Chapter 1.
The first thing I noticed about Moony when he opened the door was how red his eyes were and thin he looked. His eyes held pain, worry, despair and regret. He wore muggle clothing that looked as if he was wearing something Hagrid had given him. He was stooping over and he looked like he hadn't slept or eaten at all since that day, even with Mrs. Weasley in the house. He tried a smile.
'Hello Hermione.'
I tried to smile back but couldn't.
'Jesus Moony, you look awful.'
'Thanks. Come in, everybody's out except Harry.'
His eyes clouded over with despair as he looked up the stairs as he closed the door behind me.
I left my trunk in the hall and followed him down into the kitchen, not noticing the changes in the once dark house.
As we sat down with some tea, again I noticed how frail he was and how hard he was trying to keep his hands still so not to drop his cup. I took it from him.
'How is he – and you?'
'He's not good. He spent one night at Privet Drive then flew here in the early hours of the morning. He locked himself in the attic the minute he got here and only leaves to go to the bathroom, and that's it.'
He got up and started pacing, wringing his hands.
'I don't know what to do. I don't know how to comfort him, when I can't even comfort myself. I'm a wreck as you can plainly see. I promised Sirius that I would look after him. The last time I was left alone with him he was an 11-month-old baby! He's almost 16 now! He was much closer to Sirius than me. It was sires who was the father figure, not me. I'm just the professor, the werewolf. But I'm grieving too, more than him. This is the second time I've lost him, this time for real, for good. It's been bad enough going to James' grave, but Sirius as well? I'm the last Marauder at 37! (Is that how old they're supposed to be, anyway around the late 30's) we were supposed to have kids together who would terrorize Hogwarts together and be the next Marauder generation. They were supposed to graduate together. James said he would be the first grandfather. We were supposed to be old and grey, Sirius flirting with the nurses in the old people's home, we were supposed to die . . . to
die . . .'
His weak legs collapsed and he fell to his knees sobbing uncontrollably. I didn't know what to do. I ran to him and tried to comfort him.
'Moony, you've still got Harry, just as he's still got you. Both of you just need to realize that. You need to be strong for him, but before you can do that you've got to look after yourself, or you're going to become really ill and probably scare us all. Harry can't loose you moony, he may not be showing it but he needs you. You knew Sirius and James; you're his last link to his past, his parents, just as he's your last link.'
Before I could continue the Weasley's came back. Thankfully they all went upstairs except Mrs. Weasley. She stopped when she saw Moony.
'Remus Lupin, sit down at that table right now.'
He automatically stopped crying and wiped his face before sitting back down at the table obediently.
'Now, you are going to eat tonight.'
'Right lil—Molly,'
Mrs. Weasley bustled around the kitchen to make him something to eat, but I turned to him at sat opposite him.
'You almost said Lily.'
'Yes I know. 1979, the first mission James and Sirius were sent on on their own. They were gone 3 months. I hardly ate a thing. I was so worried, it had always been the 3 of us, but I wasn't an Aurur. I didn't see Lily very much until she almost broke the door down. She stayed with me for the month until Dumbledore came and told us they were back. She had said those exact words to me. You better go and see Harry, just keep climbing the stairs. The last flight is quite dangerous, you might have to break the door.'
He smiled weakly, though he was still caught up in the memory.
'Make sure you do eat, before I force you.'
He groaned at hit his head on the table repeatedly muttering something about Potters and head strong muggle born women, but nodded all the same.
I walked out of the kitchen cursing Voldemort and his Death Eaters to high heaven.