AN: Reviews page still not working (dammit)!
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Chapter 60 - Friends and Hope
Merlin how my heart ached during those times. And I highly doubt Sirius was having a great time either but I doubt I would've listened back then. I was just so angry, something I neither like nor allow myself to feel but I couldn't help it. I had been betrayed; my secret revealed to someone who hated me by the person I loved the most.
I strive to fit in, you may have noticed this so to suddenly find myself indebted to a man who I thought at the time would sooner tell the entire school my secret was my deepest fear. Remember I thought Snape a malicious boy, not evil so much but definitely vindictive, and so I thought he'd probably invent some cruel, twisted method of bribery he'd use on me to keep his silence. Of course Dumbledore had already seen to that, making him take a Wizard's Oath not to tell. But one thing could never leave me.
Sirius had put me into that situation.
The man I loved, cherished above all others, shared myself with and had shown nothing but loyalty and love to had put me into a position where I could be humiliated into convincing someone to keep my secret.
I think that's why I wanted to hate him so much. But what's even worse than hating someone is loving someone you know you should be hating.
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(1977)
A week had already passed since Sirius had revealed Remus's secret, since Remus had awoken and discovered what had occurred. Remus had pointedly avoided Sirius and Sirius had tried everything to get him to talk to him, to listen to him.
James was torn in between the two. One was his brother in all but blood, the other a friend he held close to his heart, would've been his best friend had Sirius not already claimed that title. Peter seemed to try and avoid the situation altogether and even seemed to spend less and less time with the group when he realised his clingy nature might not be appreciated right now. He looked hurt but James had bigger problems right now.
Lily hated watching her boyfriend struggle between comforting each friend. He hated seeing the pain in Remus's eyes and the grief in Sirius's. She hated the fact she had finally seen James Potter cry when after a day full of lessons, Quidditch practice and failed attempts to make his friends talk he'd collapsed on his bed, head pillowed in her lap and cried out of pure exhaustion.
To all in Hogwarts it seemed the Marauders reign was coming to an end.
What seemed even odder was the fact that Severus Snape, the one student who held aloft the 'Marauder hate' banner was suspiciously quiet on the whole thing. In the past he would've reveled in the crumbling foundations of the prankster group but now he merely scowled almost fearfully at Remus.
Lily lay beside James, both curled up on his bed facing one another, as he seemed to stare off into a space just above her shoulder. The mischievous glint in his eyes seemed dimmed, lifeless and more disturbed than she'd like to admit she simply curled an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer.
He remained silent before he closed his eyes with a sigh.
"I don't know what to do Lils." He whispered and she kissed the top of his head.
"You don't have to fix everything James. They need time first; it's only been a week. After that if they don't start improving then we'll step in. They need to do this on their own." She replied equally as quietly and stroked her fingers through his raven hair.
"I can't stand seeing them like this. We've all been friends for seven years and this is the only time I've seen things get to this degree. I want to blame Sirius but I…I can't…he's…"
"Your brother. I know love, believe me I know. But Remus is hurting too so to force this upon him would be very bad and wrong right now."
Sighing again James curled himself around her and buried his face into her slender neck.
"Thank you for being here."
Lily pulled him closer to her, hugging him tightly.
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Remus rubbed tiredly at his eyes as he stepped out of his Arithmancy lesson, wondering vaguely where Lily had been and slowly raised his shoulder bag strap up. He walked almost painfully down the stairs, ignoring the various nudges and bumps he got from people passing by and with his hand sliding on the banister he made his way towards Gryffindor Tower.
The halls were flooded with students, some laughing, talking and moving far quicker than he and yet when he looked up he still managed to catch sight of shoulder-length ebony hair surrounding a tanned (though looking rather paler than usual) face and sapphire eyes. Feeling his stomach give a pleasurable squirm and then hating the fact Sirius still had that power over him he began to turn and walk the other way.
"Remus, wait." Sirius hadn't shouted it in any kind of maudlin theatrics but had all but whispered it. Remus was shocked he heard it over the many other voices and he turned to look over his shoulder briefly to see Sirius staring at the ground, hands wringing together as he shook. A girl walked past and noticing Sirius's tears she stopped and rested a hand on his shoulder. Remus decided that Sirius would soon be comforted, his stomach tightening painfully but he ignored it.
Whirling round he continued on his way.
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"Are you ok?" The blonde haired girl asked and Sirius looked up at her startled. Vaguely a glimpse of hope, as though he'd thought she might be someone else had flickered in his eyes but it soon evaporated when he noted that this wasn't Remus.
"I'm fine." He said, a little more curtly than he had intended and he pulled his shoulder strap up higher on his shoulder, his other hand wiping at his eyes as he began to move away, the tears still falling. He'd got about a meter away before the girl said something.
"You're Sirius Black right?"
He stopped, not turning to her but nodding once anyway.
"Then…I'm sorry for what happened between you and Remus Lupin. You two always were the favourite couple in Hufflepuff."
This time he did turn, slowly and simply looked at her. She offered him a kind smile.
"What?" He croaked and she offered him another sad smile.
