IFD: Volunteer Division
By Nolitari
A/N: SpiritChild, thank you so much for reviewing! Although I only got one review (glares at readers that didn't review) I am still continuing. Perhaps people will review even more.
This will continue on from Erestor's question in chapter one. So...we'll get to see Elrond's 'outburst'.
Another thing, I am not particularly putting this in a timeline. So, I won't mention anything about the elves sailing (since this should be in the middle of the Fellowship) Enjoy!
The IFD is going to remain as Middle-earthy as possible. No red fire engine, sorry...so, bear with me as I try to put a fire department in Imladris...hehe.
Excuse any bad grammar or spelling. I am deprived of Microsoft Word. (sob) It is really annoying, since my bad speech (hey, I live near alot of people that are from the south) affects my grammar, I don't know what's wrong. Oppsies.
Safety pins are not the most smart thing to play with in your mouth...my poor tongue...
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. (sniffle) Sad, isn't it? Wait...I own the IFD! HA! In your face, Tolkien!
On with the fire! Um, fic!
o-o-o-o-o
"Elrond?"
"Yes?"
"We've run out of poppy seed."
Elrond blinked a few droplets of water off his eyelashes. "YOU BURN MY KITCHENS DOWN AND YOU ARE WORRIED FOR...poppy seed?" The half-elf wasn't in a very good mood today. First, the twins had woken him up on a question about cheese...very early in the morning. Then, after he sub-conciously stumbled out of bed and got ready for the day, he had jammed his fingers in his wardrobe door. After breakfast, he spilled ink all over the important Mirkwood document (concerning Thranduil's surprise birthday that was to be held in Imladris in a couple of weeks) because of his sore fingers were on his writing hand. And then there was the monsterous pile of paperwork. Elrond didn't want to do it, he could give it all to Erestor, but that would have been mean. Maybe he could have given it to Glorfindel, but he was busy with his new fancy fire department.
Now the kitchen was halfway destroyed, again, and his friend was concerned about POPPY SEED!
"Erestor, you have an addiction! And for that, I am not ordering anymore."
Erestor's face fell. No precioussss poppy seed? That was maddness! How could such a terrible thing be? And Erestor didn't think he had an addiction. He just liked them very, very much.
"B-But Elrond! You can't!"
"I can, and I am!"
Snickers were heard from the doorway. Cheif Glorfindel was still there, trying to fix the poor door with the help of Haldir. It didn't deserve that fate. The poor, innocent thing.
"Well, fine. I'll just buy them myself." Erestor huffed. Elrond stopped wringing out his robes. "No you don't. As your Lord, I forbid you to leave the house."
"WHAT? You can't!"
"I can."
"That is just evil." Erestor growled and stomped off to his chambers. His robes were still dripping wet, same with his slightly charred hair. He was leaving a trail of water behind him.
"Elrond," Glorfindel began.
"What, Glorfindel?"
"Well, first of all, it's Chief Glorfindel. And, I was going to ask if you had any news on Thranduil's birthday party."
"SHHH! The walls have ears! Two certain twins can NOT find out. If they do, they will tell all of Arda. You know they can't keep secrets."
"Heh." Glorfindel snorted. There had been a time when he told them he was afraid of cats, and they told all of Imladris. Then they told Lothlorien, then they told Mirkwood. It was humiliating. Ever since then, Elladan and Elrohir would walk around with a cat on their heads or in their arms whenever around Glorfindel.
"What secret of yours did they tell?"
The only reason Glorfindel, a Balrog Slayer, was afraid of cats was because of a very unpleasant time with a cat in Imladris...
"It happened about 200 years ago...this is how it went..."
o-o-o-o-o
"Be good for Glorfindel, Killer!" Elrohir cooed to his cat. He had become so attached to the creature since he and Elladan were...(as Elrond put it) allergic to dogs. (Only mortals have these 'allergies' but...since they are 1/4 mortal, they can. HA!) Elrohir had named this cat Killer. It was the perfect name for him, Killer was possessed. "Remember to feed him his daily tuna." Elrohir reminded. Glorfindel nodded his head.
Elrohir set his precious Killer in the Balrog Slayer's arms. "Be a good kitty!" As if on cue, Killer bit Glorfindel's finger. Glorfindel tried not to throw the animal to the ground. So, he winced instead.
"I'm sure he will be...precious." Glorfindel plastered on a fake smile.
"Come on, 'Ro! You can leave that cat for a few weeks! Lets go already!" Elladan squirmed from atop his horse.
"Oh fine, fine." Elrohir sighed and mounted his horse. "Bye Killer!" He said once more.
"'Ro, if you keep talking to that cat we will never get to Mirkwood faster!"
"Alright! Alright! I'm stopping! Lets go." The Twins sped out of the courtyards. Nearby Elrond was running behind his horse, trying to catch the creature. "COME BACK HERE!" He shouted.
Glorfindel had to laugh at his friend. It was a rarity to see Elrond make a fool of himself, and when he did it would be tresured forever by those who wittnessed it
Elrond's horse ran off behind the twins' horses, who were not stopping.
