Dingle: Is it me, or does Jamie keep getting knocked out? He's had enough trouble to officially classify him as accident prone. He got assaulted by a chocobo, fell off a cliff, got hit with a cannon, electrocuted underwater, maimed by a blonde, embarrassed by Jell-o, fell into a frozen lake, shot by walking cacti, maimed by the blonde again, threatened by said blonde's father, threatened by said blonde, and then conked on the back of the head with a gun. I am so cruel to him.

Chapter 8: But though you're still with me. Pt.2

I came to with my face pressed against cold metal. I lifted my head, looking around, and saw that I was in a cage. I sat up and looked around me. Tidus and Auron were in a cage to my right, Lulu, Yuna and, Rikku to my left, and Wakka and Kimahri were in my cage. This is a very bad day. It seems like a strange pattern. Whenever my day starts well, I can expect it to take a nosedive later on. And this day started extremely well if you ask me.

"What the hell happened?" I asked.

"You slept through the whole thing," Auron snickered. "I guess Kinoc didn't take too kindly to your 'lard-ass' comment."

"What Auron is trying to say is," Yuna said, slightly aggravated, "you got hit pretty hard. They put us to trial and deemed us traitors."

"Even me? I don't know anything about Yevon, nor do I want anything to do with it."

"All attacked Seymour," Kimahri grunted. "All are traitors in eyes of Yevon."

So I'm being punished for defying a religion I know absolutely nothing about. Perfect. Just perfect. And I slept through the whole trial. "Did you mention anything about Seymour?"

"We did," Yuna sighed. "But as it would turn out, news of Lord Jyscal's death barely fazed them, and three of the four of the maesters are Unsents. It would seem my pilgrimage will end."

This is just great. We're about to die, and I still haven't finished what I came here to do. Kid, I thought. If you can hear me…GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE, DAMMIT!

As if to piss me off further, Kinoc walked in.

"Your sentence has been decided."

"Sentence?" Auron asked. "Don't you mean execution?"

"Really, now, what person would execute a dear friend?"

"You would."

"What exactly is our sentence, tubby?" I asked.

He whipped his head in my direction. I could have sworn I heard a harsh crack when he did so. Guess he's one of the dead ones. "If I had my way, you would experience the most painful death Yevon has to offer. But you will be thrown into the Via Purifico with your friends."

"Sounds fun. Care to join us? If it's as bad as you say, you might shit yourself and lose about 300 pounds. God knows you need to…"

I succeeded in pissing him off, which was what I was trying to do in the first place. He pulled a gun out of the grip of one of the guards, and put the barrel between my eyes, shouting, "To hell with procedure! You will die now!"

I was planning for this. "So, pull the trigger, loud bang, and I'm dead. Where's the fun in that? It'll all end so quickly that it won't be any fun. You won't have the satisfaction of knowing that I suffered and squirmed and cried for my mommy. Besides, you won't be hearing my insults much longer."

His hand quivered a little before he dropped his hand. He shoved the gun back into the guards hands and commanded them to bring us to the Via Purifico.

Wakka was going nuts. "Dude! Do you have a death wish? Why did you make Maester Kinoc angry like that?"

I didn't answer him. Thing is, I might actually have a death wish. The Fayth kid said he and his friends were getting tired of fixing me. So if I die enough, he might send me home. It would be better than this by far.

The guards stopped and opened the cages. Keeping their guns trained on us, they led us out. They opened a small door, on the other side of which looked like a small slide. They shoved Yuna, Lulu, Auron, and Kimahri down it.

Then they opened a hatch on the other side of the room and shoved Wakka in. I heard a splash that sounded like something hitting water. Rikku went next, then Tidus. All right. There's six of them and one of me. They have guns and I have the Tetsusaiga. I even reach for it, I get pumped full of lead. The same guard that pushed the others came over to me and was about to push me in. I calmly knocked his hand away, causing the others to bring their guns up. Damn. I was hoping to be dead about now. Since I wasn't full of slugs, I just turned around and jumped in.

Everyone else was just treading water. Tidus asked another of his dumbass questions, and Wakka said they expect us to drown down here.

"So they're gonna waterlog us to death?" I asked.

"Looks like it," Rikku said.

