This chapter is from Hisoka's POV, it's just a little experiment.
INSATIABLE
part 3
I knew that it'd happen sooner or later. Obviously, he has his needs, and it is only natural to expect something more.
I'm speaking rationally, but in fact it's damn stressful. I just can't give him more, no matter how much I want to make him happy; not yet. It's beyond me and everything what had happened still lingers somewhere at the bottom of my mind.. I can't make it go away…
We're walking down the street and I feel that he wants to hold hands, but I find it embarrassing. Not like I care what other people say, that's not the point- it's caused by my difficulty with expressing feelings so openly. I'm so not used to that.. Because, holding hands, really, what does it matter?
On the other hand, it makes me feel guilty, because it means that I'm not even trying to surpass myself.
I fight with myself for few minutes and then I give in with an inward growl.
I hold out my hand discretely and grab the palm of his hand, a bit clumsily tangling our fingers. From the corner of my eye I notice that he gasps in surprise and his lips part quickly but he says nothing in the end and we continue walking, as if nothing happened.
It feels quite strange, but not bad at all. Tsuzuki's touch is warm and gentle and after a while it becomes natural that our hands are linked like this. Not to mention that his contended emotions are almost tickling me and my mood gets better as well.
Later at home neither of us comments that little action and everything goes like everyday.
But when we're watching something on the TV in the evening, the tension returns. He is
relaxed but I can't say the same about myself.
The distance is about fifty centimeters, but it seems dangerously little.
Saying the truth, I feel nervous like hell and I can't find the reason behind it. I am aware that he won't do anything because I said 'no', but it doesn't help me to stop fidgeting.
The sounds are annoying but still better than complete silence. That'd certainly make me need some psychiatric help.
The couple on the screen starts to kiss and my cheeks are burning, I just know it, and it's something insanely uncontrollable.
Is it a horrible coincidence or just something or someone up there or wherever really hates me?
No, it's probably one me acting crazy, because it's a common truth that in almost every movie people kiss.
The memory of Tsuzuki's lips on mine suddenly comes back and it is impossible to stop recalling it over and over.
I see that he's looking at me absent-mindedly and his amethyst eyes pierce through me as the couple deepens the kiss, becoming more passionate and wild.
Just splendid.
I absolutely do have to sense his thoughts, right now. Just what is he thinking, while staring at me like that!
As naturally as I can manage, I yawn and lean to lay my head on his knees, pretending to be bored to death and apathetic. It's hard to cover the fact that emotions and feelings are literally burning inside me.
I can feel that he is kind of nervous, but happy and even…
I immediately decide that it was a very bad idea.
I stand up and tell him that I'm going to prepare some tea instead of sitting here and being bored.
He laughs and I really try to grin, but I feel extremely uncomfortable. Maybe I really didn't want to know. And I surely wasn't eager to see mental imaginations of myself in rather nasty.. er positions? Whatever.
Next day, Tsuzuki does something uncommon but pleasant after all.
When I'm sitting and doing another inhuman amount of paperwork, he approaches me and wraps his arms around me, muffling his face in my neck. Then he steps back and laughs awkwardly, saying "Sorry, I couldn't resist." His eyes are not "laughing" though, they seem sad and I realize how much effort he puts in controlling himself all the time.
Maybe it'll only make him suffer more, but I decide to show him that I' trying as well.
I stand up and throw my arms around his neck, and not giving myself any time to think, I press my lips against his.
He is shocked but I guess he understands what I'm trying to let him know.
He ponders it, and embraces me back, crushing me against himself, kissing me
passionately.
When we stop, breathing fast, he smiles and buries his head in my neck.
And I try to convince myself that this is what I need and want.
Watari is in suspiciously good mood and he winks at me each time he passes by.
And he passes by too frequently, by the way, which makes me stay tuned.
"Bon.." he finally begins and I nod politely, encouraging him to go on.
"How are the things between you and Tsuzuki?" he asks, putting on his most innocent look, but it can't fool me.
"Er.." I stammer "..well, thank you." I'm still a bit taken aback, but I don't let it show.
"That's great!" he exclaims "You see, I saw you in the office and you seemed.. quite busy, and when you talk so openly about the things between you two, whereas you've never admitted before that there was something going on… I'm happy!"
Watari indeed looks bouncy but it only unnerves me for some reason.
There is no way back anymore. I really have to learn how to be ready quickly.
If it's for him.. maybe I can pretend that I had forgotten.
End of part 3
Thank you for the reviews! They make me really happy –grin-
To Chibi Rinku: UST is short for Unresolved Sexual Tension :)