AN: all right, I think both an apology and explanation is needed. I am well and truly sorry for not being able to update like I used to but circumstance and life has truly caught up on me. Most of you know Full Circle got deleted (again grr) so I was pissed after that and uninspired. However it's mainly because right now is my exam time and I am looking at UNIVERSITY entry here! This will determine how my life will go as this course is very specific so you'll understand if I put future first, hobby second. If that isn't enough then I am truly sorry but those are the only cards on the table. Anyway, Full Circle can now be found at Silversnitch archive along with my other stories I am moving over. This one is going to be a bitch to do, sigh!
And so here we are the last chapter before the Epilogue. One more chapter after this and then Embracing the Moon is finished.
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Chapter 62- Graduation and drawing to a close
There was an ache still in my chest after that night. It didn't hurt like when I was alone without Sirius but it was…uncomfortable. He held back from doing anything incase he upset me, I just wished he would do something, anything to break through that last shield we had erected around ourselves.
Your parents were closer than ever, unsurprisingly moving that much closer to a marital life together. I wish you could have met them properly Harry, I wish I could've come around on Sundays for dinner, watch you tease your father along with your mother, watch you bicker at the table with Sirius over Quidditch, introduce them to Cara. I think that is my perfect world. Well that and Sirius not telling Severus my secret.
I know James and Lily would be honoured to have you in their lives Harry, and you too Cara.
Sorry? Oh yes, you're right. I am getting off topic aren't I?
Are you all right Harry?
You sure? I don't see anything in your eye.
…Well if you're sure…
I'm sorry, I've upset you haven't I?
…Come here pup. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Here, let me finish the rest of the story for you.
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(1977)
"What we doing to celebrate?"
James, Sirius and Remus all looked up at Lily who was collapsed on James's bed on her stomach, dangling her arms off the side with her chin resting right on the edge of the mattress. She was pouting in a bored fashion, swinging her legs back and forth in the air and watching the three now curious boys.
"Celebrate what Lily?" James asked as he marked his place in the textbook he was reading and shuffled over to lean against the bed beside her.
"Graduation. It's in like three weeks and I was wondering how you guys planned to celebrate your new adulthoodness!" She said leaning up to rest her hand in her chin.
Sirius looked over at Remus who was still watching Lily. Feeling eyes on him the werewolf turned and Sirius offered him a small smile, which he returned before looking back at Lily. There was still some awkwardness between the two of them. They hadn't consummated their reunion and it had already been two weeks since they made up and even their shared moments seemed strained. Mainly because Sirius seemed to be holding back from upsetting Remus.
Remus sighed causing a strand of hair to blow up and back into his face. He watched the easiness between James and Lily, the way they were flirting and touching one another subtly and felt ache in his chest gave a throb. He looked back over at Sirius who was watching the young couple in front of them with the same longing. Briefly Remus thought, his eyes becoming glazed as he pondered his feelings on the matter.
He loved Sirius, that much he knew. Loved him to the point of obsession, and would gladly die for him. He knew Sirius felt the same way. So what was holding them back?
Remus glanced at Sirius again from the corner of his eye.
He was, he supposed. He hadn't given any indication to Sirius that it was ok to be with him, to love him like he had before. He'd offered smiles, a couple of kisses but not much more than that. Talking seemed to bring about misunderstanding and Sirius would apologise for the tiniest of things now, which was actually kind of irritating. Before he would've offered a disarming smirk and would simply charm you over to take him back into your good side again. Now he was as timid and cautious as a mistreated puppy.
Deciding to take the initiative Remus stood suddenly making all over occupants look at him in shock. Reaching down he grabbed Sirius's hand and jerked him to his feet before leading the pliant boy out of the room. He could've sworn he heard Lily mutter 'About Bloody time'.
"Remus?" Sirius asked timidly as he was dragged down the corridors leading away from Gryffindor Tower, Remus unrelenting in his march as he pulled the boy along with him. He glanced around quickly and noted they were in the Prefect's bathroom area.
Remus stopped in front of door and said in a strong voice "Lemon Fresh."
The door creaked open and they both stepped into the tiled room, Sirius more confused than anything. Thankfully the room was empty and after pulling off his outer robe Remus folded it up and placed it on a bench in the room. He rolled his sleeves up to the elbow and sat on the bench beside his robe. He jerked a thumb towards the space next to him.
"Sit."
Sirius cautiously made his way towards the bench and sat beside his boyfriend.
"We can't carry on like this." Remus sighed and Sirius's heart lurched.
"What?" He croaked out, not even hiding the way his voice broke. Remus jerked his head up at that and looked at him startled.
"NO! Sirius, not like that! I mean, we can't carry on tip-toeing around one another, not break up!" He said and grasped one of Sirius's lightly trembling hands in his own two. Sirius visibly relaxed and squeezed the hand.