"You and Lupin, most of the girls in Hufflepuff loved seeing you two together. I'm sorry you two are no longer…well. Is there no way you two will ever be together again? Was it that bad? I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry, and it's just well…"
"Yes?" He said.
"…You gave me and my girlfriend hope. Even if I am to be married off to some pure blooded wizard soon." The girl finished with a shaky laugh and Sirius felt his eyebrows lift up in surprise.
He remained silent just looking at her. She looked back, unfazed and finally the faintest flicker of a smile turned up one side of Sirius's lips.
"Just because we're…having problems you shouldn't be afraid."
"We're not. Not anymore. Thanks for that and if you can…thank Lupin too" She answered and turned to walk away. Sirius felt an urge to call after her.
"What's your name?"
She turned looking over her shoulder and smiled.
"Daes." Then she smirked humorously. "I'll be Daes Faolan soon though. Look me up if you ever need a friendly shoulder to cry on."
Nodding Sirius felt himself smile and after casting him a cheeky wink she turned and left in a whirl of robes.
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Sighing shakily Remus pushed open the door to the boys dormitories and blanched slightly at what was before him. Despite his horrible week he couldn't help laughing softly, especially when James lunged for his trousers and Lily pulled the duvet up higher.
"I wondered where you were Lily." He said as he walked over to his bed, placing his bag on the bedside cabinet.
"I was cheering Mr. Grumpy here up." She said as she placed her hands behind her head and stretched like a cat. The sheets lowered slightly making James quickly cover her up again.
"What? He doesn't like my mechanics." She said and still looking tired but vaguely amused Remus nodded.
"Yeah, nothing but two wobbling fried eggs to me."
"Sassy eggs." James said and they smiled at one another before the somber mood returned. "How're you holding up?" He asked Remus softly.
Sitting on his bed heavily Remus let out a breath.
"I feel like shit. And in the past, when I felt like shit…I…I went to Sirius." He realised his hands were shaking so he curled them into fists in his lap. Lily, with the duvet wrapped around her appropriately got up and shuffled (which caused a glimmer of a smile to come to Remus's face as she waddled over to him) over to him, sitting down next to him. She placed an arm around his shoulders and he leant his head on her bare shoulder.
"It's too soon, we know. But maybe you guys could talk soon, get it out…"
"In the open? What exactly? That he betrayed my secret because he can't control his own bloody temper?" Remus said lifting his head off her shoulder to glare at her but she simply glared back.
"I didn't mean now, especially considering the mood you two are in. I meant when you're ready, whenever that might be. You are miserable Remus and so is Sirius, so forgive me if I have a ' I-hate-to-see-my-friend-clinically-depressed' complexion but that's who I am, just like his foul temper is a part of Sirius and James's berk like nature is a part of him."
"You're never going to let me live down the berk thing are you?" James said folding his arms across his chest but Lily carried on.
"Stop attacking us, we're only trying to help. If we're being too pushy, fine, tell us but do it nicely."
Remus looked absolutely crestfallen and Lily suddenly regretted her infamous Evans temper. Sighing she pulled him to her again and hugged him tightly. She felt him begin to shake and then felt his tears on her shoulder.
"I'm so Remus. I didn't mean…"
"No," He replied thickly, "It's not that. You're right, I'm miserable and I can't even make it go away. I want him back but I'm so scared Lily, I'm so scared." He continued to sob and James moved round to his other side to hug him, although a little more awkwardly than Lily was.
They stayed like that for ages, rubbing his back and offering reassurances until it was nearly time for dinner.
"You should get dressed Lily." James said and the girl smirked.
"Why, I like the naturalist look. Don't you?"
They heard a muffled chuckle from Remus who was still resting his head against Lily's neck.
"I do, I love it on you Lils but I also like being the only person who's seen that rather foxy body."
Chuckling thickly as he wiped at his cheeks Remus said in a voice thicker from the tears he'd shed, "Technically I've seen it too."
Lily grinned and ruffled his hair as James put his hands on his hips. Remus could tell the couple were only putting on this argument to cheer him up but remarkably, it was working for now.
"Only her shoulders."
"And tits." Lily added and Remus nodded.
"And her breasts."
James scowled at them both as Lily stood.
"I could flash him if you like."
She grasped the folds of the duvet and made to whisk them apart but James had already leapt across the room and lifted her up into his arms. Remus laughed silently as she struggled making James's knees buckle.
"Put me down you oaf!"
"Flasher!"
"Thug!"
"Pervert!"
"Mangy Stag!"
"Foxy lady!"
They laughed and James moved to dump her unceremoniously onto his bed next to her clothes. Then he turned back to Remus and he grasped his arm lightly to steer him towards the door.
"Best we wait downstairs, she'll probably try and flash you again."
Chuckling Remus gripped James shoulder appreciatively. Looking at the shorter teen James quirked an eyebrow.
"Thanks." Remus said.
"What for?"
"For being a good friend."
(TBC)
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AN: Anyone notice a cameo (lol). I'm so sorry about this guys, I am trying to fix my reviews thing (I reckon it's my laptop, I've asked others and they say FFNet works fine on their computers) but until then here's merely the story. I will answer you soon.