Can't Stop Loving You – Kratos AurionxLloyd Irving Father and Son

Guilty I close my eyes and avoid her look. She exactly knows. She exactly knows what I feel deep inside. Well... That's her. And I'm glad that she is herself and by my side...

Then I sigh quietly and scratch myself embarrassed at the head.
"Shall I?" My voice sounds shy like I haven't heard a long time. Strange.

„It's better", Colette says and smiles at me nice. "Go and say Goodbye. He is your father, Lloyd."

My father.

My father?
I just know this person as Kratos. Kratos Aurion, the inconspicuous mercenary...

A brief smile flits through my face.

„See you later."

I turn away and leave the house, ready to face the truth...

So, you're leaving

In the morning

On the early train

Well, I could say everything's alright

And I could pretend and say good bye...

Meanwhile I walk in the right of the rising run, I sigh again how so often this morning.
I'm unable to control my feelings; my hands shake of cause that what will happen and my heart jumps up and down, the last time now to speak from son to father, not from companion to companion. From mate to mate.

No, not this.
From son to father.

Got your ticket

Got your suitcase

Got your leaving smile

I could say that's the way it goes

Well, I could pretend and you won't know

That I was lying...

You never behaved like one, like a Dad. I remember hardly my childhood. But I know, there is an instant I'll never forget. This instant shows me you as my Dad, Mum and me. You embrace me and we're looking at the stars. Then mum comes outside and sits down to us. You're looking at her – and I every time think I see from mum's eyes...

You gave her such tender looks – embraced her softly and kissed her. Mum seemed happy.

She really loved you.

I look at the ground meanwhile I walk the precipice up. The dewed grass seems to melt under my feet.

Yes, she loved you. And she loved me.

And I loved her. I loved her and...

'Cos I can't stop loving you

No, I can't stop loving you

No, I won't stop loving you

Why should I?

With a betraying smile I step down on the flat ground and look straightaway.
Yes, I still love mum, I love her and I love you.
I love you, Dad, even how much I want to suppress.

I love you.

Silent and with a fading smile I step closer to you. You seem so far away and the same time so close. I swallow lightly and stand now some metres in front of you. With the back you stay to me, look up to the sky at which even now the last stars fade...

"Lloyd."

How you say it – My body shakes a bit. Like every time I hear you saying my name. It sounds so familiar.

But you don't turn to me. You stay there and look up in the sky.

I make some hesistating steps to you.

We took a taxi

To the station

Not a word was said

And I saw you walk across the room

For maybe the last time, I don't know…

Now I stay beside you. I don't know what to say, to feel or to do. It's so peculiar. The last time I'll stay beside you. Briefly I think that you weren't there, whole this years. You never gave me strength because I didn't know you.

You never gave me courage.

You never helped me.

You never gave me love.

Images from our first meeting I see now. How you were looking at me.

Now I ask myself whether I similar to mum or to you.

At whom I reminded you? Mum or yourself?

I'd like to ask this so much...

I glance at you but you don't notice. You only stay there, looking at the stars.

I do the same and observe the last stars too...

Feeling humble

Heard the rumble

On the railway track

And when I hear the whistle blow

I walk away and you won't know

That I'll be crying...

My eyes are moist now and I'm cold, shaking a bit. I clench my teeth and try to ignore the cold and my tears. No, not cry.

If I would cry now, I would admit that I love you, I'd say ‚Stay here' and would break down whole this facade - -

I breathe in and want to say something, as I suddenly feel your warm Hand on my hairs. I jump shortly and look at you right. One moment you do nothing, but then you turn away and brush with your hand cool through my hairs. Again I jump.

"Lloyd..." Your voice sounds so soft. Your voice sounds like the one I know in my dreams; when I dream from you as my father...

Again I clench my teeth, press my lips together and come closer to you. In silence I lay my face on your chest and my hands around your back.

The first time we hug a bit.

'Cos I can't stop loving you

No, I can't stop loving you

No, I won't stop loving you

Why should I?

I hardly feel how you lay your arm around my shoulder; I don't notice how a lonely tear runs my face down – I only claw my fingers in your shirt, like the little infant that you had long ago in your arms and you could call your son.

"D-Dad", I stutter and try to suppress my tears, but it isn't working. I don't turn just only one centimetre. „T-Tell me how do I look like? Y-You or Mum?"

This question I can't hold back. Later, I'm sure, I'll laugh about it.

Now I look through hundreds of little tears up to you and see you smiling softly.

