Loved
Kara dreamed of her mother. The dream was one she hadn't had in years and it crept into her unconscious now, to taunt and mock the belief that Kara would ever find peace.
The dream always started the same. Five year old Kara was sitting in the closet. Dim light peeking in from the bottom of the door. Her skinny legs were cramped from their position drawn up against her chest. She could hear her mother shuffling about on the other side while Kara waited, holding her breath for the older woman to forget about her and fall asleep in her drunken stupor. Only then could Kara come out.
Kara's small gangly frame shook with fear and her eyes burned with choked back tears and sweat...and blood, Kara was sure. She couldn't check but the sting on her forehead told her as much.
"Good for nothing brat!" Her mother shouted kicking at the door making Kara jump on the other side. "Should have frakking got rid of you when I had the chance." Kara tried to tuck herself further into the closet, make herself invisible. "Charlie donwanno kids, understand?" Her mother's voice was slurred and Kara heard what she thought was the bottle her mother held being pounded against the closet door. Her heart pounded in her ears and her whole body was chilled with icy terror. "So you jusgonna stay inthere 'till ya die." More intelligible grumbling and then "You aingonna frak up nothing else for me, got it? You make so much as a peep. I'ma gointhere ankill you myself. Got it huh? Got that you uselesslittlebitch? Huh? Answer me!" The woman shouted.
Kara jolted awake from the force of her fear. Breathless, Kara closed her eyes briefly and tried to mentally shake away the terrifying memories. She stared up, grateful for the rusted steel above her. Her shoulder brushed against soft warm hair and Kara turned towards the steadfast and loving body next to hers. Kara shivered, the remnants of her chilled dream dissapating next to the warmth of the man she loved. She turned towards him to press herself closer, to bury her face in the crook of his neck. His arm tightened around her in his sleep, as if sensing her unease. She didn't want to wake him. He'd been pulling too many shifts to cover patrols left open by too many dead pilots and one new mother. Gods, she'd wished there were some way she could have his re-assuring blue eyes meet hers and still not wake him. Kara settled for placing a hand over his chest, to feel his heartbeat to prove to herself that she was safe.
She'd gotten out of that dark closet and she'd fought like the dickens to break away from the hate and guilt that had cloaked her childhood. To love again. To feel that she'd deserved it.
Kara inhaled deeply and smiled. He smelled of sex and baby powder. She wrapped her arm around his waist and rubbed her cheek along the crisp hairs of his chest. She trailed a finger along a small pink nipple and heard his breath skip slightly. Kara stopped, fearing he'd wake. She settled for whispering, "I love you, Lee." very softly against his chest. Lee took a deep breath, and with his eyes closed, trailed his hand up her rib cage to cup a full breast. He liked the way her breast fit heavy in his palm lately. Though he'd only mentioned it in teasing fearing Kara would sock him one.
If anything, Kara felt her breast fill even further at his touch. Kara bit her lip and turned her head wondering if she should make use of the abundance of milk inside of her at the moment. But Lee held her still; his hand moved lower and pulled her snug against the now thick heat of his cock. When his fingers slid deep between her legs, Kara began to wonder if her husband was now awake. His fingers stroked slowly along the stickiness of her aroused core but gently, mindful of the soreness of her body, he slipped one slim strong finger inside of her gingerly, making her gasp. Kara bit back a moan. Lee's eyes were still closed, which made Kara giggle. Foreplay in his sleep. Kara raised one leg up over Lee's thigh and stroked the back of his leg with her heel. His finger danced steadily inside of her, breath deep and slow with sleep. She reached down between them and circled his erection with her fingers.
"Mmmmm" He murmured shifting his hips closer to her. Her breath began to come in short blissful bursts. "Loveyou..."He whispered groggily when her body tensed and she bore down against his hand in orgasm. Shivering against him, Kara caught her breath and groaned at the dampness now seeping from her breasts.
"Lee Adama, are you awake?" She asked quietly.
"Hmnn, five more minutes..."He murmured. She gave his cock a gentle but insistent squeeze and was rewarded with a swelling shaft and blue startled eyes.
"Oooh. Hi." He sighed as if surprised to find her awake. "I just had the best... Oh." He suddenly registered her leg wrapped around him and his fingers buried inside of her. "Well, that's...interesting." Lee said with a snort.