"Oh." He said quietly and Remus shook his head slightly.
"I couldn't do that."
Sirius offered him a weak smile and Remus returned it with a much stronger one.
"What do you mean then? You said tip-toeing but I don't get it." Sirius said and turned his body more towards Remus.
"You don't do anything Sirius. You never hold me for too long, you barely kiss me, you won't touch me. I won't break if you touch me." Remus said and to seemingly prove his point he brought up one of Sirius's hands to his lips and kissed it.
Sirius watched the movement fascinated. He swallowed thickly as he tried to come up with an answer to such a comment.
"I just…just don't want to force…hurt you again." He whispered brokenly and leaning forwards Remus rested their foreheads together.
"Then show me you still love me. All of this, I dunno, avoidance hurts me more than anything."
Nodding Sirius thought quietly for a moment. Sub-consciously he rubbed his thumb back and forth over the knuckles on one of Remus's hand as he did so. Seemingly coming to a decision he turned to face his lover fully and cupped a cheek in his palm.
"Are…you sure?"
"Yes," Remus said almost instantly, "One hundred Percent."
Nodding again Sirius leant forwards and Remus did so almost eagerly. Their lips met softly, barely touching as they simply let themselves feel the others lips against their own. Eyes closed and they deepened the kiss further as they moved their bodies closer. Pulling back they kept their foreheads together and their eyes closed as they listened to the others breathing.
"Show me how sorry you are." Remus whispered and Sirius nodded mutely once more, words seemingly lost to him.
Bunching his robes underneath him as a sort of makeshift mattress Remus led down on the bench, Sirius maneuvering over him as they continued kissing. Sirius took his time undoing the buttons on Remus's school shirt, revealing in each inch of revealed skin with his lips worshipping the area. Remus's head pushed back so his neck arched.
"Sirius." He whispered longingly and Sirius could feel something awaken in him, some old part of him he thought he'd killed on the night of the 'incident'.
"Yes." He moaned back.
Slowly clothes were lost, made into a soft barrier around them and they moved together, gasping as old sensations were stoked into passion. Settling over Remus Sirius kissed him once more, deeply, longingly and lovingly before he truly embraced his past self with a gasp from Remus.
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Lily chewed on the end of quill with an amusingly bewildered look on her face as she stared at the book in front of her. Not taking her eyes away from the pages she stated matter-of-factly to James spread out on the floor, "Hengleberk lives up to his name."
James looked up at her looking just as confused as she was.
"Eh?"
Looking down at her boyfriend she then held up her book 'Dark Hexes and conquering evil by Athos. J. Hengleberk'.
"The man is a complete berk, arrogant in his beliefs and hard-headed. I don't like his book and will now boy-cott it." And saying that she tossed it into James's waste-parchment bin.
"That'll be a third this week then. How are you going to explain this to the Professors?" James said amused as his girlfriend collapsed backwards on his bed.
"I'll just say I'm an Anarchist or something, sing them a couple of Sirius's songs and what not."
James shook his head as he returned to his book.
"Clearly we seem to have stepped into a parallel universe Moony. James Potter is doing homework and Lily Evans is refusing to do the same."
Both people in question looked up and smiled when Sirius came strolling in with a much-missed smirk on his face and with Remus following closely behind him looking thoroughly amused.
"And where have you two been?" He asked and Remus shrugged.
"No where mum." He said replied cheekily and fell onto his bed, Sirius crawling up beside him and hugging his hips from behind.
"You did it didn't you?" Lily said and Sirius raised an eyebrow.
"Did what?"
"Bumped uglies, shagged, fucked ("Lily!" cried James), screwed one another senseless, parked the car, took a whirl on the purple topped helter skelter, went broom riding…"
"WE GET IT! Bloody Hell Lily!" James said and rubbed at his temples as his friends laughed loudly.
"Took a whirl on the purple topped helter skelter? Merlin Lily, you certainly have a colourful vocabulary." Remus said shaking his head.
"Comes from hanging out with boys all the time. Glad you too shagged and made up though." She winked at them earning another laugh to come from the duo.
"I personally could have lived without hearing those things come out of my girlfriend's mouth." James said and Lily looked down at him enticingly.
"Hey…can I have a broom ride?" She said sensually as she tiptoed her fingertips up his chest and he swallowed thickly, ignoring Remus and Sirius's muffled laughter.
"Anytime."
"Good!" And she jumped up throwing on a jumper, "Best go now before it gets dark and cold. Wouldn't want to fly through low clouds would we?" She said as she pulled in her shoes.
James blinked confused and seemed to jerk back into gear when he heard his friend's loud laughter. He smirked as he stood.
"Fuck the lot of you."