"So, do we look for an exit?" Tidus asked. No, we do absolutely nothing, and if the pneumonia doesn't kill us, whatever made that creepy groaning noise will!

Everyone was about to dive under when I stopped them. "Sorry guys, but I don't think I can hold my breath for more than two minutes. You guys," I nodded to Tidus and Wakka, "told me about Blitzball, and it sounds like you can hold your breath for about fifteen minutes. I can't."

"Take this," Rikku smiled, handing me something. Ever seen Star Wars Episode I? Those breather things Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan use at the beginning when they follow Jar-Jar? It looked like that. "It's a portable breathing tank. It only holds about thirty minutes worth of air, so we'd better hurry."

"Blitzers can hold their breath for about the same amount of time," Wakka pointed out, "so…I hate to say this…I…agree with Rikku."

Bet he feels like chugging bleach right about now. Anyways, I stuck the thing in my mouth and dove. Water, water everywhere and I do NOT want to drink it. Who knows what the hell may be in it? Essence of corpse, dissolved shit, hell, maybe Wakka's already pissed in it. Water…...water……more water…boring…...water…water with a slight yellow tint…gross……my puke……zombie Evrae…wait…that's not water.

No shit, there was a zombie Evrae down here. And I was hoping to get outta here without fighting. I'm handicapped. No wind, no Wind Scar. I drew Tetsusaiga regardless, and swam to it, taking a large chunk out of its side. But it was still twitching, because it knocked me into the far side of the chamber. Now this is some fucked up Resident Evil type shit.

Rikku swam t me shaking her head. I looked at her quizzically, and she held up what looked like a potion. She threw it at the Evrae, and its skin started fizzing. I think I get it now. We use potions to keep from dying, and since zombies are already dead, stuff that keeps things from death hurts them. Or some shit like that. Rikku handed me a phoenix down, and I went to work.

I poured the concoction onto my sword, and swam to Evrae for another assault. Every cut I made left Evrae's skin sizzling. I wasn't a Wind Scar, but I bet it hurt just as bad. It did manage to get in one lucky hit before it died. Hit me again. The others were more agile, and Wakka had that stupid ball of his. It threw me into a spin, and left me dizzy for a few seconds, but I regained my bearings in time to see Evrae dissolve.

As we were swimming to the exit, I noticed a stream of bubbles in front of me. It looked close, and moved with me whenever I turned my head. It took me a few minutes to figure it out, but I managed to figure out where they were coming from. OH GOD MY AIR TANK'S LEAKING! OH GOD I'M GONNA DROWN! OH GOD!

I swam to Rikku, pulling on one of the blue scarf things, pointing at the bubbles. Her eyes widened, and she swam to Tidus and Wakka, getting them to pull me along. Eventually, the tank ran out of air, and I jus spit it out. Lungs…burning…everything going dark…and to think…I didn't even get to say…get…to…say…'fuck you' one last time to Auron. This was my last thought before everything went black.

-

I heard muffled voices. Felt something pounding into my chest. My lungs were still burning. Did I go to Hell? No, not hot enough. And I think my clothes would be drier if I were in Hell. Do people wear clothes in Hell? I opened my eyes, and though they were slits, I saw an angel with her lips pressed to mine. Guess I didn't go to Hell.

I opened my eyes wider, and found that the angel was Rikku. Rikku was giving me mouth-to-mouth? My luck just seems to be fluctuating today. I think she saw that I was awake, but I quickly shut my eyes and tried my best not to make my breathing noticeable.

"Oh well," Rikku sighed, disappointed, although it did sound a little bit fake. "I did all I could do. Your turn, Kimahri."

I jerked away from them as fast as I could. "Okay! Okay! I'm awake! Not necessary, Kimahri!"

"You are so predictable, you perv," Rikku giggled.

I managed to stand up, and we walked on for a little bit. I asked Rikku why it had been her to give me CPR. "We…uh…drew straws. I got the short one. I didn't want to do it, though. But it was either me, Lulu, or Yunie. None of the guys wanted to do it, and we wouldn't let Kimahri. That would be just plain gross."

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For giving me CPR and for keeping Kimahri away from me."

She laughed, but as she looked up ahead, it stopped short. Seymour was there, along with a battalion of guards. The guards were carrying a dead Kinoc. If Seymour wasn't the bad guy, I'd be thanking him for killing Kinoc.