Kara turned to rise out of bed but he held her back.
"Where you off to?" Lee asked nuzzling the back of her neck.
"Thanks to you, I sprung a leak. Figured I shouldn't let it go to waste."
"Don't wake him. We're not done." Lee insisted nibbling at her ear.
"Why did I marry such a frakking horn dog?" Kara wondered out loud but she smiled as she settled back against him.
"Cause you needed someone to keep up with you." Lee smiled rolling on top of her.
"Oh lords, Lee, you're gonna make a mess of both you and me." Kara protested weakly as he ran his tongue along her collarbone.
"Everything good is messy." He smiled up at her. Kara fought a very girly giggle as he shimmied down the length of her, the stickiness of warm milk between them and Kara closed her eyes and arched as Lee took one bursting breast in his mouth and then the other. His mouth was soft and warm and greedy and for a moment Kara was reminded of the tiny ravenous bundle wrapped in blue that was just as warm and just as greedy.
"Oh Gods... Lee... You're frakking...Oh...nuts..." She murmured as desire wraps itself around her body in a cloak of electricity. Waves and waves of it until Kara is trembling beneath him. She cradled his head against her breast and thought, Dear Lords, thank you. Thank you for him. Then she felt Lee lift himself above her and meet her mouth. She tasted the sweetness of her milk along with the taste of just Lee, sleepy and slightly tangy. Then he was there, teasingly between her legs.
"Lee, we have to be up early tomorrow, seriously. You know how bitchy you get with no sleep." Kara warned him.
"Let's live dangerously." Lee said with a wink and slowly slid into her damp warm body.
"Gods save us, I've completely corrupted you." Kara moaned feeling every thick inch of him possess her.
"Completely." He nodded with a soft steady roll of his hips.
She wondered if at first, he'd be put off by the changes in her body. Hell, they'd freaked her out but if anything Lee had become even more insatiable. Kara had heard whispers about how men became rather chauvinistically proud of themselves after their women gave birth to their children. It went back to the cavemen, she'd heard She hadn't had anyone beyond the doctor and Elosha to tell her what to expect. Once again, Kara's thoughts went to her mother, who's duty it had been to help her daughter through these insane changes and Kara once again, felt her dark memories intrude. She held onto Lee tighter as he thrust within her, faster, deeper. She buried her face in his neck and moved with him, cocooning herself in the love they generated between them. He gripped her hips in his hands and claimed her as his, letting the air out of her mother's taunts that no one would ever want her.
"I love you." She murmured her body beginning to pulse with release. The words still felt foreign on her tongue and she only ever spoke them allowed here with him in private and with their son.
"Kara...Kara...Love you..." Lee panted, his eyes shut tight as he surged up into her, making her wince slightly but hold him close nonetheless. Lee tickled the roof of her mouth with his tongue then turned; flipping them both over, but staying locked inside of her. Now, Kara could control the depth of their movement and ease the thrusts against her tender skin.
The doc suggested they wait longer but Kara couldn't bear not to feel Lee inside of her any longer. They had waited long enough for both of them and a few weeks ago, Lee had taken to talking in his sleep about how the ice-cream truck never waited for him to bring out his money before it sped off. That had been Kara's cue, as metaphorical as it was. Her husband was horny and needed some action beyond hands and mouths, satisfying as they were in their own way.
Kara leaned down and met his mouth stifling a gasp as her body slid up and down on the velvet steel of him. She tightened around him and Lee let out a low pleased growl, so Kara did it again. Lee's mouth moved to the side of her neck, then down the column of her throat making her sigh. Her breath tickling the tiny indentation between his eyebrows as his face tightened in passionate concentration. His mouth sucked at the skin at her pulse and Kara was sure he could feel it racing against her skin. His hands cupped her bottom, but didn't guide her. He let her choose her pace and she smiled down at him, tickling his face with the blonde strands of her hair.
Gods she was happy. Happier than she should have been for a grounded pilot who had gone over a year without a cigar. She missed those things but Lords, nothing compared to this. These quiet stolen moments where there were no duties to fulfill and she could just wrap herself around Lee and there were no worries beyond keeping the room as silent as they could for the baby's sake. Kara Thrace would never ever say it aloud but she would give up the sky and her cigars for the man who was now sending her senses spinning and the tiny bundle of hope peacefully asleep in his bassinet.
