A/N: A new chapter finally out… I'll admit, I wasn't quite sure what to do with this story, and I'm still kind of foggy on it, but I'll write and see how it goes from there…

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.

Why We Can't

Chapter Three: Senshi

"Jupiter! Get Rini out of here, now!"

"But, Sailor Moon – "

"I said NOW, Jupiter!"

Sailor Moon could see the hesitation written across the Jovian Senshi's face, how she was torn between rescuing the little girl and keeping an eye on her accident-prone leader. After all, no one knew, anymore, if Tuxedo Mask would show up if Serena were in danger. Sailor Moon, always the klutziest of the Senshi, was now walking a tight rope without a net.

The small blonde soldier waited until Jupiter had scooped up the pink-haired child and whisked both of them out of sight. Then she whirled, just in time to meet the onslaught of buffeting wind the youma sent at her.

She crossed her arms in front of her face. It felt like her skin was being peeled away from her bones, the wind was so strong – she felt her boots scrape backwards on the pavement.

"Urgh!" The grunt escaped Sailor as she twisted her body into a backwards flip that carried her out of the youma's tunnel of wind. She landed in a graceful crouch and felt a flood of pride rush through her at the successful execution of the maneuver. Her, Serena the klutz, pulling off a gymnastic stunt like that! Finally, she was growing up, and taking her place as Senshi leader. Finally, she would be able to protect her friends, instead of vice versa!

It didn't matter that he wasn't here to see it. It didn't matter that he didn't care enough to see it. It didn't matter, despite the tears that stung her eyes.

"Aw, chin up, Sailor Brat!"

Before Sailor Moon could even look up, the youma had slammed her against a wall, suspending her a foot in the air with a clawed green hand.

Tears fell fast and hateful from Sailor Moon's eyes, hatred directed not at the youma but at herself. She had been too busy congratulating herself for some stupid jump to even notice the youma coming up behind her. What kind of Senshi was she? It would be better when she died. She wouldn't be able to screw up battles anymore, like she always did now. It would be better when she died…

But still that pleading voice called out in her head, her heart still groping outwards for that presence, for that redemption and rescue…

Darien… Her fingers clawed at the youma's grasp, but to no avail. White dots swam across her vision. …you can't leave me! Not now!

But it would be so much better when she died. So much better…

But…I need you…

He wouldn't have that pain and anger in his eyes anymore. The Senshi wouldn't get hurt needlessly over and over again saving her klutzy butt from youmas…

…I…will die…

"Let her go."

A whistling noise, the faint scent of roses…

It didn't matter that white had completely obscured Sailor Moon's vision – the shadowy figure that threw the rose and dusted the youma vanished back into the night far too quickly for her to have been able to spot him even if she had been able to see.

But slowly, her eyes unfogged, the condensation dripping down her face. She realized she was in a kneeling position with her back against the wall, that her knees were stinging and wet with blood.

Her eyes landed on the blur of red in the snow a few feet in front of her. Her trembling hands reached out, slowly, tentatively, as though it were a Venus Fly Trap instead of a rose.

Her gloved fingers brushed the wilting petals then drifted down to close desperately around the stem. A hiss of breath escaped her lisp in a white cloud. She stared in silent shock at the crimson stain swiftly spreading across her palms.

Thorns.

The rose fluttered to the ground. The broken Senshi quickly followed, collapsing on the ground in a snowdrift of golden snow. Sobs and shivers shook her frame.

She was so cold.

"Did you hear? Shields dumped his girlfriend."

"No way! You mean the hot blonde one?"

"Duh – what other blondes are there in Tokyo?"

"Yeah, I know, but…she was so…sweet. Why'd he dump her?"

"I dunno – but I sure won't complain if she wants to cry on my shoulder!"

"Who would? Man, Shields is an idiot for letting that one get away…"

The two boys strode away with careless laughter, blissfully unaware of the booth of girls watching them from the back of the Crown arcade. An uncharacteristic silence reigned over this group of girls.

Lita was the first to break the silence with an uneasy laugh. "Well, look at that –you've got heaps of guys hankering after your heart, girl! You don't need him!"

No one needed to ask who the willowy brunette meant by "him."

The blonde to whom she had directed her words continued to stare out the window, as she had for the past half hour. Her bloodshot blue eyes did not waver as she said in a strained voice, "Thanks, Lita."

