Disclaimer: None of the Harry Potter characters are my own. I'm simply taken them out on the town!
AN: This is written with the powerful back up vocals of Jared Leto in the form of that Godly band '30 Seconds to Mars'.
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Chapter 59 – Unforgiving
I honestly cannot remember the events of that night, snippets maybe but not whole sequences. Transformation left me disorientated and possibly is a driving factor as to why werewolves are so uncontrollable whilst in lupine form. If I really strain myself I can remember the heart pumping addiction of a hunt but that could be any night.
Obviously this is when the friction between Severus and myself begun and it wasn't even my fault. I guess in a way I've never really forgiven Sirius for that but there seemed such more pressing matters that over time I've pushed it to the back of my mind. I can't blame him solely of course; I did for instance never stand up for poor Severus.
The wolves in us sometimes act like cruel masters, punishing us for our failures and for Moony letting slip such a prey was high treason.
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1977
Both simultaneously howling and growling Moony brought his sharp fangs down into his hind leg and tore at it viciously. He scratched his under belly, his sides and bit at his front paws. The murky grey coat was slowly becoming sodden with crimson blood and the sounds tearing themselves from the beast's throat seemed to be both that of a satisfied wolf and a screaming boy.
"Stupefy!"
The wolf's head jerked up just in time to see a red light hurtling towards it before it gave a yelp and fell to the ground stunned.
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Sirius let out a cry as he watched the wolf's body crumble to the floor from the impact of the Headmaster's spell. He made to turn viciously towards the man but the look in those usually warm blue eyes held tight any words that may leap from his throat. Dumbledore looked beyond angry, beyond disappointed. Sirius held his tongue and looked down at his feet. James stood a few meters behind them silently, his face stony and solemn. Professor McGonagoll, waiting what for what would happen next, had already taken up Snape to the headmaster's office.
"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said in a tone so unbecomingly lifeless on him it was frightening, "Go retrieve Madame Pomfrey and Hagrid. We need to move Remus somewhere safe for his transformations and then we need him to be rushed to the Infirmary before he dies of blood loss."
Sirius felt his stomach lurch and still looking down at his feet he flinched as he suppressed a sob. He only looked up when he heard James's footfalls fading and the hanging silence over him. He was greeted with the image of Dumbledore staring at him for a moment before sighing heavily and shaking his head.
"Do you even know what you have done?" He asked and not able to keep his eyes locked with those piercing blue ones anymore he looked away and let out the sob that had tried to escape him earlier.
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Remus felt his mind wake up and made to stretch but as he did so his body screamed out in blind agony and he let out a pained gasp. Madame Pomfrey was at his side in no time.
"Dear boy, try not to move. You have suffered great injuries to your skin and muscles."
Remus stared at her a moment in shock and managing to look down he almost yelped. His arms, legs and stomach were bandaged up but he could see the blood staining them.
"What happened?" He managed to croak out and at first Pomfrey seemed reluctant to say anything but looking down at his face she let out a breath.
"Remus, my poor boy. I'm not entirely sure on the whole thing but it would appear Mr. Snape went down to the Whomping Willow last night."
Remus instinctively made to sit up but his limbs reminded him what a stupid idea that would be.
"B-But why? He had no reason to! I d-don't…"
"Remus."
Remus rolled his head slightly to see the Headmaster in the doorway. The aged man nodded once at the nurse before he moved towards the bed. Sitting himself down on the edge he looked down at the bandaged boy sadly and almost cringed at the many bandages but instead he gently rested a hand on top of one of the boys.
"Remus…my poor Remus. When I took you in I knew you'd be a special boy, one who I'd care for like I would any other student. It pains me to see…" He stopped and seemingly tugging at his Headmasterly duties he sat up a little straighter.
"Do you remember anything from last night?" He asked and after a minute of thinking Remus shook his head.
"No…Sir, why? Why would Snape come down to the Willow? He had no reason to, especially after night had fallen! Why would he…" and suddenly he stopped talking. A conversation, one with himself, Lily and Snape from the day before sprang up in his mind.
"I think you should reconsider the liability of your little boyfriend Lupin, his temper is fast becoming something that will be his downfall."
Sighing Remus shook his head.
"What's he done this time?" he said exasperated and Lily giggled as Snape almost smirked.
"Nothing to be too concerned with. I will be seeing what he was blathering on about later though, it'll all make sense soon."