The little frightened girl she had been, unwanted and unloved had grown up wary of anyone who tried to get to close. Until Lee. Lee not only got close; he got beneath her skin and set up house. He'd dared her. He'd dared the almighty Starbuck to love him back. She'd been in awe of him. In awe of his courage to fight past his own demons and fears to be able to love her as unconditionally as he did. Kara was powerless to do anything but the same. She loved him. Loved him with a ferocity that used to terrify her but no longer did.
Lee's fingers dug into her hips, signaling his impending release and Kara felt him swell inside of her. She tightened around him again and boldly thrust her tongue into his mouth. She sped up the movements of her hips, wanting to join him when he came and then he was shaking against her and muffling his groans of release against her mouth. Kara whimpered and bit his lip softly when she began to tremble along with him.
He'd done it again, Kara noticed a short time later as her breasts filled and seeped down her ribcage. Lee had dropped off to sleep again so he'd be no help this time around. Kara slid out of bed and wrapped herself in the pretty navy blue robe Lee had gotten her for their two-day honeymoon on Cloud Nine. She made her way to the small bassinet the commander had managed to get in a trade off for the last of Tigh's ambrosia. The XO had not been pleased but didn't put up too much of a fuss. Tigh had a soft spot for her son but would be shot dead before he'd ever admit it.
"Well hello there, Mr. Man." Kara whispered, surprised to find blue intent eyes staring back at her. Tiny fists were reaching for the toy planes hanging above him. The doc said he was too young but Kara was certain the tiny mouth curved in a smile when his eyes landed on her. His legs kicked excitedly and his fists flailed, letting out unintelligible gurgles. "How long have you been awake huh?" William had told her that her son was like Lee. A quiet baby who wasn't given to much fussing. Which, when one thought their son was asleep and therefore engaged in nookie with the baby's daddy, was slightly disconcerting."Lords, I hope we haven't scarred you for life Billy-Boy." Kara said lifting his small body into her arms. Her breasts throbbed in expectation at the feel of the warm baby's skin. She lowered herself into the chair by the narrow shower Little William Adama's head fell forward and she felt his lips smacking as he searched out his late night snack.
Kara opened the robe and Billy's mouth fastened hungrily on one extended nipple. For one second, her body, confused, throbbed and gushed between her legs in response to the sense memory of Lee's mouth on her breasts. Kara shivered and stuck her tongue out at her sleeping husband. Billy's eyes closed with a soft sigh and was so intent on his purpose he reminded her of Lee. She cradled his tiny head and closed her eyes reveling in the silence of the room.
The thought came unbidden and Kara wondered if her mother had ever cradled her like this. Fed her from her own body and felt the love washing over her as Kara did now.
Initially Kara was slightly squicked about the idea of breast feeding but the doctor suggested it as a way of not only bonding with the boy but from a purely economical stand point, they'd save on milk. Now Kara couldn't imagine not having this connection with her child. Kara ran a finger along her son's chubby cheek and Kara decided her mother had never felt this depth of emotion for her. She couldn't and then have abused Kara so badly. Kara couldn't fathom ever not adoring this tiny bundle she held. The tiny child was so dependent on her and she no longer feared that. The joy in his face when he saw her made her ache for the child she had been. For this little boy, she would gladly relive every horrendous second of her childhood. The beatings, the insults, the boyfriends of her mother's who got a little too touchy feely. If Kara had known this little boy was waiting for her at the end of it all, she'd go through it again. Kara didn't realize she was crying until a wet tear fell onto Billy's cheek. His blue eyes fluttered open slightly, stared up at her questioningly. Kara wiped the moisture from his cheek and reassured he closed his eyes again getting back to work. Kara's eyes fell on Lee, sleeping soundly on the bed. The blanket was low on his hips, his chest bare. One arm rested at his side and other was outstretched on her side of the bed. She smiled as she watched the rise and fall of her husband's breathing and pushed away thoughts of her miserable childhood. She wasn't that little girl anymore. She was a wife. She was a mother. She was loved.
The End