Author's Note: I intentionally wrote much of this before the Emily and Luke conversation in So…Good Talk, but then ended up rewriting most of their discussion anyway. I am finding it really hard to write Emily since she got so bitchy on the show. I hope that I have portrayed her somewhat realistically. Thanks again to JeSouhaite for beta-reading and for the encouragement. I also wanted to thank everyone who has reviewed. I really appreciate the feedback.
Luke and Lorelai were engaged in their typical post movie-date banter, arguing the merits of whichever movie they had just seen. Luke couldn't even remember the name of it anymore. They pulled up to her house and the light-hearted debate continued seamlessly as they got out of the truck and headed for the front door.
"Uh, Luke…hold on a sec." Lorelai put her hand gently on his forearm and turned to face him. Her voice was soft and tentative, such a change from the moments before.
"Are you okay?" he asked, baffled by the sudden seriousness.
"Yeah, I'm fine. There's just something I want to tell you."
"Okay, let's go inside and we can talk about whatever you want."
"No, I need to…I want to do it here." She glanced at him quickly, then ducked her eyes to look for something in her purse. He watched her impatiently as she dug through her belongings, nervousness playing tricks on his stomach.
"Aha, here it is," she said triumphantly. He was relieved to hear the tone in her voice until he heard her take a deep breath, as if she was preparing a speech. She held up her hand, which was closed tightly around a small object. He could see a familiar bit of plastic sticking out of her fist.
"It's that keychain from the box. The one that had no logical reason for being there," he teased, surprised to see her shake her head. "Well then, it looks the same."
"It is the keychain, but it had a very logical reason for being there," she said, her voice soft and serious. As she finished her sentence she opened her fist and held out the keychain with a single shiny new key dangling from it. Realization was beginning to dawn, but he didn't say anything. "I was going to give this to you…before."
"Before?"
"Yeah, before," confirming his unstated question. She paused, as if waiting for him, but he was at a loss for words. She looked up at him thoughtfully, realizing that he was waiting for her. She took one more breath and once she started the words tumbled out all on their own. "I wanted to give this to you after you got the TV and built me that shelf in the bathroom. I wanted to do something to show you…something. So I found this crazy keychain that I thought would remind you of me," at this she quickly caught his eye and smiled softly before looking down again, "and I got a key…to my house. At least I tried to, but the first two didn't work, so I had to go back to the hardware store twice because stupid Kirk doesn't know how to operate the key cutter. So I didn't get a chance to get a working copy before…" She paused for only a moment to meet his eyes before the words flowed again. "I know that you've never needed a key when you really wanted to get in the house, so this isn't an actual necessity, but I wanted you to know that you don't have to ask to come in anymore. I mean, you never really did need to, but anyway, that's why it was in the box, filed in the category of missed opportunities."
She stopped as suddenly as she started and the silence caught him by surprise. He realized then that he'd been holding his breath the whole time she was speaking. For so long this house had been the place she shared with only Rory, but she was opening the door to him, letting him be a part of her life in a way that she had never allowed with any other man. He found himself wondering, had she given it to him before, would it have been enough for him to trust her feelings? When he looked up and saw her tentative smile, he wondered if she was thinking the same thing. She held out her hand and placed the key in his, the metal warmed by her grip.
He held her hand for a moment as they looked at each other. He didn't know how to acknowledge such a moment, so he simply said, "Thank you." His words made her look down shyly before looking up again and smiling.
"You know that now this means you need to start doing things like sneaking in and cooking me dinner, right?" she teased.
"I already make you dinner almost every night."
"But not with the secret-surprise-waiting-at-home-for-me part."
Luke chuckled and shook his head in mock disbelief. "Do I have to keep it on this keychain?"
"What? You don't like the keychain? It makes it easy to find the right key. What if there was an emergency and you needed to get into the house really fast to save me?"
"How about one of those colored key tags? They make them in pink," he suggested hopefully.
"I don't know. It wouldn't be quite the same."
"Exactly my point."
"So are you going to use it?" She gestured toward the door, her dancing eyes betraying her excitement. He watched her giggling as he fumbled with the key and hoped she didn't notice his trembling hand.
After hanging her coat on the coat rack, Lorelai glanced at the answering machine, which was flashing. She gave a sigh of resignation before pressing the play button.