"I've got an idea." Rei shoved her empty milkshake glass out of the way, pressing her palms on the table and leaning forward towards the other girls. "Let's go to the movies tonight, Serena. It's been forever since we had a girls' night, just us without any Senshi business."

"Rei!" said Ami, scandalized, glancing around the arcade to make sure no one had heard. But no one was paying any attention to the group of girls; the out-of-the-way booth they had ushered Serena into had served them well. "Not so loud!"

"Aw, no one's listening, Ami," dismissed Mina with a smile to take any of the sting out of her words. "I like Rei-chan's idea; how's about it, girls? I'm free."

"It's not like I'm ever doing anything but watching Lifetime," put in Lita, leaning back and knotting her fingers behind her neck. Her green eyes flicked subtly in the direction of her blonde friend, who was still stirring her milkshake and staring out the window. "And there's that new flick with the hot guy that I've been DYING to see… can you go, Rei?"

"Duh, I was the one who came up with the idea, of course I can go," Rei drawled with a roll of her eyes. Lita kicked her. "Ow! God, Lita, it's bad enough that you kick me, but don't shock me at the same time!"

"Sorry. Comes with the fuku." Lita waggled her eyebrows. "Ami? Can You go?"

"Absolutely," said Ami instantly. The girls smiled at her; it was a mark of how much she was worried about Serena that she hadn't even pulled out a text book the whole hour they'd been at the arcade and that she was so quickly sacrificing a night of her sacred studying to go to the movies. "What's your verdict, Serena?"

"I…my parents are going to a dinner party tonight," Serena said, slowly, as though each word was painful. She didn't really want to go to the movies with her chattering, happy friends, but at the same time, she was desperate to escape the desolation of her dark room. Desperate not to be alone again… "But I don't want to leave Rini alone at home…"

"Oh, but Sammy'll be home, right? He's what, thirteen?" Lita was quick to inject. "And Luna'll be there, too, it's not like she can't keep an eye on them both and give us a call on the communicator if she needs to. You need a break, Serena."

"Yeah." Mina tapped her friend's forehead. Serena turned and gave her a sickly smile. "Please, come with us, Serena." She leaned her forehead against Serena's, smiling somewhat sadly at her. Her eyes held a painful knowledge that Serena had never seen before, and suspected was a vestige of the Silver Millennium. "This is the time when you are most vulnerable. Don't cut yourself away from us when we need each other most, okay?"

"Serena won't," said Lita with a confident smile. "She knows how much we need her!"

How much you need what? A klutzy, worthless leader who risks your lives every day with her mistakes?

"She better not abandon us!" Rei exclaimed, reaching over and fondly tugging one of Serena's pigtails. "We were with you way before Endymion came, and we'll be here long after he's gone! We don't need that Terran pig!"

"It's true." Ami bumped Serena's elbow with her own, an affectionate gesture that the shy genius must have struggled to screw up the guts for. She smiled warmly at Serena from behind her glasses. "I must point out that even though you and he were a couple when Beryl attacked the Moon Kingdom, that doesn't mean that you were meant to be like everyone assumed. You were both very young, and it was entirely possible that in a few years you would have broken up like normal teens our age. You don't need him, Serena."

The small blonde forced a smile at her blue-haired friend, averting her eyes so that the girl could not see the pain flashing in her eyes. As she did so, her eyes grazed Mina's, and she felt a jolt at the knowing in the girl's darkened blue orbs. Mina, the seemingly ditziest of the Scouts, the one Serena had always felt the least connected to, was the only one who seemed to understand what she was feeling at this moment, when even the ultra-sensitive Ami only seemed to be rubbing salt in the wound.

Serena tore her eyes away from Mina's, wrapping her arms around herself. Her pain was her own, no one else's. Not Mina's, not Lita's, not Ami's, not Rei's… and not Darien's.

"…so what do you say, Serena?"

"Huh?" Serena blinked away her thoughts, focusing on Lita.

The brunette ruffled her friend's hair teasingly. "I said, what do you say to the movie, Serena-chan? Shall we meet at six at the theater and make a girls' night out of it?"

"I – I suppose so," answered Serena.

"Awesome!" Rei stood. "I gotta go, then – see ya guys tonight!"

"It's a good thing it's Friday," said Ami, also standing. "I've got to go finish typing my research paper before six, then. See you, guys."

"Wait, I'll go with you, Ames." Lita slid out of the booth. "Ja, guys."