The same smile like in my dreams, the same smile you gave me and Mum...

"You've got your mothers eyes", you whisper and stroke my hairs. "But the rest... you've got from me. I can proudly tell you that most qualities you got are from me."

Then I quietly laugh. Most qualities from you?

This not makes just you proud...

My feelings finally go wild and I embrace you and cry carefree.

"Thanks."

Even try?

I'll always be here by your side

Why, why, why?

I never wanted to say good bye

Why even try?

I'll always hear you, if you change,

Change your mind

We still are in this pose some minutes but then you break it. I smile at you shyly and quickly I wipe away the tears from my face.

It's the first time I cry for something important.

I cry because my father goes.

I cry because you'll leave me.

I cry for all this lost time with you.

"I'd have liked... spending my live with you, Dad.", I quietly whisper and my voice sounds harsh. I stay beside you and look in the air again. The stars are pale now.

I would like to cry now that they have to stay here – Because I know, if they're away even you won't be by my side anymore...

„Me too, Lloyd. Me too.", you answer and look at the sky as well.

Just your hand is on my head.

My sight fades away again and I cry in silence.

So, you're leaving

In the morning

On the early train.

Well, I could say everything's alright

And I could pretend and say good bye

But that would be lying...

/i

Then the last stars are away. I quickly turn my look on the ground and make a step back. I know I can't stop you. I know you won't stay here, just because you have a meaningless life behind you and your son cries deep within that you must stay by his side.

No, that's not me.

Actually I'm really similar to you. I'm brave and accept my fate.

"All right, then."
I search your look after you turned away from the stars too and look at me rigid.
"Well then", you reply. "It's time."
"Yeah."
Then it's silence. Like out of nothing beside you appear a transportation platform and lights up nearly expecting in a bright light. In contempt I look at it.

It provokes me to smash this platform, sending it away in the universe, alone, and keep you here.

You make a step back and are with one foot on the platform. The yellow colour turns into blue. I look from it up to you but you turn away. In panic I make a step closer.

"D-Dad", I whisper urgently and the tears fall. "D-Do you really want? I m-mean-"

"Lloyd." Again your voice sounds so soft and calm.

Dad.

"Y-Yes?" I hope you say 'I love you' a last time.

"Good bye.", you say quietly. Then you turn away and walk all on the platform and a kind of glassy wall builds itself up around you.

"DAD!"

i

'Cos I can't stop loving you

No, I can't stop loving you

No, I won't stop loving you

Why should I?

I hammer wild against the pane but it doesn't help.

You're locked in.

„Dad! No, you may not go!" My voice is so unreal far away.

Do really me say this?

And your image fades.

I get deathly pale, as white as a sheet and stop hammer against the pane.

No, I'm not straight. I am myself and nobody else. I'm not brave and can accept my fate, our fate not.

"You may not go so easily, Dad..!"

You fade away more and more. Then you turn to me a last time and I come closer, out of breath. The glassy protection is steamed up by my breath.

"Lloyd."

Your voice isn't the same anymore but I know that it's you. You form your lips into a noiseless 'I love you', close your eyes and then you're missing.

With spacecraft.

As if I would have been alone up on here whole the time, I stay back in silent.

"Good bye." I whisper and drop my head.

'Cos I can't stop loving you

No, I can't stop loving you

No, I won't stop loving you

Why should I?

I show the hill my back and go away silent. My throat is dry, my eyes red from crying and my face pale. I don't dare turning.

Hard I swallow.

The truth seems to break down over me like a bad movie – You're away, gone and will never come back.
Dad.

Then I turn around a bit calm – my tears are finally shed – and whisper quietly a ‚I love you' in the wind. With a silent smile I turn away again and leave the hill.

By chance – or, better, like from a ghost's hand – my hand glides into my trousers and I get out a note. Surprised I quickly open it.

Where's this note from?

„I never stopped loving you, Son."

The last tears come up.

With a smile I glance into the sky.

"I you also not... Dad."

Why should I?
Why should I
even try?

Cause I can't.. stop.. loving you..

The end is changed. Characters and story of course belong to the one that made TOS and Namco and so on. The lyric is from Phil Collins, 'Can't stop loving you.' Wonderful song.. I absolutely love it. This story although belongs to me. The imaginary end too. Characters and song not.

In memory of my two friends, Manuela and Patrizia...

23 March, 05.

Sorry for bad English, this story was written in German. Sorry u.u