"No." Remus whispered and looked at Dumbledore desperately. "He wouldn't…not…no…"
"I'm so sorry Remus."
"No! Not Sirius! Not my secret! He promised, he said he'd keep it! He never lies to me, not to ME!"
Remus tried to jerk up and Dumbledore grasped his shoulders holding him tightly but comfortingly.
"Remus, you must try to relax otherwise you'll hurt yourself. I can send Mr. Black through if you want, ask him why but I must insist you lie back. You have suffered horrendously already."
Breathing shallowly Remus started to lie back shakily, his eyes already itching with tears and a musky headache throbbing in his temples.
"Please…oh God…" He breathed out and closed his eyes trying to fight back those painful tears.
He felt a hand grasp his shoulder briefly before it left and he was alone with nothing but his circling thoughts arguing against one another.
He didn't know how long he lay there, eyes closed breathing in and out slowly and trying to ignore the agonising throb of pain in hid entire body. His heart felt worse though, like it had locked itself and was being pounded against his ribcage.
"Remus?"
The tentative, hesitant voice caused his heartbeat to increase in speed, aching as it moved and just as hesitantly as the voice had been he opened his eyes.
Sirius's face screamed guilty.
"Oh God." He said through an emotionally strained voice. "Oh Merlin, you did. You did tell him."
Sirius looked down wringing his hands together and after what felt like an eternity he gave the slightest incline of his head.
Remus managed to stop the moan of anguish leaving him but he couldn't stop the fact he closed his eyes painfully resulting in a few tears to roll down pale dirty cheeks. The headache increased.
A hand suddenly grabbed his causing his eyes to fly open as he tugged the hand back as though burned. It wasn't even a conscious thought and they both had stunned looks on their faces.
"Remus…Moony plea…"
"Don't you call me that!"
Sirius flinched and let out a sort of gasped moan as he tried to get as close to the other boy without touching him.
"Please, Remus please I wasn't thinking!"
"That much is obvious." Remus could feel his insides quivering and he wondered where these vicious words were coming from.
"I know, I know I was stupid but I never…I didn't, please I…"
"Tried to kill a student by using me as your tool." Remus said and he felt sick. Sirius jumped up shaking his head venomously and grasped Remus's shoulders despite the other boy was trying to push him off.
"NO! Remus please, believe me I didn't want to kill Snape! I would never do that to you!"
"Believe you? Like when you told me you'd keep my secret? That you'd never hurt me?"
"Remus…" Sirius sobbed and Remus felt one escape himself too. He tried to get the hands on his shoulders off his shoulders as he shook with heavy sobs, Sirius in no better condition.
"Just go." He cried out.
"No, please!" Sirius sobbed and Remus was crying harder now.
"I don't want to hate you, go away, go!"
"Remus." Sirius moaned and collapsed onto Remus's lap. Remus stared hard at the wall across from him but his tears still fell.
"Get out!"
"No, we need to talk."
"We've talked, get out, get out, get out!"
Shaking heavily Sirius managed to lift himself off and tried to get Remus to look at him but the boy was looking anywhere but at him. He wanted so much to kiss that hair, those cheeks, those lips but he'd ruined everything, destroyed what they had.
"I am so sorry."
Remus was silent a moment and although his sobs had stopped the tears still made tracks down his cheeks. Slowly the now cold, purposely hardened amber eyes, now stained red, glared at him.
"That won't cut it this time Sirius…I think you need to leave now."
Trembling Sirius simply stood there for a moment before with a slight jerk of his head he left Remus in the infirmary where the boy fought valiantly against the scream of anguish that was stuck in his throat.
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Curling up under the covers of his bed Sirius mourned what they had had silently, the sheets underneath his face becoming damp and itchy with his tears and he curled his arm around his stomach feeling terminally sick.
He had lost everything. And he'd broken his promise to Ethan Lupin.
When he thought about the surrogate family he'd probably lost as well he sobbed harder.
The bed dipped and he tried to still himself but whoever it was ignored the tension from the body underneath the covers.
Sirius kept his eyes tightly closed a moment longer but a reassuring hand on his shoulder and a weary sigh made him open them to see the grave face of James Potter.
They silently stared at one another but after a moment James breathed out making a strand of air jump.
"You're a berk of a brother Sirius, but you're my berk of a brother and I hate seeing you like this. Remus is hurting, so are you and I'm torn."
"Go to Remus, he needs it more." Sirius managed to croak out but James seemingly stared at him for a moment before stretching out beside him and pulled the thoroughly depressed boy close.
