Why Can't I Breathe?

Chapter 3: It's Inevitable

Author's Notes: Oh. My. God. I can't believe it's really been almost 5 months! I've missed this story so much! Geez. I'll try and make this chapter longer to make it up to y'all. To refresh your memories, I'll remind you where I left off.

He looked up as the door opened, and he locked eyes with Ayame. She was obviously just as surprised and nervous as he was.

"Kai?"

"Ayame?"

Kai could barely stand the sight of her. It was like someone where gouging out his eyes, trying to make the situation even more awkward.

If that was possible.

"Why are you here?" Kai was very certain that he hadn't meant to simply blurt that out to her face, especially considering that he wasn't supposed to be here either. He knew very well that Max, Tyson, Kenny, and Rei were not to be considered his friends anymore, let alone Ayame. So why had he come here looking for them in the first place?

Ayame seemed surprised by his statement as well, and she also looked like she was fighting back the pain in her eyes. Not wanting to say something else stupid, Kai pathetically waited for her response. Ayame heaved in a huge breath before looking at Kai one last time.

The she shut the door hard in his face.

It was amazing to him that such a giggly, innocent girl could do that to him. He felt as though he should bother her again for being so rude, but he knew he had no right. He was the one who had loved her, broken her heart, and then showed up at HER friends house with something dumb to say.

Kai stood there a long time, trying to recollect himself and identify his next move. Go home and stop thinking about her. Ignore your grandfather's ridicule, and go back to bed. You don't have to take this bullshit. That should have been his next move, and he knew it. Still, after this last, new encounter with his first love, he was intrigued, and slightly frightened to just leave. He knocked on the door again, and this time Tatsuhiko answered.

"Hey Kai!" He lowered his voice. "Ya know, this may not be the best of times. Aya just told us that she," he paused and winced, "slammed the door in your face."

"Yeah." He hesitated, no sure why he was still here. Then he sighed. He had to do this eventually. "Could I just talk to her a moment?" Tatsuhiko looked taken aback, but he nodded.

"If she'll agree to it." He stepped out of the way and allowed Kai to enter his house. Kai ignored the décor of the house; he was simply looking for Ayame. As he entered the living room, he noticed Rei, Max, Tyson, and Kenny all staring at him as though he were something inhuman. They weren't disgusted at the sight of him, just incredibly surprised. The TV was on in front of them, but no one seemed to remember that it existed at the moment.

"Kai?" Max asked slowly, his mouth still hanging open, as though he weren't really there.

Kai swallowed hard and managed to get out "Where's Ayame?" Max shut his mouth quickly and pointed around the corner. Kai headed towards the kitchen slowly, as though a wild tiger might escape and tackle him. He heard sobbing noises from the bathroom and knocked lightly.

"Aya, is that you?" The sobbing subsided momentarily, and then the door opened. Ayame peered out reluctantly, the hint of tears still in her eyes.

"Why are you here?" she asked, repeating Kai's words from earlier. He knew that she was mocking him.

Not that he didn't deserve it.

Kai stared at her for what seemed like an eternity. He wanted to tell her that he was here because he still loved her. That he didn't mean to hurt her. That he wanted to be like all of those other guys who risked it all for love. But he knew he couldn't do that.

The truth was simply that he couldn't do this again. It just hurt him so much. He loved her so much, and yet, he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take it back, he couldn't change himself, and he couldn't stop her hurt.

"I'm sorry." It was terrible, but those were the only words that could exit his mouth at the moment. There was nothing else he could say to convey his feelings.

Ayame looked up at him, her eyes staring dangerously into his. He knew she wanted to reconcile things with him, and he knew that if they didn't become friends soon he'd explode.

"You really hurt me, Kai," was all she said. She looked down at her feet.

"I know," Kai found himself saying. "And I'm sorry." He couldn't believe he had actually forced those words to come out of his mouth. He meant it though. There was no doubt about that.

Ayame seemed quite surprised herself. She stared up at him in awe, but she tried to hide it.

"So now what?" she asked slowly, looking back at her feet. "Things obviously can't go back to the way that they were." Kai silently agreed with her.

"And I can't guarantee that it won't happen again," Kai said, his voice barely audible. When he saw the look on Ayame's face, he added, "Not that I won't be making giant personality strides towards good mental health." Aya smiled.

"Well you got that much right. You aren't mentally healthy," she said with a small laugh. Kai smirked.

"I guess I'm not totally there," he admitted.

"Yeah, well, you've had a lot to deal with in your lifetime." Kai shrugged at her words. "So are we okay, then? At least friends?" Kai looked at her for a moment and let out a half-smile.

"Yeah. As long as we keep it from being too awkward." Ayame sighed and wiped her eyes.

"The others are probably wondering what's going on. Let's go and tell them that we're cool again." Kai nodded and followed her around the corner to the others.

As soon as they entered the living room, Kai was pretty sure that the others had been eavesdropping. They were all trying to avert their eyes from both Kai and Ayame, but he smirked at Tyson, who was the only one who had blatantly been staring at them the entire time.

"Well? Since you're all so nosy, do you have any questions?" Kai asked, half- serious. Max and Rei shrugged. Tatsuhiko looked worried.

"Are you two together again?" he asked, staring anxiously at Kai. When they had first met, Kai didn't like Tatsuhiko, but once he and Ayame had severed ties, they had become close friends. Well, as close as anyone could get to Kai.

"Not. We're just friends." Tatsuhiko breathed a sigh of relief and looked back at the TV.

"So are ya staying, Kai?" Rei asked him.

"Doesn't matter," he said indifferently, but he and Ayame did sit down on the floor with the others.

Tyson was the only one who still looked at Kai rather angrily. Kai was the only one who seemed to notice his expression.

"Are you going to tell me why you look like you're ready to kill me, or do I have to guess?" he asked sarcastically. The others all looked over at the two of them.

"I'm just upset that you leave for so long, don't say anything to us for months, and then come back and expect us to accept you back as our friend." Tyson's expression was looking quite bitter now. Kai frowned.

Tyson was right. It had been a long time, and it wasn't really right of him to just come back into their lives when he'd been out of them for so long. He'd been so caught up in getting back on Ayame's good side that he had forgotten his other friends. He hadn't even apologized to them for ditching them.

"You're right, Tyson," Kai said hesitantly. "But I won't say anymore, because I can't apologize enough. Plus, I don't usually do apologies well." He looked at Ayame on the last part, and she averted her eyes back to the TV. Tyson seemed to accept his answer.

"Well, I guess if you did apologize too much, you wouldn't be Kai," he said matter-of-factly. Kenny and Max looked at each other and smiled.

"I guess everything's getting back to normal then," Max commented.

"As normal as it gets around here," Kenny mused. Ayame smiled.

Author's notes: Well, I hope you enjoyed that. It's not too long, but then, I don't usually write long chapters, do I? Please review everyone!