side of all of this. He was the logical one. Sure, he got out of hand at times, but he wasn't showing up to Sean's house drunk. Or trying to make out with me. He had reason to be angry. Sean just had teenage angst.
I sort of regret that entire night, now that I think about it. Finding Sean with Ashley was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. Toby was a shoulder to cry on, Jimmy was a friend to vent to. He brought up something about E and Ashley, which upset me even more. I secretly hoped Sean had taken some too. Just enough to impair his judgment. Then he'd at least have an excuse for what happened. I wish instead of being upset, I had the guts enough to get revenge. Not with Spinner and his stupid watermelon or with JT and his fake ecstasy high, but with Jimmy. Because he didn't come to Ashley's house to party or to use drugs, he came to be with his girlfriend. Even when he knew something was wrong, he stuck around.
"Don't worry about it, I've got thick skin. I'm a tough girl, no apologies necessary."
Jimmy and I had this run-in more than once. That day that Sean pushed me, he went around the school telling everyone how "Cameron beats his girlfriend." I politely told him to shove it, and he acted genuinely concerned. He got the deer in the headlights look of being called out on something, and immediately shut the fuck up about it. He even apologized for being involved.
A relationship based on apologies wasn't much of anything, was it?