"I have saved him. He was a man who craved power. And great power he had, but he feared losing it. Trembling at unseen enemies, he spent his days scheming petty schemes. Chased by his fears, never knowing rest. You see... Now he has no worries. He has been granted sleep eternal. Death is a sweet slumber. All the pain of life is gently swept away... So you see...if all life were to end in Spira, all suffering would end. Don't you see? Do you not agree? That, Yuna, is why I need you. Come, Lady Yuna. Come with me to Zanarkand, the lost city of the dead. With death on our side, we will save Spira, and for this... I will take from you your strength, Yuna, your life, and become the next Sin. I will destroy Spira! I will save it!"

This guy is a fucking lunatic! He thinks death can answer everything. "And what if everyone else in Spira doesn't want to die?" I asked. "Some people want to enjoy life! I understand that Sin destroys much, but the summoners still beat it, if only temporarily. I realize that the summoners and the Final Aeon don't work, but Sin can't be completely invincible. And who's to say you won't get your ass kicked by the next summoner after Yuna? Sin can't be invincible if it can be destroyed. Without life you cannot have death. When every living thing in Spira is destroyed, what will happen to you? You will just be there, all alone."

"A small price that I am willing to pay for Spira's liberation."

What the fuck is wrong with this guy? I was about to continue when Kimahri Shish Kebab-ed him. But he didn't die. That would make sense.

"Unpleasant... Very well. I will give you your death. You seem to want it so."

Kimahri told us to run, and I ended up being drug by Auron. I am surprised at how many lumps the old man can take. I gave him some punishment with Kimahri's stick, but when we stopped he snatched it from me.

"I won't leave Kimahri behind!" Huh? Was that Yuna?

"He is a guardian," Auron muttered, tossing the stick back to me. "Protecting you is everything."

"That's right!" Tidus shouted. "We're all guardians! Yeah, and you know what that means? Yuna... Anywhere you go, I'll follow!"

Yuna though this over and then nodded, smiling. "Let's go!"

They both ran off, leaving us in their dust. Wakka didn't like the idea of being left behind. "Hey! Wait for me!" "Me, too!" Rikku wasn't about to miss out on the fun. "I'll go, too!" Lulu yelled.

I turned back to Auron before running after them and said, "Looks like your outnumbered, you old geezer."

-

Kimahri looked a little roughed up by the time we got there. Seymour had changed into something that would give his Aeon a run for its money in the ugliness category. Yuna healed Kimahri, and when he was back on his feet…paws…hind legs…whatever! You get the idea! Anyways, we let loose on him…again. He was weathering my Wind Scars like it was nobodies business. I think it was because he had help.

I guess he learned a few new tricks since we last met, because I felt the all too familiar shock of a Thunder spell. It was like Mushroom Rock all over again. Minus the fall and the pissed off Lulu. Tidus got hit, hard, and Yuna rushed in to attack Seymour. He waved his hand, and about three feet from him, Yuna turned to stone.

"Yuna!" everyone else shouted. I was just too shocked. Rikku came over to me and whispered in my ear, "Keep him distracted. I'll mix something up to cure Yunie."

Seymour picked Yuna up, and the scorpion thing that was with him got close to her throat. "Move and she dies." …This is exactly like… A memory flashed through my mind. All of a sudden Seymour was black, and Yuna wasn't stone. We were in Central Park…that gang…that night…it was happening again. The whole thing…Stephanie…I…Yuna is going to die…and I can't do anything…I…can't…

I can't remember what happened from that point. Everything was a blur. All I remember was Seymour's arm laying on the ground, Kimahri holding the petrified Yuna, and the streams of the Wind Scar tearing into Seymour. I heard screaming, but that's it. I came back to myself and saw that I was running back towards Macalania. Yuna was back to her old self, and everything was fine.

But that night still happened.

Dingle: I smell a flashback. And flashbacks smell like moldy leftovers. Get the Febreze! Instead of telling you to read and review, maybe you should review and then read. That way, you won't be turned off by the story. Does anyone else wish that fics had hit counters that showed how many people have read the fic? If the only readers I have a reviewers, then I only have about 4 fans. Yet again, Microsoft Spell Check sucks. Microcock…I mean -soft sucks in general. REVIEW!