One Ex-Pet to Another
I could always tell that you were different from the other Imperials. They had their protégés, their love of prestige and power, and their prejudices. And I'd think how pitiful they were and how much they were fawning over and using my – our Master. You just wanted to have control, to have everything happen exactly the way you wanted it to. How ironic that your Master was actually the one in control.
You never had any concubines, although the Emperor had plenty. I now suppose it was because you knew that it would be only a cheap imitation of love. That you had somehow experienced the real thing. That you had too much respect for women and for a relationship long gone. I wonder who she was – it would mean so much for Luke to know.
I used to think you were a fool for going against the Emperor. Did you honestly think he didn't know you were searching the Galaxy to find your son, hoping he would be your apprentice? He wanted to put a stop to it enough I found myself working at a job beneath my dignity, as a dancer for a Hutt on a dustball of a planet. I'd hear all about his imagined punishments for his apprentice. I heard even more about his plans for his apprentice's son.
How I hated you when I realized you intended to kill the only father I had ever known. It took watching Luke interact so wonderfully with Ben to realize that he was never a father to me. But at the time, he was all that I had. When the Emperor was dead, I could hardly live with myself. Nobody knew who I was and I had no proof I was more than a dancer. Being on my own made me bitter and I blamed you for it, at least partially.
It wasn't only you who I thought was a fool. I though Luke was a fool for forgiving you after all that you had done. But Luke can live with himself. He can live knowing the truth about where he comes from. He hasn't let his life be ruined by you, but has taken advantage of the sacrifice he swears you made. And now I've done the same, and could never want to be the Emperor's Hand again.