"Lorelai, it's-"
Luke felt the sharpness in Emily's words, even in the brief moments before Lorelai cut it off. She was turned away from him, but he could see anger in the way that she clenched her fist, then the sadness that took over as she slumped her shoulders. He hesitated for a moment before stepping over, placing his hands on her shoulders and whispering, "Hey, you okay?"
"Yeah, I just…" her voice trailed off as she leaned back into him and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. After a few moments, he loosened his grip and led her gently to the couch and sat her down next to him.
"Does she call often?"
"At least once a day, sometimes at the inn too."
He paused for a moment, then took a deep breath before saying, "I hope you're not avoiding talking to her on my account."
He felt her tense, "No Luke, you know it's so much more than that."
"I know that there's a lot more between you than what happened with us, but I just don't want you to feel like you have to maintain some sort of loyalty to me."
She turned to him then, her eyes serious, "I know…and I appreciate that, but I also can't let her treat you…us like that. Maybe things will get better between us in time, but for now…I don't know. Just please don't ever think that any of this is your responsibility. It's so much more than that." She sank back into his arms again and they sat there for a while, silent. Luke knew that she was right. The fissure between Lorelai and Emily was already long and deep before he came into her life, but he also knew that he was the tremor that had widened the chasm. He would not feel completely settled until the damage had been repaired.
The bell rang above the door in the diner. "Have a seat. I'll be with you in a moment," Luke said, his back turned away from the door while he filled the coffee maker. He heard footsteps approaching the counter as he finished loading the coffee into the machine.
"Hello Luke." The voice was out of context and it startled him. He turned to face Emily.
"Mrs. Gilmore," he said, tight and formal. After a moment of hesitation, he said, "I'm surprised to see you."
"I would like to talk to you."
"What do you and I have to talk about?"
She looked at him knowingly and said, "Is there somewhere we could talk privately?"
Luke gestured around the empty diner, "Looks pretty private to me."
She started to argue and then a couple of tourists walked in and she simply nodded her head toward them.
"Fine."
He invited the couple to sit and let Caesar know that he was stepping out for a moment. Then he pointed toward the stairs and followed Emily up.
As she stepped inside, she said, "This is where you live? It's quaint."
"I didn't ask for your opinion. He gestured toward the couch and then sat down on the chair. "So talk."
"I know that you and Lorelai are back together."
"Yes," he said evenly.
"She won't talk to me."
"I'm aware of that."
"Is it because of you?"
"Excuse me?" he asked in angry disbelief.
"Are you trying to keep her away from us?"
Luke fumed at the accusation and struggled to keep calm. His reply was icy and bitter. "I thought it was the other way around." At her questioning look, he added, "I thought you were trying to keep me away from her."
Emily looked surprised at his directness. "Yes, well, I suppose I was. You must be angry with me. I know Lorelai is. All this over a silly misunderstanding."
"It wasn't silly, and it wasn't a misunderstanding. It was a deliberate attempt to hurt your daughter," he said coldly.
"I was trying to protect her."
"From me?"
"From making a mistake. From walking away from the life she could have." No matter how many times he heard it, he couldn't get used to her outright snobbery.
"You mean a life like yours? She doesn't want that life."
"She doesn't know what she wants," Emily said dismissively.
"Yes she does," his voice hard. "You just don't want to believe her."
"Do you honestly think that you can make her happy?"
"I know that I do make her happy." Luke surprised himself with the surety of his words. The certainty he felt was new and he realized how much had changed since the last time he spoke with Emily. "Do you honestly think that she would be happy with Christopher?" He spit out the name venomously.
"She should be with the father of her child."
"You didn't answer the question."
She hesitated just enough. "Of course. He loves her and she's always cared for him."
"That's not enough for her."
"Well it should be."
He looked at her in amazement. "You're so worried about her having the "right" kind of life, you don't even care if she is happy. No wonder she doesn't think that you care about her."
"She said that?" Emily's face was white and pained.
Luke nodded once and reveled for a brief but satisfying moment at the vision of a flustered Emily, before feeling a pang of guilt at having caused the pain. "I'd like to be able to convince her otherwise. Everyone should be loved by their parents, so I don't get it. I can't imagine anyone who loved their child treating Lorelai the way that you do, but I also can't imagine anyone not being proud of her and loving her exactly the way that she is. She's the most amazing woman I've ever known."
"You don't have to tell me she's amazing," Emily retorted sharply.
Luke met her steely eyes. "Apparently I do."
