"Sohma Living"
COMMENTARY:
Konnichiwa! I'm Friend of Juunishi! Call me Nezumi. Yeah.....Well, let's get a few things straight:
1.) I do not own Fruits Basket and if I did I would not be here telling this pitiful story that is my life.
2.) Please do not e-mail me in any hateful manner. My feelings are extremely fragile.
3.) Have fun!
P.S. I do not like shounen-ai/shojo-ai in any form. If you are expecting that then hit that little icon at the top that says 'Back' and you will not have to waste your precious minutes reading to pointless blabber. Thanks!
CHAPTER 1: Garage Sale Shopping Spree
Tohru, and Uo go to Hana's at 7:00 am on a Saturday morning in a small town where all the cool people go garage saling at all insane hours of the morning.
"Hana, we were wondering if you know any good garage sale areas?"
She stared at them blankly because they woke her while she was sleeping in her coffin.
(Hana-chan has a coffin?! I knew there was something strange about that girl!)
"I know someone who does."
Hana takes them to her gramma's to pick up the queen of all shoppers.
"Grandmother...." Hana knocks on the front door of her gramma's house spookedly
"Hello....How is my granddaughter?"An elderly woman answers and walks out in a lavishing (?) way with a dark aura with purple lightning in the background.
"I'm okay.These are my friends Uotani Arisa and Honda Tohru."
They looked at the woman in the door way warily.She had on a black cape and......
She takes off the cape to reveal....
A Janet Jackson Superbowl re-run!
(I kid,I kid....)
Gramma poses like a model to show off her hot pink mini-dress which has lime green flowers on it.
"$2.50 at Wal-Mart."
"Nice Grandma." Saki replies politely even though secretly she loaths it.
Tohru looks at it with eager eyes and says, "It is very lovely!And it looks so good on you!"
Uo stared at the ugly dress, thinking she should ask the woman why she'd wear something like that in public, but decided to be kind.
"Yeah,....it looks..nice."
"Grandma, we were wondering-? "
"Yes, Hana? Has the orb revealed anything to your dim mind?"
"We were wondering if you would take us garage saling?"
The old woman's eyes glowed with evil as she said, "..of course..heeheehee...."
Hana,Tohru, and Uo were abnormally scared by the old lady and started to think it wasn't such a good idea to ask...
"I'll go fetch my purse, then we can all load up in the truck."
After Hana's gramma dissapeared into the house, Uo asked Hana, "Are you so sure about this? She said 'truck'..."
"She has a special truck she drives whenever she goes garage saling."
"I'm back!" she said, leading them into the back yard.
They paused when they saw a vehicle that was very ancient-looking, and big enough to hold King-Kong.
"Load Up!"
Hana briskly hopped into the bed of the pickup, yet the other two struggled like it was a rock wall.
Hana chided Uo and Tohru, "When you get on, be sure to hold onto the side."
"Why the heck would I do that?" Uo asked.
"Unless you have some sort of death wish, You might want to hang on, tightly."
Uo, of course, wasn't in the mood to fulfill requests, so she didn't.
Finally, after everyone was in (on) , grandma shouted, "Is everyone aboard?"
"Yep"
"...yes.."
"We're all ready!"
"Hang on!"
The lady pressed her foot onto the gas pedal as hard as she could, sending Uo flying into the back window.
"Oops! Forgot to put it in drive.."
Uo, now very flustered (and hurt) grips the side till her knuckles started growing into the metal of the vehicle.
Grandma,now with the car in DRIVE, surges forward. The radio is blasting out heavy metal music.
She shouts over the bass speakers, "I got shocks too,ya know." She turns a corner sharply nearly sending everyone but Saki out of the back (Hana is used to it).
Finally after a bumpy ride they stop in front of their first victom.
They have hangers for free in a dumpster across the street.
"heeheehee..."
Grandma began shoveling them into the back of the truck madly, covering the girls neck-high in hangers.
"These are the ones you can buy at the store for $5.00 a pair!" she said.
"Very good deal, Grandma.." Though, even Hana was surprised this time.
"Well , let's move on!"
The next place they went to had a sign out in front that said:
'POKE'MON CARDS FREE TO EACH VISITOR '
The lady's eyes lit up."Free?...Let's Go!"