Mina waved. Serena smiled weakly. "Bye, Lita."

The two blondes were left in the booth. The bell at the arcade door chimed, and Serena's eyes flicked automatically to the entrance. Her absent-minded stirring of her milkshake stilled.

"Serena." Mina's voice tugged her gaze away from the black-haired upperclassman who had just entered the arcade and was seating himself in a stool.

Serena turned back around. Silently, Mina got up and walked around to the other side of the booth, sliding in beside Serena. Without a word, the former Moon Princess dropped her head on her Senshi's shoulder and began to cry noiselessly. Mina wrapped her arms around her princess' shoulders, and rocked her, back and forth, knowing that no words could fill the silence.

"Maria…you have to leave."

"No! Adam, no! I won't leave without you!"

"Maria, I won't let you risk yourself for me!"

"And I won't let you kill yourself for me! Now come with me, please, Adam – " The lace-clad herione sobbed, tugging at her beloved's sleeve in vain. "I don't want to live without you!"

"Listen to me!" Maria fell still as Adam's eyes flared fire and he grabbed her. "You and me – we were…we…we were wonderful, Maria. You were wonderful. But this could never be anything more than a pleasant dream. We weren't meant to be."

"How can you tell me that!" Tears spilled down Maria's face. "How can you tell me that when – when – when you can make me feel like this – " She grabbed his face and yanked it down to hers, meeting their lips in a kiss that tasted of salt. After a moment, she let him go, staring up at him with despair etched across her face.

"If this is just a dream," she whispered hoarsely, "Then I never want to wake up."

"And if…" Adam swallowed painfully, eyes raw with swirling emotion. "If this is a nightmare, Maria?"

A gunshot sounded.

Maria's eyes widened, then dimmed. Her hands slipped from where they had cupped his face.

She never got to answer.

"Oh, man, I didn't know that was gonna be an artsy movie!" Lita exclaimed, slamming her fist in her palm as they joined the jostling river of people streaming through the dark theater towards the small square of light that was the exit. The room was dark except for the dim light of the credits, which rendered the people into mere shadows and lent a mystical atmosphere to the room. "They always have depressing endings; if I'd have known, I wouldn't have suggested it. I'm so sorry, Serena!"

"It's…okay…" Serena responded dazedly, barely even hearing Lita's frantic apology. Her eyes were fastened on a tall man stepping into the aisle. As she paused to let him pass, a woman stepped into the aisle after him and was enfolded by his arms. He lowered his head to her ear, murmuring something to her, and she leaned against him as they walked toward the exit.

Something cold and heavy coiled in Serena's chest, like a serpent settling down to rest, and her eyes dulled as she watched the couple grow further and further away. How she longed for that security, that warmth, that belonging. Behind her stood her friends, and crammed all around her were dozens of people, but never in her life had she felt so alone.

"Help! Somebody, help! PLEASE!"

The scream tore into Serena's eardrums. Youma.

"Quick! Rei, take Serena!" Lita whipped out her henshin wand.

Serena felt herself shoved into the priestess's arms. She struggled out of her grasp, spun around. "What are you doing, Lita!"

"Serena – " Ami was standing next to Lita. "You're not in a very good condition, and we don't want you to get hurt. So just this time, go with Rei, please?"

"What?" Serena shook her head, confused. I must have heard wrong. "You mean…what did you say?"

"Meatball Head, you're the princess, and you're not stable right now." Trust Rei to cut straight to the point. "We can't trust you in battle right now."

Serena's heart fell to her toes. The words hurt, yes, but she couldn't blame her friend for saying them. What hurt the most was that Rei was right. They CAN'T trust me in a fight. What am I good for? Distracting the youma with my screaming?

"Fine." Serena tore away from Rei. "But I can take care of myself." She nodded at Rei. "Go. You're going to need all the power you can get without the scepter."

Rei threw her a suspicious look, but bounded off with the other Senshi. Serena waited until she was sure they were out of sight, then broke into a run in the opposite direction, darting into the tiny alley between the movie theater and ice cream shop. They were right, it was safer without her in a fight, but like hell was she going to let them fight a youma without her. She thrust a hand into the air.

"Moon Crystal Power!"

The red, white, and blue-clad Senshi jumped once, jumped twice, then three times, this time landing on the rooftop of the movie theater. She bounded to the opposite side of the roof, and dropped to her knees, peering down at the fight.