"ELLADAN! ELROHIR! GET BACK HERE!"
Glorfindel started laughing uncontrolably. When he did, Killer clawed him. "AAAI! EVIL CAT!"
o-o-o-o-o
"You were afraid of that cat?"
"I haven't gotten the worst part yet."
"Did you have to mention the horse part?"
Haldir snickered from the door.
Glorfindel smiled slyly. "Yes."
o-o-o-o-o
Eventually, Elrond caught his horse. He and the twins were well on their way to Mirkwood, for what they called a 'much deserved holiday'. Glorfindel couldn't see how anyone would want a holiday in Mirkwood. It isn't all too relaxing. But, on the other hand, didn't Glorfindel deserve a holiday also? He worked hard. He trained warriors. Elrond sat behind his fancy desk all day long!
"Come on...Killer...let's go get you some tuna." Glorfindel, with Evil Killer in his arms, turned for the kitchens. 'I can't believe I am watching Elrohir's demon cat.' Glorfindel thought miserably. Killer jumped on Glorfindel's head, and started playing with his hair. 'If any of my hair gets eaten by this monster, I will have Elrohir's head, along with this feline's head.'
Killer began to bite the tips of his ears. "Hey! Quit it!" Glorfindel screeched. Quickly he brought his hands up to pull the cat down, but the thing just hissed at him. "How would you like it if I bit your ears?"
"You know, talking to cats and/or yourself is the first point of insanity." A voice from behind suddenly said.
"Thank you, Erestor."
"You are welcome." Erestor said and walked over to the pantry. "So, you got stuck with Elrohir's cat? I have Elladan's."
"Shadow is not a demon cat. Shadow is a nice cat! Shadow doesn't eat your ears! Shadow is a good cat." Glorfindel tried to pull the cat off of his head, but it had its claws tangled in his hair.
"Well, good luck." Erestor said with a mouthful of muffin. (At this point in Imladris' history, poppy seed was not used there yet)
"Stupid cat." Glorfindel mumbled. As if the cat understood the words, he put a paw down and scratched poor Glorfindel's nose.
"Hey!"
"Haha!" Erestor laughed. Since Lord Elrond was gone, he had all the time he could muster to torment that blond Gondolin elf. Erestor took another muffin and left the kitchens.
o-o-o-o-o
"Erestor did what?" Elrond asked in disbelif. His advisor had a devious mind? Never!
"If you don't interrupt maybe you can find out."
"You two sound like my brothers." Haldir stated. For replies he got glares from the elven lords. "Sorry..."
o-o-o-o-o
"Just leave, Erestor."
"Oh fine."
"HIISSS!"
Stupid Cat! Killer would not stop toying with one of Glorfindel's braids.
"Killer! Get off of my head."
"HHHHIIIISSSSSS!"
"I will take that as a no."
A couple of days, scratches, and bite marks later, Glorfindel was to his wits end with this killer cat named Killer. The Balrog Slayer was in his study, his desk over turned, hiding behind it.
Killer was perched on the back of the chair, licking his paw innocently. The gray beast was pure evil.
Glorfindel had the door wide open and boarded up the windows. Now all there was to light the room was a small candle...
...never mind. The cat had just blown it out with it's tail.
Glorfindel silently cursed the cursed cat. In a matter of days the Balrog SLAYER had been brought down to his knees by a domestic FELINE.
He tried to bolt to the door, but the cat gracefully hopped down in the path of the door. Glorfindel slowly backed off to the fireplace. 'Evil cat...' He said inwardly. If he would have said it aloud, the cat probably would have scratched him again.
Almost maliciously, the cat meowed to him.
Cursed cat!
Killer looked up at him innocently, and then...
...pounced him.
Killer was clinging onto Glorfindel's back, and tearing through his tunic with a war cry...
Glorfindel ran shouting - not screaming - through the hallways. The cat was trying to kill him! Erestor was snickering from a doorway, watching Glorfindel suffer.
Soon, the elf lord came to the courtyards, shouting and running around.
Guess who was there?
Elrond, Elrohir (who jumped off of his horse to get his kitty), and Elladan...with, Prince Legolas in tow. Moan.
"KILLER!" Elrohir screeched.
"TAKE IT! IT IS EVIL! EVIL I TELL YOU!"
"Glorfindel! You look terrible!" Elrond exclaimed, referring to his various scraches cuts and bite marks.
"It's that CAT I tell you! He is evil! It is possessed!"
From that day on, the twins and Legolas told every elf about it.
SO humiliating!
o-o-o-o-o
"Oh! I remember now."
"Eh, Elrond?"
"Yes?"
"Could you go get changed? You are dripping on my clothes."
"Oh...excuse me." Elrond said and exited the kitchens.
"GLORFINDEL!" Haldir shouted. "THERE ARE A FEW CATS UP A TREE!"
Glorfindel paled. "Not cats!"
o-o-o-o-o
A/N: Bwa ha! Evil cliffies...well, not too bad. I have heard that reviewer responces are against the rules now, so I won't be replying anymore, BUT I STILL WANT THEM!