She helped Hana, Uo, and Tohru get out of the rear of the truck.
By now, they didn't smell like 'Clinique Happy' anymore.
"Okay...I've got a box of costumes in the cab."
She went and got the box of costumes.It was huge.
"Each one of you will slip something over your clothes, and walk over there, and get free Poke'mon cards!"
Then she made that 'Peek Pi!' noise that Picachu makes on the t.v. show.
"Uh,...Grandma?...are you going to do this too?" asked Hana.
The old woman proudly shook her head and told them, "Nope! If an old woman like me goes over there and asks for free Poke'mon cards, they'll think I'm weird! Oh, and then after you've got the cards, come back here and I'll give you a different costume!"
She then made a squeeky noise that sounded oddly like the Bulbasaur character....("Bul-ba-saur!")
"Okay, Tohru...you take this one. " Hands Tohru a Dutch costume, " Hat and all....Hana, you take this one."
Gives Hana a fluffy, pink gown.
Hana interrupted, "If you think I'm going to wear this...."
"Nope!I meant you wear this," she said while handing Hana a black nun's outfit. A smile broke on Hana's stern face, "and you wear the gown, Uo."
"WHAT?!YOU"VE GOTTA BE -" Uo argued, holding the horrible, pink, fluffiness, that happened to resemble a piece of pink cotton candy.
"Get changed!" Grandma cheerily said and ushered them hurriedly.
"Okay!" Tohru replied.
They went around the truck so no-one would notice that they were changing just to get cards.
Then they came back around to show Grandma.
"Wonderful!"
Tohru looked joyful, Hana looked dark, and Uo looked ready to kill someone.
"Uo, you go first!" said Grandma.
"...FINE....." Uo said with a rotten smile.
She went over to the lady in charge of the garage sale.
She wore pink and had a 'Ready to die?' look on her face.
The woman was afraid of Uo but managed to look cheery.
"Hello! Would you like some FREE Poke'mon cards? I've got almost a million of these things!"
"Sure. Great."
Uo thrust her hand forward to recieve the not-so-precious cards.
The woman gave her 3 cards.
"You can look around, if you'd like, too!"
"No."
"Well, have a good day!"
"Yeah, right." she mumbled.
Uo was back at the truck getting on a bounty hunter suit, glad to get rid of the evil pinkiness when Tohru was on her way over to the sale.
Grandma said to Uo, "But you looked so fancy and cute wearing that gown!"
"I looked like a cotton candy puffball."
"Hello, miss."said the sales woman.
The sales lady was glad to see Tohru, because even a colorful dutch outfit was nice after a pink mad-woman.
"Would you like some FREE Poke'mon cards?"
"Sure!"
Tohru smiled and the woman handed her 3 cards.
"Thank you!"
"Of course!!Would you like to look around?"
"Okay!Thank you!"
Tohru looked around for a little while, then went back to the truck for another costume.
"Outstanding, Tohru! You did outstanding!" The old lady said.
"Thank You!"
Hana went over to the sale and spoke before the sales woman could.
"Madam, I am with St.Maria's Catholic Children's Orphanage and Convent. We are collecting toys for our society. Do you have anything you wouldn mind 'donating'?"
"Yes,yes,yes....hmm...How about these Poke'mon cards?"
She offers the box to Hana.
Hana grabbed the box, "Oh Thank you! God bless you!"
She bowed lowly before leaving.
"Way to go,Hana!"
"You scored the whole box?! How?"
" I told her I was collecting toys for our convent/orphanage."
"You lied?" Tohru asked.
"Well, yes."
"Jump in girls. Time to find the next victim."
Uo and Tohru look at Hana pleading with her to save them.
"Grandma? Could we go back? We are really quite through."
"Okay. Take as many hangers as you like. I'm trading the Poke'mon cards. Would you like me to take you home?"
"Thanks, but no." The ride had done enough damage already, "We'll walk."
With that they headed home into the sunset.
THE END
COMMENTARY:
Nezumi: These stories come from real life experiences.
- - : I'll make this quick.
This stupid commentary is over.
Let's get on with the next chapter! :)