The Senshi were more efficient than she'd thought them to be; they already had the youma – a creature with metallic skin and filmstrips shooting out of its palms – cornered. Sailor Moon felt her heart sink a little, though she knew she had no right to be sad at her Senshi's capability, that in fact she should be happy for them. But… they really don't need me anymore…

Before this train of thought could be finished, she whipped out her scepter. She'd still rather that the scouts not have to waste the energy annihilating the youma.

"Moon…Princess…Halation…" she whispered, taking careful aim from her crouched position. A concentrated silver stream of power shot toward the youma. Sailor Moon gritted her teeth as the familiar sensation of nausea and weakening assaulted her body. But quickly, the youma was a pile of dust, and she could break the flow. She pocketed the scepter and rose shakily to her feet.

"Serena!" Jupiter had landed on top of the roof, as well as Mars, whose eyes were flashing. "You were supposed to stay hidden!"

"I…"

"Really, Serena, I expected better of you." Now Mercury had appeared, with Venus silent beside her.

"I…"

"Oh my, we're not having a cat fight, are we?"

All of the Scouts spun at the mocking voice. Sailor Moon's heart skipped a beat in her chest.

I've seen the future…

"Get lost, Rubeus!" Mars bit out at the flame-haired man who was floating in midair above them. A charm appeared between her fingers. "Can't you see that Rini's not here?"

Rubeus smiled; it was an expression he used not to display his amusement, but to bare his teeth at them. "What makes you think that she's who I'm after, firebrand?"

He blurred and disappeared in a shower of pink sparks.

"On your guard!" commanded Venus in a shout, jerking her head towards Sailor Moon. "Jupiter, get Moon out – "

"Ah!" Too late. A gasp of air whooshed out of Sailor Moon's mouth as muscular arms clamped around her neck. Her arms flew up to scrabble at the chokehold. He laughed at her vain attempt; she could feel his laughter strumming through her bones, she was pressed so close. Shudders of revulsion ran through her.

"Scared, aren't you, little bunny?" His breath was hot against the side of her face. "Oh yes, I know who you are, Moon Brat. My prince sees all."

"Let her GO!" Lightning sizzled past them; Sailor Moon whimpered as Rubeus crushed her closer to avoid Jupiter's attack. The acrid stench of ozone assaulted her nostrils. She had the feeling that she would have thrown up already if Rubeus' arm hadn't been so tight around her throat.

"NO MORE OF THAT!" Rubeus bellowed, anger crackling in his voice. Dozens of blinding balls of energy flashed to life in his free hand, close to Sailor Moon's face. Sweat broke out on her forehead, slickening her tiara on her brow. "Another stunt like that one and it's goodbye to the bunny – capiche?"

My fault… Tears fell once again down Sailor Moon's face, a silent rain watering her bleeding heart. I always ruin things…

"No!" Mars leapt forward. "Let her go, take me – "

Rubeus laughed harshly. "You think our prince wants a fiery fishwife like you? All our prince cares about you is that you die, either now or in the future – he's not picky." He hauled Sailor Moon closer by her hair, digging his fingers into the golden mass. "This one, on the other hand – this one's important." He leered; the Scouts shrieked furiously. He let her go. "Although maybe we could make a little bargain, hmm?" He eyed the four Senshi speculatively.

"Take me." Sailor Venus pushed forward, shoving Mars behind her and staring up at Rubeus expressionlessly. "Give her back, and take me."

Sailor Moon heard Rubeus catch his breath slightly, then speak loudly. "Well… you do greatly resemble her…"

No! Sailor Moon's heart jumped; white spots were clouding her vision, but she began to struggle in Rubeus' iron grip. She can't! I'm the one who needs to die – I'm the one who's supposed to –

"Stop that!" Rubeus yanked her hair viciously; lights exploded behind her eyeballs. She fell completely still, but for the tears trickling down her face and onto Rubeus' arms. Don't…Darien…

"Rubeus!" A voice echoed through the air, harsh and commanding. "Stop playing around with them and return with her immediately!"

Sailor Moon dimly felt Rubeus flinch. By now, her vision consisted of white and a little smear of black in the middle where the white had not reached yet.

"…course…Prince…" Rubeus' voice tuned in and out; everything was coming in bits and pieces: her hearing, her sight…

Darien…sorry…everyone…

The black blur disappeared.

A/N: Tell me what you want. More plot like this chapter? Or poetic depression like the first two? I'm willing to accommodate either.