"Lily and Peter are covering that, I have a brother to look after. You're both hurting, admittedly Remus more so but you're hurting too. So…I'm staying."
Sirius stared at him for a moment before he crumbled once more and clung to his best friend desperately as he could as he let out the pained cries.
James did as he promised and stayed, rubbing the taller boy's back comfortingly but remained silent knowing Sirius just needed this right now. Plans and repairs would have to come later.
(TBC)
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IT'S MY BIRTHDAY NEXT SATURDAY, I'M GOING TO BE 18 WOOHOO!
Thanks to:
Lissom-Howler: Glad you liked it, it seemed odd for Sirius to do what he did to Remus out of say cruelty or something. Wouldn't make sense. So I went with the more common 'dense' idea.
Dollface786: Now you know lol!
Kynny: Lily is very opinionated so it seemed to fit for her and despite everything James would never abandon his best friend!
Goldfishie900: LMAO I'm a fake red head lol! But I do have quite the temper so maybe the dye seeped into my brain or something.
Woelfin-akhuna: Sorry this all takes so long, it's hectic over here so I only get to update one story a week and it's usually at the weekend. I'll try harder but I have my work cut out for at the moment.
Dark Dragon Fire Demon: Because he doesn't think! But we love him anyway.
Rhiannan Star: We shall have to see in the next thrilling instalment of ETM…that sounded cheesy Mwha!
Twilight-la-fae: Oh no, I mean England's nice and all but not when people have to get separated. Just remind them it rains a lot and we do have binge drinkers! Glad you liked the chapter though!
Ted-Easton: Ahhhh (in Trewlaney style voice) all shall be revealed in time!
Saturndragon: Yeah well French teachers can be mean so I learnt to ignore my foreign languages teacher (he was a bloody loon!). I love Severus, he's so prickly and he does try to help but he does it in his own way lol!
DragonsDesire: LMAO why thank you, I would bow but I'm led down so it could be hard…actually…hmm (attempts to be more flexible than she really is).
MooseDeEvita: Lol thanks very much!
Avain: Thanks for all comments; they have made me glow with pride!
Vimana Feral: Sugar is my downfall; I swear I actually have an E Numbers problem lol! Anyway, ta much, I figured such a scene should have you on the edge of the seat rather than lazily lounging in your chair.
Sidhelady: Everyone loved angry Lily but then I do rather like her like that lol!
RanmasAngel: Sorry! I am trying harder but it's so hectic now with college projects, work, UCAS, my new self-commissioned job as a rent artist (yay me) and these stories that sometimes life wins.
Adhara1: Ah don't worry; you don't really hate Sirius I just wrote it so you would be angry with him and you would sympathise with Snape!
TNMBCFan: See! Lol, everyone loves angry Lily!
Elrohir Lover: Head's up, Tay and Siri are back! And LMAO I tried but I have NOOOO idea what you said LMAO!
Lonlyheart: Here it is.
Mistress of Sadikus: So sorry, I gave my reasons as to why it's taking so long to RanmasAngel. But so glad you liked it lol.
Happo: Get it massaged that always helps!
NixiNox: (Blushes furiously) oh you!
Mirale Nic Draco: (Cue X-Files music) maybe it slipped into your subconscious?
Jenna: Lol understatement of the year but it was fine. Thanks for all comments lol.
IsisFireDancer: Merry Meet! LMAO why thank you very much my darling, you sound frantic lol. Blessed Be!
Mrs. Moonylover: Ooh, new name! Lol thank you, good to hear that you're enjoying yourself over there!
Crowkeeper990: Aw seriously, you guys are going to put a permanent smile on my face and I have dimples so, you know, people poke them…that's actually true, why do people feel the need to point out to people with dimples that they have dimples? I'm terribly sorry; I seem to have gone off on a tangent!
Taykayo and Sirius: DUDES where the hell have you been lol? We'd thought you'd died, I'm pretty sure Happo and Elrohir had a memorial service! Sirius, you horny bugger, down boy before I get the water spray! But seeing as it was computer problems, we'll let you off. Ha, I already had Fake (well issues 1 and 6 anyway, my comic book store is crap but I've read the rest as Scanslations of the internet).
Electra Black: Lol Tarrrrrrrr very much!
Guppie-Mother-mine: What an odd name lol! Ah you're like me, you put music on to read. Helps fit the mood doesn't it!