The laughing only increase in volume.
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(Two Weeks Later)
Remus tugged at the collar of his Graduation robes again trying to cool down a little. He lifted up in his seat a little and looked around in the audience of parents and guardians. It wasn't hard to miss his father as he was the only one in a wheel chair but he still smiled at them for what must've been the hundredth time that afternoon. His mum waved at him after pointing him out to his father. Ethan Lupin looked up and catching his son's eye he nodded in acknowledgment and smiled gently.
Despite being much weaker and less healthy than he once remembered his father, Remus still felt protected when that smile came at him.
"Black, Sirius." Remus's head jerked over to the raised stage as applause issued around him. He watched as Sirius stood up and walked over towards McGonagoll and Dumbledore standing ready with his certificate. Sirius seemed to be speaking to them, his charming smile once again back into place and Dumbledore laughed at something he said whilst McGonagoll rolled her eyes. She looked slightly amused though.
Sirius then continued on to the side of the stage where those who had already graduated were seated. Briefly their eyes met and Sirius winked at him, whilst Remus gave a lop-sided smirk. Sirius followed up by blowing a kiss at him making the other boy roll his eyes.
Merlin, how he loved him.
More people graduated and Remus waited until her heard "Evans, Lily."
"Potter!" Sirius called and everyone laughed.
"Not yet, the git hasn't popped the question yet!" Lily called back invoking more laughter. James for his part had gone red and had sunk into his chair but with a smile on his face.
Finally the time seemed to drag until the words "Lupin, Remus" were finally called. Applause sounded everywhere where it mattered, Sirius even giving out a shrill whistle of enthusiasm and smiling he walked up to the stage.
"Congratulations Remus." Dumbledore said as he shook the boy's hand after handing him his certificate, " And how have you found being here?"
Remus thought hard before smiling and looking up appreciatively at his Headmaster.
"An adventure I'll never forget."
Dumbledore smiled and winked.
"One with romance in it I imagine?" He said with his eyes quickly darting over to Sirius. Remus smiled.
"And everything else that makes a true adventure great."
Smiling one last time Remus thanked both teachers moved towards the group on the other side of graduating. Instantly Sirius took him into his arms and throwing caution to the wind he kissed him, hard. Catcalls and wolf whistles soon filled the air making Remus laugh and pull away.
"Get a room!" James called and Remus laughed.
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Remus, Sirius, James, Lily and Peter were all sprawled out on Sirius's sofa, relaxed by alcohol into a comfortable slump of bodies.
"Oh my God, we're no longer in school." Lily suddenly stated causing all of the boys' heads to turn to her. Sirius shook back his sleeve and checked his watch.
"About 7 hours ago Lils. But hey, 7 hours man, that's quick for you right?"
She slapped him on the shoulder and took a sip of her bottle.
"So come on then, what're you all going to miss about not being in Hogwarts anymore?" James said as Lily slid to rest her head on his shoulder.
Silence descended as they all thought about their answer.
"I think I'm going to miss the Hogsmede trips." Peter said and James nodded.
"Pranks! Most definitely the pranks. Although I suppose they could be just as fun in work, if not more so. Except my partners in crime aren't all going to be there." James said and there was a bout of 'aww's' and huge pretend group hugs before laughter followed.
"I'm going to miss chopping you down to size in front of your peers." Lily said as she kissed James's cheek making him frown a little.
"God I hope any kids we have won't turn out like you."
Lily simply grinned evilly.
"I'm going to miss sharing a room with you guys, and also not being able to wake up to Remus every night…at least until he moves in…if he wants to that is."
Remus jerked up and looked at Sirius. Everyone was watching, waiting for his reaction as he stared silently at the now nervous looking young man.
"Are…are you serious?"
Sirius wrung his jumper in his hands tightly, nodding but looking at Remus. Everyone continued to watch nervously.
After a moment Remus found a smile take over his face and threw himself at Sirius, knocking them both off the sofa with the force of it. The others cheered, James going into the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of wine for celebration.
"Are you sure?" Sirius asked him quietly as they lay sprawled out of sight down on the floor beside the sofa, ignoring the noise of everyone moving around preparing to celebrate. He brushed a strand of Remus's hair out of his face as the other boy remained on top of him, smiling down at him.
"Completely." Remus said truthfully and claimed the lips below his in a promising passionate kiss.
"So Remus Lupin, what're you going to miss about Hogwarts?" Sirius asked breathlessly.
Thinking hard Remus eventually smiled down at his lover as he answered.
"Being the only person in Hogwarts to tame the fucking bad boy."
They kissed again, longer than before and carried on throw the pop of the wine cork and the cheer that followed it.
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AN: And now we have just the Epilogue to go people! One more, Uno Numero, the big finish, the finale!