"How dare you presume-"
"Look," he cut in sharply. "You only get one family in this life. When they're gone, you've lost all chance to tell them what you feel. How dare you let Lorelai go one second thinking that her mother doesn't care about her." He saw immediately how his words hurt her. Every bit of defiance and pride flowed out of her and she wilted, her face a mask of sadness, and surprisingly, fear. Watching her crumple was one of the most disturbing things he had ever seen. She took a deep breath and worked unsuccessfully to regain her composure. Luke hesitated before picking up a box of tissues and setting it on the table near her. "I need to get back to the diner. Stay as long as you need."
The next evening, Luke arrived at Lorelai's house to pick her up. He pushed open the door and called, "Lorelai, I'm here." When she didn't answer he walked into the living room and was surprised to see her sitting on the couch, an arrangement of white and yellow daffodils on the coffee table in front of her. He walked over to her and saw that her eyes were red as if she had been crying. "What's going on? Who are the flowers from?"
She didn't answer, but handed him the card. He drew in his breath as he read it.
Lorelai,
I'm sorry. I'd like to talk.
I love you,
Emily
Luke finished reading the note and looked up at Lorelai. "She sent me daffodils. They're my favorite, but she always told me they were too common." Her voice broke and two tears trailed down her face. "What made her do this now? Why?"
Luke looked away guiltily, avoiding her eyes.
"Luke?" she asked, "What's going on? Do you know something about this?"
"She came to see me," he answered reluctantly.
"When?"
"Yesterday."
"Why didn't you tell me?" She sounded hurt and betrayed.
"It wasn't a pleasant conversation and I didn't know if anything would come of it."
"What did you say to her? Why would she send these? Write this note?"
"She wants you to know that she cares about you," he said gently.
She looked at him with sudden realization, "You told her what I said that night we talked? How could you tell her that? That was personal. I trusted you."
"She needed to know that she hurt you."
"That was not for you to decide. Why did you have to go get in the middle of this? I told you this was between me and my mother." Luke could not remember when she had stood up but she was now and her anger was rising. He could feel her putting up walls and pushing him away.
"I didn't ask to be in the middle of this!" he yelled. The sound of his own voice startled him and he continued more quietly, but with anguish. "She came to me. She blamed me…said that I was keeping you away from her. She didn't care what you wanted, what would make you happy." As Luke continued, Lorelai's expression softened a bit.
"What did you say to her?" she repeated.
"Only what needed to be said." She gave him a frustrated look at his vague answer and he looked down. "What I said really hurt her. I was afraid I had made everything worse…but now she is reaching out."
"But Luke…these flowers, this note, they don't really change anything."
"They're a start. Why don't you call her?"
"What? You want me to forgive her so that you don't have to feel guilty about hurting her?"
Her words stung. "I just couldn't let her talk about you…dismiss you like that."
"Why do you care so much what she says?"
"Because everyone should know that their parents love them. She does love you, you know. What I said wouldn't have hurt her if she didn't care." He stopped for a moment and looked at her, "I know that you love her, and that's why it hurts you. You don't have to forgive her all at once. Just tell her you got the flowers."
Lorelai looked at him for a long moment, her eyes pools of sadness. She turned and walked over to the phone, turning away from him as she dialed.
"Hi Mom… it's Lorelai," she said tentatively. There was a pause before she continued, "Yeah. I got the flowers. Thank you for sending them…I do like daffodils. Look Mom, there is still a lot of stuff to deal with and I need some time to think it through. I can't just forget what happened at the vow renewal…Don't apologize. I'm not ready to hear it and I don't think I'll ever understand, but just know that I appreciate the flowers, and the note. That will have to be enough for now…Goodbye Mom."
She disconnected the call and stood there staring at the phone in her hand. Luke watched her, wondering where he stood and afraid to ask. Slowly Lorelai put the phone away and turned toward him.
He couldn't read the expression on her face and didn't know what to say so stuck with something simple, "I'm sorry."
"For what?" She looked at him curiously.
"For trying to fix things."
She took that in and was quiet for a moment. "She came to you and you did what you've always done. You defended me, stood up for me…I just wish you had told me. We're in this together now."
"Are we?"
She looked up at him and nodded, "Yeah, we are."
"Good. I'm sorry about not telling you. It was just hard to see your Mom like that and to know that I had done it."
"So you really told her off?" she asked, disbelief in her voice.
"Yeah." He lowered his eyes, remembering the pain in Emily's eyes.
She looked up at him, still serious, but with a hint of a smile, "I don't suppose you got it on videotape, did you?"
To be continued